Why Do Women Want Babies?

[Diesel]

Not all women want children, though there is definitely a perception that we do or that we should.

At 39 years old, I have never, not once, had the desire. All of my immediate family have warned me year after year that 'any minute now' I'll be struck by the raging desire to have babies. They've finally stopped asking and instead spend their time doting on my step-niece. I think I've been written off as some kind of genetic mutant.

I truly don't know if I'm missing some gene, or if I subconsciously don't want to pass along faulty parenting techniques that I'm sure I've inherited.

I can say that I have an awesome life, and my nurturing skills are well applied to my dogs, horses, and my bf. No cats.

At this point, I would be less surprised by Martians landing than I would be of suddenly developing the mommy urge.

[hutash]

^^^Nor would I be surprised that you woke up tomorrow with a raging desire to have kids. Not saying you will, just not surprised if you did.

Hormones are funny that way.

[pepperdawg]

All I want to do is inseminate. I want my wife to be pregnant all the time. All I want is to drop my seed into her ripe womb. And when I see a gorgeous woman on the street, all I can think about is how I would love to knock her up. I just want my babies everywhere...home babies, street babies all kinds of babies. I want to be a Maharaja with 20 wives and 100 kids.

I support this train of thought.....

[leroy jenkins]

Hormones are part of that hard wiring. You don't think hormones are involved in that desire to ski or to be the tiger?

Sure it is more involved then just "hormones", but that is the best short answer.

my point wasnt that hormones arent involved, my point was dismissing things as meaningless because its just hormones is silly because human beings have evolved to find those things fulfilling. Rising above our animal nature is fine, but fighting it pointlessly does not make us happy.

[ACHTUNG]

Achtung...that's creepy as fuck. Dudes are hardwired to think that way I guess.

Why creepy?

I want to live forever...

[The AD]

But how much of it is truly hard-wired and how much is subtle or not at all subtle peer and cultural pressure? I think it's difficult to know how much each factor plays.

[Obstruction]

Why do women want babies?

Cause having ponies would hurt too much?

[frozenwater]

Any relationship I get in these days seems to end in flames as they realize I really meant it when I said I don't want any more kids. Women are sure that I just meant that generally, but when I get to know them SURELY I will want to raise a child with them.

Fact is, I have two wonderfull amazing daughters, and that alone is kicking my ass. I was fixed over a decade ago for a reason.

Now I am in an amazing relationship and I see it circling the drain because of this same shit. I am being selfish for not willing to consider adopting a child in our future.

FUCKING HORMONES!!!!!!! Damn I wish I could meet a girl in my age range that just wanted me, not my ability to provide them a baby.

[Lurch]

This has to be the dumbest question ever asked.

[Danno]

I have plenty of friends who breed who I think wouldn't otherwise.

:Waves:

Kids is not my choice all things being equal right now. But all things are not equal.

interesting...

I'll take this discussion to the next level with the forewarning that I'll be blunt and maybe even rude.

I always here the "it's totally worth it" shtick about having kids and how awesome it is. But rarely - if ever - do I get that quantified with any sort of reasons why having kids is so awesome.

Maybe I'm selfish, impatient or intolerant, but I have a friend who has two kids and he just seems miserable. Just wiped out, tired, a former shell of himself. It makes me never, ever want kids.

I again at the risk of being rude and selfish; is it really worth it, for all that time, money, loss of dreams in life and lack of fun?

A mag once told me that it's like the difference of not having to work versus having a really rewarding job. Not having to work will be "more fun", but there are amazing things you get from having a rewarding job that you will never experience living the freewheeling life. That's the best description I have yet heard. The guy sitting on the beach sipping umbrella drinks won't understand why someone else might choose to work long hours just because of some nebulous "reward", but that's how it is.

