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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    471

    (Not) Just Another Opening Weekend in Aspen

    Forgive me if this gets a bit lengthy, but frankly, this is the only group of people that would understand what I want to say. While I only know a handful of the people on this forum personally (Nitro, I’m looking at you), I am certain there is a common bond that brought you all here in the first place.

    Seven months ago, after a series of unexplained headaches, particularly when exerting myself at altitude, doctors found an aneurysm in my brain that was ready to rupture.

    The diagnosis came as a huge surprise to both my wife and I, as I was very healthy and had previously undergone CT scans and an MRI that came back negative. To drive home the point of how little I expected anything dire, the week before the diagnosis I skied Hayden Peak with one of my idols, Lou Dawson, and the very morning I found out about the aneurysm I was exchanging PMs on this forum with Mike Cuseo, getting advice for the trip I had planned the next day to climb and ski Garretts Peak.

    As you can imagine, those plans changed rather abruptly, and on May 9th I had eight hours of surgery to clip the aneurysm shut. I was only 32 at the time, and the surgery, for many reasons, scared the shit out of me.

    First and foremost, I didn’t want to leave my wife a widow at 30 years old. She’s an angel, and the thought of causing her pain and suffering was overwhelming.

    I was also terrified that the surgery would leave me incapacitated, as any brain surgery has a chance of doing.

    Somewhere on that list, much higher than most people would think it should be, was the fear that I wouldn’t get back on skis. I’ve been in Aspen for two years now, and I’ve experienced two epic seasons that have allowed me to climb and ski many of the peaks on my mental checklist. In doing so, I found a love for the mountains that I always knew was in me, but didn’t have a chance to flourish until I arrived in town.

    One’s recovery from brain surgery is a tremendous unknown in the medical world; best case scenario, you’re looking at a full year to completely heal, worst case scenario you don’t make it through the operation. I made it through, neurologically intact to boot, but the physical recovery has been a bitch. Things I once took for granted have laid me out over the last few months, only adding to my fear that skiing might not be in the cards this season.

    And that is why today was a day six months in the making. To be back on skis, making turns on six inches of powder resting atop bare ground on Ajax, brought a happiness to me that only the people on this forum can possibly comprehend.

    When you go through something like this, people expect you to wake up every day and simply be grateful to be alive. After all, if the aneurysm had ruptured, and it had plentiful opportunities to do so, there is a 70% chance I’d be gone.

    But it’s not that easy. The past six months have been very difficult. There’s been pain, both physical and psychological, and tremendous fear of the future. I can promise you, I haven’t treated every day since the surgery as a gift, as much as I wish that weren’t true.

    And that, as you probably already know, is why skiing is what it is to us. Back on skis, those few hours on the slopes of Ajax were the first moments since this all went down that I genuinely knew I would be OK. They were the first moments that I truly appreciated how beautiful it is to be alive, and I was overwhelmingly grateful to be given one more day in the mountains.

    The purpose of this post is not for you to be happy for me. Instead, I ask that you appreciate how blessed we are to have something in our lives to bring us the kind of joy I experienced today, a joy I once feared could be lost forever. Nobody else will get it; people assume that it’s the big picture things that will make you appreciate life, like your loved ones.

    Well let me tell you, when I look at my wife, while I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t leave her, I’m also scared to death that I won’t be around in fifty years to grow old with her. That type of conflict prevents you from reaching true appreciation.

    No, you need something like skiing -- something where you don’t think, you merely do -- in order to truly cherish being alive.

    So go out and ski, and enjoy it like someone who knows that life is precious, and can be stripped from you at any moment. Ski hard, make the acquaintance of the guy riding the lift with you, and grab a beer with a buddy at the end of the day.

    And remember how magnificent it is to be alive and in the mountains.
    Last edited by Kenny Brockelstien; 11-28-2008 at 07:16 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    A Chamonix of the Mind
    Posts
    3,656
    Well-written and Well-said, thanks for putting everything in perspective. See you on the slopes!
    "Buy the Fucking Plane Tickets!"
    -- Jack Tackle

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    132
    "you need something like skiing -- something where you don’t think, you merely do -- in order to truly cherish being alive.
    And remember how magnificent it is to be alive and in the mountains."

