Brother has gone off the rails: how do I get him to seek help?

**Flyoverland Captive** · 05-13-2018, 05:29 PM

Originally Posted by wooley12

A drastic change in BAC is a shock to your brain chemistry if your normal BAC os over 2.0 or so.

Why don’t drunks have seizures the next morning, when their BAC is presumably near zero? Does it just take time for the body/brain to start malfunctioning?

**pfluffenmeister** · 05-13-2018, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by wooley12

At two weeks his brain is still lying to him and he's fighting to stay strong. Hope he Does AA. No meeting was worth much but 3 ideas over 30 meetings helped saved me.

Yeah, I did 90 (meetings) in 90 (days) for the first three months.
Didn't go back, but it definitely helped.
Gives some perspective: you're not the only one + it gives some structure and routine to one's decision.

**pfluffenmeister** · 05-13-2018, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by Flyoverland Captive

Why don’t drunks have seizures the next morning, when their BAC is presumably near zero? Does it just take time for the body/brain to start malfunctioning?

Never get sober.
At the meetings, at the end, everyone holds hands and "Grant me the wisdom.... ".
One new guy (I was new, he was just a bit newer) lamented that those next to him would think he was drunk because his hands were shaking.
I told him the only time my hands shake is when I'm sober.

10 years on this September 15th.

**wooley12** · 05-13-2018, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by Flyoverland Captive

Why don’t drunks have seizures the next morning, when their BAC is presumably near zero? Does it just take time for the body/brain to start malfunctioning?

I don't know and everyone is different. I managed to get down without by tapering. I did a voluntary outpatient group rehab thing. I can drink normally now and some people can't handle Nyquill without relapse issues. It's a complicated mix of chemistry, genetics and societal norms. I used humor on myself instead of beating myself up but again, it not like putting a cast on an arm and even then we all will heal differently.

Don't want to give you the idea that my journey was a linear one. A DUI was my bottom. And my salvation.

**Flyoverland Captive** · 05-13-2018, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by pfluffenmeister

10 years on this September 15th.

Congrats to you, and the rest of you who’ve beaten this beast. Watching my bro go through this has been eye-opening; definitely has me tapering my own consumption.

I sent my bro a text today, no response yet. I haven’t heard from him in months; I think he’s feeling a bit embarrassed, a bit ashamed, maybe a bit guilty. Any advice on how to get him to open up dialog now that he’s clean?

What would those of you who’ve gotten sober want to hear 30 days in?

**wooley12** · 05-13-2018, 06:16 PM

I heard you are in a fight. I'm proud of you. You can do it, Wont' be easy from what I've heard but you always were a strong a willed son of a bitch.

Don't ask "How are you doing?" Ever. Maybe ask How are you feeling. Someday maybe you can laugh about it together.

Good for you to know that his brain will be lying to him for a while. Got that tip from and AA guy.

I was not liked by the folks in rehab for my prayer but it worked for me

The Man's Prayer

I'm a man
And I can change
If I have to
I guess

**Trashcan** · 05-13-2018, 06:52 PM

Okay, so he is at 30 days and in the pink cloud phase. Sobered up and feeling good and needs to take it seriously and work a program to stay sober. For a lot of us this is just not (I can quit no problem) it takes a lot of support to stay sober and the will to change your life.
I could not do it it on my own and killed my liver and should be dead. By the grace of a higher power I got a liver transplant and still alive.
This is not an easy thing to quit for alcoholics.

**Flyoverland Captive** · 05-13-2018, 10:50 PM

Can’t go wrong with Red Green. ;-)

I don’t think he’s in any sort of program, that’s not his style at all. But I’ll suggest it, if he ever answers my calls.

I suspect that he’s still smoking weed, since his GF is a daily user. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. Probably better for him than booze physically, but I wonder about the addictive need for a drug?

**wooley12** · 05-13-2018, 11:27 PM

One step at a time I think. Support this one. For me, I could smoke cigs at rehab and now they won't let you. Seem to me less harm is better. There are so many variables that the best you can do now is stay supportive/positive. It's good to remember it's a disease he is fighting. I had insurance for the rehab but AA is free and as good. I think I went 5 times before getting the courage to actually walk in. Offer to go with him or go to one yourself and sit and watch. It would reassure him to hear that you went just to give him the beta.

