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  1. #1
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    in case you were not aware

    Gonzo is a riveting story teller.

    he even had splats jaw dropping last night at the insanity of 'the most fucked up thing that ever happened to him'

    so if you ever get the chance, ask him to swear on the bible, and then have him tell you how many drinks is reasonable to have at an open bar event.
    the story you will incite by asking this question will have you shaking your stupified head.

  2. #2
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    it was quite the story.

  3. #3
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    Do tell.

  4. #4
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    ask honc, i cant relate it as i'm still a quivering pile of goo after hearing that insane tale.

  5. #5
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    can we guess on the number of acceptible drinks?

    was this a wedding or a work function?
    thats new hampshire as fuck


    We ain't eager to be legal, so please leave me with the keys to your Jeep Eagle.

  6. #6
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    yes you can guess, but it wont glean too much insight.

    still a fun game.

    party put on by friends i belive. now imagine you are telling this number of drinks to a jury, in a court of law, with a straight face.

  7. #7
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    basom--for the sake of others that may one day hear this story, please stop giving shit away. is your mind a peice of shit or what?

  8. #8
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    Is this a hard number, or a "I lost track after 3 dozen" number.
    Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well.

  9. #9
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    Originally posted by basom
    yes you can guess, but it wont glean too much insight.

    my mind is constanly a piece of shit. what the fuck did i say? it didn't sound for shit did it?

  10. #10
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    Angry

    Story-time, fuckface.

    Now spill it!

  11. #11
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    Aug 2002
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    Originally posted by mildbill.
    basom--for the sake of others that may one day hear this story, please stop giving shit away. is your mind a peice of shit or what?
    Yeah I've gotta agree... damn board ruined the Village for me and now this!! At least post a spoiler contained within message

  12. #12
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    Oct 2003
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    Maybe "Gonzo storytelling hour" can be a group activity at the upcoming Summit...after the cuddling party which requires us to moo like cows, sway for a while, and then fall to our sides (hey, Viva thinks it's a good idea).

    Sprite
    "I call it reveling in natures finest element. Water in its pristine form. Straight from the heavens. We bathe in it, rejoicing in the fullest." --BZ

  13. #13
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    I'll type it up! Kinda surpised I haven't put it up before - perfect for unsmart things done.

    Keep in mind that the two spliffs prior to story time made it extra good. I definitely couldn't feel my legs.

    The teaser: When a Boston PD dectective and later a Grand Jury asks you how many drinks you had at the X-Mas party attended by long lost drinking buddies from college that was open bar for 6 hours, what do you say?
    Craig Kelly is my co-pilot.

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  14. #14
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    I'll take the six hour open bar for $300 dollars, Alex.
    Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well.

  15. #15
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    Originally posted by gonzo
    The teaser: When a Boston PD dectective and later a Grand Jury asks you how many drinks you had at the X-Mas party attended by long lost drinking buddies from college that was open bar for 6 hours, what do you say?

    I am going to venture a guess of 3 beers, 16 cocktails and 2 shots of tequila.

    did I win?
    thats new hampshire as fuck


    We ain't eager to be legal, so please leave me with the keys to your Jeep Eagle.

  16. #16
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    "all of them occifer"


    ?

  17. #17
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    Originally posted by vinzclortho
    I am going to venture a guess of 3 beers, 16 cocktails and 2 shots of tequila.

    did I win?
    Craig Kelly is my co-pilot.

    Buy Your Lift Tickets in Advance and Save

  18. #18
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    "As God is my witness, officer, I only had two beers."

  19. #19
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    So every year some buddies from college throw this Christmas Party. We all go and try to get girls to go and try to drink like we did in college and just wreck ourselves. Safe to say that the vast majority of people at the party have “impaired memories” to say the least. So a few years ago the party is at SW1 in boston which is right across from the park street T stop. OK bar, but perfect for us - lots of bar space, lots of bartenders, and jesus they were not shy with the volume in the drinks and shots. The second you ordered 10 shots of jaeger you had 10 tumblers of “free” jaeger sitting in front of you…it was that kind of rig. DJ blaring 80s dance tunes, everyone whacking shots, pounding beers, dancing. Lots of people dressed up all crazy and stupid with stupid pants and afro wigs and the like. Glasses being smashed against the back wall, etc. etc. etc. The end of the time in the bar is definitely blurry - I remembers getting kicked out when they were done serving - I remember hearing about an after-party at our buddies place out on mass ave - I remember one of my buddys kicking the bouncers car out front and getting his ass kicked…but that is about it…The next thing I remember is stumbling along the edge of the common looking for a cab with Honc and our buddy Wil. We just starting walking into traffic waving our arms, wigs in hand trying to get a ride. No luck, surprisingly. It was mid-December in boston - raining - no jackets - stupid pants and afro wigs. We walk for a while all three on autopilot and the many many cocktails consumed just prior still pumping through and all of it definitely has not taken affect…we keeping stumbling into traffic - headlights - horns - rain - very very blurry…eventually make it all the way around the common, down charles street and into the theater district…finally some dude pulls over and we jump in immediately freezing our asses off (the rest is a combination of what the three of us could remember the next day)…so we hop into this guys car and are really really cold and really really hammered… he starts driving - makes sure we will pay him for the ride and we are like totally bro! whatever - we have to get to this party on mass ave and are f*cked UP! he is cool with that…we then look around (I’m in shotgun and wil and honc are in the back) - the car is filled with wrappers of burgers and bags and trash…looks like he has been living in his car and hasn’t cleaned it out in a week or so … he is blaring some tunes for us - “So what’s up man? What is your deal?” … “I just got out of prison” …awkward silence - we’re wasted - don’t know what to say…. “Right on………..so how long were you in for?” … “15 years.” ….. so that is f-ing interesting…

