Dealing with depression?

**AliasOfTheDay** · 08-22-2012, 09:08 AM

I'm not sure what the deal is. All things considered, my life isn't all that bad: good job that I generally enjoy, wife seems quite happy and I have two awesome kids.

Thing is, I'm starting to loose my ability to deal with my wife, and it's not like she's any more of a PITA than she has been for the past 10+ years. It's almost gotta be me. I just find myself getting sooo frustrated over stupid shit that I'll be bummed for days at a time, and then all will be right with the world for a few days. Then the cycle repeats itself.

Stupid (but serious) question: What to do? Go see a doctor? A shrink? Self medicate? It would seem kinda odd walking into a Dr's office, and when he asks what's up saying "Well, I'm just not very happy lately". I think I've had a tough time coming to the conclusion that I may be depressed as I'm a pretty typical alpha male who has never made a mistake in my lifetime. You know, like most of the knuckleheads around here.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I've considered offing myself, because there is no way - no fucking how - I'd ever do that to my kids. IMO, suicide is just the lazy way out of the pain - the flight in fight or flight... and damn it, I'm a fighter. But sometimes I just wish I could disappear and leave all of the nonsense behind for a while.

I guess it'd be cool to just find a non-judgemental (on TGR? LOL) outside opinion or someone to talk to and maybe get some stuff off of my chest, but I really have no idea what to do.

**splat** · 08-22-2012, 12:21 PM

Take a break, buddy. Go to a foreign country. Buy a hooker. Hang on the beach.
Really. That shit is refreshing.

**PNWbrit** · 08-22-2012, 12:27 PM

Have you talked to your wife about how you're feeling about your feelings?

Seems to me that if you haven't or can't then anything else is just treading water around a bigger problem?

**Blurred** · 08-22-2012, 12:31 PM

Go do something FUN!!! Go skydiving. It puts everything in perspective and is fun as shit.

I think most skiers go through some sort of withdrawal/depression in Summer. Thus so many more flame wars because nobody has the outlet that they do in the Winter......what Splat said too. Good advice.

**OldLarry** · 08-22-2012, 12:41 PM

Just go for a run and you'll feel fine. Tom Cruise says so.

**liv2ski** · 08-22-2012, 12:41 PM

Besides the go have fun suggestions, which I heartily endorse, are you getting enough exercise? Try and get a routine going to wear yourself out if you are not getting much if any as that will really help your attitude in general.
If you feel like you and the wife are not connecting and shit is starting to build a wedge between you, you need help. Fuck the psycho/marriage counseling stuff and look into http://www.retrouvaille.org/marriage...ternatives.php
When the wife and I were headed for divorce along time ago, this saved our marriage. Not sure shit is that bad for you (I hope not) but if it is, please give it a try.
Good luck Mag

**BigDaddy** · 08-22-2012, 12:43 PM

Not much to add, except most everyone has been (or goes) there eventually.

Talking to your wife may help more than you think and also help you realize what you have.

Breaks are essential, too. Go out for a bike ride with a friend, a movie with your kid... plan a weekend away with your wife/family. I was never more depressed, than when I was working seven days a week for a month at a time.

**GiBo** · 08-22-2012, 12:45 PM

How old are you?

I have a friend who is clinically depressed. That's a whole different level than what I think you're talking about. I have a lot of friends in my age group (40-50) that say pretty much what you said. And I get that way every other week or so. I'm in a shitty work environment and not living the life I envisioned. Sometimes that shit eats me up and I can go into a pretty heavy 1-3 day funk.

Self-medicating makes it worse. Depressed and hung over ain't fun. I find running or riding and time are my best cures. The key is not to do or say anything stupid during your depressed period. Bad shit comes from that. Learn to lay low and keep your flapper shut.

The 'go have fun' thing doesn't really work because you feel like your fun receptors are dead and fun just doesn't happen for you.

I considered seeing a shrink, but it's really not often enough right now to be a problem. But if it got there, I'd go. I had a good experience with one helping me out years ago. It's worth a try.

**Bandit Man** · 08-22-2012, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by AliasOfTheDay

I'm not sure what the deal is. All things considered, my life isn't all that bad: good job that I generally enjoy, wife seems quite happy and I have two awesome kids.

Thing is, I'm starting to loose my ability to deal with my wife, and it's not like she's any more of a PITA than she has been for the past 10+ years. It's almost gotta be me. I just find myself getting sooo frustrated over stupid shit that I'll be bummed for days at a time, and then all will be right with the world for a few days. Then the cycle repeats itself.

Having gone through this with a person close to me, I'd recommend that you talk to your doc. For some reason, some people's brains get into a chemical balance funk that they just cannot get out off. Doesn't mean a person is crazy or going to do some harm to others, just that the things that regulate mood and satisfaction are out of whack and strangely, even the things that once brought happiness and satisfaction don't pull a person out of it. If it is depression, sometimes counseling does the trick, sometimes a short stint on the right med brings things into balance (doesn't have to be long-term), and sometimes it takes something else. If the stigma bothers you, look at it this way. If you had some other kind of bio-chemical imbalance, like diabetes...would you "think" your way out of it or would you go get it treated? I wouldn't shrug it off and I wouldn't wait. Life if too short too languish in that kind of place too long. As much as you want to be happy, your wife and kids deserve a happy husband and father, too.

**TBS** · 08-22-2012, 12:50 PM

I'm not a shrink, MD or dentist, but I have been married to the same woman for more than 25 years. Thus I feel eminently qualified to provide advice...

