Tip for maggots living with women

[RShea]

Just read this and it fits this discussion too:

"44 yrs ago we had a cheap apt, cheap car, slept on sofa bed & watched a 10" B & W TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 25 yr old girl. Now I have a $500K home, a $45K car, an HDTV, but I'm sleeping with a 65 yr old. You're not holding up your end of the deal. She told me to go out and ... find that 25 yr old girl and she'd make sure I was again in a cheap house, driving a cheap car"

[bitchtits]

When I move in or she moves in, I plan on being king of the castle. I let her do the bossing for now though, its just easier that way.......

ha obviously a woman gaper

You rule the concubine with an iron fist? Tell us how it's done master.

coming from a hard ass man who used "OMG"???

[DoWork]

ha obviously a woman gaper



coming from a hard ass man who used "OMG"???

Two fantastic contributions, both derived from keen attention to details.

[crstlextrm]

Don't even think about trying to leave a window open so you can breath a little during the night, even in summer- "OMG! It's FREEZING IN HERE!"

For the first time in my life I have a mostly live in girlfriend and that same exact comment is starting to drive me crazy. Not only is my electric bill almost twice as it was before but it gets so hot and dry in my room with the heat on and the window closed that I often wake up almost gasping for air.
Its like any temperature below 75 is FREEZING cold for christsakes.

She really wants me to teach her how to ski but now Im not so optimistic about it.

[natty dread]

Marriage sounds just awesome
Where do I sign up??

[Crock]

so basically I should just smother her in her sleep before things get too serious?

[warthog]

coming from a hard ass man who used "OMG"???

Huh? Please explain.

edit- gotcha- I am slow tonight.

[warthog]

She really wants me to teach her how to ski but now Im not so optimistic about it.

Have you learned nothing from our little talks here at TGR?

If you want rid of her, TRY to teach her how to ski. That will be an easy out.

[Thrill Hammer]

Yes baby, I'd love to go to Ross with you and contemplate buying some plates or towels or a table or some shit.

[taz]

as a chick I complain that it's cold in our house, I've been known to watch TV wearing down. The average temp in the house is 10 Celsius, today we have the door open to let the "warm" outside air in (it's 15C out). I have had 3 orchids die due to the cold in the house. no issues in the bedroom......down duvet he can have the window open, i don't care.

On cleaning, I just had a cleaning fit. I was sick on not being able to get into the ski room due to the other half's shit every where. seriously if I wanted to get to my gear I'd have to climb over hope not to fall. I grew up in house hold that if you didn't pick your shit up, it was thrown out. So my brain picks my stuff up, I'd like to keep it please.

I love it when he vacuums and the living room is clean or I come home for working 13hr day and the house is clean including the kitchen, you have no idea how much I love this! I don't like working long hours and then have to shovel the path, put out the trash and compost and clean, this lesson was learned the hard way by him. Greeting me with trash and compost after working those said hours and having to shovel cause he couldn't be stuff = me fucking huge shitty mood and pissed for a while.

Hand bags? too many pairs of shoes? nope no problem in this house. never had lots of shoes growing up or now, as my dad use to say "you can only wear one pair of shoes at once". Wise man.

Things that Kinosoo has found works in his favor:

vacuums house = more head

cooked dinner = more head

Cleans up = more head

I come home to flowers = more head


March 14th is like a good day when one of these things are done, just with more steak.

I don't tell him he will get more head if he does these things, I just do it. If he has taken the time to make me happy then I'll return the favor that makes him really happy.

[tricameron]

the gf makes jokes about me having all the shoes but in my defense they each are needed for a specific purpose. biking (clipless), skateboarding (fat), climbing (crack, long routes, and face shoes), running, hiking, chacos, alpine and tele boots and then a pair to wear when i take her out to dinner. seems legit to me...

[G]

...bring up the 100+ pairs of shoes when the complaint about too many pairs of skis comes up--for some reason the logic won't get you anywhere.

I lost this argument very early on:

Me: Why the hell do you need thirty-two different pairs of goddamn dress shoes?

Her: Hey jerkwad, how much did you spend on that last pair of custom ski boots?

Me: Um, about $900

Her: HA! I didn't spend that much on THIS ENTIRE COLLECTION!

Me: You win.

[OSECS]

I lost this argument very early on:

Me: Why the hell do you need thirty-two different pairs of goddamn dress shoes?

