Cold Steel Swords - Your friend in the Zombie Apocalypse

**arild** · 09-23-2011, 08:08 AM

I thought this deserved its very own thread, and I´m terribly sorry if this has been posted before.

WHO THE FUCK ARE THEIR CUSTOMERS????

That is probably the raddest show I´ve ever seen. It´s better than any of the gun nut shows on NatGeo/Disco, it´s better than the weapons thread for the Zombie Apocalypse, or even the GUNS!!!thread in this very Padded Room. I´m fucking crying over here.

How is that possible? They´re selling fucking long swords with matching daggers as personal defense weapons, and it´s awesome! Wow.

**arild** · 09-23-2011, 08:11 AM

Even more awesomeness.

**iceman** · 09-23-2011, 08:24 AM

"carrying big dagger to match your sword is always a good idea."

**brice618** · 09-23-2011, 08:32 AM

That's how I cut all my steaks.

**iscariot** · 09-23-2011, 08:32 AM

**leroy jenkins** · 09-23-2011, 08:37 AM

Their knives are kind of cheap crap, not horrible, but not really all that great. Lots better choices for the money.

Their sword designs are also not really historically accurate. I'd really like one of these.

http://www.coldsteel.com/grossemesser.html

The name means Big Knife, historically this was the sword of the common people, part weapon part practical tool. Like all their swords though, cold steel has to make it far bigger and clumsier than any historical examples. It should be a fairly light simple cheap blade.

Call me a dork but I'd like to have a sword. Unfortunately, they are really fucking expensive. Cold steel is cheap crap, in order to get something good you have to spend thousands, and then you can't even use it. It would only be cool to own a sword if you could use it to chop wood or whatever else, but no, even historically, sword to sword contact in combat was avoided like the plague, swords are meant to be babied. Anything high quality enough to possibly use is going to cost enough that no one in their right mind will ever actually use it for anything besides cutting stupid shit.

And that is who their customers are, and why their blades arent historically accurate. They sell them to dorks with too much money who just like to set up stupid stuff to chop through, so every blade they make is heavier and more axelike than the originals.

Swordmaking is a dead art. We can't make anything even half as well as sword makers were making thousands of years ago, even with all our technology.

If I lived somewhere that didn't let me have guns I guess I'd probably own a sword just in case.

For the money, if you actually want something you can use and abuse and not cringe at how much you spent on it once its beat to shit, just get one of these http://www.machetespecialists.com/co...ete-satin.html

They can be had cheaper. Condor fucking rules.

I have a hunch I sort of missed the point though. If you just want to laugh at chubby people that probably own collections of wolf t shirts, and take themselves far too seriously, by all means, keep watching those vids.

**arild** · 09-23-2011, 08:53 AM

`^^That´s kind of it, though, Leroy. I really laughed at the chubby people with swords hacking through stuff, but deep down, I really want a sword.

**brice618** · 09-23-2011, 09:12 AM

My best friend used to live in a garage shed for a few years. The guy that lived there before him had some kind of knife/sword/accessory online business thing going. He left a lot of swords (and other random shit) all over the place, so we would get drunk and have sword competitions. Trying to slice a lime in half that is flying at with several drinks down is:
1) hilarious
2) dangerous (people letting go of the sword)
3) awesome when you actually land the hit and see the lime go flying away in two clean pieces ala that fruit chopping game on the iphone.

**mmmthmtskier** · 09-23-2011, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by brice618

My best friend used to live in a garage shed for a few years. The guy that lived there before him had some kind of knife/sword/accessory online business thing going. He left a lot of swords (and other random shit) all over the place, so we would get drunk and have sword competitions. Trying to slice a lime in half that is flying at with several drinks down is:
1) hilarious
2) dangerous (people letting go of the sword)
3) awesome when you actually land the hit and see the lime go flying away in two clean pieces ala that fruit chopping game on the iphone.

Sounds like a drinking game...

Not sure how I was directed to watch these videos a few weeks ago but watch them I did. Wasn't thinking too much about the comedy aspect of the videos, just about how much you can fuck up somebody using a blade-type weapon. Not sure if they still do it, but in the '80's you could buy some of CS cosmetic seconds for a lot cheaper.

**Cruiser** · 09-23-2011, 09:31 AM

Saw a show about Daniel Watson not too long ago. His swords looked legit, but WTF do I know?

http://www.angelsword.com/

**Kai** · 09-23-2011, 09:47 AM

This guy makes some really nice swords (by hand, with a hammer and a forge.)

http://www.kirbywise.com/frampage.htm?

