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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Alpine Meadows, CA
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    How Do I Kill A Squirrel - or just make it stay out of my yard? WWMD?

    No, I can't shoot it. I don't own any firearms and even if I did, discharging them in my town would be both frowned upon and dangerous (if I missed, there are houses across the canyon that would be in the line of fire).

    Here's the deal.

    I've been working from my kitchen table lately and looking out the slider window to my deck. Beside the deck is a plum tree with plums that are about to be ripe enough to eat. Also, I've been trying to grow strawberries in a pot on the deck. I keep seeing flowers on the strawberry plant, and some fledgling berries, but they disappear before maturity. Also, I noticed the other day that there seem to be fewer and fewer plums on the tree. Yesterday I discovered the problem. A little fucking squirrel keeps jumping onto the deck from a nearby tree and then eating all my fruit.

    Can I / should I try to kill him with a rat trap? Or maybe some more humane method and then take him a let him loose in the woods a few miles away? Can I kill him with a pellet gun? I don't have one of those either, but I suspect one of my neighbors does. I'm not sure why I'm obsessed with shooting the little fucker, but in my mind I'm thinking I'd get some satisfaction from that. Or should I just let him live, figure out a way to cover my strawberries and let him feast on the plums that I don't eat too much anyway?



    Yes, I thought about building one of these (the layout of my deck would actually lend itself to this), but I lack the time/ingenuity to pull it off - I think. Besides, its not going to kill him, he'd just end up in a tree or in the neighbor's yard.




    WMMD?
    **
    I'm a cougar, not a MILF! I have to protect my rep! - bklyn

    In any case, if you're ever really in this situation make sure you at least bargain in a couple of fluffers.
    -snowsprite

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    Hammer.

    Or maul.

    Your call.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    A hill with a bunch of t-bars
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    271
    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T1Bp2xYYO8"]YouTube - Squirrels are Afraid of Farts[/ame]

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
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    Stuck in perpetual Meh
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    35,374
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Hammer.

    Or maul.

    Your call.
    Way to nip that meme in the bud.

    Sinecure: get a dog or cat. I think poisoning them (squirrels) is illegal.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    Squirlz is smrt. There's no real way to outsmart them because they have all day to try different stuff, which they will do until something works. So either surrender, build a squirrel-proof enclosure for the strawberries (very possible, but not easy) and forget the plums or spay everything down with capsaicin-based products, which they hate.

    There are some capsaicin in a wax base products but God help you if you wipe your eye or touch your dick when you're using it, or if you neglect to wash it off before eating the fruit, and it's not easy to wash off.

    Shoot the bastard and another one will come along, but you might get some fruit before they show up. Pellet gun will work fine for the shooting, though.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    5,526
    I was going to post a gopher/mole/vole WWMD thread. Can we get a killing mammals forum already?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Land of Silicone Mountains
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    2,103
    This fucker = problem solved
    "It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds."

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    5,526
    I used to have a peregrine but he moved on to slaying puss in South Padre.


  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Seat 2B
    Posts
    2,499
    Call Thelonious
    dayglo aerobic enthusiast

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    3,990
    Some fucker ran over one of the foxes by my house this mornin. I was pissed cause they're real good at keeping the rodent population in check. Better than cats & dogs and you don't have to feed them or take them to the vet on holidays like those shitheads have a habit of doing.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Milpitas, CA
    Posts
    2,813
    I feel your pain. Squirrels regularly destroy stuff that I've planted. And I was here first (don't remember ever seeing squirrels around for years after I first moved here).

    I've pretty much given up. Tried a number of different things, none of which worked.

    Also, you need a permit in California to kill some types of squirrels, apparently. Info at this link: http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/PMG/PESTNOTES/pn74122.html. I decided my squirrels were not the permit-requiring type.

    I'll be interested, as well, to hear from anyone who's had success in getting rid of squirrels.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tippster View Post
    Sometimes I think you guys are some of the smartest people on the web, other times I wonder if you were shaken as babies.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Alpine Meadows, CA
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    Funny enough Dingle, we have birds of prey all over the place around here. But there's good ground cover for squirrels behind my house.

