The Worst Day of My Life

[The Reverend Floater]

I've lost a couple of close friends over the years, lost family members, helped others through loss, and have seen my fair share of death, as random as it is.

Today I was at the gym. My boss happened to be there with his wife. I was in between sets, talking to him, when the kid from the front desk came over to me. "Are you Ross?" "Yeah, I'm Ross." "There's a phone call for you. It's an emergency." He handed me the phone.

My girlfriend was on other end, of course--she was the only person who knew I was at the gym. I couldn't understand anything through her hysterics. Just "dropped" and "vet in Bellevue."

I didn't know what happened, only that one of my two dogs was in trouble. Bella is 12 but fit and feisty...but 12 none the less. Paco is 7 and aside from an ongoing bout with Valley Fever (a fungus in the lungs), he is literally a specimen of a chocolate lab--ripped and a hell of a hunting dog. I drive the few miles south to the vet, numb.

My phone rings when I'm almost there. It's Kate and the vet's not there. Back towards Ketchum. "I'll pull over and you can pick me up." I pull a u-turn on the highway, then pull over on the shoulder. I'm praying to God.

Kate pulls in behind me. I hop out and run towards her. She's sobbing, hysterical. "Not breathing. He's not breathing." I open the passenger door.

Paco is there, not breathing, no pulse, no nothing. I am stunned. Numb. It's a dream. Tunnel vision. I pet him and he's warm but somehow I know he can't feel me petting him. His skin is as unbelievably soft as ever but he's not there.

Kate is sobbing and I hug her and tell her it's not her fault. She sobs and explains that they were just hiking along and all of the sudden Paco collapsed. That's it.

I keep it together and we drive separately up north to the vet. Kate is a minute ahead of me and when I pull in, they're already out front with a bag or litter or something, and her door is open.

I lose my shit. I haven't stopped crying for more than an hour in the past 12 hours. Some people have kids but I have dogs. This is the worst thing I've ever felt. I feel like my heart is buried in tar or something. Everything I do reminds me of Paco. I just got into bed and completely fell apart because he's not in his bed next to me. Tell me this gets better.

My vet has called twice today just to check in. He knew Paco because of the Valley Fever and from visits over the years. He said that due to the speed of death, it was likely either a blood clot, stroke or heart failure.


I'm sorry for the blog but I'm losing my shit and I need to hear that this gets easier or some shit.

[rideit]

Trust me, I know what you are going through.

It sucks.

Zane (my 5 year old sweetest, best dog in the world), died in my wife's arms on a hike in the woods.

Hang tough, it is painful, but will pass.

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...highlight=Zane

[Art Shirk]

Ross, god man so sorry. It DOES get better. I say that from experience with loss, and loss that I thought would be as visceral today as it was the day it happened. Stay healthy and remember how well you treated Paco for his time on earth.

[G]

[iceman]

Hang in there man, you'll always have the memories. I've lost a few dogs over the years and I swear I sometimes feel they're going to come walking around the corner, tail wagging. You'll never forget but eventually you'll feel a bit better as unlikely as that may sound.

[L7]

it's really sad after all the other trials and threat with the lung infections. Take solace that he got well enough to be out and about again and he went fast and happy on a hike. Watching him suffer to a painful end would have been even tougher.

[CaddyDaddy77]

Sorry for your loss Rev, can't imagine losing mine and she's running on borrowed time. As mentioned it will improve, and this too shall pass.

[Sessiøn]

Sad story. I would freak out if anything happened to my little weenie dog.

I lost my American Eskimo a few years ago. I came home after a hard night partying. And found her dead on the patio. I never cried so hard in my life.

[twodogs]

So sorry man.

I lost my girl about 18 months ago. Had her for 9 years. Got her on my 20'th birthday and lost her soon before my 29'th while going thru stupid relationship drama to boot. Its tough because a dog is as good a relation as you can have but they leave you to soon.

Hang in there. I'd say it gets better but I still miss my Rose. It does get easier though.

[soul_skier]

I lost my girl shelby while I was out of town, getting home after a long trip and not having her around has left a hole in my heart. It has been two weeks now, and believe it or not, it has gotten a bit better, it sucks, but it will get better, especially if you have another dog to devote yourself to. All I can say is cherish the memories you have and continue in faith that the pain will diminish...

[Kevo]

So sorry man. They give so much, ask so little, and are not here as long as we would like them to be.

I lost my 15 year old golden retriever this past fall. She was the sweetest dog, and taught me so much. I used to take her to visit kids in the ICU when I was in middle school and high school- she really cared about people.

I know what you're going through. Sorry for the loss of your best buddy. Give your 12 year old a hug.

[Sad Santos]

vibes +++

[Hook]

It doesn't seem like it right now but it will get better.

The pain will dim but the memories won't.

My choc lab went with me everywhere, even to foreign countries.

It's been years but I still think about him all the time.

[TGR420]

Sorry to hear this. My dog was shot by a rancher in October. It was horrible. He made it home and died in our yard. These furry friends are huge parts of our lives. It takes a while to get over, but hang in there. It does get better.
Peace

[Pinner]

Speechless and heartbroken after reading this. I'm so sorry.

[ski_faster]

Sorry to hear about your loss. In a sense I can feel you pain. I have a 10 year old cat and as of recently he was diagnosed diabetes. His health has been getting worse as of lately. I get teary just thinking about him in pain or him passing. He is my boy. We don't have kids but we see him as our kid.

Let me know if you need anything.

[splat]

I've had dogs since I was four years old. Always have had a dog or two.
It's a heartbreak they can't live as long as we do, but that's just the way things are.
When I think of an afterlife, I always think how cool it would be to see all my dogs again.
Find your peace, Rev. And settle into it.

[ak_powder_monkey]

That sucks dude, keep your head up, things die, someday you will too, until then be happy for what you have now and what you had in the past, and the future will work its self out.

[Core Shot]

Yes, it gets better.
Much better.
Good enough to the point that you will open your heart again, willingly.

You can avoid this kind of pain by never ever getting a another dog.
Or never loving another animal or human being.
But where is the fun in that?
what a lonely life that would be.

Get outside. go for a long long hike. clear your head with the beauty of nature.
wait for time to pass and to heal.

[snowsprite]

God Rev, What a shock...I am so sorry for your loss. So many of us (me included) have been there w/ the loss of a fur-kid. We understand...
Hang in there, man!
Sprite

[bagtagley]

My condolences to you, man.

I remember when you got Paco and started training him. Can't believe it's been 7 years.

It drives my wife and family nuts, but when the shit hits the fan like this, I get out into the woods and ride my bike until I can't pedal anymore. It's my version of therapy and works pretty well.

[bushman]

Vibes......Peace Dude, I feel for you.

[jibij]

So sorry, Rev.
You and Paco were lucky to have found each other. You'll never forget him. You'll always love him. Someday it'll all get easier.

[Rontele]

I am very sorry to hear of Paco's passing.

[jimmy page]

Shitty..........Paco lived a good life.....Give me a call if there is anything I can do.