As for me, well, I was never sure, and life made my decision for me. So it still isn't something I "chose". And honestly, if someone offered to freeze things in time right now, with my daughter permanently at 13 months, I'd say fuck no! She is awesome, she is a super cool kid who I am super lucky to have, but it's too fucking hard right now, this isn't what I signed up for (ok, I did sign up for it, but this isn't the "why" I signed up). But when my kid is a little older, and talking to me and joking with me and skiing with me, I think I'm gonna be pretty damned happy. I can't wait to watch the little grommette rip down some slope in a flying wedge. Or tell me a funny story. Or go camping with me and share in the wonder of the world. My life has more "meaning" now, because I have a real job to do.

Bottom line: I still don't want "kids". But I do want my kid.

[Danno]

^^^Nor would I be surprised that you woke up tomorrow with a raging desire to have kids. Not saying you will, just not surprised if you did.

Hormones are funny that way.

I'd be surprised if she did.

[montanaskier]

:Waves:



interesting...



A mag once told me that it's like the difference of not having to work versus having a really rewarding job. Not having to work will be "more fun", but there are amazing things you get from having a rewarding job that you will never experience living the freewheeling life. That's the best description I have yet heard. The guy sitting on the beach sipping umbrella drinks won't understand why someone else might choose to work long hours just because of some nebulous "reward", but that's how it is.

As for me, well, I was never sure, and life made my decision for me. So it still isn't something I "chose". And honestly, if someone offered to freeze things in time right now, with my daughter permanently at 13 months, I'd say fuck no! She is awesome, she is a super cool kid who I am super lucky to have, but it's too fucking hard right now, this isn't what I signed up for (ok, I did sign up for it, but this isn't the "why" I signed up). But when my kid is a little older, and talking to me and joking with me and skiing with me, I think I'm gonna be pretty damned happy. I can't wait to watch the little grommette rip down some slope in a flying wedge. Or tell me a funny story. Or go camping with me and share in the wonder of the world. My life has more "meaning" now, because I have a real job to do.

Bottom line: I still don't want "kids". But I do want my kid.

or tell you that she's dating "brad" and wants to go to the next level Sorry....so glad I had a boy!

[mtngirl79]

Any relationship I get in these days seems to end in flames as they realize I really meant it when I said I don't want any more kids. Women are sure that I just meant that generally, but when I get to know them SURELY I will want to raise a child with them.

Fact is, I have two wonderfull amazing daughters, and that alone is kicking my ass. I was fixed over a decade ago for a reason.

Now I am in an amazing relationship and I see it circling the drain because of this same shit. I am being selfish for not willing to consider adopting a child in our future.

FUCKING HORMONES!!!!!!! Damn I wish I could meet a girl in my age range that just wanted me, not my ability to provide them a baby.

This is something hard for me. Most of the time, I am pretty sure that I would be ok not having kids ever. I'm 32, and I haven't gotten the baby bug like most 30 something childless women do. A friend of mine practically salivates when she sees a baby..

Still.. at this point, I do not think I could be in a serious, committed long-term relationship with a man that wanted no kids (or no more kids), ever... I cannot yet commit to no babies, ever, and with that big question unanswered, how fair is it that? Seems like a huge recipe for heartbreak to me.

I just do not think its fair to try and convince, or coerce someone into such a huge life decision, and especially if the someone has valid reasons for not wanting kids... and since when you break it down, we humans are just animals, and are "suppose to reproduce" at what point can you say never, for 100% will I want children? when it is no longer possible?

could someone love someone enough to accept no kids ever? Could someone love someone enough to have kids/more kids when you don't really want them? Would either be a good idea?

Sorry Frozen, I am not sure what to tell you.. its a tough one.. maybe find women that already have kids to date?

[iceman]

Hell, in frozen's age bracket there's plenty of women who have kids who've already graduated from college.

[Diesel]

I'd be surprised if she did.

Thanks - I figured someone who knew me might chime in.

Frozen, just out of curiosity, are you dating women younger than you, who have never been married and might just fit the 'mommy urge' profile? If you keep being attracted to the same type, chances are high that you'll keep having the same end result.

I'm more curious why MTM is asking this question.

[TomCrac]

I know someone that got to the point where she felt, "I'm done waiting for Mr.Right. Got inseminated and has an outstanding kid.

Thanks for your insight Danno .... Great times to come!

[hutash]

Thanks - I figured someone who knew me might chime in.