    The more I think about it, the more I'm tempted to build one of those launchers. The hardest part would be figuring out how to film it.
    **
    I'm a cougar, not a MILF! I have to protect my rep! - bklyn

    In any case, if you're ever really in this situation make sure you at least bargain in a couple of fluffers.
    -snowsprite

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Milpitas, CA
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    2,813
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    ... spay everything down with capsaicin-based products, which they hate.

    There are some capsaicin in a wax base products but God help you if you wipe your eye or touch your dick when you're using it, or if you neglect to wash it off before eating the fruit, and it's not easy to wash off.
    Our squirrels get into our bird feeders as well. There used to be a bird food coated with the stuff Iceman mentioned, but I think they've discontinued production - not entirely sure, because we still have some and I haven't put any effort into looking for more. It does seem to work, though, so coating other things with the same stuff would probably deter them from bothering those things.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tippster View Post
    Sometimes I think you guys are some of the smartest people on the web, other times I wonder if you were shaken as babies.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    the edge of wuss cliff
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    17,139
    Rent an apartment in the nearest mega city and grow your gay little fruits on the roof of your balcony.

    You can kill the squirrel, and you will probably get a slight boner, but two will take his place. But I'm sure many of the wannabe serial killers here will have some great suggestions...

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    South Central Spud Land.
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    2,208
    birdshot .22 - not dangerous beyond about 20 or 30 feet. Illegal?? Don't know.

    Not nearly as much fun as the launcher though. And there is always the idea that shooting small animals is almost always fatal.
    Quote Originally Posted by skuba View Post
    you can let it free and be as stupid as possible


    Thread Killer
    I would like to see your point of view but I can't get my head that far up your ass.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    Colorado
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    1,861
    Wrist Rocket

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    in the dark
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    "That's right, keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! ... There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?"

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jer View Post
    Rent an apartment in the nearest mega city and grow your gay little fruits on the roof of your balcony.

    You can kill the squirrel, and you will probably get a slight boner, but two will take his place. But I'm sure many of the wannabe serial killers here will have some great suggestions...
    Man has been in a battle with Rodentia for the foodstuffs that we like to store for at least the past 100,000 years, and probably far, far, longer. Neither group is in imminent risk of extinction, although if you think about it we're more threatened than them.

    So go ahead and whack them, there's more where they came from. A lot more.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mott the Hoople View Post
    Wrist Rocket
    Wrist rockets are the shit.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    bend(the fresh nw)
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    203
    Just let it live

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    the edge of wuss cliff
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    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    So go ahead and whack them, there's more where they came from. A lot more.
    They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong.

    Seriously tho - the same can be said for humans. And I'd have absolutly zero problem with that.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jer View Post
    Seriously tho - the same can be said for humans. And I'd have absolutly zero problem with that.
    Yeah that's pretty much what i said, but whatever.

  23. #23
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    Sep 2008
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    Edit: One stupid pic of an explosive squirrel on the interwebs... and it won't let me hot link. Maybe this one will?

    Last edited by mocwvmit; 07-08-2009 at 07:03 PM.
    pmiP triD remroF

    -dna-

    !!!timoV cimotA erutuF

    -ottom-

    "!!!emit a ta anigav eno dlroW eht gnirolpxE"

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    on the edge
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    I HAD a lot of those fuckers in my yard. I got a Crosman with a scope and a thing that holds dried corn cobs and mounted it about 15 up on a tree. I'd say I've killed almost a hundred in just over 2 years and the population, at least in my yard, is a quarter of what it used to be
    If it's green, smoke it...if it's pink, poke it

    BUY THESE------> 193 iM 103 - $50 https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...d.php?t=179797

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by booner View Post
    I HAD a lot of those fuckers in my yard. I got a Crosman with a scope and a thing that holds dried corn cobs and mounted it about 15 up on a tree. I'd say I've killed almost a hundred in just over 2 years and the population, at least in my yard, is a quarter of what it used to be
    So you haven't escalated to hookers or gay men yet?

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