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  1. #51
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Eburg
    Posts
    13,243
    I'm rewriting the rules of this thread. 2 sports, one rule change for the first, three rule changes for the second

    1. Bring back the old javelin and let 'em take a crack at Uwe Hohn's 343' WR

    2. Change MMA rules as follows:

    a. allow eye gouging and choking

    b. add a final round to MMA matches (3 to 4 non-championship, 5 to 6 championship)

    c. give each fighter a Bowie knife for the final round

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    201
    Quote Originally Posted by Big Steve View Post

    c. give each fighter a Bowie knife for the final round
    d. "Princes of the Universe" plays on repeat until the final round is over. There can only be one.

  3. #53
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    201
    Quote Originally Posted by Kim Jong-un View Post
    NFL, allow players to bring their handguns on the field.
    http://www.hulu.com/watch/55596

  4. #54
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    LV-426
    Posts
    21,123
    Tour De France:

    1) 30 second time bonus at high point of mountain pass for drinking shot of whiskey.
    2) 30 second time bonus at start point of *any* stage for drinking shot of whiskey.
    3) Vomiting on the course, at any time, = DNF.

    Maximum time bonus 3 minutes per stage (i.e. 6 shots). Rider's decision how to apportion shots.
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  5. #55
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    you see a tie dye disc in there?
    Posts
    4,651
    Golf:
    fucking REAL persimmon woods

    Any racing:
    it rains? who cares, you run
    NO tire changes unless blow out, can make it back to pits on own power or you change yourself on the side of track, 1 extra tire for race but has to be stored on or in car
    no pits during a yellow, green flag only

  6. #56
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    201
    Quote Originally Posted by Big Steve View Post
    1. Bring back the old javelin and let 'em take a crack at Uwe Hohn's 343' WR
    While they're at it, they could bring back the "Spanish Technique" and let people see if they can break 500'
    Click image for larger version. 

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  7. #57
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Stuck in perpetual Meh
    Posts
    35,247
    No rain delay for Beisbol. BFD - you're getting wet.

    Football: Stop protecting the QB with rules. Don't like getting laid the fuck out? Become a kicker. Speed up the game by having a shorter clock on plays <10 yards.

    Soccer: Pitch is 50% smaller. Once in the offensive end passing back over the line = foul. Passing to your goalie ever = yellow card. If you're hurt enough to require a trainer to come on the pitch you're out of the game for at least 5 minutes.

    Rugby: wear (more) pads and hit like (mad)men. Shoulder tackling is encouraged (at least the Aussies have that right in their version of Football.) Dude has you stopped by wrapping up your waist you're gonna get laid out by guy #2 coming at your fucking throat. End all this "tougher than the NFL" bullshit.

    It's a totally different sport - and not due to padding. An extra yard after contact in Rugby means little, in football it could mean a 1st down. Maybe make Rugby Union go away since League is rougher, then we'll chat.

  8. #58
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Central OR
    Posts
    5,963
    No indoor stadiums for any sport, in any weather, in any locale.

    I grew up in MN; 20 below? Tough shit, lace up those skates, we have a game to win. Snowing? So what, you know where the goal line is. 100F and humid? Man up, Nancy-boy, just drink more water.

  9. #59
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    northern BC
    Posts
    30,879
    you could fix all the injuries in hockey by outlawing all gear with the exception of helmets made after 1970

    they would have to play different
    Lee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know

  10. #60
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Hokkaido
    Posts
    1,301
    Chinese Downhill -- all competitors have to ride switch.

    Dodgeball --
    1. 6 balls in play at all times
    2. Overlapping lines with 80% of the court being free range and the only line you could not cross was the freethrow line extended
    3. Totally legal to go for the head

    We actually had this in PE class and we called it Trench. When one team got all six balls it was mass carnage against the other team, who had to cower against the wall while six guys kept firing volleyballs at their heads from less than 20 feet away. It was really terrifying to play when you had just run up the hill from the spot in the woods where you went between periods to get high. The coaches used to just sit back and laugh.

    I boiled my thermometer, and sure enough, this spot, which purported to be two thousand feet higher than the locality of the hotel, turned out to be nine thousand feet LOWER. Thus the fact was clearly demonstrated that, ABOVE A CERTAIN POINT, THE HIGHER A POINT SEEMS TO BE, THE LOWER IT ACTUALLY IS. Our ascent itself was a great achievement, but this contribution to science was an inconceivably greater matter.

    --MT--

  11. #61
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,547
    badmitton

    only drunk
    before dinner
    backyard only
    b
    .

