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Thread: The Addiction

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    8

    Unhappy The Addiction

    Obvious alias here. Disgusted with this habit, and nobody knows about it. Long time maggot, seeking help from the collective. Don't have the cash to check myself into rehab, nor do I feel that is the way to go for me right now. Just looking for some advice, maybe some words of wisdom, and maybe a little lift to get me out of hell.


    Here is the story........

    Day 1

    Have some oral surgery done, get a script for some heavy painkillers that at the time I thought would last for months. The pain was legit and the need for the pills was real. Took the pills and it helped post op. After the pain was gone, decided it would be fun to pop some pills while drinking with the boys. Wooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo. What a good time. Started out only taking 1 pill per drinking session. Made me feel like superman.

    Fast forward a few months

    Pills gone. No real side effects. Boy those nights of drinking and poppin' were fun. Oh well, maybe I'll come across some again at another time.

    Next day

    Find myself in my primary care physician's office. Ummmm, yeah, I got pain in my back, driving me nuts. It was real pain. Hurt myself skiing. No really, I did. It was legit pain. Okay we'll give you a script for some percocets but be really careful with these. You know you can get addicted to these, so really, be careful.

    Month goes by

    Find myself back at the docs office. Can I get some more? Is the pain still there? Yup. This time I'm bullshitting. yeah, it's still driving me crazy. Hard to do most normal everyday tasks. It hurts. Ok, here's another script for some percocets. Again, be careful and don't drink alcohol or drive with these. Ok. Cool.

    Next day

    Out of work for the day, stop at the liquor store, pound a few beers and pop 2 pills on my way home from work. All feels good once I get home. Wow, what a buzz. This is good. I don't care about shit. Sit in front of the TV, drink more beers, end of the night I'm down a 12 pack and another pill. No hangover. I feel great. Wonder drug.

    Next day, about halfway through

    Fuck it, I'm leaving early, not much going on at work. On the way home pick up a twelve pack of beers. Drink a few on my way home, pop 2 pills. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, sedation. Floating. Nobody can bring me down. I feel superb.

    Next several days

    Repeat above.


    Next month

    Back at the doc. More pills please! Let's try you on something that is non-narcotic. Ummmmm, ok, I guess. Playing the innocent role.

    Two days pass

    Ummm, doc, the tramadol is giving me really bad side effects. The percocets were working just fine. I don't drink, nor smoke. Ok, we'll put you back on it. Be careful with it. Only take what is directed. Ok.

    Two hours later

    3 pills, 6 beers, on the way home from work. Get home, and I'm fucking floating. fuck yeah!!!! Wow, this shit is good. No worries in life, no stress, just this fine fucking floating feeling. Life is great.
    Last edited by bigox; 04-06-2010 at 09:32 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    8

    Unhappy

    Next 7 days

    Repeat above. Every fucking day.


    Next day

    Out of meds for the month. Fuck. Oh well, I'll get some next month.

    2 days later

    Fuck you and you and you. I hate life. Grumpy as shit. Irritable. Fuck this. What's wrong with me. Shakes, what the fuck is going on?????? I can't stand this feeling. Fuck it, I'll drink some beers and fall asleep. Maybe i am just stressed.

    Next day

    No better. Actually worse.

    Next day

    Call up the doc. Ummmmm yeah, the pain is getting worse, need more meds. NO NARCOTICS! NO! Shit, she's on to me. Fuck. Ok, is there anything else I can try? Sure, we'll put you on some Naproxen. What the fuck is that I think to myself....

    Few days later

    This sucks. Still fucking irritable, shakes, headaches, can't sleep, all i think about is the percs. Time to call the doc. Hey doc, these meds just aren't working. Pain is killing me. Alright, come in. Trust me, I'm not a drug addict, it's just the pain is killing me and I had to take more than one a day. Ok, we'll put you on two a day. GRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATTT.


    Next day

    12 pack, 3 pills, driving home. Feeling high as a kite. WWWWWoooooooooooo. Maybe I should cut back on the beers. Ok, tomorrow.

    Tomorrow

    Off work, 6 pack of beers, 3 pills. Oh yeah, now this is good. Dont' care abotu shit. Fuck my bills, fuck my friends, awwww, I don't even want to ski this week. I have the remedy.

    Next several days

    drink, pop pills, feel high. ignore friends, ignore my boss, all is good.


    Monday

    Wow, my head is cloudy as fuck. It's only noon. fuck it i am leaving early. 4 pills, beers, repeat. all is better now.