Her: Hey jerkwad, how much did you spend on that last pair of custom ski boots?

Me: Um, about $900

Her: HA! I didn't spend that much on THIS ENTIRE COLLECTION!

Me: You win.

She's lying man !




average cost of womens shoes $40 a pair x 32 = $1,200+

[XXX-er]

Don't even think about trying to leave a window open so you can breath a little during the night, even in summer- "OMG! It's FREEZING IN HERE!"

Don't worry ,assuming the marriage lasts that long THE problem will be cured by ... menopause

[Hugh Conway]

OMG this thread is full of sissified nanny men. Grow a pair you flower ass bitches.

Is it true Alaska women have hair growing through the underwear?

[iceman]

hell yes indeed ,why wait ...just find some woman you hate right now and give her your house

Who is that, Carlin? I can't remember. It's still good a good one though.

[XXX-er]

I don't recall where I stole that line from

[Gordyman]

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert Heinlein

[SterlingSpikeDancer]

No, it's "whatever you say, Dear." who knew giving in was such a bad thing.

I have a few words of advice as a guy who has lived with a bunch of girls in a bunch of different situations and at one point was the only dude living in a house with six girls...

1). Just count on being wrong, even when you're right. Hopefully for you, knowing you're right is enough because it has to be. Getting her to admit it might be like finding the holy grail and if you should yell trying to talk sense... Well jesusmaryandjoseph, you are just a fuckin asshole now aren't you!?

2). Girls are NOT cleaner than guys. See dead-squirrel-looking hair clogs weekly, balls of hair stuck to the shower wall, rusty Q-tips all over the place, feminine hygiene products pulled out of the trash by dogs, etc for proof. You will see shit that grosses you out, moreso than most dudes you've lived with.

3). Be proud of your farts. If you're weak about them you'll be forced to hold them in forever. So make them loud. Be a fuckin man about it.

4). Don't comment on how many people a certain roommate is sleeping with. They don't think it's funny that you think it's funny that they're a slut.

5). Don't tell any of them that they "have a problem" with something. Ever. For any reason.

6) DON'T FUCK THEM! Unless you're already dating the girl, don't have sex with a female roommate, unless you're looking to dissolve the living situation. Don't ask me why, but as soon as you trade O faces shit gets hectic in a hurry should you bring someone else over for playtime, even if you're "just friends with benefits".

7). Anything you say can and will be used against you for the next infinity or so. No, they won't ever let it go.

8). Don't let them know you fucked on the couch/table/counter/any other community area. Defecation will hit the oscillation.

9). The minute you start doing brake jobs and oil changes for one of them, you will be doing it for the rest of them. Just a heads up.

10). Guess who's shoveling the driveway/taking care of the gross or heavy shit around the house? You. Now get to it.

11). Get a huge bag of weed and a bong at least the size of your arm... You're going to need it.

It must be because we love them so much, but I tell ya nobody can make you insanely angry like a female. I was discussing it with a friend about how much shit the average girl puts the average dude through- we came to the conclusion that it's a good goddam thing they have vaginas or we'd hunt them down in packs on horseback.

FTW!!
I haven't read the whole thread yet, just got done with this...Funniest fuckin' post of the year. Tears in my eyes and cramped sides reading it. Way to knock it out of the park and hit EVERY nail on the head. Continue...

EDIT-Whole thread full of tear jerking win. Thanks for letting this poor schlub know he is not alone! Hang in there gents, there are apparently women out there who "get it". And she is married, living in Fernie...

[MakersTeleMark]

What's with the massive tp consumption? We've all got a couple of holes, but wait, what?

[Gordyman]

as a chick I complain that it's cold in our house, I've been known to watch TV wearing down. The average temp in the house is 10 Celsius, today we have the door open to let the "warm" outside air in (it's 15C out). I have had 3 orchids die due to the cold in the house. no issues in the bedroom......down duvet he can have the window open, i don't care.

On cleaning, I just had a cleaning fit. I was sick on not being able to get into the ski room due to the other half's shit every where. seriously if I wanted to get to my gear I'd have to climb over hope not to fall. I grew up in house hold that if you didn't pick your shit up, it was thrown out. So my brain picks my stuff up, I'd like to keep it please.

