Kid question, WWMD - anyone ever held back a grade?

[boarddad]

My daughter is in Kindergarden and is not quite keeping up with reading and writing but is a pro at math. She's also had discipline problems in that she acts silly at inappropriate times. At her parent-teacher conference this morning my wife, my daughter's teacher and the school councilor we all leaning heavily towards having her repeat Kindergarden. I'm not so sure we've done enough to help her succeed and don't want her to suffer years down the road always knowing that she's a full year older than the other kids (she's a May baby). I agree that another year of maturity will do wonders but I don't want to just kick the problem down the road another year which it feels to me like we'd be doing.

Any Maggots have any personal experience with this? I feel like I'm being bullied by my wife and the school to hold her back but can honestly see their point and realize I may just be be wrong about this. WWMD?

[stfu&gbtw]

My nephew was in the same boat - he was held back a year. Best decision ever.

[4matic]

A lot more kids should be "held back." Do it now if you think its right. It's the parental pressure more than peer pressure on the kid. The kid will be fine.

[DasBlunt]

It is not worth it sometimes. It is an old technique and the best thing these days is to either switch schools, teachers, or work harder at home.

Hearing that she is good with "math" (kindergarten math is not rocket science) is a positive, stick with that in your arguments and have faith in her when you talk with the teacher and Mom.

Stick up for your instincts.

The women are wrong this time.

[dumpy]

No direct experience with this, but seniora Dumpy is a school counselor. currently middle school, but formerly elementary (she would often make these types of calls).

trust the teacher, they often have the kid's best interest at heart and see the problems first hand. They are only going to make this recommendation if they feel it's the best choice, if they were doing it for the wrong reasons, it would more likely be a case of them advancing a kid that should be held back. This is not something they want to do, but something they think is worthwhile. I've heard enough stories from her about parents that couldn't accept the fact their kids could use another year in a given grade and the kids end up suffering because of it.

[freezorburn]

My nephew was in the same boat - he was held back a year. Best decision ever.

I disagree,

Send her to summer school, get a tutor do whatever you can. Being held back needs to be a absolute last reasort.

Best wishes.

[Crock]

My brother struggled a lot with reading/writing in kindergarten, and 1st grade, but the teachers at our school kept moving him along without really trying to help him. Then we moved, and had to switch schools. He was supposed to start 2nd grade, but the teacher at the new school quickly realized he wasn't ready, and they put him back in first. Because she took some interest in him, and didn't just pass him off to the next teacher, the school and my parents were able to figure out that he was actually dyslexic. Holding him back a year did wonders for his education. That might not be applicable to your situation, but, well there it is...

[DasBlunt]

There is some good practical experience already in this thread. Good luck with the decision. I think either scenario will be fine.

[Edgnar]

I was held back in 1st grade. I was pissed about it at the time, from what I can remember. But I was dislexic. It worked out for me. I think it probably is better to hold them back in kindergarten than in 1st grade.

Talk to the teacher and councilor about it more if you are uncomfortable with it. Find out exactly why they think you should hold her back, and why they think it would benefit her.

[dumpy]

I'd just like to point out that DasCunt thinks she should not be held back.

Draw your own conclusions

[Helldawg]

Teachers don't want to do shit anymore.

If your kid was at the cusp age wise, I'd say it might not be a terrible idea to hold back. But if your kid is gonna be 6 in May, I'd lean toward pushing forth.

Seems like if the kid is at all difficult these days and disrupts the flow of the class in the slightest way, they want to kick 'em to the curb.

[Cruiser]

There's a lot of competitive advantage for kids who are more mature than their classmates. Kindergarten is the best time to let her repeat a grade since it should do the least emotional damage. If the teacher / counselor thinks it's a good idea then you owe it to your daughter to give it some very serious thought. Everyone wants their kids to be awesome, but being a bit older than the other kids may be a great way to afford her a chance to excel.

[Tunco]

Nothing wrong with a little more time to ripen on the vine.

[wannabe]

Like has been pointed out by others there is a possibility that there is something else going on with her more than just being silly.

My son is a year behind your daughter and he was diagnosed early with Sensory Processing Disorder, he is getting OT for it now and we are seeing great improvements.

If he didn't have day care teachers that cared and this went untreated we would be in the same situation as your daughter. When he was first tested they just said he wasn't capable doing certain things, but now with the proper treatment and care he is more than capable in handling lot's of those tasks.

It hasn't come easy and we are not even close to being done with this, but without the care of the teachers and counselors we would be way worse off.

If you have any questions on this PM me.

[DasBlunt]

I'd just like to point out that DasCunt thinks she should not be held back.

Draw your own conclusions

Go suck a cock, you should have been held back at a life, G-unit Dump truck.

