TIPS NEEDED: How to not crap yourself in fear when teaching your kid to drive?

**snowsprite** · 07-12-2011, 08:14 PM

Um, yeah. I have to take my son out driving. He's not really bad, but he's a new driver. This scares the be-jeezus out of me. I tried to farm him out to the driving school but I'm not wealthy and could only purchase like 8 hrs behind the wheel which isn't much.

In all fairness, kiddo is doing fine. He is smart, responsible, wonderful. But hell if I don't tense up and find myself GRIPPING the inside handle on the passenger side! My main issues w/ him are as follows:

1. He drives TOO CLOSE to the curb. I have disturbing prescient images of him ripping someone's mailbox off and my passenger side mirror off simultaneously. The other bad image is him slowly ripping the entire right side off my car as he grazes a stone wall. OY.

2. He applies the brakes weirdly. He does brake, but then he stops too closely to the car in front of us. I've told him the whole "what if it's a driver w/a standard transmission...they roll backwards on hills sometimes ya know" speech but it's not working out entirely. He's getting better...but still.

3. He scares the holy living crap outta me when we have to make a turn into a side street. Kiddo is still developing what I call his "turn depth perception." I have not prayed so much to god since i was in labor with this kid. Kind of ironic!

4. He is having issues regulating his speed. I have just been driving so long it's like 2nd nature. I glance at the signs, I drive around the speed limit. This kid fluctuates between driving like and 80 yr old grandma and someone on the Grand Prix course. (okay, maybe I"m exaggerating but you know...)

I love my boy and I'm so proud of him in every way. Even in his driving. But I wish I didn't get so tense and freaked. Ima have to break out the Xanax again. I thought I could be off that shit all summer long since I'm not teaching, but with this going on I just don't know...

All y'all parents who taught kids to drive, please tell me your tips/tricks/words of wisdom. Those who learned to drive...if you want to chastise me/give me advice/take me out drinking I also welcome that too.
Thanks
Sprite

**snowsprite** · 07-12-2011, 08:15 PM

OH, and we're not even THINKING about going out on the interstate. Can't even think about that shit right now!
:-O
Sprite

**TNKen** · 07-12-2011, 08:38 PM

Took mine to the Bristol Motor Speedway. No, not on the track, but let them drive around the facility. Get them very comfortable with the vehicle and turning. Find a school, stadium, etc where no one is around and you both can get comfortable without being exposed to real traffic.

Worst was putting the oldest in the straight shift Corvette. She finally got it, but there was once when she killed it on a slight downhill slope about 10 times. The guy behind us was real patient.

**I Dunno** · 07-12-2011, 08:39 PM

2. A good rule of thumb is to make sure you can see where the back tires of the car in front of you touch the ground. It's an easy way to judge where a safe stopping point is.

It's just driving, it really isn't that difficult. People normally get into trouble when they lose their focus on the road.

**GBB** · 07-12-2011, 08:53 PM

2. Try to encourage him to take his foot off the gas as soon as he recognizes a stopping situation. ala he's coming over a hill and sees a stop sign. As soon as he sees it, the foot should come off the gas. Normal braking should involve consistent pressure to the pedal instead of abrupt, forceful pressure.

Some of my friends find it necessary to maintain pressure on the gas pedal until braking is absolutely necessary. Talk about maddening.

Also keep his ass out of the left lane!

**cooks** · 07-12-2011, 08:58 PM

Take him to a parking lot or something and set up some tennis balls or snowballs and have him try to hit them with his tires to learn where the wheels are. Also, when he is braking, have him apply constant pressure to the brakes to learn stopping distance.

edit: gbb beat me to it

**MMP** · 07-12-2011, 09:35 PM

it's like skiing sprite, the more mileage the better.

also. speak conversationally about what he is supposed to do before he does it so he knows what your expectations are. "I'd like you to signal, turn right at the next street, signal again, and pull over to the curb and put it in park. Then put it in drive, turn signal, head check,......." soon enough he will be thinking like you. Please teach him that the less he uses his brakes on the freeway, the better.

stay as calm as possible. My 14 Yo said he couldn't get the mower out of the garage because my car was in the way. I tossed him the keys. He's had a few lessons and his confidence is building. mileage.

**wooley12** · 07-12-2011, 09:47 PM

Don't let your nerves make him nervous. Sit back. Relax. And suggest he be relaxed too. Go for a ride in the country. Make him drive you everywhere. Time is the teacher. OK, not on the highway or in crazy traffic at first. Be cool and calm with your advice. Like a pilot to a co-pilot. I'll bet there are on line lessons with good rules to go by. Study together. Do you know how to properly adjust the side rear view mirrors?

The real trouble comes when they start to think they are a great driver. I made my two, girl and boy, calculate the time it took to drive to school at the speed limit. Then again at 10mph over the limit, pointing out that the difference was less than the time at one stop light. Most of my instruction was defensive driving, i.e. look both ways even when crossing an intersection where you have the right of way. Got two through college with only one speeding ticket (lame) and one car totaled. Good luck.

**snowsprite** · 07-12-2011, 11:05 PM

Wooley, I actually was a bit calmer today than usual (when I tend to bite my nails til they bleed). I did notice *he* was more relaxed in response to my demeanor. I get what you're saying. I just have to suck it up and keep calm.

Damn, I TRULY appreciate what my poor old dad must have gone thru teaching me how to drive now. The circle is complete and damned if I haven't sprouted 100 new grey hairs as result!