  12. #62
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    THOR-Foothills
    Posts
    5,990
    Triathlon:

    Swimming legs to be held in areas populated by silver carp
    Biking legs will have beehives on the shoulders every 100m
    Running legs will have roaming feral dogs.
    It doesn't matter if you're a king or a little street sweeper...
    ...sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper
    -Death

    Quote Originally Posted by St. Jerry View Post
    The other morning I was awoken to "Daddy, my fart fell on the floor"
    Kaz is my co-pilot

  13. #63
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Portland by way of Bozeman
    Posts
    4,279
    Quote Originally Posted by hawkgt View Post

    Any racing:
    it rains? who cares, you run
    NO tire changes unless blow out, can make it back to pits on own power or you change yourself on the side of track, 1 extra tire for race but has to be stored on or in car
    no pits during a yellow, green flag only
    So you mean like every other form of motorsports besides NASCAR?

  14. #64
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    19,810
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobcat Sig View Post
    So you mean like every other form of motorsports besides NASCAR?
    F1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...mula_One_races

    Indycar

  15. #65
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    3,972
    World Cup Alpine Skiing - Eliminator Series
    Brackets set with seeding
    Triple-elimination
    The two competetors run the same courses at the same time, no clocks - first across the line wins
    Each two draws run: Slalom, GS, Super G and DH
    if tied 2 & 2 after that, a 5th run on a combo course of all 4 disiplines to produce the 3rd (triple) win to move on to next round
    Pushing off of opponents to steal thier momentum or just plain old pushing (especially in SG & DH) encouraged

  16. #66
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    33,546
    only drunk
    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    badmitton
    Clearly.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Downbound Train View Post
    And there will come a day when our ancestors look back...........

  17. #67
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,547
    i would make myself the commissioner.
    b
    .

  18. #68
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Uptown
    Posts
    6,208
    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    badmitton

    only drunk
    before dinner
    backyard only
    b
    We used to play daiquiri badminton. Fun times. No spilling.
    Living vicariously through myself.

  19. #69
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    9,002
    Quote Originally Posted by telepariah View Post
    Chinese Downhill -- all competitors have to ride switch.

    Dodgeball --
    1. 6 balls in play at all times
    2. Overlapping lines with 80% of the court being free range and the only line you could not cross was the freethrow line extended
    3. Totally legal to go for the head

    We actually had this in PE class and we called it Trench. When one team got all six balls it was mass carnage against the other team, who had to cower against the wall while six guys kept firing volleyballs at their heads from less than 20 feet away. It was really terrifying to play when you had just run up the hill from the spot in the woods where you went between periods to get high. The coaches used to just sit back and laugh.
    We did too but it was called bombardment.
    Brought to you by Carl's Jr.

  20. #70
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,547
    we played a version of football called smear the queer.

    1 ball
    multiple tacklers
    one scat back trying to not get crushed.

    many injuries
    b
    .

  21. #71
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Nowhere
    Posts
    4,957
    Quote Originally Posted by grrrr View Post
    Calvinball

    1. Shall be named the national pastime and broadcast daily.
    2. Shall be Co-ed and topless.
    3. All the other usual Calvinball rules shall apply.
    But the only rule already is that it can't be played the same way twice. Plus, who wants to see Calvin topless, you sick fuck?
    I'm in a band. It's called "Just the Tip."

  22. #72
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    49,306
    Quote Originally Posted by systemoverblow'd View Post
    We did too but it was called bombardment.
    Is that a Mass thing only? We used to play bombardment too.

    We used to play smear the queer too, that's all over the place I think. Just tackle the kid, try to steal the ball and score but usually get tackled yourself, repeat as necessary.

  23. #73
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Nowhere
    Posts
    4,957
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Is that a Mass thing only? We used to play bombardment too.

    We used to play smear the queer too, that's all over the place I think. Just tackle the kid, try to steal the ball and score but usually get tackled yourself, repeat as necessary.
    Did you guys play butt ball? Basically, everyone lines up about 30' from a wall, and someone throws the ball off the wall. You then try to catch the ball. If it hits you and then hits the ground without you catching it, you have to run and touch the wall before someone else retrieves the ball and hits the wall with it. If you don't make it to the wall before the ball, you stand against the wall while the person who through it gets to try to peg you in the ass with the ball. If they hit your head, you get to peg them with it.
    I'm in a band. It's called "Just the Tip."

  24. #74
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    49,306
    That's a new one on me.

  25. #75
    Hugh Conway Guest
    isn't that wall ball? how about british bulldog

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