The 2008 Darwin Awards

[Benny Profane]

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him u nconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged hi s siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that
it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your
friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is
a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are
distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember... They walk among us!!! *

[nick > jesus]

shouldn't it only count as a Darwin award if the recipient died as a result of the noted action?

[Benny Profane]

That's cold. Darwinian, indeed.

[Chainsaw_Willie]

Yeah, that's what I thought too. Stupidity taking people out of the gene pool, thus furthering the evolution of mankind, thus "Darwin" awards.

I wanna see the video of the guy bouncing the cinder block into his noggin.

[Chainsaw_Willie]

Okay, the above are obviously not the real deal:

http://www.darwinawards.com/rules/

Here are the awards for 2008:

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html

Of which, this is a prime example:

(8 March 2008, Czech Republic) Steel is valuable, especially the high grade alloy used in steel cable. Scrap metal dealers do not ask questions. They pay in cash. And a good supply of cables can be found in elevator shafts.

This particular goldmine was a towering shaft inside an empty grainery near Zatec, 40 miles northwest of Prague. The cable was tightly fastened, and the far end of it disappeared into the shadowy distance above.

After substantial wear and tear on a hacksaw, our man finally cut through the strong steel cable. At that instant, the counterbalance, no longer held in check, started to move silently downwards, accelerating until it reached the bottom of the shaft.

Result: one proud winner of a "terminal velocity" Darwin Award.

[OSECS]

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

This guy gets the award for quick thinking as long as he never went back to his job after dropping them off. He could get a top flight wall street job !!

[karpiel]

shouldn't it only count as a Darwin award if the recipient died as a result of the noted action?

My first thoughts.

[karpiel]

(2 February 2008, Italy) David, 46, was sliding down an Italian ski slope one night, riding on padding that he had removed from the safety barriers at the bottom of the run. It did not occur to him that it might be dangerous to sled down the same slope from which he had stolen the protective padding.

Sauze d'Oulx is one of five villages that make up the "Milky Way" ski area in northern Italy. Hugely popular with British skiers, the resort is known for its party atmosphere. A ski resort spokesperson for Sauze d'Oulx said, "The men had all been drinking when they tore off the padding, and ironically..."

...careened straight into the bare barriers at the bottom of the piste (groomed slope). David died from head and chest injuries inflicted by the unpadded metal. Two of his friends survived with medical attention. Another Darwin Award candidate is still missing after he wandered away "bloodied and distressed."

Awesome.

[skiing-in-jackson]

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

Who get the award, the guy driving or the people on the bus? IMHO, the driver was pretty sharp.

[JimmyCarter]

Not quite Darwin, but didn't know where to put this. Got this story from a friend who's a cop out in W. Mass:

So I was talking to one of our female crime scene techs last night and she tells me this true story. A couple nights ago there was a drive-by shooting at this gangbanger's house in one of the larger cities out here. The target was sitting on his couch in the living room playing NBA Live on his XBox and one of the rounds manages to go through the front door, and hits him square in the melon and he dies right there on the couch, still clutching the XBox controller. And for whatever reason, when he died either by accident or on purpose the game got paused, just as his player is releasing a shot.

So our crime techs and investigators process the whole scene, which takes a few hours and the whole time the game is sitting there with the screen on pause. The ME's office finally comes and retrieves the body and as they're about to turn the scene back over to the local PD, one of the techs says "This has been bugging me the whole time--I just gotta know" and goes over and unpauses the game.

He bricked it.

[thefrush]

shouldn't it only count as a Darwin award if the recipient died as a result of the noted action?

Those who don't die are 'honorable mentions.'

[BestofShow]

laughed out loud at a few of these. great post.

[Buster Highmen]

A failed candidate:

[mall walker]

hahaha how'd Benny finally get banned

[PB]

I'd score that a 10.

[stealurface831]

i'd like to see a smaller splash. little loud for my liking. 8/10.

[Harry]

hahaha how'd Benny finally get banned

He didn’t. He’s not banned, he just quit.

Dude had a temper tantrum and started deleting all his threads. Mods stopped his ability to delete threads (see post #1 in the Real Estate Crash thread). He still has an account here, but he quit posting on TGR. Surprised he has not returned to be honest.


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