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  1. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by ak_powder_monkey
    I was trying to say that I want to further study these things and get the education nessisary to become a published ecologist. It doesn't come off that way?


    My two thesisies (is that plural of thesis?):
    *Northern pike in lakes stocked with catchable rainbow trout improve the quality of the wild stock.

    *Atlantic salmon pose very little threat to wild salmon and steelhead stocks.



    Thank god this is my only essay to write
    What you have is not a theory, it's an un-tested hypothesis. There's quite a bit of difference, especially to someone who knows the difference, like say for example an admissions commitee at a major university. Futhermore, an undergraduate degree is not about forming theories, it's about learning what's been done, how its been done and how to do it yourself. You apply that and develop your hypothesis into theories in an honours study, or at the masters level. They will laugh if you tell them you think you have a theory out of highschool(not that it hasnt been done i'm sure, though if you've already successfully developed a theory, i dont think you'll find much use for a Bachelors degree). Credibility is very important to maintain while writing your essay.

    You could say that you are pursuing an education to develop the skills necessary to be able to validly test hypothesis' in which you have become interested, such as <insert fish jibberjabber> in hopes of developing a theory that may prove beneficial to your local community.
    Or not.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by 778skier; 02-21-2005 at 07:31 PM.

  2. #27
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    Listen to 778, he seems smarter than me.
    Looking California, feeling Minnesota.

  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by 778skier
    What you have is not a theory, it's an un-tested hypothesis. There's quite a bit of difference, especially to someone who knows the difference, like say for example an admissions commitee at a major university. Futhermore, an undergraduate degree is not about forming theories, it's about learning what's been done, how its been done and how to do it yourself. You apply that and develop your hypothesis into theories in an honours study, or at the masters level. They will laugh if you tell them you think you have a theory out of highschool(not that it hasnt been done i'm sure, though if you've already successfully developed a theory, i dont think you'll find much use for a Bachelors degree). Credibility is very important to maintain while writing your essay.

    You could say that you are pursuing an education to develop the skills necessary to be able to validly test hypothesis' in which you have become interested, such as <insert fish jibberjabber> in hopes of developing a theory that may prove beneficial to your local community.
    Or not.

    Good luck.
    So I should change theories to hypothosies, I do have a bit of evidence but its not anything near what I need

    any suggestions for a synonym of nerd?
    Its not that I suck at spelling, its that I just don't care

  4. #29
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    I wrote a buncha these three years ago...and it sucked.

    First off - start with a paragraph that says "my name is AKPM, I'm a single senior at blah school, I'm primarily interested in ___"

    I can remember my first fish, it was a dolly varden in what was pretty much a glorified ditch in Juneau Alaska. I was four years old then and since
    Cut - nobody cares, just say you're interested in fish.
    I have applied myself to the study of fish all so I could better myself as a fisherman and recently as a conservation minded citizen. I eagerly read any book I can find on salmon and trout physiology, habitat, food, habits, or just glorified fishing stories.
    Recently my attention has been caught by invasive species such as Northern Pike and Atlantic Salmon.
    decent, but desperately needs a rewrite, and get rid of the stories!
    I have formulated controversial theories about the impact of these species in certain waters and am looking to test these soon. As of now I don’t have the tools to do this, but that is why I am going to college.
    Cut the theories stuff and rewrite the 'that is way I am going', make it sound less like a phrase that you'd tell your buddies after smoking a bowl and more like a phrase that a smart guy would use to impress their potential boss.
    My love of science goes well beyond just fish however. I am constantly thinking about quantifying what I see, what I feel and what I do. I am especially interested in physics and all that goes with it, from calculating the coeffcient of friction on he boot of my skis, repeatedly to pondering a unified therory of gavitation and quantum mechanics. Just recentally I got into an argument with a friend about the time in earth’s rotation, orbit and the moon phase that would produce the slowest accelleration of a falling object.
    They won't care about your arguments. And high school physics taught you enough to ponder a unified theory of gravitation and quantum mechanics? Are you applying with the intent of majoring in physics? You went from fish to physics and I don't have any clue what you want to major in. And be careful, how does one calculate a coefficient of friction? You can calculate the frictional force assuming a coefficient, but as far as I know you have to measure the coefficient of friction (me <-- 3rd year aero engineer w/minor in physics and math). Don't say something that's physically untrue, it'll make you come across like a tool.
    This love has not gone unrecignized by the rest of the world, for my entire secondary education I have compeated in Sciecne Olympiad, a national competition relating to the sciences from biology to newtonian mechanics and everything in between. At the state leval I have won more medals then I can remember, speciallizing in the events “Water Quality,” “Remote Sensing,” “Reach for the Stars,” (astronomy) “Dynamic Planet,” (earth science) and “Feathered Frenzy” (avian biology). Along with these events I have compeated in almost every event the program has to offer, and done well in most of them. For the past four years I have been fortunate enough to be on the team representing Alaska in the National tournement, compeating at the highest leval. Thus far I have won one medal nationally in the even “Feathered Frenzy” and was awarded a ten thousand dollar schoolarship to the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs.
    Don't explain what it is, they'll know. Be specific in how many awards you've won, don't be vague. And unrecognized love sounds really bizzarre. And how did you get a scholarship if you're only now applying? Do you mean you were OFFERED a scholarship?
    Along with compeating in Science Olympiad I am also a coach for Gruening Middle School’s science olympiad team. I am proud to say that since I won the gold medal in “Water Quality” my eigth grade year the team that I coached has won that event. There is something wonderful about watching ones students succede in a goal one has helped them work towards.
    I have no clue what you meant by this. Did the team you coached win? Totally unclear. Rewrite it.
    As much of a nerd as I am I am still well rounded,
    NO NO NO. You have to tie in your recreation with your interests in physics/fish/whatever. You want to major in physics (or?), not skiing. Relate all these things, don't just throw them out there.
    I have compeated in high school swimming and cross country skiing at the varsity leval. I am an Outdoor Emergency Care technition (EMT B equivalent) and am a ski patroller at my local mountain.
    Put this in there, but rewrite it.
    I use and cherish both sides of my brain enjoying music, poetry and storry telling (I am a fisherman afterall). In recent years I have began a strong intrest in photography, a melding of science and art, I have taken several photos that I feel embody the beauty of my home state and the passion of my life and world.
    Before me lays a plethora of choices and my only regret is that I cannot choose them all.
    Don't call yourself a nerd. You cherish both sides of your brain? Come on, that just sounds silly, and get rid of the 'fisherman after all'. This essay is a bunch of random disjointed topics. Unify it. If you want to major in fish stuff, don't talk about photography, or if you do, just mention it briefly. These essays aren't long, use the space to tell them why they should take you in the field you specified (ie why will you be a better physics undergrad than the next fisherman).

    You need separate paragraphs. You need an intro saying here's what I want to do, here's why I want to do it. Elaborate in later paragraphs. You need a conclusion. Say or reiterate why what you talked about above makes you want to major in whatever you're majoring in. Rewrite half your phrases to sound as sophisticated and professional as possible (no story telling!). What plethora of choices? BE SPECIFIC. Focus on what you want to do, mention the other stuff, and tie everything together.

    Good luck. And make an effort to learn how to spell, it'll come back and bite you in the ass. Read and reread, then write and rewrite. Give a final draft to everybody you can, and get opinions. Negative feedback is your friend.

    Finish with a paragraph saying 'in conclusion, I'm primarily interested in ___ and given ___school___'s great fish studies department, I am convinced that attending ____school___ will match my interests and give me a great education.

  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by ak_powder_monkey
    any suggestions for a synonym of nerd?
    ...AKPM...
    Mom! The meatloaf! FUCK!.

  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by crashnburn'd
    I heard iceman is a tenured professor of English at Columbia University. Talk to him.
    Actually he is a HIGHLY Tenured professor of English.

  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steezus Christ
    Actually he is a HIGHLY Tenured professor of English.

    ... whom is being ruined by the rampant Basomese being spoken in chat. Ice also can't type worth a damn either.
    I'm in a band. It's called "Just the Tip."

  8. #33
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    this definetely needa A LOT of polishing up

    Quote Originally Posted by ak_powder_monkey
    my love of science goes well beyond just fish however. I am constantly thinking about quantifying what I see, what I feel and what I do. I am especially interested in physics and all that goes with it, from calculating the coeffcient of friction on he boot of my skis, repeatedly to pondering a unified therory of gavitation and quantum mechanics. Just recentally I got into an argument with a friend about the time in earth’s rotation, orbit and the moon phase that would produce the slowest accelleration of a falling object.
    AKPM
    that paragraph jumps around a lot from 2 different topics. u go from calculating the coefficent of friction to earths rotation. they should be in to seperate paragraphs, and also u gotta elaborate on each idea. you mention it, just like a thought, but need to elaborate on the thought. also, they dont wanna know that u calculated the coefficient of friction, but want to know more. u gotta sell yourself to the commite, and there is only 2 times in the essay you do that. the sentances also are kinda 6th grade like-you start a sentance off with "just" which just makes the sentance akward. needs a lot of work, and thats only one parargram
    signature for rent.

  9. #34
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    Keep it simple, they are looking to see if you can write.
    Grammar, spelling, and tense matter.
    Style too, but only a little.
    Intro, body, conclusion = simple.

