WWMD Asshole neighbors

[leroy jenkins]

Really I'm hoping for a good laugh by posting this more than anything, but I've got these crazy neighbors. They have two dogs, who bark CONSTANTLY, shit in everyone elses yard, and have zero supervision. Various neighbors have called animal control and gotten to the point that the next call means the dogs get taken away, but no one has the heart to go that far. The dogs either small or quite old and show no signs of being dangerous, just fucking obnoxious.

I have exchanged a couple friendly words with the mother, tried to casually suggest some basic techniques for training dogs, her responses, while comical, seem like shes just blowing me off, no one is really that dumb right? "You mean you can SCOLD a dog? And that works?" (me fearing I have just planted the seed that will give rise to a whole family of dog abusers,) "uh, yea, if youre consistent"

I've never spoken to the husband, every time I see him he gives me a look like a boxer gives his opponent before a fight.

Anyways, their little rat is over their barking this morning, I had knee surgery not too long ago and am unemployed till I get a bit stronger since I don't have the resume to get a decent desk job, so needless to say I'm at home a bunch doing my PT and am sick of hearing near constant barking.

Today, I self righteously slightly angrily decided fuck this shit that thing isnt even barking AT anything, its just barking. Never the less, when I knocked on their door I thought I was fairly polite, "hey I think your dog might need something, he seems to be barking a lot". The husband immediately gets defensive, I ask if they ever take the dog for a walk, he calls me a horses ass, (in front of his about 8 year old daughter) the mom comes out and asks why I dont take their dog for a walk if it bothers me so bad, husband starts yelling, this whole time I'm basically saying, really, this is how you're reacting to a neighborly chat?, then their early 20s son comes out in his underwear and starts threatening to fight me and telling me to get out of his face from 50 feet away as he's walking closer to me (really can you blame him based on his role models?). Wow. So I tell him to put some pants on and he says "ya, I'll put them on your face" huh? All the time the poor little girl is begging everyone to stop fighting. The only swear words I said were after all that I told them they were crazy as fuck and told the kid to put some pants on you homo. I got nothing against homos, but if youre trying to act like a tough guy in your underwear you're going to get called a homo. No one wants to fight a half naked dude.

I knew they were crazy, if I knew just how crazy I never would have bothered. I will probably call the 5 0 not to press charges but just to file a report in case something happens in the future.

In utah, what are the laws regarding what force I can protect myself with? I'm not in fear for my life, but I am pretty sure if I get in a fight with even a girl scout my acl will pop again, and my knee would probably never be the same.

I probably won't be putting dogshit under anyones door handles.

[doughboyshredder]

Had a similar problem with my neighbor. Call the county animal services and find out what you need to do to file a complaint. Here, the neighbors and myself had to all sign and file a complaint. The offending neighbor received a warning that if there were any more complaints he would start to be fined a couple hundred dollars per complaint. Within a month they moved. Problem solved. This was after almost 2 years of trying to talk to them, trying to ignore it, etc...

[iceman]

I guess poison is out of the question?

[char]

You are fucked, now they know you are not happy about the dog.

When animal control shows up to take the dog, be prepared for the repercussions. They will assume it was you even if you didn't call.

[doughboyshredder]

LOL. Animal control won't be taking any dog.

[char]

Take or fine. One or the other.

Took my neighbors dog a few months ago after enough calls. Neighbor had to go to court to get the dog back.

[liv2ski]

You are fucked, now they know you are not happy about the dog.

When animal control shows up to take the dog, be prepared for the repercussions. They will assume it was you even if you didn't call.

Yep, that is what I was thinking. I like the fine idea better than taking the dog away if I was in charge. Fucktards respond best to kicking them in the wallet.

[sidewall]

Thought of calling in a noise complaint?

[montanaskier]

call the police and file a complaint.....or call Blurred

[Jethro]

How about a super loud sonic dog siren? I have been thinking of getting one for my second homeowner neighbors who do nothing about their barking dog. Their other two dogs are fine, but the one barks all the time.

[idiot]

Give the underwearing kid a wedgy to the extent that the tag side of his briefs impares his vision.

[TransplantedFromRMNP]

maybe one of these. thinking about getting one for my neighbor's asshole dog that barks constantly at nothing and anything...

[TBS]

Had a similar problem in my neighborhood about 8 years ago. One neighbor's dog - belonged to homeowner's boyfriend - would bark all day and worse, from about midnight until 4AM.

