Spinal Stenosis, Severe Osteoarthritis: Doc Advice: permanent lifestyle modification

[ill-advised strategy]

For the interest of discussion, here's my TMI rundown.

After reaching a point in wildland fire where I couldn't run every day without patellar tendinitis, couldn't dig fireline or hike with a pack without persistent hip/lower back pain, and had real problems with where I stood in terms of career development and with how the agency handled the Iron 44 incident and the death of Andy Palmer, I went to nursing school. I hated nursing school, and really, I just didn't see myself doing that work. So, I struggled to support myself with a job as a dock hand for the MV Coho, the ferry service that sails between Victoria BC and Port Angeles, WA. I wasn't getting enough hours to make ends meet, and was using my savings to meet a monthly minimum of bills at about $1000/mo. I had interviews, but wasn't hired at the lib tech factory, westport shipyard, olympic ambulance service, and a funeral home. Actually the funeral home offered me an apprenticeship but I had a long discussion with somebody I trust in that business and decided the things I didn't like about nursing applied similarly to the mortuary business. I took as-needed coverage shifts as a bouncer at the R Bar in Port Angeles, but had difficulty with man-handling fighting women, and with the overall douchey atmosphere of the hip-hop dance club environment. It wasn't much money, and I wasn't on a schedule.

In a sort of pre-desperation move, I applied for an apprenticeship with the Laborers International Union of North America; even though I had persistent back and neck pain and was, at the time, about 50 lbs over a good weight for a laborer of my height. I went to their "training" which consisted of a sort of gauntlet of digging frozen mud with a pick axe, shoveling gravel and sand, moving sandbags, moving cinderblocks, moving bricks, building scaffold, etc. It became very clear to me, on the first day, that the back injury I had been dealing with since 2004/2005 was going to be a problem. By the 5th day, part of my lower back was numb to the touch and I was having a very difficult time with any movement and making a great effort to cover this so I could complete the "training" and get a job.

2 weeks later I had a job, but I still couldn't stand up straight without a lot of pain, and I still had the numbness.

I was running out of money, and unsure what I would do if I couldn't pay rent. A number of relatives were looking for work for me in their areas as well, and through word of mouth, an uncle I don't stay in touch with called me. He is a plastic and hand surgeon, and had been dealing with having to quit performing surgeries about 2 years ago due to the progress of spinal stenosis and arthritis and a loss of sensation in his right hand. He had his own office building, custom built, and his own practice. He's 54 and wasn't planning on this, and he was pretty bummed out. He ended up going through a process of alcohol rehab and counseling, etc. He convinced me to move to Central/southern Illinois and go to CDL school, over my objections to that plan, by telling me that he wanted to go drive trucks together; he knew people in the business and was sure we'd find a good operation to work for. He said he'd use his medical connections to deal with the problems in my knees, back and neck, and that we'd try to deal with this persistent depression/malaise I've had throughout this process of losing my home/skiing/career and everything sort of contracting and tanking in my life. I thought, OK; this guy must know people there and have some kind of connection to a decent operation, things are going terrible here, I'd better just go. My girlfriend said go, my mom said go, my friends said go. So I moved what I could with my back problem, I gave away almost everything I own to friends, neighbors, coworkers, goodwill, and my nursing school and left the rest in my apt.

I drove, painfully, from Washington to Salt Lake. Stayed with BobMC and gave my Bro Models to SFB for integration into the community. Then drove, painfully, to Illinois.

I was followed and pulled over by a drug cop outside of St. Louis and had a 45 minute long hassle with that douche. Then I got to my relatives' Effingham.

The whole several months were awkward. I was living in a bedroom in a household of rich midwesterners who have zero, zero idea what my life has been like. The whole idea that somebody would want to ski instead of work, wouldn't go to church, would be in middle adulthood without a wife and children...the whole thing is alien. They have Fox News on in the house at all times. They talk about the crazy liberals in California and the welfare queens and they have their guns ready for when Jesus comes. It's a place where getting a job is relatively easy, so people assume that if you have trouble finding work you must be a lazy douche or there's something very wrong with you. So I had that going for me.

