So You Wanna Be A Ski Bum?! 10 Things You Need To Know.

[BCSKI360]

I am sure you all have some great comments and additions to this article, drop your comments here thedeal.cleansnipe.comso we can consolidate the list.




Let me guess. You just finished school and are deciding what to do next. For an assortment of good reasons (but mostly cuz' no one would hire you) there's no mind-sucking corporate job in your immediate future. Congratulations! And anyhow, all positions in your particular field have been sent overseas or never existed in the first place.

You've contemplated more schooling but want to take a year or two off first. Also a great idea!

It'll be just like Aspen Extreme - except modern and way radder. Unlike T.J. Burke, I'll have the sense to keep bangin' the wealthy Cougar who immediately drags me back to her den.

I'll get discovered, sponsored, paid, and fellated once I unleash the snow-slaying demon lurking within: after all, if I ride every day, I'll get derdonkulously good super quick.


Right?! Only in dreams, my friend. Only in dreams...

As such, here are ten things you need to know before loading up the car and pointing it West.

1) All but the shittiest jobs are hard to come by. Ski towns are ridiculously expensive, and unless you're loaded, you'll need to work quite a bit. In finding a job, it's more about who you know than what you know. In this economy, even finding a shitty $10 an hour daytime gig can be hard. The coveted $20-30 an hour evening jobs are passed down like family heirlooms.

Unless you're a golden boy or ridiculously sexy young lady, expect to start at the bottom of the service industry and slowly work your way up. Scour the internet for listings and arrive a few months before the snow flies to assure you find decent work. Remember, the more folks you're on friendly terms with, the quicker you'll advance, but choose friends wisely because....




2) Many "ski bums" don't ride very much but most can party with the worst of em'. Alcoholism and drug abuse are widespread and -- generally speaking -- a whole lot of fun. Unfortunately, maintaining the college lifestyle long term is exhausting and expensive. Also, it stunts your human development.

Some can afford to live a perpetual party because daddy is footing the bill. Unless you're a Trust-Funder yourself, regularly racking up $100 bar tabs and smoking yourself stupid is a great way to get spit right back out of paradise. "Paradise" is an overstatement, however, because...

3) Most ski resorts aren't that sweet. Four out of five resorts are plagued by shitty snow and mellow terrain. Many don't have a very vibrant ski bum subculture either and, arguably, the subculture is the best part. Choose wisely when selecting a ski town or you'll end up wondering WTF you threw your life away for anyway. With modern ski and board technology most resorts are ridiculously easy to ride and the only real sense of adventure or test of one's ability is found in the terrain park. Being a park rat is all fine and dandy, but...

4) You'll eventually fuck yourself up pretty good. No matter how cautious you are, it's not a matter of if you get hurt, but when. Also, Mommy's not there to take care of you. In fact, Mommy is probably pissed off that you threw your life away and became a ski bum.

Ride every day -- or for the wrong reasons -- and you'll lose stoke except by perpetually upping the ante. Shred an ACL or snap your back and you'll find yourself unable to bus tables while facing $15,000 in additional debt. Health insurance is ridiculously expensive and usually doesn't cover ski injuries. If you think you're gonna get it from an employer, you're still dreaming.

A good, affordable option is offered by the folks at Adventure Advocates. Don't leave home without it. And when your buddies have the camera out and are coaxing you to go big, just remember...

5) You're not going to get paid to ski. We've all dreamed of becoming pro riders, but unless you're ridiculously good (and utterly fearless) you'll never be one. Many ski instructors claim "pro" status when actually they get paid to herd sheeple and shovel their shit. Claiming this makes them more pathetic than they already are.

continued.....

[BCSKI360]

A mere handful of skiers worldwide are making a decent living off of their radness. A miniscule few make a long term career out of it. Generally, 99 of 100 "pro skiers" are regular schmucks who occasionally get a little free gear in exchange for risking life and limb. Even most of the guys you see in magazines and videos aren't making squat.

There's no real money to be made in hucking your meat, so don't fall into that trap. If you want to be a pro athlete, spend eight hours a day kicking footballs or something. If you wanna ski or snowboard, ride for yourself because at the end of the day...

6) No one really cares how rad you are. You may score a couple BJs on the gondola for getting nasty but beyond that there's not much benefit to being "the raddest skier on the mountain". Unless you're pushing out the boundaries of the sport itself, don't expect much recognition beyond that of a small circle of mindless bro bras and clueless pro hos. These folks will generally spit respect in your face but talk shit behind your back.

Skiing is meant to be fun, and if you make it a cock-flexing competition it loses much of it's allure. Also, recall #4. Also, know that the true test of legitimacy is for some strange reason linked to longevity and...

7) You won't be a true "local" for at least five years. Because they've got nothing else to be proud of, many folks who were born and raised in a ski town take an enormous amount of pride in being "Born-Here Natives". To us transplants this makes little sense, but the mentality trickles down and forms a Hierarchy of Localism that factors greatly into everyday social situations.

The most common questions you'll encounter are 1) "Where are you from?" and 2) "How long have you been here?" The best response is always, "I come from the North Country. My people have hunted these lands since the Great Spirit made us here." Regardless of your awesome attempts at humor, rich old ladies will scoff at you for being a "skid" and jaded old ski bums will give you attitude.


Laugh all you want to -- I know I do! -- but do so at your own risk. Like many things in our culture that make no sense, this one can bite you in the ass. That's just the way it is, as it is with the...

8 ) SAUSAGEFEST!!! Ladies rejoice: your 1-10 "hotness" rating will bump at least three points the moment you set foot in a ski town. Men will line up at the bar to buy you drinks and literally fight one another for the honor of dishonoring you.

Gentlemen, good luck. Though women flock to some ski towns in the summer months, once winter rolls around it gets both cold and lonely. Expect at least five-to-one odds stacked against you. If you find a woman who'll let you in bed, hold on with both hands and hunker down until spring. At first glance, importing a girlfriend seems reasonable, but she will not enjoy herself and you will not enjoy the perpetual onslaught of would-be suitors. Your friends and neighbors will justify the assault with the timeless reasoning "She's NOT your Girlfriend. It's just your turn." And they're pretty much right. Romance isn't the only challenge, however, as...

9) Staying financially afloat is the greatest challenge.</em></strong> Everything is expensive in a ski town: food, drink, gas, rent, entertainment, and all that shiny gear you thought you needed. Debt grows quickly where many jobs are seasonal and don't pay enough to cushion existence with more than the bare essentials.

To cut costs, ski bums pack into skid cribs that make frat houses look clean. Ski bums camp out over the summer months. Ski bums scrounge food and other essentials. A truly savvy ski bum knows every trick in the book for getting by with minimal dependence on "The System". Unfortunately, after 40+ years of battling ski bum infestations, mountain town manifestations of The System know what it takes to keep things clean and pleasant for the tourists. This is because...



10) At the root of every ski town's economy is a real estate scheme. Few ski resorts come close to breaking even on lift ticket sales, overpriced food, etc. The real business plan is to lure tourists -- with the scenic and recreational value of the resort community -- into buying otherwise worthless high mountain property. It's an unsustainable scheme based on infinite growth, just like the rest of our Nation's economy.



I'll tell you one sensible thing, however. Ski bumming is about as good as it gets within the cultural constraints of our society. You can push your own limits and, in doing so, push your awareness away from the wage-slavery and consumerism that defines most Americans' lives.


Opting to ski bum for a while can be the best decision you ever put off making.


Stay healthy and financially afloat and you'll have a damn good time, whether it's just for a winter or you decide to make a life of it.

Just be aware, keep a smile on your face, laugh at anyone taking it all too seriously, and otherwise open your mind. You're embarking upon a lifestyle with a long tradition or defying convention. Rip it up!

[Nobody Famous]

...a small circle of mindless bro bras and clueless pro hos. These folks will generally spit respect in your face but talk shit behind your back.

I learned a new term today.

[grskier]

Well done... I may argue with the magazine claim a little, but overall very very true

[MarsB]

Good stuff.

[AdironRider]

"will fight for the honor of dishonoring her"

Now thats mastery of the English language.

[Slaag Master]

the basics of the true ski bum life style

1. forget drugs, alcohol and sex unless they are given to you free

2. forget ski towns - move to slc and enjoy the greatest snow on earth and a real city where jobs exist

3. establish an address - you can get 3 months of food stamps and frequent the food bank that way

4. buy a pass at snowbird for as little as $600 for midweek chairs only pass - this will also pay for your bus and trax till may of the next year - and will give you 2 days off to work. if you are into bc and have the equipment skip the pass or buy a single weekday season pass at solitude for about $200 - this will give you ridgeline access the easy way one day a week.

5. learn to go through life without spending ANY money - unless it is absolutly needed - life and death. wash your clothes in the bath tub - use the phone book for toilet paper - obtain duct tape for all sorts of repairs - learn to cook - dry beans, rice and canned tuna are all that a body needs.

6. make the way of the ski your religion - for real

7. ski to ski another day

8. buy as much of your ski equipment as possible at deseret industries - boots $5 - poles $1 - skis $5-$20 - clothing $.25- $10

9. develop a skill that people will pay you for - i am god when it comes to pc repair - aand my ski bum friends pay me for this

10. learn to trade/barter - besides being tax exempt it is a great way to provide for your needs and help your brother at the same time - no one eats money - or wears it etc - learn to focus on what your true needs are and accept them as pay.

[pineconepete]

That was depressing, but I'd still love to try it for 1 year. Is it to late to wait until you can collect old age pension, as long as you stay in shape.

[Slaag Master]

Pete, it is funny/interesting how views and perceptions vary. for me to live on the edge and ski every day that i want to is a supreme rush. i am truly buddhist in nature and love to strip life to the golden core. i am 53 and have "done" many of the things people seek in life - houses - family - education. now i seek. "what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his soul?"

[StuntCok]

After 5 weeks in Whistler I can see where you are coming from. The truly successful ski bum, I find, is the corporate boondoggler. I got 89 days in last year and held a job as an investment banker the whole time. it is a rare skill to be able to maintain the balance and, in the end, it has cost me more than I care to admit to but it is possible.

[XXX-er]

That was depressing, but I'd still love to try it for 1 year. Is it to late to wait until you can collect old age pension, as long as you stay in shape.

At 54 I been skiing & collecting a pension since 49 , I list my occupation as "ski bum"

even tho I don't really need to work the ski bum lifestyle DOES keep me in shape so far the stick bitch on a survey crew,field work in forestry reasearch, shuttling vehicals for kayakers & rafters ... I look for part time casual outdoor jobs that keep me in shape but not too hard on the body

I could have found another job and tried to make more money but the key for me was to change my life to match the money ... and ski NOW

[shredtastic]

wow thats some pretty pessimistic shit. pretty discouraging. I guess it's the reality though

[gh444]

the basics of the true ski bum life style

1. forget drugs, alcohol and sex unless they are given to you free Yeah fucking right

2. forget ski towns - move to slc and enjoy the greatest snow on earth and a real city where jobs exist haha hell no

3. establish an address - you can get 3 months of food stamps and frequent the food bank that way Really? Thats not what its there for, freeloader

4. buy a pass at snowbird for as little as $600 for midweek chairs only pass - this will also pay for your bus and trax till may of the next year - and will give you 2 days off to work. if you are into bc and have the equipment skip the pass or buy a single weekday season pass at solitude for about $200 - this will give you ridgeline access the easy way one day a week.Better yet, get a job that gives you a pass to a great mountain

5. learn to go through life without spending ANY money - unless it is absolutly needed - life and death. wash your clothes in the bath tub - use the phone book for toilet paper - obtain duct tape for all sorts of repairs - learn to cook - dry beans, rice and canned tuna are all that a body needs.
Or date a girl who works at the local pizza joint, burrito place, ect
6. make the way of the ski your religion - for realHoly shit youre so core brah

7. ski to ski another day good advice

8. buy as much of your ski equipment as possible at deseret industries - boots $5 - poles $1 - skis $5-$20 - clothing $.25- $10 boots you spend money on, poles are free and last forever is you get the rental ones (quality poles are bullshit), if youre paying 5-20 for skis you're getting crap, clothing is cheap except spend money on solid pants and helmet

9. develop a skill that people will pay you for - i am god when it comes to pc repair - aand my ski bum friends pay me for this

10. learn to trade/barter - besides being tax exempt it is a great way to provide for your needs and help your brother at the same time - no one eats money - or wears it etc - learn to focus on what your true needs are and accept them as pay.

-------------------

[BakerBoy]

I learned a new term today.

I only got to this thread because I was searching for the term "clueless pro hos".

[AdironRider]

Did someone really suggest working for the mtn for a pass. Did they not pass ski bum 101?

[tom111869]

Did someone really suggest working for the mtn for a pass. Did they not pass ski bum 101?

I rode up the lift with a guy in his 60's who volunteered once a week to be a "Mountain Host" and got a pass out of it. Not a bad deal.

[powder11]

That was written by/for the legions of cluesless fucks who completely flail at ski bumming every season. What ski bum in his right mind actually works during the season!?

The professional ski bum does not work in the winter for anything or anybody. The professional ski bum does not have a sugar momma/daddy who eventually get sicks of their shit and leaves or forces them into some other bullshit lifestyle back east. The professional ski bum is not a trust funder because eventually daddy/mummy make him come back east to learn how to babysit the family fortune on wall st. The professional ski bum has a job spring/summer/fall that pays for an entire winter worth of gear/rent/pass/booze/drugs/whatever and then can disapear in November where nobody will bat an eye.

The professional ski bum has the best weed in town and typically sells it during the season to the clueless fucks who work at the resort to pay for their apres bar tab and gas money to the next big dump.

The professional ski bum does not set down roots at one particular mountain town, rather they live in a van/rv and formulate strategic relationships in key big dump locales to park their rig when the snow is deep.

The professional ski bum does not have a girl/boyfriend during the season because powder trumps sex and there is a no shortage of dumb tourists looking to drunk hook up with the professional ski bum on their ski trip out west.

Professional ski bums eat quite well because they know that it is within their best interests to take the local restaurant king pin under their wing and show him all the best pow stashes on the mtn as well as tell them how rad they ski and maybe even wait for a few laps to further stroke their ego in order to score free food.

[BakerBoy]

Did someone really suggest working for the mtn for a pass. Did they not pass ski bum 101?

I guess you've never been or don't know anybody who's spent time in Jackson then...

edit: ... I don't really think of this post being gear towards "professional ski-bums", because really, they probably don't check the internet much if they are that core.

What's the cut-off for a "professional ski bum" anyhow? I know guys who "work from the office" 4 days a week, and get 90%+ of the epic days due to work flexibility. I know a guy who used to work for JHMR supervising their IT department and worked 40 a week from his Blackberry. He did the same thing during MTB season. The ski-bums living in their vans aren't better; they just haven't/won't figure out how the system works. Does funemployment count as a "sugar daddy/momma"? Because that disqualifies a lot of people.

[cat in january]

Powder 11 you killed it

[robbo]

That was written by/for the legions of cluesless fucks who completely flail at ski bumming every season. What ski bum in his right mind actually works during the season!?

The professional ski bum does not work in the winter for anything or anybody. The professional ski bum does not have a sugar momma/daddy who eventually get sicks of their shit and leaves or forces them into some other bullshit lifestyle back east. The professional ski bum is not a trust funder because eventually daddy/mummy make him come back east to learn how to babysit the family fortune on wall st. The professional ski bum has a job spring/summer/fall that pays for an entire winter worth of gear/rent/pass/booze/drugs/whatever and then can disapear in November where nobody will bat an eye.

The professional ski bum has the best weed in town and typically sells it during the season to the clueless fucks who work at the resort to pay for their apres bar tab and gas money to the next big dump.

The professional ski bum does not set down roots at one particular mountain town, rather they live in a van/rv and formulate strategic relationships in key big dump locales to park their rig when the snow is deep.

The professional ski bum does not have a girl/boyfriend during the season because powder trumps sex and there is a no shortage of dumb tourists looking to drunk hook up with the professional ski bum on their ski trip out west.

Professional ski bums eat quite well because they know that it is within their best interests to take the local restaurant king pin under their wing and show him all the best pow stashes on the mtn as well as tell them how rad they ski and maybe even wait for a few laps to further stroke their ego in order to score free food.

Quoted for truth.

[Tri-Ungulate]

10) The bible of Skibummzing, is, of course, writ large in the archives of the K2 boards by TJBrk. Heh.

[Slaag Master]

the true ski bum is not a pro - kinda oxymoronic - in the end - to me - what it comes down to is being able to ski as many days as you choose - all year - and work as little as possible. to some/many this lifestyle may seem depressing or harsh - probably it is - but for me - at this point in life - it is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - this summer/fall i will need to work enough to buy my pass. younger skiers will have a different set of priorities and that is ok. but again at 53 i am living the dream i dream - once guys hit 35 heart attacks plow through us like a 50 row combine in wheat. then there are strokes and ass cancer, frozen airline shit landing on my head, microscopic shit eating my brain...it never ends - but one thing is for sure - NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE!
and i don't care what belief system you have - you will never again ski pow on this great earth. so go out there and suck the oyster off the half shell - live the life you dream.

[arewolfe]

This post helped me figure some shit out. Thanks!

[BakerBoy]

This post helped me figure some shit out. Thanks!

Seriously? Like what? You're in big fucking trouble if you're learning life lessons from TGR.

[slim]

This thread is horrid.