I Hate Hippster Music.

[The Reverend Floater]

Yeah. I said it. I can't stand the shit.

And before you lambast me for posting this, I am the first to admit that I'm no musical critic. I live in the sticks of Idaho and I'm hardly qualified to listen to the radio. I know everything is subjective and for each there own, etc.

But holy shit.

How do you folks select a track of this auditory colonoscopy and start singing along? Is there such thing as jammin' hard on the air bass to hippster music? Do you ever find yourself throwin' down on the air synthesizer? When you're listening to this calf scour on your ipod while painting, do you ever say, "man--I wish I was there when they wrote this song. Some seriously good speedballs getting shot that night!"

No. You don't.

Because I contend that hippster music doesn't move you. Never once in the history of hippster music has someone been standing outside a liquor store, snub nosed revolver in their shaking hand, David Letterman rubber mask ready to be pulled down over there face, doubt and fear overcoming their will to kick ass and rob this bitch, when--bam! That kickass beat from the electronic drum machine kicks in, the sythesizer rockin' so hard and two lesbian twins' vocals come at them like an out of control steam engine! Suddenly all doubt and fear is gone and they kick that door open and shout "get the fuck down! This is my muthafucka now. Step!"

That will never happen.

And what about the concerts? Of course I've never been to a Fleet Foxes show, or Interpol, or Bloc Party or anything like it. But try as I might, I can't imagine people's heads exploding at the musical brain fisting they're bearing witness to. I find it hard to picture an entire crowd of several thousand jumping in unison, collectively soiling their vintage thriftstore super hero underwear at how mind blowing the guitar work is, or the percussion. Do chicks even flash their breasts at these shows? Are we in America?

Now before you go all Morrisey on me and tell me I'm a has-been heshen who only likes hard rock, know that you're wrong. I love hip hop. I dig all sorts of rock. Radiohead rocks my shit regularly. Hell, I can even dig on Bjork from time to time, given her undeniable talent.

But I'll give you $10 if you can explain to me the merits of Hippster rock.

[RootSkier]

I don't know anything about hippster rock but that post was emo as fuck.

[schuss]

Bloc party is hipster music? I had no idea. I personally have no problem with electronic-infused rock, though many hipster bands do suck out loud. The benefit for many is to have traditional rock tropes that are danceable due to driving to a four-on-the-floor beat. It seems to be mostly English in origin, likely due to the blended influence of the 90's grunge/rock colliding with the more popular electronica(over there)/pop(everywhere).

Some other stuff is just unapproachable shit that people enjoy making others listen so they can watch the noses curl and state that "they just don't understand it".

[wendigo]

You might hate the music, but you know you love the pants...

[Alaskan Rover]

What the heel is a hipster???? or a hippster???

When I think of a hipster, I think of someone from the 20's or 30's or 40's wearing a zoot suit....and I barely even know what a zoot suit is, although I have a good picture in my head.

Here's what I think of when I think of "hipster":


Or this:


Or this:


Or even this:


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But DEFINITELY NOT this:


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So...to all this NEW 'hipster' thing.....I say:



--

[Viva]

....and I barely even know what a zoot suit is...

It is the secret fantasy of every Vato
to put on the Zoot Suit
And play the myth
the Pachuco

[bagtagley]

The subliminal messages in your heavy metal are misleading you on what hipsters are and what music they listen to. Try mixing some crank in with your paint thinner, or maybe cut out huffing gasoline for a few days.

I'd be concerned about the Bjork problem, though. You may want to get that looked at.

[Chewy2y]

You simply don't grasp hipster music because you are so wrapped up in your day to day grind involving sucking from the mans teet and jerking off to Russian gonzo. Maybe one day my friend you can enlighten yourself and quit purchasing your cookie cutter clothes and mainstream pop music!

On a serious note I fucking hate hipster music, as well as hipsters.

[The Reverend Floater]

Maybe one day my friend you can enlighten yourself and quit purchasing your cookie cutter clothes and mainstream pop music!.

I would argue that my ensemble today of a 2001 FREEZE magazine sweatshirt, jeans and skate shoes is now less mainstreem than the hipster ensemble of skinny jeans, keds, a v neck sweater and an ear for terrible music.

That said, I hate pop music.

Bags--Bjork is from Iceland. So go suck it or something.

[Steven S. Dallas]

How can I be sure you're not listening to Cowboys From Hell ironically?

[Jer]

I'd be concerned about the Bjork problem, though. You may want to get that looked at.

Die.

....

[rideit]

OOKOKOKOKOK,,, Bjork, Shania, and Shakira triple decker club sandwich!!!!!

[Crampedon]

I'd be concerned about the Bjork problem, though. You may want to get that looked at.

At last, a new sig line!

[butterscotch]

Yeah, the XX or Bon Iver don't make me want to pound my fist in the air or shotgun a beer, but neither does Miles Davis, so what's your point?

Oh and congratulations on being so open-minded because you listen to Radiohead.

[The Reverend Floater]

Yeah, the XX or Bon Iver don't make me want to pound my fist in the air or shotgun a beer, but neither does Miles Davis, so what's your point?

Oh and congratulations on being so open-minded because you listen to Radiohead.

Is that a latte in your avatar?

Miles Davis makes me want to make sweet, sweet meandering love in a gentle yet noticably authoritarian manner to my lady.

What does hippster music drive you to do? Double shots? Remove derailuers? Get a video game tattoo?

[bio-smear]

You fuckers are caught in a hate mobius.

It is hipster to hate hipsters.

[Crampedon]

What does hippster music drive you to do? Double shots? Remove derailuers? Get a video game tattoo?

Oh man that is funny... Remove derailuers!

WINNER!

[rideit]

You fuckers are caught in a hate mobius.

It is hipster to hate hipsters.

Does Tippster hate the Hippster?

[Steven S. Dallas]

It is hipster to hate hipsters.

Indeed. And, since "hipster" is really just a fashion concept, saying you hate hipsters really just means you have a strong opinion on someone's aesthetic choices. Next stop for you is a guest judging spot on Project Runway.

[toast2266]

1) Hipsters listen to hipster music
2) Hipsters revel in irony
3) A hipster hating hipster music would be ironic
4) TRF hates hipster music
5) Therefore, TRF must be a hipster

[butterscotch]

Is that a latte in your avatar?

Miles Davis makes me want to make sweet, sweet meandering love in a gentle yet noticably authoritarian manner to my lady.

What does hippster music drive you to do? Double shots? Remove derailuers? Get a video game tattoo?

Well played. For the record, it's a beer (real beer, not PBR) and I'm not waving the hipster rock flag, I bet I hate Beach House just as much as you.

[The Reverend Floater]

Steven--you are wrong. Hippsteronomy is a way of life, an all-encompassing mantra where fashion is only a facet. Trust me. I'm from Portland.

Toast--you are wrong. I don't even know who Beach House is. And while I own some big glasses, I assure you I look horrible in skinny jeans. Like soul-scarring horrible.

Still waiting on that $10 explanation!

[Hugh Conway]

didn't you flee Portland before the great hipster epidemic?

i do know I'd rather fuck a girl from a hipstah concert than a lynrd skynrd show

[The Reverend Floater]

Wait a minute. In no place did I ever even hint at disliking hippsters. I just don't like hippster music. I have lots of hippster friends....they're good people with terrible taste in music. And there are lots of hippster girls that are hot, for shiz.

[rideit]

You might hate the music, but you know you love the pants...

Iceman hates hipsters...in relaxed fit jeans