"What are the economics surrounding that?" and other fucktard bizspeak

[iceman]

Hey now "end of the day" is very useful and I find myself using it more and more. I use to say "I'll get that to you within the hour" but that just cramped my two hour lunches and safety meeting schedule.

um, when people say "the end of the day" to mean, like, "the end of the day", that's not really an issue.

[mud]

^^^whoops my bad, guess I don't know how to play ball, bring it home or follow though.

[GeezerSteve]

This thread needs to dig vertically on this issue and backfill with a fresh look at things

[bagtagley]

^^^whoops my bad, guess I don't know how to play ball, bring it home or follow though.

At the end of the day, it's really a non-issue.

[Parvo]

Maybe not biznass speak, but my boss (the plus size lady whom I'm not fucking, or is it who?) is in the habit of starting a lot her shit by asking "how can I explain this so you'll understand?"

This morning I replied "by finishing that cake in your piehole and not speaking with your mouth full". We're very close... but again, not fucking.

[HD333]

Cascade.

I will not cascade your email to my direct reports, but I would be happy to forward it to them.

I was just asked to cascade some good news to my group, but I only forwarded it hopefully they still get it.

[The Suit]

or is it who?

with whom I do not fuck?

[Blurred]

Why don't you guys quit your shitty ass jobs? Life is too short.

[jfost]

Cascade.

I will not cascade your email to my direct reports, but I would be happy to forward it to them.

I was just asked to cascade some good news to my group, but I only forwarded it hopefully they still get it.

WOW. this one sucks hard... you should try changing it to "make it rain down the chain"... see if it takes root.

[smartyiak]

Why don't you guys quit your shitty ass jobs? Life is too short.

Hmmm....I have yet to hear that one; I can't say I'd necessarily be annoyed if my managing partner said that to me...what sort of business are you in that uses that phrase?

[Blurred]

Hmmm....I have yet to hear that one; I can't say I'd necessarily be annoyed if my managing partner said that to me...what sort of business are you in that uses that phrase?

Here at The in-and-out Burger, but I also hear that at my garden hose manufacturing warehouse.

[smartyiak]

Here at The in-and-out Burger, but I also hear that at my garden hose manufacturing warehouse.

Holding down two jobs...in this economy...good on you Blurred!

[philth]

This thread delivers. Every term I hear a vision of a toolbag I have met over the years pops into my head. This thread is right in my Wheelhouse and I should be able to laverage this into a benefit to our bottom line.

[Bobcat Sig]

Fucking hell ... buzzwords.

The one the gets me the most is "resources." They aren't fucking resources. They are people. Don't someone else that you need to check your resources. Tell them that you need to check with someone. Fuck...

It got so bad at my last job in software that we had a buzzword list. If were caught saying any of those words; a dollar went into the beer fund. It made for a nice Friday afternoon club until people got wise and stopped speaking like dipshits.

As my former director wisely told me, "Just say it." Amen.

[iceman]

Maybe not biznass speak, but my boss (the plus size lady whom I'm not fucking, or is it who?) is in the habit of starting a lot her shit by asking "how can I explain this so you'll understand?"

This morning I replied "by finishing that cake in your piehole and not speaking with your mouth full". We're very close... but again, not fucking.

You are so going to nail that shit.

Or get fired, one or the other.

[that dude who did that thing]

I despise when nouns get turned into verbs, or other parts of speech.

Technically speaking, "impact" can be used as a verb, but not in the way it is typically used in the biz world. I hear this more in the non-profit sector but the version "impactful" makes my brain hurt.

Traqnsformation into verb usage seems to just be step 2 of any buzzword development cycle, occurring right before step 3 which is the point at which the word shows up in stand-up comic routines.

[jahoney]

what it all comes down to is...

[Benny Profane]

I despise when nouns get turned into verbs, or other parts of speech.

Technically speaking, "impact" can be used as a verb, but not in the way it is typically used in the biz world. I hear this more in the non-profit sector but the version "impactful" makes my brain hurt.

Traqnsformation into verb usage seems to just be step 2 of any buzzword development cycle, occurring right before step 3 which is the point at which the word shows up in stand-up comic routines.

Impact is a good one. That one popped up in the late eighties all of a sudden. At first, I was confused. (I was an English major who had some really good teachers who taught us to cut through the bullshit) Why don't they just use the word "affect", like we've been using for a hundred years? Why make up a new word? I blame the military for this. They invented a lot of this jargon, and the swinging dicks in the business world took it on to say nothing. Thank the lord I have a job where I don't have to speak this shit or listen to it. Don't even have to do meetings.

[iceman]

Just stand in the line once a month and tell the lady where you looked for work that month, right?

[Benny Profane]

Dude, they do that on the internet these days.

[Tippster]

At the end of the day, it's really a non-issue.

But you wrote this at 2:30. Let's set up a brainstorming session to consider viable alternatives to your proposal.

[Hott Butt Mud]

the WOW factor
brand integrity
solution
it is what it is
motivating factor
situational analysis

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Color.

I hate the word color, as in:

Could you provide us with a bit more color around your Q3 forecasts?

FUCK YOU!

[Steven S. Dallas]

Hilarious. I just listened to a voice mail where the sales guy wants me to call him to set up a "deep dive session".

I have some bad news- you work with at least one idiot.

[splat]

Traqnsformation into verb usage seems to just be step 2 of any buzzword development cycle, occurring right before step 3 which is the point at which the word shows up in stand-up comic routines.

Did you mean tranqsformation, a passive verb used when office stress incites workers to eat xanax or other anxiety medications?

Wow, he's gonna get shitcanned if he fucks up that report after today's tranqsformation.