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  1. #36176
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Posts
    16,592
    happy birthday, art shirk!

  2. #36177
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    3,871

  3. #36178
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ontario Canada eh
    Posts
    3,504
    Quote Originally Posted by splat View Post
    My favourite thing aboot Joe Dirt

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qgsnoNXA73U

  4. #36179
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    14,871
    Ah yes.
    watch out for snakes

  5. #36180
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    29,408
    Yo.


  6. #36181
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    18,042
    Quote Originally Posted by Kenny Satch View Post
    I say don't hide the nipples

    McMansion nips!

  7. #36182
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    29,408

  8. #36183
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    190
    ^^^ fucking gold

  9. #36184
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    in a box on the porch
    Posts
    4,240

  10. #36185
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    14,871
    Speedy been logged on to turtle pr0n a lot lately.
    watch out for snakes

  11. #36186
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    14,871

  12. #36187
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ontario Canada eh
    Posts
    3,504
    Tortoises seem to be hard wired for porn.



    Possible porno title - Speedy Comes out of his Shell
    Last edited by Kenny Satch; 07-02-2019 at 12:25 PM.

  13. #36188
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ontario Canada eh
    Posts
    3,504
    Wow. Imagine having a pack of them surrounding you ?

  14. #36189
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    14,871
    Quote Originally Posted by Kenny Satch View Post
    Wow. Imagine having a pack of them surrounding you ?
    And all you got is a sharpened stick.
    watch out for snakes

  15. #36190
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    29,408

  16. #36191
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    In the shadow of the wasatch
    Posts
    2,874
    Bewbs an buttz an a humn centipede i approve of







    Bunny Don't Surf

  17. #36192
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    north by northwest
    Posts
    9,258
    Quote Originally Posted by TheFugitive View Post
    very high forehead-to-hair ratio, but still have her cleaned up and bring her to my chambers. i'm sick of IG fatasses

  18. #36193
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    2,310
    If you noticed forehead you’re doing it wrong. NTTIAWWT.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  19. #36194
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    47,011
    Quote Originally Posted by Kenny Satch View Post
    Wow. Imagine having a pack of them surrounding you ?
    Well something killed it and cut its head off it would seem.

  20. #36195
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    north by northwest
    Posts
    9,258
    kids these days

    If you aren't familiar with the "Major Tom", it's because it's a thing I (hopefully) came up with. It's a form of "auto-erotic asphyxiation" by using gravity.

    Basically, you jack off normally; but before you nut, you squat down as low as you can to the ground and breathe short shallow breaths while still whacking it. This part is called "Getting in the shuttle."

    As you nut, you jump up from that squatting position as fast as you possibly fucking can and hold your breath. This is considered "Take off."

    If performed correctly, you should become VERY lightheaded and experience pure bliss due to the orgasm from your cock rocket. This is called "Being in space" due to the fact you feel like you're floating.

    This is a technique that should be performed only by professionals, in a controlled environment. I, however, am not a professional despite creating the technique. You see, by hyperventilating and jumping up, you are literally cutting your brain off from oxygen. No oxygen = no consciousness.

    When I "Took off" I fucking jumped up at Mach 50 and must've ripped a fucking hole in the goddamn space-time continuum. Because the next thing I know I was laying on the ground with my dick out, covered in space juices from my trip around the sun.

    Before I could even pick myself up off the ground, my mom rushed into my room to see if I was okay. She heard my re-entry. This part is called "Disappointing your mother."

    You can just imagine the scene she walked into.

    She stared at me with a mix of disgust, anger, and again, disappointment. I stared back with what I thought was confidence like I was Buzz Aldrin and just got back from the moon. But thinking back on it, it was probably embarrassment while I was desperately trying to put my space plane back in the hangar while getting on my feet as quickly as possible, and due to the fact, she's never caught me before. (At least not to my knowledge.)

    She ended up closing the door and stomping her way back to the living room, presumably to watch more Judge Judy, and to take her mind off of what she just fucking witnessed; or consider disowning me. I cleaned myself up, taking off my spacesuit and putting civilian clothing on. Somehow none of the rocket fuel managed to get in the carpet, just my clothes, and I managed to not even injure myself in the crash.

    I'm currently writing this in my room right now, and I don't plan on leaving it anytime soon until I can think of what to say to her. If there is anything to say at all.

    TL;DR: Just like Icarus, I flew too close to the sun and came crashing back to Earth, covered in Space Juice™

  21. #36196
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Posts
    10,899
    ^ Can’t stop laughing.
    And I guess that I just don't know

  22. #36197
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    5,394

  23. #36198
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    29,408

  24. #36199
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Midgaard
    Posts
    2,726
    Lol


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  25. #36200
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    ECO
    Posts
    4,036
    Mag?
    https://www.sheboyganpress.com/story...medium=ios_app
    Sheboygan serial toilet clogger sentenced to 150 days in jail, probation
    SHEBOYGAN - A 26-year-old Sheboygan man was sentenced Monday to three years of probation for clogging women's toilets in Deland Park and at his place of work.

    Patrick D. Beeman was originally charged with 12 misdemeanors of criminal damage to property, but seven of the charges were dismissed in early June.

    As conditions of probation, Beeman will have to serve 150 days in jail, pay more than $5,500 in restitution, not be allowed to possess or consumer alcohol or any controlled substances, and complete 100 hours of community service.

    While the state only recommended Beeman serve 30 days in jail as part of his probation, Judge Kent Hoffmann sentenced him to 30 days for each of the five counts of criminal damage to property, served consecutively, citing the need for a more severe punishment.

    Beeman will be able to participate in the Huber program, which will allow him to continue working at his current job, but require him to report back to jail each day after work.

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