    Fast forward several months

    More scripts, now I'm on a monthly refill. Just get on teh computer, at the end of the month and request more pills. don't even have to see the doc. Pick up pills, go to town. High as a muthfuckin kite! When was the last time I skied, or saw my friends or actually gave a shit about life or job? I don't care. All is good.

    The past several months
    repeat, repeat repeat. 60 pills per month. They run out within a week or so. Horrible withdrawals. This shit is for real. I hate life for a good several days before the withdrawals calm down. Fuck, I need more pills. Maybe she'll bump me up. Nope! Gotta play it cool. Can't have her take me off the shit again.

    Present

    Life sucks. When the pills run out I find myself sitting in urgent care, faking an injury, hoping to get more pills. Wow, my life is fucked. I'm addicted. I get pills here and there, but that's after a $150 visit to urgent care. WTF, only 25 vicodin. That ain't gonna last me a few days! Oh well, at least the symptoms will subside for a couple days and I'll be back to my own little heaven for the time being.

    Today

    I'm addicted. Dont' know what to do. Out of pills. Have 3 weeks before refill. I don't really ski this year as I've got other objectives. No rehab for this guy. That shit is for quitters. I feel somewhat normal after day 7 without the drugs. Oh yeah, I was up to several pills after work. Those 60 don't last very long now. Depressed. Addicted.
    Last edited by bigox; 04-06-2010 at 09:32 PM.

  3. #3
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    vibes.....and rehab.
    ROLL TIDE ROLL

  4. #4
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    I don't know what you should do about it, but you REALLY shouldn't be driving after drinking and taking that shit
    I gots the jacket with the blue fox fur

  5. #5
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    You are driving(?) home and popping pills while drinking multiple beers? You don't think rehab is what you need right now?!?! What are thinking waiting until you kill someone is a better time to get into rehab?

    You're not dealing with this and you're looking for more ways to not deal with this. YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH IT NOW AND FINALLY!
    It's not so much the model year, it's the high mileage or meterage to keep the youth of Canada happy

  6. #6
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    Jan 2009
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    5,753
    If you are serious about quitting, look into suboxone under a doctor's supervision.

    http://www.suboxone.com/patients/res..._a_doctor.aspx
    Silent....but shredly.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    8
    I know. I do need to deal with it. This thing that has a grip on me is a living hell. I never thought it would bring me down like this. I'm a strong person. It got a grip on me. A strangle hold.
    The time between new scripts I fully realize I have an issue. I hate myself for it. Putting others in danger and putting my own health on the line. I tell myself every mornign I'm going to give it up. that I'm going to just tell my doc to stop giving me scripts. then once the day rolls around to refill, my mind takes over and takes control. I can't fight it.

  8. #8
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    Feb 2008
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    My family (wife and 3 kids under 6 yrs. old) and I are driving to Chicago tomorrow and coming back on Friday.


    I hope you don't kill us.


    Call your Dr. tomorrow AM and tell her you need some help.

  9. #9
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    Oct 2008
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    As a student of a medical profession, I have this to say to you: You need to get yourself to rehab. Now. You have already admitted to yourself that you are in enough trouble to be asking help from some good people on TGR. Now it is only a little bit more to check into rehab.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheDingleberry View Post
    pissing in a sink? fucking rookies. Shit in an oven, then you'll be pro.

  10. #10
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    Find a way to get help, whether through the traditional channels (rehab, support group, etc) or the unconventional DIY approach (take a week off to detox, get friends to help you, etc), just do something.

    In this case and really all cases on this topic, I think conventional is the way to go. Get professional help.

    Some employers/health care plans will pay for rehab, if your's won't find a way to pay for it, it'll be much cheaper in the long run than buying pills. Maybe there is an organization/charity in your area you can turn to for help/guidance.

    It sounds like you are ready to do this or at least think you are ready to do this. Go with that positive feeling, grab a hold of your life.

    Good luck with this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tunco perfectly summarizing TGR View Post
    It is like Days of Our Lives', but with retards.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    331
    My girlfriend has lots of experience with this in the past (before me). In her worst days she found a way of calling in her scripts (not going to elaborate) and popping 15 or more a day with vodka. She is lucky to be alive.

    You are rapidly following that path. You need rehab NOW. You need to take this seriously, make the lifetime commitment, and completely follow through. Realize your life with booze is likely over or at best on hold for a real long time. Every time you actually need these meds some big decisions will have to be made. If their is even a shred of faith in you then don't ignore it, it may help.

    You sound like someone who was just getting fucked up for good times. If this is this case then that is actually good and may be easier to get ahold of. Good luck.

