Brother has gone off the rails: how do I get him to seek help?

[Tye 1on]

My only two cents is he may be more miserable than you even know. He may be closer to accepting help than not. I agree with all that have said it has to be him deciding he's at the bottom and wants to change. Might be good to have some resources in your back pocket before having 'the talk'.

[powder11]

If he's a stubborn prick, turn it into a challenge. Pool some money with your family and make a bet that he can't stay sober for 1 month. It has to be enough money to make it a game or he won't bite. My mom did this with me for $500.

At the time I was in denial, but my behavior was totally out of control. Polishing off 1/5ths of Jack on top of 12 pack of beer in one sitting, blackout driving, sleeping around and just being an all around opinionated masshole. I certainly fancied myself as a free spirit like your brother. It's funny shit for a teenager, but not so much for a 30 something. Roomates kicked me out and I approached mom about moving back home.

Thats when she made the bet. I was to be sober as long as I lived with her. After the month, it became clear how fucked up I was and it was painful to see myself in that light. Almost painful enough to go back to drinking because that made everything seem all good. Thankfully, I chose to quit cold turkey. No AA or even counseling.

I took the ganga approach and smoked a shit ton of weed instead. Some say that's just as bad, but the weed helped me deal and get away from the booze, which I was physically addicted to. Smoking pot really made me self aware of how fucked up I was, as well as some of the causes of why I drank so much and it became a constant reminder not to drink. It was not a fun time in my life, but I slowly weened off the dope and am chemical free today.

I don't run around preaching to people about it and I don't really care if I help other people get sober, it's all a personal choice and everyone's story is different, but maybe it would work for your brother because he can do it on his terms and not feel like he was pushed into something.

Good luck!

[Blurred]

Why does everybody think he is suicidal? He's living the dream! No job, no responsibility, gets to drink all day....HATERS!!!!

[AK47bp]

His alcoholism is likely a symptom of his depression, combat the depression.

If you take someone who doesn't give a fuck about their own life, fill a room full of people to tell him how much he sucks, the only "positive" thing in his life(family) has turned on him increasing his depression and making him care less about life = booze.



My 2 cents

[Flyoverland Captive]

Update: He's agreed to see a "shrink" today for an evaluation/consultation. While he's not happy about it, he did agree to go, so that's a good first step. Parents (and me and sis) are looking into Al-Anon meetings.

I had a great talk with sis last night, and got the lowdown on his behavior during her visit last week. He gets up at 2pm every day, starts drinking, and is his usual witty funny self until around 7, when a switch gets flipped and he turns into a combative, provoking asshole. Up until 4am; repeat cycle. He's in deep.

[MotherFucker]

Update: He's agreed to see a "shrink" today for an evaluation/consultation. While he's not happy about it, he did agree to go, so that's a good first step. Parents (and me and sis) are looking into Al-Anon meetings.

I had a great talk with sis last night, and got the lowdown on his behavior during her visit last week. He gets up at 2pm every day, starts drinking, and is his usual witty funny self until around 7, when a switch gets flipped and he turns into a combative, provoking asshole. Up until 4am; repeat cycle. He's in deep.

Sounds like my early college years.

Good to hear he's agreed to see someone. Sounds like you're handling this about as good as anyone could. It also sounds like your brother might not be so far gone if he's willingly speaking to a shrink. I'd let him find his own AA meetings; some groups he might get along with better than others. You don't want to put him in AA with a bunch of 9-5ers; you probably want him in with younger people that lives the same lifestyle currently. If he doesn't like the d-bags that are there with him, he won't go. Sounds morbid but it's got to be interesting to draw him there on a nightly basis.

[Flyoverland Captive]

Just got a text from him: "Back from therapist. holy shit it was great"

[MotherFucker]

Just got a text from him: "Back from therapist. holy shit it was great"

Call and talk to him about it. Be supportive and act (I know you are) interested in his recovery.

[BackCountryNC]

Just got a text from him: "Back from therapist. holy shit it was great"

Not trying to be a dick at all, but make sure that he actually went.

[Flyoverland Captive]

^^^He did; mom took him.

[doughboyshredder]

If hes working on anxiety and stress, and other issues, I bet the alcoholism will get better. Addiction is never its own problem, going to the root causes of it is always the best bet. This is why people who have sobered up still need to go to AA 10 years later to 'stay strong' because they havent figured out anything besides just quitting the drug. Let him drink, if he seems like he has other issues to deal with perhaps he needs to self medicate while doing so. Not the healthiest thing, but focusing solely on how hes fucking up won't help him either, it'll only make him feel like a fuck up, which will make him want to get drunk. If hes serious about therapy, it wouldnt hurt to call his therapist and tell them just how much hes drinking.