Anyway, I saw a few doctors and a psychologist. The doctors, all 3, who are friends of my uncle and have no financial or legal reason to lie or sugar coat or give the official legal version....good physicians dealing honestly with me say that I have a congenital spinal stenosis and some of the most severe osteoarthritis they've seen in somebody my age along my spine where I hurt my back in playing hockey in 2004 and 2008 and my neck hitting a tree at solitude in 2005.

Talking with my uncle, who is aware of the medical status of everyone in my large family (8 aunts and uncles on that side, each with 3 or 4 kids), I've learned that we all have spinal stenosis and problems with arthritis. Another uncle had to retire from police work b/c he can't feel his hands...my hands tingle on a regular basis. I've also learned that we're all depressed. The majority of adults in my family have dealt with major depression, and out of 2 parents, 4 grandparents, and 8 great grandparents (14 total) there have been 5 suicides.

So, the back people say that I'm not getting better structurally and that I have to stop with the wear-and-tear. So no physical labor, no skiing, no hockey, no riding rigid-frame choppers...etc.

The psychologist says I'm doing remarkably well under the circumstances, but that I am basically dealing with an analog of addiction recovery...because for most of my life I've had that physical high of exercise and adrenaline and now my life is boring and flat and I have to learn to live without that really intense stimulation on a regular basis.

My uncle told his wife he was going to trucking school with me and she fucking lost it. L O S T it. So he didn't go. I heard the apocalyptic fight for hours in the other side of the house, and knew what was up, but he never had the manhood or courtesy to actually tell me "I'm not going to do this with you" ...the expectation when I was at this house was that I'd help out with their move and renovation, so I ended up spending a lot of time moving furniture with my bad back and being exceptionally sore and resentful about that. Turns out his great contact in the industry was just some local brother of his wife's friend who drives for Old Dominion. He worked for the company for 20 years and has a good job now. He didn't have shit to say to me except that all new jobs suck, the industry sucks now; it's better to go slow and fight with shippers and dispatchers than go fast and fight with tickets and accidents. He had no contacts to get a decent job, he just said all jobs for new hires suck, and good luck getting through it. Great.

I got my CDL, and got a conditional job offer with a local company with the idea that I could save some money for moving elsewhere by staying local... and headed off to 3 weeks of training. After I accepted the job, instead of saying "you can't stay here anymore" they just off-handedly said, one day, "so you'll have to come visit us sometime"...then they asked me to move my small pile of stuff into the basement of his abandoned office.

So since finishing training, I've been working 6 days a week and sleeping in the truck. I go to Wal Marts and Sams Clubs at night mostly, delivering groceries. I deal with angry, dim urban wal mart employees in St. Louis, Kentucky, Memphis, Arkansas...Indianapolis. I deal with retarded southern rural Wal Mart employees in a hundred little towns in the same territory. I deal with being treated like a newb by weird midwestern/southern NASCAR-loving wannabe bass fishermen truck drivers at the office I'm required to go through to take a shower or complete my paperwork. I barely get any sleep, because we can only run A/C in the trucks if it's over 90 outside, and these trucks get fucking hot in the sunlight if it's over 60. It's typically about 80-85 in the daytime here, so it's just unreal. The home base for the job is in Olney, IL. It's like the bad side of a big city only there's no big city...To make matters worse, there is some sort of boom around here and short-term housing is totally unavailable. There is a big prison here, and a lot of construction and truck drivers; so landlords are charging $500/mo for shitty apartments and single wide trailers and requiring one-year leases. This is in a town with houses for sale for $20,000. Practically speaking, I need to stay in this job for at least 6 months before I look for another job, because that's the sort of gold standard in trucking. Withstand the first shitty job for at least 6 months and you can get something better. So I stay in the truck 6 days a week and rent a room at the $30 meth motel (cash only!) for my mandatory 34-hour break each week.