    we keep talking for 15 more seconds or so and none of this has really registered because we’re all on auto pilot and then the dude starts to drive fast. then he starts to drive faster and starts blowing through red lights and stop signs…we’re all “whoa man! wooo! you allright Mario!” then he clips a boston globe truck and stomps on the gas. we get freaked out and are just white knucking the seat - still not really registering what is going on….a few seconds later we come to an intersection where there is traffic going through it so he can’t blow through it - slams on the breaks - we all jump out and start to run - wil and I are gone and over a fence - honc blew his knee out playing soccer prior and hobbles away as best he can - dude gets out of the car, chases down honc, choke-hold and says to him “I don’t care about going back to prison but I am going to take a bodybag with me.” … also interesting … Honc yells to us to stop and help - he see the dude has him so we run back “dude dude just relax man we’ll give you whatever you want just take us to an ATM” - dude is all pissed - “I thought we had a deal! I thought you guys were going to pay me!” - “and we’re “yeah man we were going to pay you and are going to pay you but you just hit a truck and starting drtiving crazy and freaked us right out!” … so dude is like “OK we’ll go to an atm” - drives down the road a bit (blue hill ave. in Mattapan, for those massholes out there - for those not - don’t ever ever go there) to the fleet on the corner - Honc and I end up in the atm - I pull my max $200 and hand it over, Honc pulls $80 cause his mom’s check hasn’t cleared or something - dude has no idea what he is talking about with the check clearing and wants 200…starts to get pissed…meanwhile Wil never went into the ATM and is trying to get the Po-Po - not much Po-Po in Mattapan on Saturday night at 3:00 AM - no luck on the cell phone - he lucks out - cop happens to roll by - wil bangs on the windshield - “my buddies are getting robbed in there!” cop slams car up along side ATM in front of door - dude grabs Honcs $80 and starts to run - cop comes around front of cop car and slams dude against brick wall - dude (who is probably late 30s but clearly made use of the weight room in prison) bounces of the wall turns around and cracks the cop in the face - cop slams back against the hood of the car and dude takes off down the road - cop gets up and chases him…………………

    so we have just been semi-car jacked, robbed, standing next to cop car with doors open lights on and this stolen car filled with trash in the middle of Mattapan, it is 3:00 AM, we’re absolutely trashed and wearing plaid pants and have afro wigs in our hands…so we do the obvious thing and take off…wandering down the street looking for cabs (obviously no cabs) - find a gas station where we are obviously the strangest thing that has happened that night - big dude pulls up in a little 4 door “What the F are you boys doing! You gonna get killed! Get in the car!”….we’re all “No f-ing way man we just got robbed and got in some dudes car and no way” … he drives off we still look for rides cabs - nothing - a few minutes late same dude pulls up “GET IN THE F-ING CAR!” …. seems like best/only choice - we get in…dude keeps asking us if we have any weapons…uuuuh no - we have stupid pants and wigs dude…dude make us get him $80 at an atm and drops us off right where we got picked up but dude #1…none of us remember walking home but apparently that is what we did……………………

    so we kinda figure this all out the next morning and definitely win the “most f-ed up night award” - don’t call the cops - don’t follow up - about 1 month later I get a call from a detective in the Boston PD - I have to meet with him down at the station - turns out that night the dude ran for about a mile and was eventually cornered in an alley and it took 5 cops to hold him down and cuff him - totally jacked on amphetamines - anyways so the car he was in was probably stolen, but it was stolen again when it was sitting outside of the ATM when the cops were chasing him down so they had nothing to hold him in jail for (the beating of cops apparently was not enough) …… so a month later in January they caught him again - dude stole a car and was chased by cops to Charlestown where he pulled out on a pier and dove into the harbor - swam around for 15 minutes - detective informs me that the dude was so jacked up again - normal person would be done in 2-3 minutes in the harbor in January…..so that is f-ed….eventually Honc and I both have to testify in front of a grand jury to indict this dude on kidnapping and armed robbery charges…there is a chick I went to high school with in the grand jury….she was surprised to see me to say the least….

    Anyways, the way this story came up was we were talking about confessing how many drinks you had on a wicked good bender night….So after all this is laid on me by the detective, he has shown me mugs shots of this dude, he has shown me ATM photos of us and this dude and us in our plaid pants and afro wigs giving him cash…..The detective asks me
    “How many drinks did you have that night?”
    “uhhhhhh…it was open bar?…..college buddies? you know?” (hoping he would make his own number)
    he wants a hard number
    “Uhhhhh…25? 30?”
    “25 or 30?”
    “Yeah.”
    “How many drinks do you think Wil and Honc had?”
    “Uhhhh 25? 30?”


    So that is it. Unsmart to say the least.
    Craig Kelly is my co-pilot.

    Buy Your Lift Tickets in Advance and Save

  20. #20
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    Thumbs up

    I'm speechless.

  21. #21
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    That is one hell of a good story!! Where you been hiding that one??

  22. #22
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    boston must be a pretty freindly place.
    25-30 drinks would not make me drunk enough to jump into a strangers car for a ride in ANY neighborhood in Detroit.

    crazy f-ing story btw
    Last edited by A-wreck; 08-10-2004 at 12:15 PM.
    Buy nice things here.
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  23. #23
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    Feb 2003
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    Exclamation

    Holy shit.
    It's idomatic, beatch.

  24. #24
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    great story.
    I imagine we've all been one or two bad choices or strokes of luck away from a similar scene.
    ...And the greatest ice must crumble when it's flower's time to grow.

  25. #25
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    Great story! A night like that could quite possibly stop me from drinking for the rest of my life for fear that I would get wasted again and have something equal fucked up happen...again.
    "You look like you just got schnitzled..."

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