  12. #12
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    Apr 2010
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    8
    Thanks all. This is helpful. I really do want to quit this shit. It's a nasty nasty drug. Now is the time for me. I am out of money and out of drugs and have a few weeks before i can get a refill. I almost went to my doc today to cut me off. The advice everyone is giving me is helping me push towards that direction. It's hard as fuck though. I dont want to go through withdrawals again. It is a living hell. I get sick, get depressive and can't function. I dont want that. I'm hoping I can pull myself to make an appointment soon. Thank you.

  13. #13
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    Admission is the first step...
    you know what you need to do...
    like Mr. Nike sez...
    just do it.

    Go skiing... it will help.
    "Those 1%ers are not an avaricious "them" but in reality the most entrepreneurial of "us". If we had more of them and fewer grandstanding politicians, we would all be better off."
    - Bradley Schiller, Prof. of Economics, Univ. Nevada - Reno.

  14. #14
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    hit bottom...seek help (outside of TGR)

    EDIT: I'm drunk.
    “I mean god damn, who could believe that shit.” Greg Noll, Riding Giants

  15. #15
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    Nov 2005
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    I can't believe your doctor...fucking enabler.

    Congrats on admitting it's fucked up. It is. Get help.

    /bandwagon.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    268
    bigox, sounds like you might just have the monkey on your back. I would recommend that you look up narcotics anonymous (NA) in the phone book and call the number. Short of that AA might be able to give you some help. The folks at NA will really be able to share with you what works to get the monkey off. If you are like me this thing is waaaaay bigger than you and NA has a proven track record with recovery from narcotics. If there is no NA in your area there is probably some AA. If you have the desire to quit drinking, and that was required to keep the monkey off my back, you can attend an AA meeting. Again a solid track record with recovery. If you have any questions or need some additional help feel free to PM me. BTW I have had a similar experience to the one you are describing and am clean 22 years.....IT WORKS!!

  17. #17
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    Oct 2007
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    You gotta get off it. Call the doc and tell him your story, he might be able to offer help, and at least that will cut off your source.

    Rehab is the best option in the long run

    Good luck.
    The whole human race is de evolving; it is due to birth control, smart people use birth control, and stupid people keep pooping out more stupid babies.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by tele58 View Post
    bigox, sounds like you might just have the monkey on your back. I would recommend that you look up narcotics anonymous (NA) in the phone book and call the number. Short of that AA might be able to give you some help. The folks at NA will really be able to share with you what works to get the monkey off. If you are like me this thing is waaaaay bigger than you and NA has a proven track record with recovery from narcotics. If there is no NA in your area there is probably some AA. If you have the desire to quit drinking, and that was required to keep the monkey off my back, you can attend an AA meeting. Again a solid track record with recovery. If you have any questions or need some additional help feel free to PM me. BTW I have had a similar experience to the one you are describing and am clean 22 years.....IT WORKS!!
    Do this ^ ASAP.

    http://www.na.org/index.php?ID=home-content-fm

    www.aa.org
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."

  19. #19
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    Here's a plan you can try, you can start all of these tonight:
    1. Call friends/family or anyone who gives a shit about you and tell them in full detail what is up and if/why you want to make a change. Ask for help. Embrace whatever help they can give, try not to be an ass (this will be hard), be committed to the change.
    2. Call your doc and tell them you need detox. Again, you gotta come clean 100% and be committed to working the plan. It may not be the right fit for you, it may be corny, it will be uncomfortable and defy who you think you are - but detox plans are built around what works for most people and it will help you to some degree.
    3. Read timvw's thread about "got my damn skis back..." and ask yourself if you want to put yourself through the hell his ex went through, put those around you through that pain and hassle, and recognize how hard it was for her to get well and that it may be that hard or harder for you - then commit to doing the work that gets you through it.
    4. Think about what higher power you believe in or have felt in your life - be that a formal religion, something nature based, or something personal of another configuration. Tap into that belief and realize that you can gain power from whatever faith you put in,; leverage that.
    5. Call AA/NA r some other program and ask for help. Start the process. Don't be a cynic about any of it - look for the good, look for what you can use.
    6. Make the decision and promise yourself that this is it, you're done with pills and anything else that could tilt you toward them as of tonight. Then work everyday to keep that commitment to yourself.

    Throw away your ego and put all your energy into winning.
    Good luck and keep reaching out if you need a ear to bend, a place to vent, or anything else.
    another Handsome Boy graduate

  20. #20
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    ^^^^ Ballsy plan, but well stated.

