Best TGR posts...

[BmillsSkier]

Dunfee must be farming this thread to fill his work product requirement.

TGR just spotlighted DoctorWhat?'s Shamonknee TR on my faceplace feed.

Hey Dunfee, highlight TedSki's epic trilogy of TRs. I'd love to see if we could flush out that guy on the internets and find out how he's doin.

[spook]

i give dunfee a year max with lonely planet. they'll be like "we've hot high school kids staying in hostels that will do this better and for free."

[spook]

of course, that's because i had respect for lonely planet some long time ago and they've probably gone to hell by now, too.

[Like a Boss]

"But death comes to all things, including innocence. It comes with an icy claw while you twist over the void at the end of a frayed rope, your partner swept off the north face and your mangled and frozen hands too useless to thread the rope through your belay device. As the last drops of your human strength ebb from your body and your inner light is about to be extinguished, you think about everybody who ever loved you but never understood you, about the guides racing from the valley who will never reach you in time. Fuck half of them anyway, those gutless assholes who claimed to have repeated your testpieces even though they did them in fatter conditions and rapped from the end of the 18th pitch before the real gnarly shit even started.

You spin on the rope as it rubs against a granite edge. You think about the tourists down there complaining about their continental breakfast, their only act of courage in life perhaps daring to be honest with their vicious bovine wives about how they really look in those pre-baby jeans. People will gather in a pub and tell stories and raise toasts in your honor and one of them might even tell everyone you died doing what you loved. Dead is dead and then the game is over forever, whether it happens at the hand of a drunk driver on a suspended license or rapping off the end of a rope in the Karakoram sunshine. And now that my son was 8 it was time for him to learn such hard lessons. I knew the Alps would be a fine instructor."

==========

"Soon enough you can leave the clueless assholes far behind, peeling your skins to boot yet another 4000 meter peak in search of perfect corn. Some are born to die at birth in a Mumbai garbage dump and some are born to agonize over the weight and shape of carbon skis and gaps in their quiver. Is it your fault you're beautiful?"

===========

"Onward to Switzerland, a place I always go with some ambivalence. France is the sexy and elegant wife of an industrialist who lets you backdoor her with your ring-finger in the pantry at the dinner party while her husband holds court in the dining room discussing cigars. And she assures you he doesn't really care because his cock doesn't even work anymore but that doesn't mean you want everyone knowing you're in her up to your third knuckle.

Austria is the reliable old high school girlfriend with Daddy Issues that you used to play to your advantage. Not a stunning beauty but sturdy and attractive enough, and willing to blow you in her Toyota Celica even though she's living with a dude who is deployed in the Korengal Valley and still won't admit she took your fucking Smithereens records. But Switzerland?

Switzerland is a cool and imperturbable beauty that you spend your whole paycheck trying to impress and are repaid with a dry chaste kiss on the cheek and an invitation to coffee with a bunch of her asshole, ipad clutching friends. Despite being given few encouraging signs, you somehow manage to convince yourself she is in love with you and will leave that Swiss Uncle Rico-like terminal grad student she is apparently on/off dating. She won't unbolt her knees for you, yet she's willing to give you life advice, like telling you that all the pornography you watch is turning you into a different person, someone she barely knows. And you tell her to shut her dirty whore mouth before you choke her with a pair of jumper cables! Finally it dawns on you that this frosty princess could see you at the bottom of a well filled with pit vipers infected with ebola and not drop you a fucking rope because that would make her late for her train to work. Yet you still hope she calls you."

==============

--JoeStrummer, a golden god.

[iceman]

bump

was trying to find the famous Basom "Goatfuck" video but no luck.

[jono]

This whole TR belongs here--or better, the HOF, so why not start in the middle?

FIRST, BUSINESS:

You will likely recall Carlo Rossi from your youth or from the grocery store or drug store aisle where you got to pick up your margarita mix. Carlo Rossi is a jug wine producer owned by E and J Gallo. They put wine in big 4 liter jugs.

They produce wines like "Paisano", "Rhine", "Chablis", "Sangria" "Burgundy", and "Vin Gris". They have descriptions of all their wines on the web site but for the life of me I can't tell the difference between the wines from their descriptions. But then, that's the point.

The highlight of the site must be the "My Furniture" page. Here we learn how to make stereo speakers, chandeliers, coffee tables and shelves....all out of of empty Carlo Rossi jugs. Every item includes schematics for their construction. Some items require many people to help construct because you need to drink LOTS of Carlo Rossi wines to have the jugs necessary to create these unique...."furniture items".



I was prepared to believe that I wouldn't enjoy Carlo Rossi wines because my palate has evolved since I began stealing these types of Jug wines from my parent's garage when I was 18 and drinking them on a deserted golf course at night with my buddies.

That said, I swear to God I'm tempted to make one of these pieces of furniture. And what gets me is I can't quite lay my finger on the reason why. I do know that Carlo Rossi is pretty brilliant stuff. It does make me smile. And sometimes, when your business doesn't depend at all on offering the best, provoking a smile is a job very well done.