**berko** · 09-23-2011, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by leroy jenkins

Their knives are kind of cheap crap, not horrible, but not really all that great. Lots better choices for the money.

Their sword designs are also not really historically accurate. I'd really like one of these.

http://www.coldsteel.com/grossemesser.html

The name means Big Knife, historically this was the sword of the common people, part weapon part practical tool. Like all their swords though, cold steel has to make it far bigger and clumsier than any historical examples. It should be a fairly light simple cheap blade.

Call me a dork but I'd like to have a sword. Unfortunately, they are really fucking expensive. Cold steel is cheap crap, in order to get something good you have to spend thousands, and then you can't even use it. It would only be cool to own a sword if you could use it to chop wood or whatever else, but no, even historically, sword to sword contact in combat was avoided like the plague, swords are meant to be babied. Anything high quality enough to possibly use is going to cost enough that no one in their right mind will ever actually use it for anything besides cutting stupid shit.

And that is who their customers are, and why their blades arent historically accurate. They sell them to dorks with too much money who just like to set up stupid stuff to chop through, so every blade they make is heavier and more axelike than the originals.

Swordmaking is a dead art. We can't make anything even half as well as sword makers were making thousands of years ago, even with all our technology.

If I lived somewhere that didn't let me have guns I guess I'd probably own a sword just in case.

For the money, if you actually want something you can use and abuse and not cringe at how much you spent on it once its beat to shit, just get one of these http://www.machetespecialists.com/co...ete-satin.html

They can be had cheaper. Condor fucking rules.

I have a hunch I sort of missed the point though. If you just want to laugh at chubby people that probably own collections of wolf t shirts, and take themselves far too seriously, by all means, keep watching those vids.

If the point was to add to the comedy by you predictably expounding on your authoritative and awesome knowledge of the art of war then I'd say you've hit the nail on the head.

**HankScorpio** · 09-23-2011, 10:51 AM

Carrying a big dagger to match your sword? What the fuck year is it? Am I on a crusade to take back Jerusalem?

**iceman** · 09-23-2011, 11:14 AM

I think everyone is missing the point here: You can't kill the undead with a damn sword.

**brice618** · 09-23-2011, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by iceman

I think everyone is missing the point here: You can't kill the undead with a damn sword.

Wait, so you're saying my tree trimming chain saw while riding a bike idea isn't going to work? That's an unfortunate set back in my plans.

**arild** · 09-23-2011, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by iceman

I think everyone is missing the point here: You can't kill the undead with a damn sword.

Says who? In order to fuck up a Zombie, you need to cut off its medulla oblongata - meaning, slashing head off, chopping part of head off, lunging into head, etc etc. I think a katana would be quicker than a longsword, though.

**iceman** · 09-23-2011, 11:46 AM

hmm, my lack of knowledge re zombie anatomy may be showing, sorry. I figured if you started lopping parts off they wouldn't really care.

**Downbound Train** · 09-23-2011, 11:51 AM

ZombieTools.net

http://zombietools.net/

"A Fist Full of Fuck Yeah"

Merch - http://zombietools.net/t_shirts_plus/

Blades - http://zombietools.net/tools/

**khakis** · 09-24-2011, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by leroy jenkins

If you just want to laugh at chubby people that probably own collections of wolf t shirts, and take themselves far too seriously, by all means, keep watching those vids.

How about laughing at a skinny guy laughing at chubby people who probably own collections of wolf t-shirts?

**lionelhutz** · 09-24-2011, 01:23 PM

But can it still cut red ripe tomato?

Helldawg · 09-24-2011, 07:20 PM

Another great Zombie training aid, take this to your next range session...

http://www.cheaperthandirt.com/TARGET300-1.html

**Crud's Uncle** · 09-24-2011, 09:48 PM

Why get a sword when a shovel will work?

http://youtu.be/j7EdhnReYH0

**iceman** · 09-24-2011, 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by Crud's Uncle

Why get a sword when a shovel will work?

http://youtu.be/j7EdhnReYH0

I mean, that's a nice shovel, but it's no Chinese Military Shovel WJQ-308.

jgb@etree · 09-25-2011, 05:33 AM

Cold Steel stuff definitely isn't fancy, but the stuff I've seen is pretty functional.

Rumor has it that all you need to cut a new glade is a nice pair of loppers & one of these: