Tip for maggots living with women

**Dexter Rutecki** · 03-15-2010, 12:44 PM

No matter how large and useless the row of shoes seems to be, and no matter how long it seems to have remained in place, don't decide to put them away on your own. This type of thing inspires a curious reaction that is not in any way pleasant. A corollary to this might be not to bring up the 100+ pairs of shoes when the complaint about too many pairs of skis comes up--for some reason the logic won't get you anywhere.

**Beaver** · 03-15-2010, 12:50 PM

Great tip.

Mine is - just nod like you know what she's talking about while you think about getting her naked.

**Dexter Rutecki** · 03-15-2010, 12:57 PM

I figured that one out years ago. But the shoe thing is still beyond me--I guess the point is that you don't need to know WHY something works, as long as it does (keep nodding and agreeing, for example).

**PearlJam09** · 03-15-2010, 01:16 PM

You cannot ever hope to use logic to win an argument with a woman. Logic escapes them. My theory is that the gene that allows us to use logic is carried on the Y chromosome.

**willywhit** · 03-15-2010, 01:21 PM

and the handbags ......why so many handbags ?

**Tippster** · 03-15-2010, 01:29 PM

Another thing that seems counter-intuitive: The two word combination guaranteed to piss her off is "Yes, Dear."

**Loon** · 03-15-2010, 01:34 PM

Put some pants on bitch!

**montanaskier** · 03-15-2010, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by willywhit

and the handbags ......why so many handbags ?

My wife doesn't own a purse! LOVE that about her.

Worst thing for me is the whole do it on my schedule deal. Things are perfect, just chillin when all of a sudden somtheing snaps and now it is time to clean the house. I mean just look how dirty it is.....lets get to it.

I was just chillin...what happened? Ok, I'll get to it in a bit. OH.....you mean in a bit isn't ok? Need to do it now? Rest time is over out of nowhere? WEIRD

**OldLarry** · 03-15-2010, 01:41 PM

not only will they tell you when to do it, they will tell you the what and the how. My freakin 3 year old is already bossing me around...

**Tippster** · 03-15-2010, 01:47 PM

Yesterday morning, ~8:00am on a rainy Sunday....

Wife: I really feel like just sitting around, reading, watching basketball, maybe make a fire and not do anything.
Tippster: Sounds great.
<Tipp makes coffee, settles on couch with newspaper and a Poptart. One hour passes.>

Wife: OK, this is driving me nuts.
<Starts moving all furniture around and begins to vaccuum. It is now 9:00am DST, so really still fucking 8:00am>

Tippster: What happened to doing nothing all day?
Wife:

9yo Daughter:

Tippster & 7yo son: *SHRUG*

**OSECS** · 03-15-2010, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by Dexter Rutecki

No matter how large and useless the row of shoes seems to be, and no matter how long it seems to have remained in place, don't decide to put them away on your own. This type of thing inspires a curious reaction that is not in any way pleasant. A corollary to this might be not to bring up the 100+ pairs of shoes when the complaint about too many pairs of skis comes up--for some reason the logic won't get you anywhere.

The first damn thing I've EVER agreed with you about !!

**gh444** · 03-15-2010, 01:56 PM

When I move in or she moves in, I plan on being king of the castle. I let her do the bossing for now though, its just easier that way.......

**OldLarry** · 03-15-2010, 02:00 PM

Originally Posted by gonehuckin

When I move in or she moves in, I plan on being king of the castle. I let her do the bossing for now though, its just easier that way.......

wow, what color is the sky in your world?

**XavierD** · 03-15-2010, 02:06 PM

Originally Posted by gonehuckin

When I move in or she moves in, I plan on being king of the castle. I let her do the bossing for now though, its just easier that way.......

Just don't touch the guests towels

**OSECS** · 03-15-2010, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by gonehuckin

When I move in or she moves in, I plan on being king of the castle. I let her do the bossing for now though, its just easier that way.......

Damn, a couple things.

1. I want some of your drugs

2. that's funny as shit

3. So you think she's not already in control.....how quaint

4. I'd go ahead and put that divorce lawyers name in your rolodex now, why wait

**DeeAre** · 03-15-2010, 02:13 PM

Yep.
It's not enough to ask me...errr... tell me to vacuum... she tells me where & how to vacuum...

