Dear "kit boy" at white ranch,

[Crinkle]

Dear "kit boy" at White Ranch,

Just cause we look like a bunch of middle age shleps, doesn't put it in your best interest to come BLASTING by us right before the first set of steps on the cinder trail. Sure, the trail is barely wide enough and you are more than welcome to "play through", but please keep in mind, if you pull a move like that before we start climbing, we expect not to see you again.

Your matching lycra full kit looked great, we were impressed......really. I didn't catch the name on it, but a full spandex suit looks great on anyone, especially you. That carbon blur LT santa cruz sex machine you were on was sweet by the way, what does it weight in at? 26 lbs? Damn, MUST be fast. You were just wowing us with your presence right from the start. In no way did I think that I would reel you in on my 32lb monster......nor did my 4 other friends.

I was so suprised to catch a glimpse of you again right after whippletree. This can not be, a mere 1/4 mile later to see that I was getting closer to you and quickly? no, my warm up must have been too hard, I am hallucinating on a plane of aweseomness. Must be a glitch, there is no way you are bonking less than a mile in. Then when you sat up and let me pass you, I surely thought this must be my lucky day. But wait, oh no you jumped back on your pedals and hopped in the conga line, you weren't letting go yet. 200 yards later, when I called back to see if Dave was there (as we have been chasing each other lately), after his response, I hear you say "sorry, I got his wheel and I'm not letting go". Not that he cares, sure he looks like a 200lb wrestler, but he will haunt you up any climb and wait for your carcass to drop, then laugh, dave is an animal.

-2 seconds go by

Now when my wheel slipped on that loose rock and I lost traction, but I didn't unclip, NEVER, EVER in my wildest dreams did I think that would be the move to make you give up, let alone that I would beat you to the bench at Mustang by at least 10 minutes. We don't feel bad about the chuckles and the few heckles you got. They were all meant in jest and good nature. And in all honesty, you had it coming.

Few words of advice for next time:

-Feel free to look the part, but don't act the part.
-Tell them you are working on your LSD training
-You never know who you are going to encounter on the trails, I have learned this lesson myself
-Tell them or anyone that will listen its your first time to White Ranch
-or maybe you should just stick to road biking. Not sure if you heard, but its a whole different set of muscles.

From a guy who doesn't look the part,
Truly and sincerely,

Crink

[Tunco]

That was funny.

[gunit130]

I drove about half way up the canyon to White Ranch last night, but had to turn around because I was going to run out of gas. Fuck, wish I would have seen this WWE Wrestler you're talking about.

What car was the dude driving?

[smmokan]

Its amazing you only saw one of those douchebags when you were riding after work.

[kidwoo]

"sorry, I got his wheel and I'm not letting go".

Jesus christ...........who actually says shlt like this out loud?

[Crinkle]

gunit, ride it from the bottom, its only 1 mile back of 93. It takes almost just as long to ride to the top as it does to drive. I have no idea what car he drove or why that is relevant.

[marshalolson]

Jesus christ...........who actually says shlt like this out loud?

every single xc rider on the front range

[schuss]

every single xc rider on the front range

(((Vibes)))

[thommy21]

That's some good stuff Crinkle.

[shirk]

Too funny.

[Mr. Altagirl]

That reads like my life story. I like the phrase "play through", I'm going to use that.

[Dhelihiker]

thats funny. I was riding over the Golden Gate one day on my MTB and a roadie with a Webcor Jersey flew past me. I hate Webcor so I stood up and mashed on the peddles. I was on his ass and trying really hard but every time he looked back I let go of the bars and looked around like I was sight seeing.


Spandex just brings out the worst in me

[Particle]

That reads like my life story. I like the phrase "play through", I'm going to use that.

Yeah, that's from a sport called golf Craig

[Dobish]

dude, i can't believe you just didn't say hi to me... that is all i wanted.

just a simple hello...

[Foggy_Goggles]

you guys see other people when you ride your bike?...wierd

[Alpine Dreams]

Pretty funny!

[Name Redacted]

I've never understood how spandex applies to mountain biking.

Nor have I understood the phenomena of strangers trying to compete with you on the trails like it's some sort of race.

[smmokan]

What Crinkle isn't telling us here is that he was wearing a spandex team outfit too.

[Crinkle]

yeah, we can't all have it as good as Foggy.

For some reason this dude was in a full road kit, not sure what a mountain spandex kit looks like compared to road kit, the sponsors?

Dobish, his bike was entirely too nice to let me think it was you.

Apparently Iscariot doesn't have douchebags where he lives and offers "mouth hugs" to everyone he meets on the trail.

and yes.... smokan, he just felt a rivalry to my awesome team kit....yuck. I wear my mtn shorts for road rides, i can't stand spandex. Did you guys make it out there thurs?

[jonesy]

Sounds like NASCAR.

[smmokan]

^^^ Nope, I rode in South Boulder instead at lunchtime. I'm up for an after-work ride here and there though.

[Trackhead]

Sometimes on my commute to work on my shitty, heavy, ugly bike with my geeky pack on, headlight, tail light, radio on the handlebars: I catch up to "kit" wearing roadies. It's funny as hell. They hear music behind them, then see this geeky/hairy legged mountain bike commuter chasing them down. Soon after they see me gaining, they typically shift, stand, pedal hard, and try to get away.

It's hilarious every time.

[BushwackerinPA]

I've never understood how spandex applies to mountain biking.

Nor have I understood the phenomena of strangers trying to compete with you on the trails like it's some sort of race.

it cooler and more comfortable, also easier to hose off mud.

I stopped caring about looks along time ago as I am ugly as sin, and really only worry about riding my bike.

nice to pass ya crinkly!

[BushwackerinPA]

yeah, we can't all have it as good as Foggy.

For some reason this dude was in a full road kit, not sure what a mountain spandex kit looks like compared to road kit, the sponsors?

Dobish, his bike was entirely too nice to let me think it was you.

Apparently Iscariot doesn't have douchebags where he lives and offers "mouth hugs" to everyone he meets on the trail.

and yes.... smokan, he just felt a rivalry to my awesome team kit....yuck. I wear my mtn shorts for road rides, i can't stand spandex. Did you guys make it out there thurs?

so playing devils advocate but why cant you stand it? afraid of rednecks.

I use to be like everyone else here, Ill never wear spandex but really its lighter, cooler and MUCH more comfortable than any baggie could ever hope to be. Heck when I wear shorts to not look like some racer douch on group rides I still wear my road shorts underneath because they actually dont hurt my taint. Unlike every baggy I have ever tried out there.

[ZomblibulaX]

I've never understood the phenomena of strangers trying to compete with you on the trails like it's some sort of race.

Just last week I had two separate guys, miles apart, on the same ride pick up and start mashing the pedal when I caught up to them. I could care less if you're faster than me, pretty much every one is. But good god, carrying on for more than a mile when there's plenty of space to just scoot over and let someone slide by?

If I don't pass someone for the whole ride, I'm stoked. But if someone's on my ass, I'm gonna get out of their way at the first spot that works.

Maybe spandex squeezes more testosterone out of your juevos causing ridiculous competitiveness.