    So true. Congrats on your recovery. That is a feat few can rival.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    3,128
    Glad you got in some fun turns. Congrats on a key Maggot Bonus Time Club membership milestone.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Eastside Til I Die
    Posts
    2,236
    Thanks for this, and cheers.
    ((. The joy I get from skiing...
    .))
    ((. That's worth living for.
    .))

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    below the king
    Posts
    1,282
    Good post. Cheers and happy thanksgiving to you!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    just outside the bubble
    Posts
    1,594
    Very nice. Thank you!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    573
    Congrats! Here's to many more turns!
    Keep it off my wave...Soundgarden

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    75
    amen. thanks for sharing.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    A$pen, CO
    Posts
    397
    Awesome story. Glad you've made it back out!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    gone north, but still on the west side
    Posts
    1,676
    Very thoughtful and much appreciated. Gave me chills!

    Here's to many more powder turns, summits, and moments of fully experiencing aliveness

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Vancouver BC
    Posts
    3,267
    Awesome, best thing I've read here in a while.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Corner of Percocet and Depression
    Posts
    4,185
    Nicely written, and congrats on being back! Heres to a lifetime of pow turns!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Home in the Highcountry
    Posts
    477
    WOW. Thank you so much for chipping away at the shell of "taking for granted" that each of us build. The perspective that can be gained through your post is beyond valuable. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
    An Evolutionary Rider

    www.PeaksforPeace.com

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    InDaPow, CO
    Posts
    483
    Dude, well said. Cograts on getting through the challenging times and having the care to express your experience to us. Thanksgiving has various meanings to everyone, but it is no coincidence we generally start our season around the holiday. Every time I click in, I am grateful, for skiing, for life, for our mtns. We are fortunate.

    Thanks for the perspective!

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Aspen, CO
    Posts
    2,133
    that's cool - hope to meet you this winter
    "When restraint and courtesy are added to strength, the latter becomes irresistible."
    Mohandas Gandhi

  17. #17
    Chaos_69 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Kenny Brockelstien View Post
    Forgive me if this gets a bit lengthy, but frankly, this is the only group of people that would understand what I want to say. While I only know a handful of the people on this forum personally (Nitro, I’m looking at you), I am certain there is a common bond that brought you all here in the first place.

    Seven months ago, after a series of unexplained headaches, particularly when exerting myself at altitude, doctors found an aneurysm in my brain that was ready to rupture.

    The diagnosis came as a huge surprise to both my wife and I, as I was very healthy and had previously undergone CT scans and an MRI that came back negative. To drive home the point of how little I expected anything dire, the week before the diagnosis I skied Hayden Peak with one of my idols, Lou Dawson, and the very morning I found out about the aneurysm I was exchanging PMs on this forum with Mike Cuseo, getting advice for the trip I had planned the next day to climb and ski Garretts Peak.

    As you can imagine, those plans changed rather abruptly, and on May 9th I had eight hours of surgery to clip the aneurysm shut. I was only 32 at the time, and the surgery, for many reasons, scared the shit out of me.

    First and foremost, I didn’t want to leave my wife a widow at 30 years old. She’s an angel, and the thought of causing her pain and suffering was overwhelming.

    I was also terrified that the surgery would leave me incapacitated, as any brain surgery has a chance of doing.

    Somewhere on that list, much higher than most people would think it should be, was the fear that I wouldn’t get back on skis. I’ve been in Aspen for two years now, and I’ve experienced two epic seasons that have allowed me to climb and ski many of the peaks on my mental checklist. In doing so, I found a love for the mountains that I always knew was in me, but didn’t have a chance to flourish until I arrived in town.