    If you want to get fancy, the 2nd Paragraph can be the opposite opinion of what your body will argue, to show you are aware of the opposing views, not ignorant of them. But, usually that is unnecessary. I believe it is called a Baker style essay.

    Keep it simple.
    Ski, Bike, Climb.
    Resistence is futile.

  10. #35
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    Learn how to write a simple 5 paragraph essay

    Intro (Thesis: I want to go to ____school to study about __fish?__ for these reason (3 of them, one for each body paragraph)

    Body paragraph supporting thesis with a topic sentence relating back to one your 3 reasons

    Body paragraph supporting thesis with a topic sentence relating back to one your 3 reasons

    Body paragraph supporting thesis with a topic sentence relating back to one your 3 reasons

    Conclusion

    It's simple and you will write alot of them in college. Write an outline first, it makes things alot easier.
    "These are crazy times Mr Hatter, crazy times. Crazy like Buddha! Muwahaha!"

  11. #36
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    AKPM: your grammar sucks. I'm pretty good at it, and I can type now (ROM has improved greatly in the hand), so I'd be glad to edit it for punctuation when your final draft is ready. PM it to me or email it to me: chinto97@yahoo.com
    Days on snow 06-07: 3
    Days behind a boat summer 2006: 24

    "Coming here and asking whether you need wider skis is like turning up at the Neverland Ranch and asking Michael if he'd like to come to Tampa with the kids" -bad roo.

  12. #37
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    listen, start out by saying how much you liked your first fishing experience... how much the passtime means to you, how it make you feel, etc....

    then put some shit in the middle about how studying science can help you in the areas of conservation (environment, protection of the animals, blah blah blah)...

    then finish the essay off by saying how much it means to you that the environment (and fish) is saved so that future generations (namely, your kids... assuming you have kids... scary thought) can enjoy the environment and enjoy fishing.

    don't ramble about conversations with your friends or bullshit they don't care about... Pick ONE TOPIC and go with it, be clear and concise.

    Good Luck man.

    P.S. Apply to back up schools... i see "junior college" in your future... ya know, high school with ashtrays.
    -You can imagine where it goes from here.
    -He fixes the cable?

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarlHungus
    listen, start out by saying how much you liked your first fishing experience... how much the passtime means to you, how it make you feel, etc....

    then put some shit in the middle about how studying science can help you in the areas of conservation (environment, protection of the animals, blah blah blah)...

    then finish the essay off by saying how much it means to you that the environment (and fish) is saved so that future generations (namely, your kids... assuming you have kids... scary thought) can enjoy the environment and enjoy fishing.

    don't ramble about conversations with your friends or bullshit they don't care about... Pick ONE TOPIC and go with it, be clear and concise.

    Good Luck man.

    P.S. Apply to back up schools... i see "junior college" in your future... ya know, high school with ashtrays.

    great advice, thanks and the western is my backup backup school just got a letter from MSU bozeman that said I got WUE schoolarship! Meaning I can afford to go there!

    Max: thanks I'll let you help me after I rework this a bit more

    and everyone else, I know keep it sumple, it so hard to do, so much stuff in my life to talk about...
    Its not that I suck at spelling, its that I just don't care

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by ak_powder_monkey
    and everyone else, I know keep it sumple, it so hard to do, so much stuff in my life to talk about...
    Just perfect.
    Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of resume's in the bin without reading them.

  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by funkendrenchman
    It's Western Washington in Bellingham.
    I drove past Western Washington on Monday and someone threw a degree into my open window. My dog caught it, so I guess he's an alum now. Let me know if you need a letter of rec and I'll ask him to write you one.
    ˇÓrale, vato!

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by ak_powder_monkey
    ..Before me lays a plethora of choices and my only regret is that I cannot choose them all.
    AKPM
    I think it would be appropriate to finish the above with;

    + at college there are loads of really good looking women I would like to lay my greasy little fingers on...

  17. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by KANUTTEN
    I think it would be appropriate to finish the above with;

    + at college there are loads of really good looking women I would like to lay my greasy little fingers on...

    I think the original sentence is good, it just needs to be qualified with: "all of which should look great after 3 beers."

  18. #43
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    Hmmm...

    What about;

    "Before me lays a plethora of women, and after 3 beers I will have them all"

  19. #44
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    Dude I recomend that you hire a ghost writer STAT!! Pay someone to write the essay on your behalf! Good Luck

  20. #45
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    I'll disagree with people on the whole hypothesis thing....

    I think that demonstrating that you have thought about what you've observed and that your observations have prompted you to codify what you've been seeing is a good thing. You have gone a step beyond that and begun thinking about how you could gather data to test your hypotheses. This is a good thing and not something that needs to be eliminated from your essay. (I must say that your hypotheses are far too broad in scope, or at the least very difficult to test, but at least your thinking has matured to the point where you're starting to ask the right kind of questions). For a science program in a research university that is one of the things that admissions is very interested in.