**MakersTeleMark** · 05-13-2018, 11:34 PM

Originally Posted by Flyoverland Captive

Bump for an update.

It seems he hit rock bottom a month ago; lost yet another job, then went on a two-day bender. Woke up one morning and decided he’d had enough, and quit cold turkey. Had four seizures the next day; his GF thought he was going to die. He rode it out, and has been dry for four weeks. Got a part-time job at a ranch near Reno. One day at a time, man. And get the boy some benzo's before he dies before he really decides he does want to be sober.

I’m fucking proud of him.

That isn't even close to the beginning. I'm saying this for your preparation if you are still in it. Not to make you feel bad.

I can't even begin to explain to you the path you are on, and it's not my path, it's yours.

It's his actually, you are just a carnie on this ride.

But if you have any questions down this road, I might be able to help a brother out. No high fives to your bro though. Sorry.

**Flyoverland Captive** · 05-13-2018, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by MakersTeleMark

That isn't even close to the beginning. I'm saying this for your preparation if you are still in it. Not to make you feel bad.

I can't even begin to explain to you the path you are on, and it's not my path, it's yours.

It's his actually, you are just a carnie on this ride.

But if you have any questions down this road, I might be able to help a brother out. No high fives to your bro though. Sorry.

I’m under no illusions that a switch got flipped, and all is well now. I know he took one tiny step down the right road, after years on the wrong one; that is not a lifestyle change. But after years of shit, to finally see him making a small, incremental change, as minor as it is, is fucking refreshing. Gives me hope. And I’m proud of him (high fives and all) for going against his addictive instincts, knowing it’s gonna hurt, to improve his life.

Baby steps, that hopefully add up to marathons.

**SumJongGuy** · 05-14-2018, 08:47 AM

Also speaking from similar experience as GA and WR, he'll need to go to at least one meeting every day and get a sponsor, not OP but someone who has been through what he's feeling. Pretty much any regular in the meetings with some sobriety will do for starters. I've been sober since 1999 but still go to about one meeting per week. First month was twice a day, then several times a week through the first year..

**Flyoverland Captive** · 03-28-2020, 02:29 PM

Well, he hit the bottom again; took an ambulance ride to a hospital in Reno after a seizure. GF says he hasn’t showered in a month, just drinks and smokes all day. Anybody know a good inpatient detox in Reno with an available bed?

**CarlMega** · 03-28-2020, 02:37 PM

Well that's shit news. Sorry.

**bushman** · 03-28-2020, 02:48 PM

Vibes

**Flyoverland Captive** · 03-28-2020, 03:22 PM

Latest from his GF:

“Hosp called & he had another seizure there... he is going into ICU... on respirator, brain & heart being monitored... I can’t be w/him bc of virus

At least 48 hours ICU... “

**RootSkier** · 03-28-2020, 03:41 PM

Fuck man, sorry to hear. Brutal. Especially right now.

**Buster Highmen** · 03-28-2020, 04:00 PM

heartfelt condolences.

**Kinnikinnick** · 03-28-2020, 04:04 PM

Sorry Flyoverland

Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

**riser4** · 03-28-2020, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by Flyoverland Captive

Latest from his GF:

“Hosp called & he had another seizure there... he is going into ICU... on respirator, brain & heart being monitored... I can’t be w/him bc of virus

At least 48 hours ICU... “

Sorry maing.

**SkiBall** · 03-28-2020, 04:09 PM

Everyone's bottom looks a little different. Some go all the way down. It's heartbreaking. Just hope he survives and wants to make a change. Do or die time.

**Flyoverland Captive** · 03-28-2020, 04:13 PM

Thanks all. This thread serves as catharsis for me, and a warning to others. I’ll keep updating.

**Buster Highmen** · 03-28-2020, 04:16 PM

I went through a very similar thing with my brother. Sucks. May you have good friends and family around you.

**mattig** · 03-28-2020, 09:11 PM

practically impossible to find good inpatient stuff for any amount of money you'd want to pay. Tried a few times with pops. Not surprised they didn't work.

I haven't read this whole thread, but if an iteration of this hasn't been said yet, "he has to want it," and "it's not your fault if that never happens."

All you can do is all you can do.