Ignorant ramblings.

[doughboyshredder]

My fear is that his bottom is suicide; I want to stop this before it hits that point. I agree, tough love is needed; but how do we get him help when he won't accept it? He's always been coddled, and his current situation (free food, rent, etc.) is obviously making things worse. But if they kick him out, I really suspect he'll pull a McCandless and be dead in a year.

Anybody ever had to convince a family member/friend that they need serious help, and that they need to swallow their pride and let someone else guide them?

There may be nothing you can do. Accepting that is an incredibly difficult thing to do for most people. Most addicts have to make the decision for themselves, and most of the time it comes from hitting rock bottom, or at least getting close.

I'll probably get shit for this but an alanon meeting might help you out. Help for families and friends of alcoholics. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

[Flyoverland Captive]

Sounds like he got a lot out of his session today; we'll see if it takes. Next appointment is in two weeks, with an earlier slot if someone else cancels. He seems re-energized, refocused on things other than himself, so I have hope. Cautious optimism.

[Chainsaw_Willie]

I hope the therapy helps him and that he sticks with it!

[cramer]

he's got nothing better to do with his time but drink. He doesnt have a job. he doesnt have any responsibilities. Fuck, id be drinking all day too. He lost his wife, lost his job, i think its quite clear he's depressed. No doubt about it. glad he went and talked to someone. He just needs to get a little swagger back. For starters, stop drinking at 2pm and go out and actually apply for a job or 2. he needs to get himself a little buddy (puppy) that he can take for walks after he is done with the job hunt. Then hey, sit down and have a few beers but get to bed by 11 and get a routine going. he'll find a job sooner or later. he'll look forward to seeing his critter after the job hunt and taking the critter for a walk. he'll feel loved again by the pet. Thats the first thing id get him. he has something he's responsible for again. Cornering someone and telling them they cant drink and are an alchy isnt going to work. Establishing a better daily routine id imagine would be the approach i took if it was my family member.

[Grape_Ape]

Force him to go to an AA meeting. He doesn't have to have the lowest bottom. Try to arrest his downward spiral now.

He's an alcoholic, plain and simple. Hook him up with others that have the same problem.

Edit: Also, therapists can't help him stop drinking.

[AK47bp]

Force him to go to an AA meeting. He doesn't have to have the lowest bottom. Try to arrest his downward spiral now.

He's an alcoholic, plain and simple. Hook him up with others that have the same problem.

Edit: Also, therapists can't help him stop drinking.

Terrible advice.
Force him to AA meetings, hook him up with drinking buddies, don't talk about the underlying issues causing your alcoholism. Wow

[Grape_Ape]

Terrible advice.
Force him to AA meetings, hook him up with drinking buddies, don't talk about the underlying issues causing your alcoholism. Wow

Nozzle: do a bit of research about the 12 steps and get back to me. You have no clue what the fuck you are talking about.

[AK47bp]

Nozzle: do a bit of research about the 12 steps and get back to me. You have no clue what the fuck you are talking about.

So a therapist can't help someone quit drinking? Ever. You must be drunk off your own grape drink Ape. Just stupid logic on your part.

[Grape_Ape]

So a therapist can't help someone quit drinking? Ever. You must be drunk off your own grape drink Ape. Just stupid logic on your part.

Hardcore drinkers can't get sober by seeing a therapist alone. Empirical evidence. The support that one gets from others who have been through the ringer with drink/drugs and have successfully gotten sober/clean is 1,000,000x more powerful than any therapist.

[iceman]

You can't argue with a 12-stepper.

[Grape_Ape]

You can't argue with a 12-stepper.

I don't work the steps.

Oh...and fuck off.

[AK47bp]

I think the guy is numbing his depression with booze, I don't think he is a raging alcoholic, in my unprofessional opinion if he finds a way to deal with depression (therapist option maybe) his drinking will reduce.
If he is physically addicted to alcohol then the 12 steps would be appropriate.

[RockChalk]

All of you armchair shrinks are bringing teh lulz

[doughboyshredder]

Force him to go to an AA meeting. He doesn't have to have the lowest bottom. Try to arrest his downward spiral now.

He's an alcoholic, plain and simple. Hook him up with others that have the same problem.

Edit: Also, therapists can't help him stop drinking.

Terrible advice.
Force him to AA meetings, hook him up with drinking buddies, don't talk about the underlying issues causing your alcoholism. Wow

Terrible advice plus ignorance = Terrible ignorant advice. LOL

Forcing someone to go to a meeting will do NO good. AK47bp on the other hand is completely clueless about AA.