**XXX-er** · 03-15-2010, 02:18 PM

the best tip I got for living with women is ... don't live with them

**XXX-er** · 03-15-2010, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by OSECS

4. I'd go ahead and put that divorce lawyers name in your rolodex now, why wait

hell yes indeed ,why wait ...just find some woman you hate right now and give her your house

**cramer** · 03-15-2010, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by montanaskier

My wife doesn't own a purse! LOVE that about her.

Worst thing for me is the whole do it on my schedule deal. Things are perfect, just chillin when all of a sudden somtheing snaps and now it is time to clean the house. I mean just look how dirty it is.....lets get to it.

I was just chillin...what happened? Ok, I'll get to it in a bit. OH.....you mean in a bit isn't ok? Need to do it now? Rest time is over out of nowhere? WEIRD

well i went wrong somewhere. You dont want to know what my wife paid for her last purse.

When I move in or she moves in, I plan on being king of the castle. I let her do the bossing for now though, its just easier that way.......

Let us know how that works out for you.

**dumpy** · 03-15-2010, 02:24 PM

If in the midst of a several day long semi-fight/rough spot in the relationship, don't push the issue of Steak and BJ day. It will not end up in a steak or blowjob, just a scowl and maybe some nasty words.

I ate a tofu sausage and jerked off instead. Oh well, at least it was sort of close.

**hutash** · 03-15-2010, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by willywhit

and the skis ......why so many skis?

Fixed it...sorry, but it works both ways. First rule of thumb...don't give her shit about shoes, purses, or shampoos. They can have all the shoes they want, if I will have all the skis I want.

The best line from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" was "The man may be the head of the house, but the woman is the neck."

Smart words to remember to keep a peaceful household.

**Beaver** · 03-15-2010, 02:36 PM

I didn't know it was steak & bj day yesterday. Not saying I missed it, just that I didn't know about it.

**DoWork** · 03-15-2010, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by Tippster

Another thing that seems counter-intuitive: The two word combination guaranteed to piss her off is "Yes, Dear."

No, it's "whatever you say, Dear." who knew giving in was such a bad thing.

I have a few words of advice as a guy who has lived with a bunch of girls in a bunch of different situations and at one point was the only dude living in a house with six girls...

1). Just count on being wrong, even when you're right. Hopefully for you, knowing you're right is enough because it has to be. Getting her to admit it might be like finding the holy grail and if you should yell trying to talk sense... Well jesusmaryandjoseph, you are just a fuckin asshole now aren't you!?

2). Girls are NOT cleaner than guys. See dead-squirrel-looking hair clogs weekly, balls of hair stuck to the shower wall, rusty Q-tips all over the place, feminine hygiene products pulled out of the trash by dogs, etc for proof. You will see shit that grosses you out, moreso than most dudes you've lived with.

3). Be proud of your farts. If you're weak about them you'll be forced to hold them in forever. So make them loud. Be a fuckin man about it.

4). Don't comment on how many people a certain roommate is sleeping with. They don't think it's funny that you think it's funny that they're a slut.

5). Don't tell any of them that they "have a problem" with something. Ever. For any reason.

6) DON'T FUCK THEM! Unless you're already dating the girl, don't have sex with a female roommate, unless you're looking to dissolve the living situation. Don't ask me why, but as soon as you trade O faces shit gets hectic in a hurry should you bring someone else over for playtime, even if you're "just friends with benefits".

7). Anything you say can and will be used against you for the next infinity or so. No, they won't ever let it go.

8). Don't let them know you fucked on the couch/table/counter/any other community area. Defecation will hit the oscillation.

9). The minute you start doing brake jobs and oil changes for one of them, you will be doing it for the rest of them. Just a heads up.

10). Guess who's shoveling the driveway/taking care of the gross or heavy shit around the house? You. Now get to it.

11). Get a huge bag of weed and a bong at least the size of your arm... You're going to need it.

It must be because we love them so much, but I tell ya nobody can make you insanely angry like a female. I was discussing it with a friend about how much shit the average girl puts the average dude through- we came to the conclusion that it's a good goddam thing they have vaginas or we'd hunt them down in packs on horseback.

**dumpy** · 03-15-2010, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by Beaver

I didn't know it was steak & bj day yesterday. Not saying I missed it, just that I didn't know about it.

Some sources have it listed as next week (although one month after V-day makes more sense), so try and play it up on one of those days. While trying to teach her about the holiday via Google, I also found "steak and RH day". That is also in a week or two. She didn't seem real interested in that holiday either.