Have you been stuck inside and/or unable to get out for vigorous exercise lately (Furious masturbation doesn't count)? If not, get outside and exercise - get some endorphines and Vitamin D flowing through your system. That will make you feel better

Also recommend you talk to your wife about this before seeking professional help. Chances are high that she's noticing something different/uncomfortable in you too. Put the problem on you, e.g. "I don't know why but I'm becoming overly aggravated when you do ______.", not "you are making me crazy".

You may just be having a delayed Seven Year Itch response. As they say "familiarity breeds contempt" in any relationship. People change as they move through life, and that messes with marriage dynamics.

The good thing is you've recognized the problem, and aren't blaming her for it. That's gonna keep her from getting overly defensive when you talk with her about it.

Can you ship the kids to relatives for a day or two so you and wife can talk about this without interruptions? Maybe get away from the house, even if just for a hike or picnic?

**BCMtnHound** · 08-22-2012, 12:54 PM

Exercise, rest, diet, hormone balance, etc, go see the doc.
Talk to wife about what's up. Maybe time for die poopenhausen.
When everything should be good and I feel off it usually means I am bored or understimulated (assuming the above has been taken care of). Time to take on something new and get the juices flowing. Monotony and boredom is a hot-blooded man's worst enemy.

**Blurred** · 08-22-2012, 01:01 PM

On second thought after reading another post or two.....just get medicated by a Doctor and avoid the real problem.

**Millsie** · 08-22-2012, 01:08 PM

I've been going thru this for the last couple of years. Stress from my wife's cancer and the bad economy hurting my business, changed my body. The nuerons in my brain were not completing the circuit and put me in depression. Go to a psychiatrist and talk about what you are going thru. Its nothing to be ashamed off. Our badies change. The medication has helped me a great deal. Include exercise, too. Running away for awhile is only temporary. Go talk to a shrink.

**skiballs** · 08-22-2012, 01:09 PM

Your problem is you are a pussy .
That's why you need a fucking alias .
Every morning when you look in the mirror , tell yourself " I'm not going to be a pussy today " .
You have three choices in this world , lead , follow or get the fuck outa the way .
So cowboy the fuck up and get your mojo working , pussy .

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...sed?highlight=

13 · 08-22-2012, 01:10 PM

Shrink.

They might tell you the same thing other posters tell you, but at least they're licensed professionals unlike the TGR peanut gallery.

Good luck, it's totally treatable.

**Poop~Ghost** · 08-22-2012, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by Blurred

I think most skiers go through some sort of withdrawal/depression in Summer.

This was especially true with me. Much worse when the ski season sucks like it did last winter.

My wife saw it coming and suggested that I find something to get into: rock climbing, running, mountain biking, something so that I didn't annoy the shit outta her with my withdrawal.

Started mountain biking and it's been a whole new world for me. Felt like a rain-cloud was lifted off me. (Plus new toys to gear-whore)

**DasBlunt** · 08-22-2012, 01:21 PM

Warning, talking to the wife might make it worse. Some women do not listen the same as they age.

**BigDaddy** · 08-22-2012, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by 13

Shrink.

They might tell you the same thing other posters tell you, but at least they're licensed professionals unlike the TGR peanut gallery.

Good luck, it's totally treatable.

Yeah, but you can buy a lot of gear with all that money instead... and it'll be a lot more fun.

**OldLarry** · 08-22-2012, 01:45 PM

ain't gonna hurt you to talk to someone- especially if you have coverage.

**PNWbrit** · 08-22-2012, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by splat

Buy a hooker.

Isn't it more conventional to just rent them?

**buttahflake** · 08-22-2012, 01:59 PM

i'm a huge believer in bike's.
there's something about riding that creates a happy head.
good luck, mag.
that shit can be devastating.

**gointhedistance** · 08-22-2012, 02:05 PM

Fun stuff may help - i think most of us have some sort of adrenaline deprivation at some point or another in the off seasons...

Seriously though - if some of the other suggestions don't work... go to the doc. There are a ton of bad stereotypes about going and doing that type of thing - and none of them are true. A few sessions can dramatically open your eyes and help you turn over a new leaf. First hand I have attended a few sessions with the mrs... and think they are very beneficial. They will allow you to vent, evaluate, self discover and adjust with advice.

Good luck Alias - this is not uncommon and very 'fixable'.

**Scotsman50** · 08-22-2012, 02:20 PM

Buy yourself a pair of Spatulas to cheer yourself up..... I happen to have a pair for sale....PM me.

**Sicks** · 08-22-2012, 02:27 PM

Doubt I'm any more qualified than the rest of the peanut gallery, but when you say you're "losing the ability" to deal with your wife, it almost sounds like she's borderline driving you nuts. Whether she is just being a nag because she too is in a funk, or you're just being a delicate fuckin flower only you know. If you really think its you, then I agree make sure to get some regular blood pumping, outside and inside. When my man hits a funk, I fuck his brains out and life is instantly grand again. If its past that then it may help to talk to someone. If she's a nag, and the type to blow up, put some good thought into how to talk to her, sounds like you need to though.

**OldLarry** · 08-22-2012, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by Sicks

Doubt I'm any more qualified than the rest of the peanut gallery, but when you say you're "losing the ability" to deal with your wife, it almost sounds like she's borderline driving you nuts. Whether she is just being a nag because she too is in a funk, or you're just being a delicate fuckin flower only you know. If you really think its you, then I agree make sure to get some regular blood pumping, outside and inside. When my man hits a funk, I fuck his brains out and life is instantly grand again. If its past that then it may help to talk to someone. If she's a nag, and the type to blow up, put some good thought into how to talk to her, sounds like you need to though.

Mrs. Larry just needs a good rogering every so often, too. Thank God for the pool boy...