Your Homer Moments

[gaijin]

My most recent:

I had a new interior door leftover from building my house. It was dropped off by mistake, wasn't for my house, and the builder was too lazy to take it. I saved it for the glass. A huge 2.5x6 foot pane.

I decided to cut the glass to use as a surface for a computer desk I'm making. I scour it, try to crack it and it explodes into a million pieces. Of course it's safety glass, it's an interior door. And it's textured. It being safety glass didn't even cross my mind.

To top it off, I made this mess in my gravel driveway. I was using a sheet of plywood for work space, but the thing exploded several feet out. Fricking glass in my hair.

What a nightmare Sunday afternoon turned out to be.

"Honey, don't worry about the tarp in the driveway, just drive over it and park. Tell the kids not to play with any shiny rocks."
"WTF are you talking about?"
"Nothing. Just wear shoes outside from now on. And call the architect, I want my concrete poured before winter."

Got any Homer stories?

[P_McPoser]

This is a good one, lol

[13]

Just yesterday: Came home to find the kitchen faucet still running after 10 hours of work.

D'OH! I don't even wanna look at the next water bill.

[Ripzalot]

To top it off, I made this mess in my gravel driveway. I was using a sheet of plywood for work space, but the thing exploded several feet out. Fricking glass in my hair.

that is funny. my apartment is surrounded by a gravel area all the way around, and i have a lot of potted plants on the back balcony and around the perimeter of our apartment. i put these little ceramic balls (reddish clay) on top of the dirt to make the plants look nicer. over the years i have spilled these balls all over the place and they tarnish the nice clean look of the white gravel. i've tried picking them out by hand but there are too many. i finally figured out that i could shovel the gravel into buckets of water and the balls would float to the top. problem solved! now somehow i was trying to use this as some parallel brainstorming for your problem but i guess safety glass doesn't float well, eh? edit: if the glass pieces are significantly smaller than the gravel, then you could make take a wire screen (like chicken wire) that would allow the glass to fall through and trap the gravel. you could then sift out the glass that way.

[OldLarry]

dumped about a gallon of iced coffee all over my desk first thing this morning.

[Ripzalot]

the first year that i started working in switzerland i came to work to find myself the first one in the office. no one else came in for over an hour. i started to feel a little twilight zoney. around 9.30 one of the security guards came through and saw me. he told me that today was a swiss holiday. doh! we had a good laugh...or at least he did.

[OldLarry]

Worked with a dude who flew to Olso instead of Stockholm by mistake once. D'oh.

-90s .com "we're so global dude" hilarity

[bushman]

Just yesterday: Came home to find the kitchen faucet still running after 10 hours of work.

D'OH! I don't even wanna look at the next water bill.

I forgot and left the hosepipe on for 7 hours, when I found what I had done the well was dry as a popcorn fart. Thankfully the pump did not burn out. Yet. My ducks were quite happy though. I might be a few years away from hiding my own easter eggs.

[stfu&gbtw]

I was just putting up plastic for my wood pile and realized I was out of rimshank nails. Figured I wouldn't take the time to drive all the way down to HD to buy more when I had the smooth shanks right there. Two nights later we had a windstorm - peak gust was 103. Came out the next morning and the 2X6 pulled clean out of the frame on one side, swing around the side of the shed and put two nails through my new snowtires.

[Big Snowballs]

Opening my garage door with my remote in the car and back into my jeep I moved the night before. Doh x's 10

[TomCrac]

Filling the slop sink in the basement....Forgot all about it. Went out that night, came back hours later. went to bed wondering why it sounde like something in the house was running. DOH! lept from bed, went downstairs to find many inches of water covering the entire basement floor, wich incidentally had lots and lots of boxes as we had recently moved in. What a self imposed nightmare. Took about six hours straight of shop vacuuming up the floor (phase 1) still painful to think about.

[stfu&gbtw]

Filling the slop sink in the basement....Forgot all about it. Went out that night, came back hours later. went to bed wondering why it sounde like something in the house was running. DOH! lept from bed, went downstairs to find many inches of water covering the entire basement floor, wich incidentally had lots and lots of boxes as we had recently moved in. What a self imposed nightmare. Took about six hours straight of shop vacuuming up the floor (phase 1) still painful to think about.