It turns out I'm making about 500-600 a week for these 70 hour weeks, so it's about $5-6/hour. My mail is going to my uncle's place, and I have to call and get permission to come over and get the mail...or to go get something out of my pile of stuff. To go pay bills with my file box or to get another pair of socks from my bag of extra clothes I'm not taking in the truck.

[ill-advised strategy]

(10,000 character limit? Really?)

Once a diagnosis was made on my back, my uncle sort of moved on. So instead of following through with the originally planned RF ablation to reduce some of this persistent pain, he feels like telling me why my back hurts all the time and that I can't do anything fun anymore is as much as they're going to do.

So, that's the rundown. TLDR takeaway: I'm not a really a skier anymore, not a hockey player, not going to be doing much of anything because I have to be very careful with my back now. I may be able to go ski or skate, but I can't do it athletically because I have already used up a lifetime supply of spinal cartilage skiing moguls and digging fireline. What I have to make a living from doesn't allow for anything in your life other than work, so all I do is work. Ultimately, the best I can hope for, and my plan at the moment, is to ride this out in the midwest until I can get a job working out of somewhere I want to live. I have maintained a really healthy long-distance visiting every few weeks relationship with the same woman for 3 years (while I was an hour ferry ride away) with her surviving a really difficult cancer surgery and getting much better, but she's gone from wanting to move from Victoria to wherever to wanting to move within Canada only to BC only to just wanting to stay in Victoria or at least on Vancouver island. So maybe this fall I can find a job based in Washington and work 3 weeks on 1 week off or something like that and be able to go surf and see my GF on the island. Cold water surfing appears to be the only of the things I enjoy that I can really do safely. When I was surfing daily it actually provided pain relief...so that's hopeful. She and I have both lost significant weight and are working together on eating well. We're very good together, I wish immigration were not such a massive hassle.

Sometimes I'm OK with this new life. I'm driving on the highway and I have good music and it feels like I've made this transition and I can leave skiing behind. Sometimes, and it's mostly after I have a skiing dream, I get so upset at everything...it's like if I had wasted my body at football I could say "I played fullback for Notre Dame" for the rest of my life and it would mean something. What am I gonna say: I skied and fought fire. People are like "oh I went skiing once too" and "my brother is a fireman". Threw all of my life's potential at a sport with no long-term reward. Fuck it, dick-waving, whatever. I think I was a pretty solid skier and a pretty good hand to have on a fire crew. I think I was fun to play hockey with and I could hold my own on a chopper in city traffic or winding mountain roads. I think I was a bro and a maggot. I did my best to live the life I envisioned when I started reading powder magazine in my teens....when I saw blizzard of aahhs. None of that means anything now. Nobody who isn't a skier and about 95% of skiers could give a fuck less how many powder days I had in 2003 or what was on my red card or what helitack crew I worked on. When I was younger I believed in God and I thought my love for skiing was my calling in life. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do with my life. It took courses in math and chemistry, anatomy and physiology, and a few courses in psychology to understand there's no imaginary man in the sky sending cryptic messages; to understand wtf went on with me and why I was so powerfully drawn to that ski dream. It was all a really bad idea for somebody with a congenital predisposition for crippling arthritis and depression, and the aftermath has turned into kind of a nightmare. lol, who knew?

Anyhow, I haven't posted on here much, because working on my major depression and approaching this separation from skiing/surfing...recreation...as an addiction recovery has involved trying to have some separation...and I've been working too much to do anything else anyway.

I just had some time to kill here at a truck stop in Lawrenceville, IL and thought I'd let the few people on here who used to know me know what's really up.

[haydukelives]

Wow.And I thought I had difficulties.
I assume you have tried anti-depressants,especially the ones that also help pain?

I actually think nursing is one of the best jobs out there.And you can live anywhere,make good money,and not hurt yourself.There are lots of variations once you get a degree.How about EMT?

