Fucking Ikea!

**CUBUCK** · 07-27-2004, 07:43 PM

I bought this same exact bed 3 weeks ago and have yet to have an intimate moment in it! Even after reading your post I will not think twice when the opportunity arrises.

**verbier61** · 07-28-2004, 07:48 AM

Originally posted by mrw
I also am married to a Russian gymnast. I offer this sage advice:
Buy a wrought iron bed

nah! I had the same problem on an iron bed originally belonging to my grandma

**EPSkis** · 07-28-2004, 09:03 AM

SP ~ I've done the math, but something's still not adding up.

You may have been having a "moment", but it was far from "intimate". You were jackhammering the poor girl! Did you have a running start?

Dat's not "Rusty Smoove"!

**BurmaShave** · 07-28-2004, 10:12 AM

for the uncensored audio tape
Take a listen here

"....it had low box springs
and that spring did sing
all night long until the break of dawn
it went........
(rhythmic squeaky bed springs sound effects)
umm, umm, oh yeah.........umm, humm, umm...yeah!
so we started blocking boots (?)
hammering nails
all night long the old box springs did...."

Clarence Brewer's "Boxsprings Boogie" (King Clarentz CD)

**phUnk** · 07-28-2004, 03:49 PM

Originally posted by EPSkis
SP ~ I've done the math, but something's still not adding up.

You may have been having a "moment", but it was far from "intimate". You were jackhammering the poor girl! Did you have a running start?

Dat's not "Rusty Smoove"!

NWS: http://www.tenaciousd.com/fhg.html :NWS

G · 07-30-2004, 01:33 AM

Originally posted by phUnk
NWS: http://www.tenaciousd.com/fhg.html :NWS

Wow, Man. That made me all teary-eyed and shit.

Beautiful.

**Obstruction** · 07-30-2004, 07:35 AM

Originally posted by optics
The problem's the screws.

Heh!

BTW -- it has always perplexed me that mattress and bed manufacturers always market their product as being good to sleep on but never tout their designs as the ultimate bonking platform. May be time for a BRO model sleep surface.

**LAN** · 09-05-2004, 06:12 PM

So we're walking through Ikea today, and in full conversation voice ...

Scoober: "Hey, did you read that Punani broke an Ikea bed ... HAVING SEX!"

Not to mention the fact that it's Labor Day weekend and there were families, children and hot girls all over the place. I'm not sure that "punani" and "sex" are kosher in public, especially when he didn't even keep his voice down.

**irul&ublo** · 09-05-2004, 11:54 PM

Originally posted by LAN
I'm not sure that "punani" and "sex" are kosher...

As long as he's not using pork fat as lube, its ok.

**Rusty Nails** · 09-05-2004, 11:57 PM

Mmmmmm. Damn.

For all you ladies out there, let me break this down for you.

If I weres to meet you and bring to you my crib, there mays always exist a possibility of sexual platform destruction. However, unlike SuPu, I can assure you I have taken every precaution so our freaking can continue uninterrupted.

First, I have procured the finest bed inda land. It is not some small bed made of scandinavian particle board. No princess deserves a throne for her backside, and sometime her frontside, that is that is constructified of materials not befitting the royalty that is the female body. Mmmmm. And yo body is fine, girl. Damn. Nor should any self respecting heterosexual smoove his girl in a "queen" bed. Girl, I submit that is not right.

Girl, da throne upon which I shall throw you, bounce you, and throw you some mo', is made of logs. Not just any logs. I personally surveyed the finest mills and forestry locales inda world. Only wood of resilent fortification and unbendable strengff was selected. Da logs are reinforced with stainless steel rails and 6" bolts. Dis frame can holds the unbridled passion of 100 normal men, or one Rusty.

Mmmmmmm. Damn. Girl if you was here I'd break you off nasty right now.

Da throne upon which we would bone is also of ginormous size. You will squeal and shudder with delight upon examining da room wiff which we have to play. We can easily fit your sistas. Even those inda WNBA.

Corn will always be available.

Girls, lemme take you to yo statosphere of love upon my rocketship of smoove. And girls, don't worry, I can satisfy all of you. My back, like my bed, is strong. Damn.

Girl, let us freak.

Smoove Rusty