Office flatulence

[DeeAre]

I just crop dusted the President of my company. Sure it was in the restroom, but guaranteed he got a good whiff of my flatulence. I'm really excited right now. The power of my farts this morning is due in no small part to copious amounts of coors light and flank steak from tailgaiting festivities this wknd. I expect my potent wind to command a counter-offer to my resignation in the coming hours or days.

[sidewall]

Just had some dense chili from this little market down the street. The attack will commense in 15 minutes.

[EC-Gaper]

Actually learned this trick from my boss... The best place to crop dust at the office is right outside the ladies room. Even better when your hot coworker walks out right after.

[Snakeboy]

I used to be an elevator operator. I was a vegeatarian mostly then mostly because I was poor as shit. I was also riding a ton and eating like 4k calories a day: beans, rice etc., I would get so fucking bloated trying to hold in farts I'd be in pain. Then I just figured, well fuck it I could always blame it on someone in the elevator so I started just blowing ass freely and egregiously. I literally had one time where this chick and her mom were in the elevator, which was at a theatre, and their eyes were literally tearing up and they were covering their mouths.

"Disgusting isnt it?" I say. "Can you believe someone would do that?"
"I feel so bad for you." the Mom says while the hot daughter nods and tries not to puke.

Then the musical Cats came to town and the actresses that have amazing bodies and are actually dressed as pussy....cats need to use the elevator to get back into the audience for a part of the show. Of course I don't know this, so I am blowing wet dripping half shits in the elevator and all of a sudden it fills up with all these hot fucking CATS.

There was no one else in the elevator.

It was pretty obvious it was me.

One of them just said, "Awful" as she glared at me.

Needless to say I did not spend the night banging CATS.

More recently today, working from home, I blow a nice one and am wallowing in my own stink. My nephew was doing some work for me and he comes in to ask me a question.

"Hey dude, what do you want me to....god damn what the fuck is that!" I just smiled and blew it his way.

[sharcsplean]

teaching 8th grade... crop dusted the biggest loser and future mcd's worker. she blamed her friend.

[sidewall]

Not sure what it is but I'm letting out a long hot one every 5 minutes. I had a bunch or raisins at breakfast and a mug of black tea.

[Anxious Mo-Fo]

This doesn't belong on Page 2.

[SKIORFORGETIT]

the other day i let out such a silent but deadly fart.

was very proud!

[Dubbs]

I work in a credit union and people come in and out of my office all day. When they're in there I have to close the door to maintain privacy. I used to think it was impossible to freely blow it up in my office for fear of having to take someone in immediately after dropping the bomb. But no more. Now I have a small fan positioned on the window sill behind me. Whenever I rip one I just turn the fan on and blow the stench out into the lobby. It clears the gas out of my office within 30 seconds or so. I guess there's still some risk, but it's definitely worth it. I can't believe it took me this long to figure this out. Sweet relief!

Lately, the Cold Mountain Ale by Highland Brewery has given me wings. Such consistency, such power...

[45hill]

I used to be an elevator operator. I was a vegeatarian mostly then mostly because I was poor as shit. I was also riding a ton and eating like 4k calories a day: beans, rice etc., I would get so fucking bloated trying to hold in farts I'd be in pain. Then I just figured, well fuck it I could always blame it on someone in the elevator so I started just blowing ass freely and egregiously. I literally had one time where this chick and her mom were in the elevator, which was at a theatre, and their eyes were literally tearing up and they were covering their mouths.

"Disgusting isnt it?" I say. "Can you believe someone would do that?"
"I feel so bad for you." the Mom says while the hot daughter nods and tries not to puke.

Then the musical Cats came to town and the actresses that have amazing bodies and are actually dressed as pussy....cats need to use the elevator to get back into the audience for a part of the show. Of course I don't know this, so I am blowing wet dripping half shits in the elevator and all of a sudden it fills up with all these hot fucking CATS.

There was no one else in the elevator.

It was pretty obvious it was me.

One of them just said, "Awful" as she glared at me.

Needless to say I did not spend the night banging CATS.

More recently today, working from home, I blow a nice one and am wallowing in my own stink. My nephew was doing some work for me and he comes in to ask me a question.

"Hey dude, what do you want me to....god damn what the fuck is that!" I just smiled and blew it his way.

Awesome. Thanks that made my day.