    One’s recovery from brain surgery is a tremendous unknown in the medical world; best case scenario, you’re looking at a full year to completely heal, worst case scenario you don’t make it through the operation. I made it through, neurologically intact to boot, but the physical recovery has been a bitch. Things I once took for granted have laid me out over the last few months, only adding to my fear that skiing might not be in the cards this season.

    And that is why today was a day six months in the making. To be back on skis, making turns on six inches of powder resting atop bare ground on Ajax, brought a happiness to me that only the people on this forum can possibly comprehend.

    When you go through something like this, people expect you to wake up every day and simply be grateful to be alive. After all, if the aneurysm had ruptured, and it had significant opportunities to do so, there is a 70% chance I’d be gone.

    But it’s not that easy. The past six months have been very difficult. There’s been pain, both physical and psychological, and tremendous fear of the future. I can promise you, I haven’t treated every day since the surgery as a gift, as much as I wish that weren’t true.

    And that, as you probably already know, is why skiing is what it is to us. Back on skis, those few hours on the slopes of Ajax were the first moments since this all went down that I genuinely knew I would be OK. They were the first moments that I truly appreciated how beautiful it is to be alive, and I was overwhelmingly grateful to be given one more day in the mountains.

    The purpose of this post is not for you to be happy for me. Instead, I ask that you appreciate how blessed we are to have something in our lives to bring us the kind of joy I experienced today, a joy I once feared could be lost forever. Nobody else will get it; people assume that it’s the big picture things that will make you appreciate life, like your loved ones.

    Well let me tell you, when I look at my wife, while I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t leave her, I’m also scared to death that I won’t be around in fifty years to grow old with her. That type of conflict prevents you from reaching true appreciation.

    No, you need something like skiing -- something where you don’t think, you merely do -- in order to truly cherish being alive.

    So go out and ski, and enjoy it like someone who knows that life is precious, and can be stripped from you at any moment. Ski hard, make the acquaintance of the guy riding the lift with you, and grab a beer with a buddy at the end of the day.

    And remember how magnificent it is to be alive and in the mountains.
    Too long, didn't read.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Colorado Cartel HQ
    Posts
    15,932
    That was awesome man.

    Is it cool if I put that on my blog?

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Tahoe
    Posts
    949
    awesome. congrats on getting back on the mountain. as a cancer survivor I know what it's like. makes a powder day that much sweeter. but like you say, makes any day that much sweeter. it's hard to do sometimes, but shit like that is why you should live every day like it's a powder day because you never know what can happen and you probably won't have control over it when it does anyway. peace.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    cali
    Posts
    555
    [QUOTE=Chaos_69;2120295]Too long, didn't read.[/QUOTE

    Nobody gives a shit!

    Congrats Kenny.
    Suck It!

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Front Strange
    Posts
    351
    That was a refreshing change of pace. Congratulations on your recovery and have a great season.
    I don't like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children.

    - Mr. Burns

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Big Sky, MT
    Posts
    241
    Great words - great read! I am officially done bitching about the snowpack we have right now!

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    North Bend, WA
    Posts
    104
    Positive Vibes to you bud. I can only hope to have the perspective on life that you have now that you have dealt with this and come through it. I still bitch about stupid stuff that doesnt matter. Makes me feel a bit small sometimes. Good luck to you, have a rippin season.
    Born on a mountain, raised in a cave, f'ing and skiing are all that I crave (and mountain biking too)

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Bountiful, UT
    Posts
    286
    I tried to share this very same feeling with a 9 year old kid on the lift yesterday, and he looked like maybe he was going to jump just to get away from me. When I asked if he would have a beer later, he cried.
    WTF.

    You know I am kidding, thanks for the post, I blew out my collarbone last year and spent the year doing jack shit. After that injury, I decided that I my life is wasting away here in the midwest, and we are working on a plan to get out. Posts like your help remind us what's good in life.

    Keep on skiing friend, thanks again.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Golden
    Posts
    6,383

    Thumbs up

    Awesome. Just cracked a PBR for that.
    Drive slow, homie.

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