One of the other neighbors tried talking to them, and were basically told to fuck off - but more politely than in Leroy's exchange. So, everybody in our 'hood got together and decided on a zero tolerance policy - whenever the dog barked everybody hearing it would call in a complaint. Took about a month before the home and dog was declared a "chronic public nuisance". Dog barking ceased and we didn't see the boyfriend any more either.

I wouldn't worry too much about neighbors being more pissed at this point. Sounds like a bunch of real winners. And if I remember correctly, Leroy carries a sidearm on MTB rides to protect against mountain lion attack, so a small dog or guy without pants should be easy to neutralize...

A police complaint about a threatened assault by the son would have been a good salvo after your "discussion" - police always respond with more urgency to violence than nuisance - but you probably destroyed your case with the homo comment...

And don't forget Der Poopenhausen for the mom - or is that why the husband glares at you?

[Danno]

but you probably destroyed your case with the homo comment...

In Utah?

[Dave Marshack]

I feel for you. I am stuck rehabin from acl replacement with crazy neighbors. Mine fucked my chain on my training bike up. Took my drunk ass 2 hours to fix before I rode to the bar last night

[summit]

How about a super loud sonic dog siren? I have been thinking of getting one for my second homeowner neighbors who do nothing about their barking dog. Their other two dogs are fine, but the one barks all the time.

If that is effective, it seems like the easiest short-term solution. Hopefully leroy or the nieghbors are renting, because otherwise it is hard to move away, the only long term solution.

[butterscotch]

How about a super loud sonic dog siren? I have been thinking of getting one for my second homeowner neighbors who do nothing about their barking dog. Their other two dogs are fine, but the one barks all the time.

oh man, I wish I knew these things existed before now. I just have to tolerate my landlord's dogs for two more weeks.

[snoboy]

Pour bacon grease on the turds that the offending dogs leave in your yard. Hey Presto - instant clean up, and hopefully the dog will puke it up at home. Hasn't been verified, but I've heard it works.

[Name Redacted]

Pour bacon grease on the turds that the offending dogs leave in your yard. Hey Presto - instant clean up, and hopefully the dog will puke it up at home. Hasn't been verified, but I've heard it works.

Fucking brilliant!

[Jer]

Get the concerned neighbors together, pool your rescources and get the dumbass neighbors a gift certificate for one of those dog whisperers.

Or do the 6 mil plastic sheeting and Tyvek suit thing - your call.

[rideit]

Did you blow your ACL kicking the wrong person in the cunt?

[powder11]

Typically you're not going to get much sympathy from the cops since you took it upon yourself to go on to their property uninvited. Since there's 4 of them and only one of you, they can pretty much say whatever they want about why/how you got beat up by the dude in his underwear. Sometimes it's better to remain annonymous to people like that because you already knew they weren't going to do shit about it. Now you're gonna get the poop on the door handle treatment from the homo son.

[MontuckyFried]

My brother's old neighbor had a couple yappy dogs like that. He tossed the dogs a huge bowl full of old chicken grease, week old steaks, and other assorted unwanted meat products, cleaning out the fridge. The dogs freaking loved him after that, but the neighbors were not too happy about their schnauzers crapping and puking in the house. They rarely let them out after that. Problem solved.

[leroy jenkins]

You guys are delivering on the sane sensible solutions but falling slightly short of the comedic potential, which is the exact opposite I have come to expect from tgr. Updates later.

[That was Pontus]

You should have seen what I did a to a dog one time...

Son of a bitch bit me. So I got me some steak, and I got me the spring out of a clock. I cut that spring up in little pieces. I put points on the ends of the pieces. They were sharp as razor blades. I stuck 'em into the steak--way inside. And I went past where they had the dog tied up. He wanted to bite me again. I said to him, 'Come on, doggie--let's be friends. Let's not be enemies any more. I'm not mad.' He believed me...

I threw him the steak. He swallowed it down in one big gulp. I waited around for ten minutes. Blood started coming out of his mouth. He started crying, and he rolled on the ground, as though the knives were on the outside of him instead of the inside of him. Then he tried to bite out his own insides. I laughed, and I said to him, 'You got the right idea now. Tear you own guts out, boy. That's me in there with all those knives.

Invite the neighbours over for steak?