[moose pit]

Dude if you get across the boarder there are are opportunities for a guy with the wild fire experience you have to get in to a decent job with BC's wildfire management. It probably wouldn't be much fun off the get go but getting in on the office side might not be a bad move. There have been a bunch of "assistant" jobs pop up which pay ok and (but with actual fire experience would be boring) in ops, logistics and aviation. It would be a much more laid back organization than the US (I hear I never worked fire stateside) and if nothing else it would be worth a try. Getting into the Protection assistant (taskforce leader ish) spots are tougher just 'cuz of the polidicks.

ya sound like a Mag to me.
Hope shit works out.

[Whiteroom_Guardian]

YetiMan, I know it sucks right now, and I can't begin to know exactly how you feel, but I can relate a little. After 7 years in CO skiing 100-200 days/year I am now living in NJ working at a carwash. I haven't been on skis in over 2 years.

Still, you need to keep working on the healthy eating. Try to get yourself into a YMCA pool once a week. Good low impact workout for your back. Keep listening to good tunes and try to be thankful for what you do have. Just the gift of life on a daily basis is something to be thankful for. Live in the moment, and stop thinking about the past and future so much. Things will get better.

Depression is the worst man. I wanted to kill myself less than a year ago, and now things are almost the complete opposite. Yes, skiing is pretty much the best thing ever, but its not the only thing.

[leroy jenkins]

Dude, that sounds shittastic. I feel whiny even bringing this up cus its not even in the same ballpark, but I kind of know how you feel as I blew out my ACL not long ago, and went from being active for hours every day to not doing shit. Human beings were not meant to sit on their asses all the time, it fucks with me, and I have a light at the end of the tunnel in sight.

I'm younger than you, but I spent my youth chasing powder and thrills with absolutely no thought as to how I'm going to make a living for the rest of my life. I didn't compete or appear in films, I'm good but not good enough to impress anyone. I certainly didn't accomplish anything of note besides bringing myself joy. This acl injury has me realizing skiing doesnt fulfill me like it once did and I am not going to be able to ski like I once did for the rest of my life. I will stll be able to ski again, but I am kind of moving on with my life and looking for something new to make me get up in the morning. For me I'm getting more and more into guitar and music and looking forward to hopefully fighting fires myself next summer when my knee is healed and I'm strong, but I wouldnt be surprised if I'm pretty close to being in your shoes in a few years.

I have no advice about work, but regardless of the exercise aspect of skiing, you had things you were passionate about and now those things don't or can't bring you the same joy. This doesnt solve your money problems, but the old advice to find something that makes you happy and do it till you can't do it any more applies. That was skiing and hockey, its time has passed, find other things that make you happy, regardless of their monetary value. Learn guitar, start painting, write a book, I dont know what, but find something. Clinging to the past will only make you miserable. It sucks that most of the things I can think of suggesting cost money to some extent but just find some joy somewhere.

Also, that sucks about the situation with family, thinking they'd actually be able to help you and then realizing they are incapable of it. Don't know what to say about that but they seem like boring fucking people that bore the shit out of you. Don't know how but it sounds like you need to get around some more interesting thoughtful people. Perhaps the desk job in fire management someone mentioned would be good, its a desk job but at least youd be around people that dont make you want to perpetually roll your eyes and take a deep breath just to tolerate their idiocy.

What about at least figuring it out so you can drive a truck through more interesting beautiful country than the fucking midwest?

Also, your attitude and demeanor can make a huge difference in interviews. You're a likeable guy but even if its the truth you should try and hide the fact you are unhappy unfulfilled and anxious about your future. Its dumb but people will want to hire a lot more if you seem excited about working their shitty job or about life in general. I realize you probably know this, but sometimes its good to be reminded.


Also, lot lizards dude.

[mtngirl79]

PM me, I might be able to help...

you DONT have to stay with these guys for 6 months.

I could probably get you on in Moses Lake, it would be the 60-70 hour week BS, but always weekends and holidays off and you would make 800-1000+ dollars a week. (I think they are paying 18 dollars an hour/52 cents a mile?) They expect that you work, but treat you decent... the physical labor part of the job would be throwing straps and rarely, tarping loads, not sure if that would be a problem. They get slammed starting around July. Moses Lake is hell, but its cheap, and you could save some money, and its not terribly far from nonsuckage. Also, when I quit, they begged me to stay and said I could live in Seattle, and run from Seattle to Moses rather than Moses to Seattle.

Where I work now, they definitely have their dickishness, but they are better than those huge companies. I might be able to get you in the door hauling mostly feed around Washington.. I am not as sure of the details, because I only do one run up to Canada, but I know we hire people without 6 months experience.

What company are you running for? Swift use to have the Walmart contract for Corinne, Utah, I am not sure if they still do or not. It wouldn't be hard to get on that if you are doing walmart somewhere else. It would be the same suckage, but you might rather be in that area. Swift also has a Walmart contract in Grandview, WA and I believe most of that is home every night or day, now. Again, same old shit, but maybe a more desirable location?

Do you have a fan for your truck? Reflective window coverings? Those help a lot. Some guys also get a small window mounted AC unit and put it in the their window to stay cool if you have access to electricity. I am not sure if you could run one off of an inverter, they started this no idle BS right as I was quitting the sleep in the truck BS.

[strawjack]

yo man, just keep moving forward. it's not easy but you have to do it.

i think we all have our issues and certainly some are worse than others, but you have to keep on movin'. there are many of us just like you and if i met you and you told me about making powdah turns in '03 i'd be psyched to hear about them! then i'd tell you about all my turns too! nobody where i live gives a shit who i skied with and all my 'sick' days in jh and elsewhere, but whos cares about them! i was diagnosed with ms last yr and today my meniscus is toast in my other knee. i feel like it's been a constant one-two punch over and over for the past couple years. there are days when its hard to power thru... but what are the options? my dr told my i'm progressing more than normal...that made me warm and fuzzy. now i'm on some useless drug and injecting myself daily. when i step back and look around i then realize the things i should be thankful for and look to the future and how to make it the best it can be. you can do it...stay good.

[Meadow Skipper]

Fuck man. I've been wondering what was up with you. I'll help if I can <-that's all I got, but I mean it.

Hang tough, bro.

[bendtheski]

YetiMan,

Your story is one I can especially relate to. At 40, after years of obsessive mogul skiing and cycling I herniated my L4-5 disc. For the first time since my teens I was sidelined and felt lost without that regular physical high and adrenaline rush. It probably didn't help that I was going through a pretty bad break up at the time, and my work in broadcast graphics; a field I had worked in for twenty years was drying up, but before I knew it I found myself pretty much paralyzed by depression.

I underwent a successful surgery, but was told no strenuous activity for 6 months. Granted this was a sunnier prognosis than the one you've been given, but I suppose it's a matter of perspective. Obsessive physical activity had been a coping mechanism for me for as long as I could remember, although I never really bothered to look at it from that angle, or to appreciate how important it was to my sense of self until it was taken away, even if only temporarily.

I think it's good that you're taking the time to try and understand what's happening to you. Depression is too often downplayed for a variety of reasons, but I think one of the things that helped me was recognizing that it was serious and wasn't going to simply work itself out by itself. I found a good therapist and after a lot of trial and error found an anti-depressant that actually helped me. (most just made me feel like jumping out of my skin)

Of course meds are only part of the equation. I think what really helped me were some pretty major lifestyle changes. The broadcasting job was pretty high pressure, so no time for your graphics guy to be crying hysterically in the middle of an edit session. Also, with the advances in computers/software more of this work was being done in-house, so not so much demand for on-line guys like me. I was lucky that I had side-lined working on bicycles and skis over the years, and luckier still to be in a position to walk away from a job that paid roughly double what I could make in a bike/ski shop. I still struggled for a while, but being around people stoked on skiing and cycling was great medicine! I was fortunate enough to be able to return to full activity within a relatively short time, but even if I couldn't there was almost always a positive vibe around the shop, and that didn't suck. It was right around this time that I met my now wife.

A few years later my then fiancé and I moved to Colorado. My brother had moved from the east coast about 10 years prior and it had always been a dream of mine to ditch the NY rat race, crowds and ice at K-mart, etc., but had it not been for the rough patch I’d gone through, I don’t know if I’d ever have had the balls to chuck everything and actually make the move. I figured I could almost certainly find another $12.50/hr ski/bike shop job and to quote Bob Dylan; “When you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose”.

We made the move in the spring of 2008. I was lucky enough to land a part-time job at a local bike shop and a full time position at Wal-mart. Of all the places I’ve ever worked I’ve never come across a more miserable bunch of people than at Wal-mart. I decided to make the best of it though and within 2 months was made electronics department manager. I can honestly say I have never worked harder for $12.50/hr! After 6 months I saw a job posting for dispatcher at the local Sheriff’s Office and decided to apply. The interviewing/screening process took another 5 months, but finally I was hired and took my leave of Wal-mart. Funny thing is; I still see the same miserable people every time I go to Wal-mart! Probably every one of us has worked with (or is) one of those miserable fucks who complains every day to anyone who will listen about what a shit job they have, what a shit job management is doing, what shit their pay/benefits are, etc., etc., but who never do anything about it. My experience at Wal-mart taught me just how counter-productive that kind of thing is, and hopefully how to avoid being “that guy”. I can see how being exposed to those kind of people on a daily basis could begin to drag you down as well.

I know some of the issues I struggled most with when I was in that dark place were feeling as though I hadn’t done all the things we think we’re supposed to do with our lives; go to college, get married, own a home, have kids, $$$/career, etc., etc. I felt as though I’d been too selfish; focusing all my energy on racing and working on bicycles, kicking my buddies asses (or trying to) skiing, never committing in a relationship, not being super-career oriented, never saving and spending everything I made on more equipment and toys. The upside is I never tried to force myself into doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing and therefore avoided a failed first marriage and any children that might have been dragged through that shit storm like I was, wasn’t saddled with student loans for a worthless degree that I’d never have had use for, and didn’t lose my house or have to file for bankruptcy when I decided to take a break from the career. I think if I’d tried to do what everyone seems to think they’re supposed to do, it would have fit like a cheap suit and I would have ended up bailing anyway, or suffering through making myself and everyone around me miserable. You have to do what works for you and in my case it was skiing and riding my bike. The majority of my co-workers never had time for any of these pursuits and probably all still have back and knee problems just from being fat and sedentary. At least I’ve had some fun becoming a physical wreck.


At least around here it is very important how many powder days you had in 2003, and that’s all that really matters. Don’t second guess your decision to pursue your passion just because it might not seem relevant or the best decision in hind-sight. 2003 was the year I herniated my disc, this year it was my ACL. I keep hurting myself doing what I love but the entire focus during all the mind-numbingly boring rehab has been hopefully returning to skiing without too many limitations. Like Leroy, I might have to dial it back a bit, or find another avenue for my passion. I’d really like to get involved with coaching kids, but the only discipline I’ve ever been any good at is moguls, and everyone knows no one gives a fuck about moguls, least of all kids. Maybe I’ll just stick to yelling at them to get off my lawn?

It sounds like you’ve got something good going with the girlfriend. It doesn’t sound like the trucking gig is all that fulfilling and is maybe keeping you from focusing on the bigger picture; sharing your life with someone, making a difference; you know; all that “mid-life crisis” shit we depressive types are so good at beating ourselves up with? There’s probably a ton of shit you’re good at that you’re not giving yourself credit for. Maybe one or a few of them could be developed into a livelihood or at least provide some of what you’re missing from not skiing/playing hockey? Reading and music have always been great escapes for me, and a great way to shift my attention away from problems that I don’t have the power to change, at least in the short-term.

Heh, reminds me of something a friend would always tell me when my car was making funny sounds, probably requiring work I couldn’t afford to have done; “dude, get a bigger amp!”

Hope this helps in some way. Depression is a bitch, especially when you lose some key coping mechanisms that help keep it in check. Christ, I took so long typing this tome that some others had a chance to offer some other really good suggestions. Mtngirl’s offer sounds pretty promising.
Best of luck to you.

[charles martel]

I went through a period of spinal stenosis, recurring urinary tract infections and general exhaustion. My uroligist put me on this natural anti-inflammatory, which is a compound of quercitin/bromelian: Natural Factors Quercetin Bioflavonoid Complex.

This helped a lot. It's not only a natural anti-infammatory, it helps with allergies and serves as a mild diuretic.

I also quit eating wheat, corn and cut way down on dairy and sugar. (I still start the day, with a small Coke or Arizona Iced Tea, but not much more than that.) Within three days I felt significantly better and have been infection free for over two years now. You can have potatoes and rice for carbs.

I do light stretching and yoga for the stenosis. It is much better.

Last bit I suggest: get back to ski country. You're obviously a mountain man. Tell your relatives that Jesus wants you to ski.

PS--avoid Fox News or you'll develop high blood pressure.

[F#*k you cat]

Yeti - Man

WOW dude. can't believe all that has happened to you since we met at sillytude. Thanks for the great words when my lil bro died and so glad you are still kicking around after all you've been thru. PM that mtngirl79. she'll get you back to the Pacific NW. Also know that you can crash at my house in SLC anytime....I mean drop in and it's all cool dude.

Lastly - I work at the U of U right now and if you can put up with those jack ass backwards mormans again I can find you a job here.

[splat]

YetiMan- Check out an amino acid called L Methionine.

My gf just got on it last night and in two doses of 1,000 mg, her hands, feet and back have become less painful and ''loosened up", as she said, to the point that what might well have been osteoarthritis has been greatly diminished.

[tone capone]

Yeti Man, sending you my vibes dude. I have had the same thoughts, being 33 now having sustained an injury that will affect the rest of my life. I guess this is the price, and sometimes I wonder if it was worth it, what the meaning of it all will be if I have to give up skiing for good. It really is like addiction withdrawl and It is very hard for us to channel my passion into less gratifying things.

Ever think of learning guitar? That can be an outlet. Learn some simple chords and strumming, learn to sing and play some of your favorite songs out there on the road. Just a suggestion that has helped me a little.

Mostly I just want to say that I'm super sorry for your situation, but any maggot worth his salt WILL face this point sooner or later. I wanted to say that I am proud of how you have lived, that I honor greatly the path you took. I know how hard it is to try and make a living while balancing the commitment and passion required to make skiing a high priority as well. People don't understand cause they don't have near that passion for anything in life. Not many people can live like that forever, and it sounds like you had a pretty damn good run at it. At least you weren't being henpecked and managed by a woman for the last 20 years like your uncle. Best wishes and may you focus your passion for skiing into something else that is equally rewarding for you.

[ill-advised strategy]

thanks everyone.

I have dealt with my company and am tentatively planning on working a 3 week on/1 week off schedule out of Sumner WA. I have to think about where and how to live for that one week a month, but I mostly want to surf so it's probably going to be setting up a place to crash and leave some stuff in Port Angeles.

I think writing that post sort of focused my mind on what I need to do.

Anyway, strange world being how it is, I wrote that, called the mgr for that territory in my company, then the next day got a call from him about working from WA and went and drove to Paoli, IN in the rain. Paoli is all hills and trees in the hoosier national forest. Passed a little ski hill called Paoli Peaks. When I got to the store in Paoli, the woman managing there had a husband who did all the lift maintenance for that place for like 20 years.

I can't really describe what that was like, going from being in 95 degree weather in corn fields to cool and rainy in the trees and talking skiing with somebody within hours. It was truly indescribable.

thanks for all your kind words. One thing I failed to indicate was that I really like driving trucks...Just not so much that I want to do it from before dawn until after dusk 6 days a week for the rest of my life. But there's something pretty compelling about the bottomless pit of torque (as hunter s. thompson put it) and the unsynched trans and the trickiness of fitting that huge truck into tight spaces. I love that shit. Just pay me fairly for it and let me have a life outside of it. That's all I ask.

Anyway, surfing. There's still surfing and it looks like I have a pathway out of North Kentucky.

When I have a day off I'll make a list of some of those naturopathics and do some research, thanks for the heads up.

[tone capone]

Just pay me fairly for it and let me have a life outside of it. That's all I ask.

You said it there. That's what we're all lookin for aint it.

Best wishes. Can you ride a bicycle without pain? Just something to consider. Full suspension has come a long way. If not then surfing can't be a bad time. Fishing is fun too, do you fish?

[beaterdit]

Damn J, that was a tough read. Been following some of your trials and tribulations on facebook but there's a lot more here. Sorry to hear about your back, that blows. I kinda thought you could lose some weight and rehab your way out of it, guess like I was wrong. I bet you can still make some gains though. Look into the anti inflammatories for sure but watch out for long term side effects. Mostly GI bleed and kidney effects with the typical ones. I've been taking a lot of Ibuprofen, and then Naproxen for years now and it has me a bit worried.

Sorry I missed you when you were through UT. If you're ever back this way I hope you'll drop in, you're welcome here whenever.

This stuff is really tough. I'm looking at not skiing anymore at some point in the [hopefully] distant future and curtailing my level of skiing till then. I can't imagine being there already. Glad you have the surfing thing, That's been my 'plan B' for a while now. Sounds like that's great for you physically and mentally.

Glad you do actually like your job though, and really glad you're gonna get back to WA. The midwest is a major suckfest.

About the skiing thing and whether it was worth all you've sacrificed for it and what most 'normal' people think; fuck them, they'll never know. Most people never get to experience the things we have and have never known the choices we've made. I look back and think it sure was worth it at the time and I believe all we really have is the now. Sounds like you've paid some major dues and your 'now' is getting better. Hope it keeps going that way.

[Buzzworthy]

Wow, been a tough ride man. Wish I knew you were a block over from me while at Bobs. Too bad back situations aren't understood across the board.

Looking forward to more Walmart stories on that other site.

[ill-advised strategy]

Also, lot lizards dude.

[ill-advised strategy]

update: gf has had enough so can't move to Canada and pursue happiness.

have to make a new plan. totally overwhelmed by analysis paralysis. going to upper michigan next week to sort of decide if I'm going to try to move there now.

[Zeedashbo]

What happened to wa? Get back here bro.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using TGR Forums

[uglymoney]

totally overwhelmed by analysis paralysis.

I know this one. Vibes dude. We're all pulling for you. It is a shame that TGR has been degraded by a few trashy people these days but you've made a hell of a contribution to this board over the years - you can hang your hat on that for sure.

[mtngirl79]

Go somewhere you want to be, with people who love you, you can get a driving job anywhere... That the great thing about having a CDL... You will always be able to get a job.. maybe not the one you want, but you wont starve....

Take some time...

[jma233]

I've been through something similar these last 2 yrs. Don't want to get into it but similar elements...back surgery with poor outcome, chronic pain, wife had enough, lost house, lost job, can't ski or do really anything I love anymore. But I can surf (specifically paddle board surfing because of the back). Moving to somewhere where I could surf regularly was huge. Turned my life around.

[splat]

I went through a lot of hard times as a result of back injuries and lifestyle changes in my 30s. Just roll easy, J, you have a knack for that in you. Time will smoove the road ahead. Things have a way of working out. You get out this way, you got a place here.