Divorce Advice Needed!

[Grape_Ape]

I am separated from my wife for 4+ years. We are in the process of getting divorced. Here are my issues:

- We have a house together. I live in it now.
- We have a second mortgage (all credit card debt WE accrued)
- I bought her car (prior to separation), which she continues to drive
- I have been paying her and my 2 boys' health and dental insurance for the last 4+ years
- I have been paying her car insurance for most of the 4 years
- I have paid LOTS of doctors bills for her and the boys over the past 4+ years

The bottom line is this: if I add up all of the stuff I have been paying for for the past 4+ years (and blue book value of car at time of separation) and deduct the equity we have paid off in the house (sans the 4+ years time period) - she owes ME money. Now she wants to quit the mediation we are attending to hash a divorce agreement, wants to quickly get divorced, is threatening to get a lawyer (her daddy is one, lives in DC and I am sure is connected to quite a few lawyers in that den of iniquity) and wants $350/month in child support (this number is based on the Maryland Dept. of Human Resources website and our 2 salaries).

I am down to $0 every month just managing all of OUR debt. I have no money to pay for child support.

Any (check that, MOST) input is appreciated.

[Tuckerman]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~vibes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[flatlander#2]

Lawyer the fuck up.

[systemoverblow'd]

Here are my issues:

- I'm an insufferable cunt.
- I'm Obama's lapdog.
- I spend too much time in PolAss making zero sense.
- I smell like shit.
- I don't read too good.
- I can't take a joke.

.............

[haydukelives]

The more you spent on her before,the more you owe her now and in the future.

[that dude who did that thing]

Both assets and liabilities should be split. Divorce sucks financial balls, adn you WILL be broke at the end of the process, you're probably going to end up selling the house. Lawyering up will only suck more financial balls, and you should not go there unless it is not possible to reach agreement on a financial settlement. The law on property division and child support is not that complicated, but it may make sense to pay a lawyer for an hour or two of advice (do not tell your wife you are doing this, the ppoint is to get some advice, not to escalate) so you understand what the law in your state provides. You want to know at least the following:

-how will marital assets and debts be divided by a court;
-is any of your or your wife's property not subject to division;
-how would a court handle child support;
-how would a court handle health coverage for children.

One of the most important thing syou can do is get your name off the debs taht she will be assuming responsibility for. This is very hard to do, and many peopole would be better off selling the encumbered assets to accomplish this, but very few do. Plan on selling the house

Edit to add: the mere fact that you posted this the way you did tells me that this will end badly for you, your wife, and your kids. Stop acting like an entitled prick, you didn't do your kids any "favors" by paying their medical bills, you were merely handling your repsonsibilities. Also, YOU didn't buy your wife a car. You and your wife bought a car. Presumably, you bought a car for you as well.

[mcsquared]

Sounds like the kids owe you some money too. Doctors bills and such. Can't they get a job or something to cover these unexpected expenses?

[Jer]

Karma's a bitch.

You should have lawyered up years ago. He would have told you to immediately stop doing all the stupid shit you've been doing the past 4 years. I guess it's never too late, but to me it looks like you've got a choice between being fucked up the butt with a telephone pole or being fucked up the butt with a street lamp.

Vibes bro. No wonder you come off as such a humorless butthurt retard here. You don't have a FB page where you act like a douchebag too, do you? If so - DELETE IMMEDIATLY.

[philth]

Oh boy this crowd is ruthless.

[RootSkier]

How much debt compared yo equity do you have? Fuck, if I had a house which was underwater because of a bunch of credit card debt in a second mortgage I wouldn't call a divorce attorney -- I'd call a bankruptcy attorney.

[Cono Este]

Vibes

You need to read this. No lawyer will prepare you as much as"The List". Even if you cannot lower yourself enough to practice it, assume your wife's scum sucking lawyer will. Its their play book.

"If your STBX files first, she's already plotted her next 10 moves against you. This is not where you want to be. If she files first, you can expect: "

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

[Mathematics]

She is not magically going to come around to seeing it your way. Ever. If you show her a list of bills you've paid, she'll come up with a similar list to counter yours, and than all you've accomplished is pissing her off & guaranteeing her getting a lawyer. $350/month for multiple children seems less than what a couple guys I know are paying in support.

Consult a divorce attorney & delete this thread.

[toast2266]

If she wants to get divorced quickly, that's your leverage. Her getting a lawyer will make your life miserable, but it's unlikely to get the divorce finalized quickly. Tell her that you're willing to hustle the process along if she's willing to make concessions. Put together a simple (as possible) spreadsheet showing assets and liabilities, and how you think those should shake out. If she's unreasonable, try to push her towards continuing with mediation. It's cheaper than court and you'll often end up with essentially the same outcome.

[liv2ski]

$350/month for multiple children seems less than what a couple guys I know are paying in support. Consult a divorce attorney & delete this thread.

Yep.........

[GiBo]

I don't know what the laws are in MD, but in CA you'd be paying well over $1,000 for two kids.

LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN GOOD: Get a lawyer and tell him/her to go by the book. Take your emotions out of it. Worst thing I did was try to be the nice guy.

[Tippster]

Yep - sack up and pay for a good lawyer. You don't need a rock star, just someone with a solid record & rep. Local Bar Association can give you recommendations.

It will be worth every penny.

[Sicks]

Lawyer up. If you argue over pennies in the end the only ones to get money will be the lawyers. Also note, referring to the debts as "we accrued" and the assets as "I bought" do you no favors. Just make you look like a dick trying to say she is at fault for debt while you have assets.You were married so, in the eyes of a judge, "we" bought that car.

[iceman]

Vibes

You need to read this. No lawyer will prepare you as much as"The List". Even if you cannot lower yourself enough to practice it, assume your wife's scum sucking lawyer will. Its their play book.

"If your STBX files first, she's already plotted her next 10 moves against you. This is not where you want to be. If she files first, you can expect: "

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

The title is "The List (Print It)" What a moron. Why the fuck would you print that?

As Whitey Bulger said, "Don't speak when you can nod, don't nod when you can wink, and NEVER write anything down."

[Shredhead]

If she wants to get divorced quickly, that's your leverage. Her getting a lawyer will make your life miserable, but it's unlikely to get the divorce finalized quickly. Tell her that you're willing to hustle the process along if she's willing to make concessions. Put together a simple (as possible) spreadsheet showing assets and liabilities, and how you think those should shake out. If she's unreasonable, try to push her towards continuing with mediation. It's cheaper than court and you'll often end up with essentially the same outcome.

This, $350's cheap. If you can get her to agree to this in mediation, you'll be way ahead.

[Grape_Ape]

Thanks guys. You have helped me look at things in a different light. I'll keep you posted.

[irul&ublo]

Thanks guys. You have helped me look at things in a different light. I'll keep you posted.

Speaking of posting...if the ex is worth it, you know what to do....

[camplemur]

LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN GOOD: Get a lawyer and tell him/her to go by the book. Take your emotions out of it. Worst thing I did was try to be the nice guy.

^^^^^^^this

Get a lawyer; your own lawyer. Even if you manage to continue with mediation, you will want your own, independent lawyer to review anything before you sign. You can be sure of this: she has already met with a a lawyer and given him/her all your details. Her lawyer's sole job is to get as much from you as possible. As much as I hate to tell you to hire someone else to pay fees, you will need a pro on your side.

I doubt--but absolutely do not know, since I'm no lawyer--you can expect to get any of the money you've spent over the years on medical bills, associated car bills, etc. back. Likely, it will be a job of dividing assets. The house will be tricky. Anything that was yours before the marriage should stay yours, things you bought while together will have to be divided.

Good luck. Hope the kids are shielded from any nastiness. Figure out your leverages and always stay calm. Appear as the reasonable one who doesn't fly off the handle and get emotional. It's hard not get angry as a guy, but blow up in private.

I'm probably speaking too personally now; didn't mean to presume or offend. Try to have some fun when you can.

[jack shit]

Having read many of your posts, I'd say the poor woman deserves everything she can get.

Props to her

[Bite Me]

Lawyers suck balls, but sadly are probably needed to protect your interests. Some rules:

1) Divorce lawyers have ZERO scruples, and are the lowest form of carbon unit, so know that going in. What they do is try to get a decent retainer, then get both sides fighting to suck it up asap, then tell you you'll probably lose, so you should just agree to whatever. So, don't take the bait, and make sure the lawyer knows you're not going to play the game. also, when they try to bill you for the 6 hours they spent in court, while talking to all their other billable clients, make sure they know that you know what the Bar association number is in your State. Lowest form of scumbag known to modern man.

2) No matter how good of a guy you've been IT DOESN'T MATTER. You're starting from square one, based on today. Child support's a no-brainer, and you can usually just get the form on-line to see what you'll owe. I bought myself a nice toy last month when I gave the ex her final $1400 (down from $1850 before son #1 went off) monthly CS payment. She got over $400k in after-tax $ from me over 15 years. Wouldn't be so bad, but the kids saw fuck-all benefit from it.

Figure on 50% down-the line.

3) If she's anxious to get it done, there's some reason. If you're not, then let it ride for a while. That'll help her give in.

4) Try NOT to give social security or 401k benefits. While this looks like the suck right now, in a few years, you'll be OK, and she won't get her hands on that stuff.

5) Figure on putting up a 4-sale sign on the house ASAP.

6) MOST IMPORTANT - The kids are the ones going to get hurt. MAKE SURE they know this isn't about them, and that you see them a lot. Make sure the ex knows that visitation is a non-negotiable, and throw the fear of god into her if she even thinks of starting such a discussion.

Good Luck

[Jer]

Lawyers suck balls, but sadly are probably needed to protect your interests.

Yep. Every lawyer in the world is a shit-slurping vulture except for my guy.

People who say you don't need a lawyer are unicorn jockeys.