Sprite

**toast2266** · 07-12-2011, 11:12 PM

My dad swears by teaching new drivers by encouraging them to not use the brake. I think the idea is that it forces them to be more aware of what's going on, and to plan for stopping / turning / slowing much earlier. I'm not sure I'm sold on this technique (dad is a horrible driver), but it might help for certain situations (maybe #'s 2 and 3)

**BeanDip4All** · 07-12-2011, 11:30 PM

Put a 1/2 full cup of h2o on the dash, tell him not to spill any

Go, zigster, go!!
Send him our love

**Loon** · 07-12-2011, 11:44 PM

find a giant empty parking so he can practice doing donuts.

**dirtybryan** · 07-13-2011, 12:34 AM

It's been like 7 years since driver's ed, but I remember some of the things my car's teacher. To get him centered in the lane, have him look at the center of the lane at the horizon and steer towards that (probably only best on mostly straight roads). I also recall him being adamant about stopping so that you can see the pavement between the hood of your car and the bumper/tires of the car in front.

Have fun!

**boarddad** · 07-13-2011, 12:47 AM

Since you are forgoing an outside teacher, it seems like you aught to come up with a consistent set of skills he needs to master / deficiencies he needs to improve and write them down. That way when you take him out on a drive he knows specifically what you are looking for

**pubes** · 07-13-2011, 05:42 AM

I took My oldest out to a parking lot then my mother took him out on the road.
Next son was 10 week driver training that included his road test "best 300 i ever spent" and my mother took him out a couple times a week.I took them both out and thought i was going to die.

**assman** · 07-13-2011, 06:19 AM

In all seriousness, call your local BMW dealer and see if they have any driving events coming up. A few years back, my niece reached driving age just as I got an invitation to a "you drive" event. They were offering a student driver course taught in a large parking lot. The instructors were professionals. It was a 2 hour course and the best part, it was FREE.

She got to drive a new BMW and practiced performance driving with the emphasis on safety.

She passed her test and is accident and ticket free. The down side is she keeps asking her parents to buy her a new BMW.

**Yukonrider** · 07-13-2011, 07:06 AM

One of hte most nerve wracking things for me to do while driving is drive with my mother.. Shell sit there, and grip the arm rest, and stomp on imaginary brake pedals the whole trip, and I don't drive like a crazy person.
It is very distracting, especially when she does it in situations that demand attention

Just relax and let junior figure it out, everyone is bad their first times..

**Elkhound Odin** · 07-13-2011, 07:13 AM

My parents made me teach my brother & sister how to drive. My siblings didn't like it one bit. But, I must have been effective, they haven't had nearly the amount of tickets or accidents I've had the past 20 years.

**Spottedogirl** · 07-13-2011, 07:35 AM

I love the idea of the performance driving school.
The 'fake braking' and holding the console made me more nervous. My parents had zero confidence in my driving skills, but my Mom took the time to practice with me in a large parking lot on Sundays, which was a great help. I didnt know about their zero confidence until years later. I appreciate that they didnt tell me at age 16 because I would have been spiteful at that age and not listened to a thing they said/suggested when driving.
I do not recommend getting into the car with a football helmet on. It might be funny for the parent but really not funny for the kid, esp if the kid is nervous.
Good luck - and try to relax!

**snowsprite** · 07-13-2011, 07:46 AM

Thanks for the ideas!

I actually like the performance driving suggestion. My kid would be all over that too, he likes knowing the "how and why" of things--not just being told what do to. I think he'd be pretty good at performance driving because he's really disciplined and he listens (not to me though).

I will try to relax...I was of course being tongue in cheek in the original post. Not the part about gripping the drivers side arm handle thing, that's true. Oh, and I also honestly do that slam the imaginary brake thing also. I'll probably put a hole thru the floor of the car soon! I'll keep taking him out though, I'm sure I'll relax as time passes and he gets more experienced/confident. I'll pass on these suggestions too.
Thanks!

Sprite

**strawjack** · 07-13-2011, 10:33 AM

i'm teaching my son right now also. i might not be doing it right, but we are getting it done. my approach is just being a chill as possible. i am really calm and he is really calm. if he makes a mistake, we just talk about it and correct when the situation comes up again.

i totally agree with the 'stay off the brakes' idea. there is no reason to be on the brakes when driving unless your at a stop sign or a red light. granted, i'm not in a city. you should be able to feather the accelerator and maintain that 2 second space. (or .5 milliseconds in MA) most of the time.

the one thing i will do with him (and he'll have his license by then) is once it snows we are going to a big empty parking lot and he will learn to slide and spin that car all over the place. it think that is a critical teaching element so that he won't panic when it happens by accident. we are skiers after all so it won't be a problem

**OSECS** · 07-13-2011, 11:34 AM

First rule is you cannot yell at them, esp. when they are just learning. Once they have basic skills you can bust their ass when they do stupid stuff, but only when they are stopped and you have their full attention.

We started off in the school parking lot for many days then ,moved to 25 MPH sand progressed as their skills allowed. Within about 4 days we were on 55 MPH roads during off peak times. My daughter had a hard time backing up and maneuvering so we spent 3 hours doing nothing but driving backwards in a school parking lot on a Sat. morning.

Good luck it's scary, but not nearly as scary as the first time they drive off solo.

**PNWbrit** · 07-13-2011, 11:37 AM

You have to teach someone how to pass a US drivers test?

Who knew?