Well then............where was I.......ah yes, sunrise in lovely Shaminomonee - making my way back to Le Morgane from Le Geyrage, I was aided by my keen sense of le direction and the fact that the exit of one and entrance of the other are less than 100 feet apart. I was just dozing off to visions of scantily clad lasses when a rude noise penetrated my chamber. I tried to ignore it, but the fool persisted in thumping on my door. I answered (in the nude ladies ) only to find Gordon fully clad in his ski attire babling something about someone being late and urging me to make haste with my own preparations for get this......another day of skiing

Not wanting to let the young fellow down, I humored him and donning my ski attire, made my way through the lobby and out into the frigid morning from which I had so recently come. I was shoved without so much as an "excuse me" into an awaiting van and sped off to Flevent or Bregere. As we sped through the narrow, curving streets I became sick to my stomach....... I realized that I had left my wine skin in my room - the horror!

Making the best of it, I waited until we decided to picnic on the mountain to sate my thirst. Hoping that I might happen upon some discarded wine or ouzo, I searched the popular picnic area.....



and searched.....



and searched.....



and searched again....



but to no avail. The disappointment in my heart was surpassed only by the aching in my head and the deep thirst for something red that seemed to enslave my very soul, but what to do?............

Somehow I managed to keep my wits about me and never let on to my skiing comrades about my frenzied internal state. Then, almost as if by magic, Gordon alerted our group to the presence of a nearby mammal:



Waiting for them to ski off and leave me with the red-blooded beast, I slowly approached the Ibex while softling humming an old Patsy Kline tune.



When the time was right I seized the Ibex by the throat, ripping his head from his torso and drinking the tasty red effluence that issued from his exposed carotid artery. When I had drained the beast of his last drop of life elixir, I ceremoniously removed his hooves and stashed them with his head in my rucksack. Rejoining my group a short time later, it appeared that they were none the wiser. I wonder what happened to that torso?.........
https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...ad.php?t=75715

We finished the day of skiing and I set about preparing myself for another night of vino infused tangos, sambas, rhumba and congas at........



more to come....

[iceman]

That guy came through here like an alcoholic tornado.

[BmillsSkier]

That’s a lofty standard for sure.

[BmillsSkier]

Just cause I forgot the OG thread is in the Ski Forum.

A crosspost to an all time great thread with an obit bump:

https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/...11#post6686311

[Dr. Adirondack]

More or less anything posted by Benny Profane, Hugh Conway or Glademaster deserves to be on this list. Those folks all got banned purely because the powers that be couldn't stomach how true their criticisms of this place and the people who inhabit it rung. None of them ever did a single thing that even remotely rose to the level of a ban-able offense if you read the so called "rules" of this place.

[Buzzworthy]

More or less anything posted by Benny Profane, Hugh Conway or Glademaster deserves to be on this list. Those folks all got banned purely because they powers that be couldn't stomach how true their criticisms of this place and the people who inhabit it rung. None of them ever did a single thing that even remotely rose to the level of a ban-able offense if you read the so called "rules" of this place.

You’re Glademaster. And you’re nominating yourself? 😂😂😂😂

Holy shit dood you need serious mental help pronto. The fact you don’t understand why you were banned speaks volumes about you.
Fuck off.

[BmillsSkier]

You have to warn us if we’re going to need to get the popcorn going.

You can’t just jump into it like that with a new alias, we need time to get settled.

[dan_pdx]

More or less anything posted by Benny Profane, Hugh Conway or Glademaster deserves to be on this list. Those folks all got banned purely because the powers that be couldn't stomach how true their criticisms of this place and the people who inhabit it rung. None of them ever did a single thing that even remotely rose to the level of a ban-able offense if you read the so called "rules" of this place.

Ooh, Dr. Jong has an axe to grind, almost as though he's been around here for more than 3 months. Aren't there any more substantial injustices that deserve your attention?

Also, given the so-called rules include this: "The moderators always have the ability/right to ban someone with no warning if they feel it's the right thing to do", I'd say that doing something that gets you banned is a bannable offense.

[BmillsSkier]

Holy shit, is that GladeMaster? What’s up in the toilet ring biz bro?!?

And good catch Summer, we’ll obviously have to wait until Jeremy, Todd and new, new Andrew roll out the premiere, but I hope they were smart enough to cast DoctorWhat? in this year’s installment.

[ötzi]

That pic kinda looks like he's about to be underwater in there.

[huckbucket]

That pic kinda looks like he's about to be underwater in there.

[BmillsSkier]

That guy came through here like an alcoholic tornado.

That pic kinda looks like he's about to be underwater in there.

How often are both of “you” on the same page, I wonder?

[Jong Lafitte]

Probably mentioned but I will randomly recall the gyro TR and laugh to myself just a bit.


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[frorider]

More or less anything posted by Benny Profane, Hugh Conway or Glademaster deserves to be on this list. Those folks all got banned purely because the powers that be couldn't stomach how true their criticisms of this place and the people who inhabit it rung.

1. Benny wasn’t banned. Anyone paying attention knows that.
2. Hugh lives in our hearts forevah.
3. Nobody gives a shit about Glademaster.

[MakersTeleMark]

I've been gone for awhile, is Bunnerz still slowing chipping away as his delete cue of posts or did he get tired?

[::: :::]

I thought he was finally banned

[BmillsSkier]

Benny had to be backed away from the buffet for a bit.

Hugh lives.

And I’m still waiting on a ship date for my Jerantulas (such a shame Splat deleted that thread).

[ötzi]

well it's a good thing they banned that cj100f dude at least.

[byates1]

^ now dunfree?

[BmillsSkier]

I get confused, was Damian Sanders also Highway Star?

Or were they all Hugh?

Or Brett?