    As has already been said, keep it simple. The order of importance in a college admission essay is as follows. Gramar, style, content. While it would be nice to have the content be the most important element, without gramar and style your ability to convey the content is seriously compromised.

    Char's description of a simple essay is a good starting point though my Freshman year was the last time I used that format directly. Decide on a thesis (You want me to attend your school because I am a intellectually curious person....)


    (Oh, and the use of parentheses is bad, don't do it like I do.).
    "if the city is visibly one of humankind's greatest achievements, its uncontrolled evolution also can lead to desecration of both nature and the human spirit."
    -- Melvin G. Marcus 1979

  21. #46
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    calling MD9
    http://tetongravity.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=932&dateline=12042516  96

  22. #47
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    The whole idea is to do it on your own- On a side note, I hear Jiffy-Lube has some career opportunities available.







  23. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by ak_powder_monkey
    Alright ignoring spelling and grammer (wich suck I know) hows this....Any advice will be considered thanks everone in advance
    AKPM
    Heh.

    Ok...my advice. when doing these kind of essays, you should always write on topics with which you are extremely familiar. This puts you in a position of possibly educating the reader on a topic he or she knows little about...in other words, in may make you seem smarter than you really are.

    Given that, your topic should be, "Life As a Frustrated Virgin".
    Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon.
    Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol.
    Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel.


  24. #49
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    Here you go, might need a little more work, but you get the gist.

    I can drug deala mah first fizzay it was a D-O-Double-Lizzy varden in whizzay was pretty miznuch a glorified ditch in Juneau Alaska yeah yeah baby. I was fizzy years old then n since I have applied me ta tha study of fizzy all so I could betta me as a fisherman n recently as a conservizzles minded citizen . Holla!. I eagerly read any book I can find on salmon n trout physiolizzle habitat, food, habits, or jiznust glorified fish'n stories motha fucka.

    Recently mah attention has bizzle caught by invasive species such as northern pike n atlantic salmon. i have formulated controvizzles theories `bout tha impact of these species in certain wata n am look'n ta tiznest these soon. as of now i diznon’t have tha tools ta do T-H-to-tha-izzis, but that be why i am going ta college.
    my love of science goes well beyond J-to-tha-izzust fish howeva. i am constantly ho-slappin' `bout messin' what i see, what i fizzy n whizzat i do cuz this is how we do it. i am especially interested in physics n all thiznat goes wit it, from calculat'n tha coeffcient of friction on he boot of mah skis, repeatedly ta ponder'n a unified therory of gavitizzles n quantum mechanics gangsta style. jizzay recentally i gots into an argument wit a nigga `bout tha time in earth’s rotation, orbit n tha mizzle phase that would produce tha slowest accellizzles of a frontin' object straight from long beach nigga.

    This love has not gone unrecignized by tha rest of tha world, fo` mah entire secondary education I have compeated in Sciecne Olympiad, a national competizzles relat'n ta tha sciences frizzay biology ta newtonian mechanics n everyth'n in between . It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. At tha state leval I hizzle won mizzle medals thizzay I can wanna be gangsta messin' in tha events Pusha Quality,” “Remote Sens'n,” “Reach fo` tha Stars,” (astronizzles “Dynamic Planet,” (earth science) n “Feathered Frenzy” (avian biology). Along wit these events I have compeated in almost every event tha program has ta nigga n done well in mizzy of thizzay. For tha pizzay fizzle years I have bizzle fortunate enough ta be on tha National tournement, compeat'n at tha highest leval. Thus far I have won one medal nationally in tha even “Feathered Frenzy” n was awarded a ten thousand dollar schoolarship ta tha University of Colorado at Colorado Spr'n.
    Along wit spendin' in Science Olympiad I am also a coach fo` Gruen'n Middle School’s science olympiad team. I am proud ta say T-H-to-tha-izzat since I won tha gold medal in Poser Quality” mah eigth grade year tha tizzy that I coached has won that event . Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. There is sum-m sum-m wonderful `bout watch'n ones students succede in a goal one has helped them work towards As mizzy of a nerd as I am I am still wiznell rounded, I have compeated in high schoo` swimm'n n cross country ski'n at tha varsity leval and my money on my mind. I am an Outdoor Emergency Care technition (EMT B equivalent) n am a ski patrolla at mah local mountain fo my bling bling. I use n cherish bizzoth sides of mah brain enjoy'n music, poetry n storry tell'n (I am a fisherman afterall). In recent years I have began a strong intrest in photogrizzles a meld'n of science n art, I hizzle taken several photos thizzat I fizzle embody tha beauty of mah home state n tha passion of mah life n world.
    Before me lays a plethora of choices n mah only regret is thizzay I cannot choose them all.

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