Frozen, just out of curiosity, are you dating women younger than you, who have never been married and might just fit the 'mommy urge' profile? If you keep being attracted to the same type, chances are high that you'll keep having the same end result.

I'm more curious why MTM is asking this question.

No disrespect, and it is not a matter of knowing you, just pointing out the statistical likelyhood of women who don't want kids one day waking up to the influence of age and hormones. It does not happen to all women, nor do I have the slightest opinion that would suggest you should have kids. I find it perfectly acceptable that some people, male and female don't want kids. Just as I find it perfectly acceptable that some people do. I feel sorry for people like Frozen that just can't seem to link up with a woman of lime mind.

[LeeC]

I am not justifying having a kid, and saying its the best thing since sliced bread because I have one. I say this because I spent 33 years of my life running from them, and the women that wanted them. I even told my wife when she got preggers, since it was her idea, if it did not work out, I would just pay the child support, and be gone.
I have been on both sides. I was single, making millions, spending millions, racing, fucking, skiing, going on safaris, had life by the balls, and figured it can't get better than this. None of the money, checkered flags, or trophies I got combined, compared to what I felt when she was born, all that stress of fearing to be a DAD was gone, and I WANTED to be a good DAD.
Now if something happened to my marriage, or daughter I would not have another. I can't, and don't want to experience a second time with another. I don't think it would be the same.

To sum it up for me.
I thought I knew heartbreak when my father died..My daughter was a newborn
Then I really thought I knew heartbreak when my mother died... Daughter was eight
I found out what heartbreak was when I saw my daughter's face when she came into the room with me sitting beside GRAM on the table with tears flowing down both our faces. GRAM was her favorite person in the world..Mine too
I thought I knew what Love was being around my family etc.
I knew what Love was when my daughter,never even glancing at Gram, hugs me, and says it's ok Dad, I will make it better for you..as tears are still flowing down both our faces. Chokes me up thinking about it.
This all happened with 20seconds of each other, and cemented the relationship we have today.
Can you be complete, and not have kids? yes in your own way, but I don't think you really know true joy, or self sacrifice without having them.I have been on both side, and have seen it myself
You won't get it, till you get it.

[The AD]

I think this thread has determined one thing: having kids brings out maudlin sentimentality.

[Pegleg]

I think this thread has determined one thing: having kids brings out maudlin sentimentality.

Yep, it does. That's part of what's indescribable about it - feelings welling up that you have no idea where they're coming from and you've never experienced before. When my daughter sits down at her little piano and sings her "Daddy song" (those are the only comprehensible lyrics), the feeling I get is just completely unlike anything I've ever had. Wouldn't trade it for a year of powder days (though I'd happily take both).

[PNWbrit]

For fuck's sake, it's natural. You guys are thinking too hard.

It's in the jeans?

[hutash]

It's in the her jeans?

FIFY


It's like LeeC said. You won't know what it's like having kids until you have one. It is little things that make it such a big deal...first soccer goal, the smile after blocking a 5 meter penalty shot, watching them pick up a diploma, et cetera. It is fucken priceless, but still not for everyone, and those that choose not to have kids find such pleasures elsewhere.

[boarddad]

I wish I could remember where I heard this (it was a documentary about climbing K2 or Everest but I can't remember which), but the quote that stuck with me was, "an adventure is something you are miserable the entire time you are doing it, but will remember it fondly the rest of your life." (or something like that). That, in a nutshell, is what being a parent is like most of the time. I'll look back on vacation pictures and marvel at just how happy we all are. After all, it seemed like a giant PITA the entire trip. Then other times I'll look at my kids as they've just gone to bed and see the resemblance to the baby I so proudly held for the first time. At those time it all seems so fleeting. When all is said and done, and if I've done my "Dad" job correctly, I'll have an amazing friend just as my parents do with me and my brothers.

I honestly can't remember life before the kids and wouldn't want a life without them now. No disrespect, but I do feel sorry for anyone who can't relate to that.

[powder11]

why is the sky blue?

[frorider]

http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/...r-than-parents