I love it when he vacuums and the living room is clean or I come home for working 13hr day and the house is clean including the kitchen, you have no idea how much I love this! I don't like working long hours and then have to shovel the path, put out the trash and compost and clean, this lesson was learned the hard way by him. Greeting me with trash and compost after working those said hours and having to shovel cause he couldn't be stuff = me fucking huge shitty mood and pissed for a while.

Hand bags? too many pairs of shoes? nope no problem in this house. never had lots of shoes growing up or now, as my dad use to say "you can only wear one pair of shoes at once". Wise man.

Things that Kinosoo has found works in his favor:

vacuums house = more head

cooked dinner = more head

Cleans up = more head

I come home to flowers = more head


March 14th is like a good day when one of these things are done, just with more steak.

I don't tell him he will get more head if he does these things, I just do it. If he has taken the time to make me happy then I'll return the favor that makes him really happy.

I like you.

[Crock]

Things that Kinosoo has found works in his favor:

vacuums house = more head

cooked dinner = more head

Cleans up = more head

I come home to flowers = more head


March 14th is like a good day when one of these things are done, just with more steak.

I don't tell him he will get more head if he does these things, I just do it. If he has taken the time to make me happy then I'll return the favor that makes him really happy.

Do you have a sister?

[Nobody Famous]

I love the practical advice and true words of wisdom that somehow for no reason pop up on here, and then develop a critical mass and following. This thread is worthy of being an all time classic on that list.

Favorites picked from all the above:

not only will they tell you when to do it, they will tell you the what and the how. My freakin 3 year old is already bossing me around...

No, it's "whatever you say, Dear." who knew giving in was such a bad thing.

I have a few words of advice as a guy who has lived with a bunch of girls in a bunch of different situations and at one point was the only dude living in a house with six girls...

1). Just count on being wrong, even when you're right. Hopefully for you, knowing you're right is enough because it has to be. Getting her to admit it might be like finding the holy grail and if you should yell trying to talk sense... Well jesusmaryandjoseph, you are just a fuckin asshole now aren't you!?

2). Girls are NOT cleaner than guys. See dead-squirrel-looking hair clogs weekly, balls of hair stuck to the shower wall, rusty Q-tips all over the place, feminine hygiene products pulled out of the trash by dogs, etc for proof. You will see shit that grosses you out, moreso than most dudes you've lived with.

3). Be proud of your farts. If you're weak about them you'll be forced to hold them in forever. So make them loud. Be a fuckin man about it.

4). Don't comment on how many people a certain roommate is sleeping with. They don't think it's funny that you think it's funny that they're a slut.

5). Don't tell any of them that they "have a problem" with something. Ever. For any reason.

6) DON'T FUCK THEM! Unless you're already dating the girl, don't have sex with a female roommate, unless you're looking to dissolve the living situation. Don't ask me why, but as soon as you trade O faces shit gets hectic in a hurry should you bring someone else over for playtime, even if you're "just friends with benefits".

7). Anything you say can and will be used against you for the next infinity or so. No, they won't ever let it go.

8). Don't let them know you fucked on the couch/table/counter/any other community area. Defecation will hit the oscillation.

9). The minute you start doing brake jobs and oil changes for one of them, you will be doing it for the rest of them. Just a heads up.

10). Guess who's shoveling the driveway/taking care of the gross or heavy shit around the house? You. Now get to it.

11). Get a huge bag of weed and a bong at least the size of your arm... You're going to need it.

It must be because we love them so much, but I tell ya nobody can make you insanely angry like a female. I was discussing it with a friend about how much shit the average girl puts the average dude through- we came to the conclusion that it's a good goddam thing they have vaginas or we'd hunt them down in packs on horseback.

One phrase men need to remember when living with a woman-I'm a man, I can change, if i have to, i guess

[Gordyman]

{translation service} How the fuck can you sit and do nothing in the midst of this mess? Can't you see this shit? Oh wait a minute now, do you expect me to clean all this up by myself while you lounge around all day? I'm not your fucking maid! Hell No! {/translation service}



{translation service} The female circulatory system is prepared to sacrifice limbs in order to preserve the reproductive system. Nature has deemed that cold hands and feet are a fair trade off for continuing the species. {/translation service}

Guys, this is some good info here. Bklyn, thank you and please provide more translations.

[COUTCA]

Another thing that seems counter-intuitive: The two word combination guaranteed to piss her off is "Yes, Dear."

Funny, I tried this three-word combo: "You're the boss." You'd think she'd like to hear that. Nope, she went way off the deep end.