[hutash]

My nephew was held back a year and it was the best thing for him at the time. I would follow dumpy's advice rather dasblunt's on this one.

Work hard for the rest of the school year with your daughter, both academically and socially and wait to make the final descion until as last as possible.

Edit to add...I love how so many people love to blame every kids problem on the teacher. While I agree there are some bad teachers out there, there are a he'll of a lot more bad parents. If more patents took an active roll in their kids education, and helped the teachers, rather then hinder them the whole process would work so much better. The vast majority of tea hers I know/'have known are great people who really want to teach children, but nearly all of them complain about the problems with parents (followed by meddling school boards. )

[Lonnie]

Q. What's 4+4?
A. Jello.

[DJSapp]

There's a lot of competitive advantage for kids who are more mature than their classmates. Kindergarten is the best time to let her repeat a grade since it should do the least emotional damage. If the teacher / counselor thinks it's a good idea then you owe it to your daughter to give it some very serious thought. Everyone wants their kids to be awesome, but being a bit older than the other kids may be a great way to afford her a chance to excel.

This. When shes a year older and more mature and taking her SAT's, her score will be better. If she's in sports, she'll be bigger, better, faster.

FWIW, I was held back from starting kindergarden

[dumpy]

G-unit Dump truck.

Please translate, not catching what that means.

The rest of your post made perfect sense.

[GiBo]

My son was on the bubble age wise. We could have started him, but his mom (a teacher) didn't think he was ready. We didn't start him. He's kicking ass in 6th grade now.

I was in a wierd 4th/6th combination with 5 class periods when I was in 4th grade. I got straight C's (I thought is was more fun to hang with the cool sixth graders then it was to learn). Mom held me back. I was super pissed, but being older than my classmates worked out for me. I went from being average to one of the better students in one year. That confidence carried me right through college.

[HobieTony]

My parents were all into starting me early - Youngest kid in the class, 4'-11" as a freshman in high school (6'-0" now), didn't get hair on my balls until after I graduated. I'd like to think I'm over it now.

Wait a year, let her get a bit older.

Edit: This has to be my 200th post?

[RShea]

I disagree,

Send her to summer school, get a tutor do whatever you can. Being held back needs to be a absolute last reasort.

Best wishes.

No kids and no experience to offer.
But just reading this- How does that help with the possible behavior problems? It could be the kid is just a bit more immature than the rest of the class mates. The reading is only part of the issues from the sounds of things.

[OSECS]

It's Kindergarten for Gods sake. Maybe a year of maturing might be the best thing. Nothing wrong with being one of the older kids in the class either.

She's young enough that the stigma of being held back once they get a little older, shouldn't be an issue. I'd rely on the teacher and moms advice on this one.

[::: :::]

last night, i went to a parent meeting about reading/writing (my son is in Kindergarten). the teacher said despite reading to her daughter from birth, the teacher's own daughter didn't start to read until after she was into 1st grade. she offered this story so that we didn't all freak out if our kids weren't there yet. she also said that kids pick up reading/writing the way they pick up speech...it's slow and experience-based, and, ultimately, the timing is predicated in their interest in it.

so, for reading/writing, don't stress. and it sounds like her numbers are coming along well.

on the maturity side, that's going to be a case by case thing that only you, your wife and teacher can really say

[woodstocksez]

Being held back needs to be a absolute last reasort.

I think it probably is better to hold them back in kindergarten than in 1st grade.

If your kid was at the cusp age wise, I'd say it might not be a terrible idea to hold back. But if your kid is gonna be 6 in May, I'd lean toward pushing forth.

There's a lot of competitive advantage for kids who are more mature than their classmates. Kindergarten is the best time to let her repeat a grade since it should do the least emotional damage. If the teacher / counselor thinks it's a good idea then you owe it to your daughter to give it some very serious thought. Everyone wants their kids to be awesome, but being a bit older than the other kids may be a great way to afford her a chance to excel.

Agree with the above. As you noted, there may be some stigma to holding her back, even though the kids are young. "[N]ot quite keeping up with reading and writing but is a pro at math" and "also had discipline problems in that she acts silly at inappropriate times" doesn't seem like such a strong candidate for being held back, especially at the kindergarten level. I've volunteered some with my oldest son's 1st grade class this year and there is a wide range of reading ability. At his school, at least, there seems to be a fair amount of latitude to address that within the normal operation of the class. Since your daughter is solidly in the middle of the age group for kindergarten, I'd be inclined to move her along and maybe work more at home on improving her reading and writing. Kids develop at different rates and times. For what it's worth, my son's reading ability really kicked in near the end of kindergarten and now he seems to be reading at a pretty advanced level, along with a group of other kids in his class. Maybe your daughter's time to accelerate is on its way, without need for holding her back.