Ouch - you just reminded me of a good one - not self inflicted though. I was renting a house and had gone away for a weekend. Roomate had left the basement door open, froze the pipes, pipes exploded. Basement was completely full of cardboard boxes containing books from my fiance's apt that had recently caught fire. Landlord came in and decided that he would wait to do any cleanup so I could see what had happened. I won't ever understand what he was thinking there. Came back at night 2 days later and walked down to the basement in the dark to do something and hit water 2 steps from the bottom.

[DeathVan]

About ten years ago I was sitting in my friends house planning our golf destination for the afternoon when I noticed my car (Saab 900t) rolling down the steep hill past the window. I have never moved so fast in my life, and in mid-sprint watched the car as it gathered speed then turned and rolled through a neighbors yard directly towards their house only to wedge itself on the lanscaped boulders just in front of their bay window. An extrication and rapid departure soon followed, leaving only tire tracks, paint, and some scuffed and marred boulders behind. No one was the wiser.

-E-brakes, what do they do again?

[P_McPoser]

In my first couple of weeks here, I visited an Indonesian friend from work at his home for a party. I was the only white guy there. I proceeded to try to walk through his very clean, closed sliding glass door, much to the entertainment of my entire group of coworkers whom were also there. Thankfully I felt much more relieved when my host did the exact same thing 20 minutes later LOL

[Tippster]

About ten years ago I was sitting in my friends house planning our golf destination for the afternoon when I noticed my car (Saab 900t) rolling down the steep hill past the window. I have never moved so fast in my life, and in mid-sprint watched the car as it gathered speed then turned and rolled through a neighbors yard directly towards their house only to wedge itself on the lanscaped boulders just in front of their bay window. An extrication and rapid departure soon followed, leaving only tire tracks, paint, and some scuffed and marred boulders behind. No one was the wiser.

-E-brakes, what do they do again?

How'd you get the key out? My Saab locked the Tranny in reverse...

[GBB]

How'd you get the key out? My Saab locked the Tranny in reverse...

You could easily break the plastic catch by taking the shift boot off. I removed mine the day after I bought my old 900.

[DeathVan]

How'd you get the key out? My Saab locked the Tranny in reverse...

Good question and I remember and appreciated that feature, but that car spent so much time in the shop there is no saying what was possible.
(the tranny had been replaced at one time, not sure of the effect)
There is also a good chance that the keys were in the ignition and it was in neutral with the tires turned ever-so slightly into the curb.
-1980 900 turbo 5 door with the old snowflake rims fwiw, and I'm not the most responsible person I know

[Art Shirk]

Had a really important call with a client yesterday planned. A minute before the call, my wife phoned about something or somesuch. "Blah, blah, blah, ok love you, bye." Called cleint. Spoke for awhile. End of call "ok, love you" and then hung up.

I hope she was hot.

[Steven S. Dallas]

I often choke and physically abuse my six-year-old son.

[leroy jenkins]

I made a huge calzone yesterday, and after all that work, when i took it out of the oven the tin foil (no pizza stone) broke and the thing fell. I managed to grab it with my hand, burn myself with molten cheese, throw it about 4 feet into the clean pot on my countertop, saving most of it, which was pretty cool. What did not get saved was splattered all over my floor wall and ceiling, and the shoes I was wearing, which was less cool.

[toast2266]

I often choke and physically abuse my six-year-old son.

heh.


.......

[Big Snowballs]

I made a huge calzone yesterday, and after all that work, when i took it out of the oven the tin foil (no pizza stone) broke and the thing fell. I managed to grab it with my hand, burn myself with molten cheese, throw it about 4 feet into the clean pot on my countertop, saving most of it, which was pretty cool. What did not get saved was splattered all over my floor wall and ceiling, and the shoes I was wearing, which was less cool.

the best one so far..........."it's still good, it's still good"

[systemoverblow'd]

I just took a CF card out of my card reader and dropped it accidentally. Rolled my chair back to look under the desk but it bounced behind me so I just rolled over it hearing a crunch. Thankfully I just pulled all the video I shot yesterday off it. I would have been in some serious shit.

[~mikey b]

I often choke and physically abuse my six-year-old son.

hard not too sometimes...

[EarlyWood]

whaddyou got against his kid??

i spilled more than a gallon of linseed oil on the concrete shop floor.....no problem.. sprinkled it with sawdust, let it soak up....employee comes by later and sweeps shop....we're driving to a job site out of state and on the ride I ask " btw, what did you do with that mess of sawdust":...tells me he left in the pile next to the forklift....I immediately phone my ex to tell her to run down to the shop....she tells me fire department's already there, forklift tire in flames and she was lucky to have gotten the dog out in time.