Funniest Thing Your Kids Ever Said

**skiergirl** · 04-22-2010, 12:04 PM

My half-brother also used to have trouble with the f word. When he was 4-5 and obsessed with tonka trucks and tractors my dad's company had a dump truck... Any time he'd be in a toy store or see a dump truck he'd say
"Daddy's big dump fuck!!" all excited like. The best was when he'd see a big one and just whisper "dump fuck" in awe of it.

**wooley12** · 05-04-2010, 08:12 PM

The day finally came when our first born boy could go down stairs by himself and watch the tube while mom and dad slept in. After a bit, he burst into our bedroom and exclaimed "money is down and gold is up!! What does that mean?" A capitalist is spawned from two liberal hippies.

Helldawg · 05-06-2010, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by nick > jesus

tippster FTW

Heathen, you will burn...

**userA** · 05-06-2010, 08:17 AM

my son said "thanks for taking me skiing dad", blew me away!

**MightyQuinn** · 05-06-2010, 08:28 AM

My just turned two year old was sitting at the dinner table with Sean and I and both sets of grandparents. He asks my mother in law "gama do u have a penis?", She says "no, I have a vagina" We ask him what he has.... he thinks for a moment and says "a brain"

(3 yo now) We have been struggling with potty training, I finally got him to poop in the potty. He turns around to look at it. "Mommy, I made a poopstick" He still tells me what it looks like to him each time, "I made a dragonfly, I made an Irie (Costco dog) bed"

**telepariah** · 05-06-2010, 12:33 PM

These are classic!

I don't have kids of my own, but am the oldest of 8.

Dad drove a VW beetle back in the early 60s and the 4 oldest of us used to ride in the back seat and every corner we would all lean on the one sitting to the outside and crush him. So one time grandma was coming to visit and Dad piled us all in the VW to go down to the train station to pick her up. On the way home we started the leaning game and as we leaned around one corner, everyone piled hard against Jimmy, the youngest at 3. He pushed Joe away and yelled, "GET OFF OF ME, YOU FUCKIN' PRICK!!!"

Dad was laughing so hard he forgot he was making a turn and drove up on the curb. Grandma didn't understand why because she was from the old country (Russia) and didn't know any English cusswords. I didn't know them either so I always wondered where Jimmy got them. He doesn't even remember the incident.

**Poop~Ghost** · 05-06-2010, 01:17 PM

telepariah, that is super classic.

**mwthomsen** · 05-06-2010, 03:27 PM

Told my 2 year old yesterday it's shower time and he proceeds to say, "No, it's wedgie time." I had to ask him a couple of times what he was saying before I actually understood it.

**skiballs** · 07-10-2010, 05:28 PM

Yesterday me and the four year old are shooting of some model rockets.
So he's daning around grabin his whinky.
I say to him "boy do you need to go potty".
Son says " no daddy".
I say " then why are grabing your whinky".
He says " sometimes when I get excited I like to grab my whinky".

**Dug** · 07-10-2010, 06:04 PM

Some of this stuff is pretty hillarious. Sadly I don't think I've ever heard my much younger siblings say any of this stuff.

**waltonhockey05** · 07-10-2010, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by skiballs

He says " sometimes when I get excited I like to grab my whinky".

Funny, sometimes I do the same.

**Bite Me** · 07-10-2010, 07:35 PM

My now 19 year-old when we were checking out the dinosaur skeletons at the Peabody in New Haven and he notices the huge body and tiny head of one of them: Wow Dad - "he must have watched too much TV."

**OldLarry** · 07-13-2010, 08:17 AM

my just -turned-4 year old the other day "boys have nerds hanging down from their booties; that's how you know they are boys".

No idea where she got it from-

**Physco** · 07-13-2010, 09:08 AM

Astroturff <===by nancy palosie -

if anyone gets this pm me, we'll start a clan -hippystink -i ain't no gd hippy do

**sierraskier** · 07-13-2010, 09:56 AM

Riding the 6-pack at Mt Rose this winter with my bro and 4yr old nephew, and 3 other random people, never had this discussion before...

nephew says: "hey uncle"

uncle: "yeah buddy?"

nephew: "why do you switch girlfriends so often?"

**slowroastin** · 07-14-2010, 09:02 PM

when my cousin was about 5 yrs old he told me "Jesse.... your not suppose to have fur on your legs" with a serious/concerned look on his face

**Crock** · 12-05-2010, 09:55 AM

I'm the oldest of 6 boys. My dad had me and one more with my mom, then divorced and has 4 more with my step mom. At thanksgiving dinner, my 10 yr old brother ben says to my step-mom "I wish we had a sister" She asked why, and with a dead-pan says:
"So she can cook and do our laundry!"

**Downbound Train** · 12-05-2010, 11:42 AM

3 year old daughter couldn't say her L's right. She sounded like Barbara Walters. L's=W's.

We are driving around a neighborhood that really does up the Christmas decorations and from the back seat we hear.....

"Wook, Woodoff da Wednose Waindeer on da Woff, WeeWee. (WeeWee=Really)

**The Duke of Hurl** · 12-05-2010, 06:42 PM

So my wife and I are having an intense work-related discussion at dinner when it slowly dawns on me that my children are having a parallel conversation at the same table.

D1: "I wanna get a tattoo the size of an anaconda."

D2: "Maybe we should go spraypaint graffiti on the back of the house then run away."

D1: "Next Saturday we can do the chicken dance in front of the crepe lady at the farmers market."

D2: "How about we shave our heads and draw dragons on them."

D1: "When I grow up I want to be a flasher."

Us: Whaaaa.....

**Flyoverland Captive** · 12-05-2010, 07:18 PM

9-year-old kid told me on the lift yesterday that my hair is turning gray because my "cells aren't producing enough melanin anymore". He paused for a moment, then added, "you'll die before I will."

**lemmycaution** · 12-05-2010, 07:59 PM

my 6 year old was looking at a world atlas yesterday and said "when you are in alaska can you look and see russia?" seriously he did- i was blown away. i think he should def run for president because he obviously knows all about foreign diplomacy.

**mnflyfish** · 12-05-2010, 08:43 PM

My 6 year old daughter (at the time) on Dreamcatcher at Targhee. Lift stops, we're riding up with DKAlaskan and she yells out "God Bless Texas" in response to whoever was responsible for the lift stopping. About fell out of the chair, I've never been so proud.

**ill-advised strategy** · 12-05-2010, 11:05 PM

I was fixing a surfboard ding at my friend's garage last month when his 9 year old wants me to help her with something. I had curing fiberglass in play so I said "I can't I'm working on my surfboard right now."

"all you care about is work!" she replied angrily.

fkn funny

**jerr** · 12-06-2010, 04:50 AM

I asked my son to grab his shoes and a jacket, we were heading out. He was pretty busy playing and replied, "I don't think that's appropriate daddy."

I found it pretty funny.

Originally Posted by Helldawg

Heather, you will burn if you don't put some sun block on...

**sliced** · 12-06-2010, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by Sinecure

Son was approx 3. Just barely potty trained. Nanny was painting her nails. Son asked her to paint his too. Shortly thereafter he needed to go potty. I take him in and sit him on the throne. His nails are still wet. He looks at me and says:

"Daddy, will you hold my penis down, I don't want to ruin my nails."

I'm pretty sure I'll be telling that story at his wedding.

Wonder if you'll follow up the story with:

"So I guess I knew from a really early age....anyways, bust of luck to you two guys!"