    Good luck on your journey, bigox, please be safe.
    # # #

    "...You must be a big skier then." I said "no, I'm a petite size 2." Awkward silence.... - Parvo

    Heard Hugh lost a testy in the tram line at Kitzbühel via altercation with the local monoboard team circa '93. Has been bitter about game theory since.- Klauss

  21. #21
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    Apr 2007
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    You haven't actually admitted it until you tell someone you know.

    You've recognized it, but everyone does that.

    Time to man-up before you pull a Tiger and hate yourself because you knew it was wrong for so long but never actually admitted it to anyone.

    Try admitting it to a stranger you know first, like the clerk at the gas station that you see every week. He won't hold it against you, fight you, or judge you. But you will start taking the mask off.

    (I'm not a doctor, just my .02)

    edit to add: http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/04/05...ex.html?hpt=C2

  22. #22
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    First, and incredibly easy to do.

    Out your alias. You need your friends help with this.
    Quote Originally Posted by twodogs View Post
    Hey Phill, why don't you post your tax returns, here on TGR, asshole. And your birth certificate.

  23. #23
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    Dec 2005
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    Man the fuck up and quit popping pills. It's that fucking simple.

    Wahhh, I'm addicted to percocet, are you serious? That's like in half baked when chapelle goes to NA and whines about being addicted to pot.


    It's not that strong of a drug, really, the withdrawal really isn't that bad. If you can't think up a ton of reasons of why you need to quit, and a bunch of things you're giving up by continuing this, and if that doesn't motivate you enough to fucking stop, then maybe you're just not worth it and you should step it up to the big leagues with oxy or heroin? Or maybe if you're really not worth that little bit of effort, then you should just off yourself?

    Or maybe quit being such a pathetic piece of camel shit and stop popping the pills.

    If you're really having that hard of a time being sober for a while, then there is probably something in your life that you're avoiding dealing with, and if so, deal with it.

    I hope that helps.


    Quote Originally Posted by Phill View Post
    First, and incredibly easy to do.

    Out your alias. You need your friends help with this.
    I would not do this. Future employers googling you and whatever other random people don't need to know about this. Just quit and it won't be any of their business.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________________
    "We don't need predator control, we need whiner control. Anyone who complains that "the gummint oughta do sumpin" about the wolves and coyotes should be darted, caged, and released in a more suitable habitat for them, like the middle of Manhattan." - Spats

    "I'm constantly doing things I can't do. Thats how I get to do them." - Pablo Picasso

    Cisco and his wife are fragile idiots who breed morons.

  24. #24
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    hey PM me I can hook you up.


    Seriously...


    Man up get use to the idea that the next month is really gonna suck. your gonna be irritable, probably nauseous, have trouble sleeping, concentrating, thinking, shakes, hey maybe even end up pukin' outta both ends.

    You can do it on your own... maybe but it will suck.
    You can tell your dr. she already knows just take the next step check in. Let the drinkin' buddies know the score, at this point you still have friends and they (if they are friends) will give support, that will mean some time away from beers.

    Or move onto something non-prescription start hittin "H" or some other goodie. watch your income dissipate your relationships (not just talking about significant others) crumble into mistrust and suspicion. Kiss the job good by, and skiing/biking/boatin'/fishin' whatever, 'cause all that shit will be pawned and really you wont have the time. Then take up petty crime maybe find some one to look out for ya' you know get you a corner all to yourself; is that a dick in your mouth? for five bucks you bet it is. Then maybe you'll endup in emerg if you're lucky and then hit the ole rehab hard core, could even find gawd.

    Pick a path,
    Good luck
    I don't work and I don't save, desperate women pay my way.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moose Pit View Post
    hey PM me I can hook you up.


    Seriously...


    Man up get use to the idea that the next month is really gonna suck. your gonna be irritable, probably nauseous, have trouble sleeping, concentrating, thinking, shakes, hey maybe even end up pukin' outta both ends.
    From percocet?

    Maybe its different for different folks, but this guys been popping 3-4 percs a day for what a couple months?

    I was on oxycontin for like 6 weeks, taking more than 3 or 4 a day, and my withdrawal was barely even noticeable on a physical level, not pleasant, but more pleasant than being a drug addict would have been.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________________
    "We don't need predator control, we need whiner control. Anyone who complains that "the gummint oughta do sumpin" about the wolves and coyotes should be darted, caged, and released in a more suitable habitat for them, like the middle of Manhattan." - Spats

    "I'm constantly doing things I can't do. Thats how I get to do them." - Pablo Picasso

    Cisco and his wife are fragile idiots who breed morons.

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