Stay At Home Dad's?

[Cruiser]

In less than a year and half he's managed to elevate filthy to an art form. Course he's got a master leading the way...

[Yonder_River]

Thanks for all of the posts so far, any and all perspectives are helpful. I'm completely 50/50 and I think it's going to take awhile for me to make up my mind on this.

It has also been the single most difficult thing I've ever done. Don't think for one fucking second it will be easier than getting up and going to work all day, because it won't. You mentioned being intimidated by "extra work", well then maybe this isn't the gig for you. You will be frustrated, tired, and stressed-out more often than not. However, you will also be doing the best possible thing for your child; teaching, loving, nurturing, and caring for them, like only a parent can, and you will be happy to do it. Do not underestimate the amount of work it takes to raise a child, how much you can positively affect their lives, or how rewarding it will be for you.

Great post, it gave me a lot to think about. I don't mind hard work as long as I see the benefits. I just don't want to become resentful of my full-time, all the time situation. I'm also concerned I'd be so used to being out of the work force (this could potentially be a 8 year hiatus if we have two kids) that I'd be scared to go back.

If you are a stay at home, it is important to prepare them for school. Such as listening to someone else, playing appropriately with others fairly, appropriate conflict resolution....
These can't always be taught when you are the only one teaching them. Get them in to small groups with someone else in the position of authority.
That is one of the good things about day care.

Definitely, I think there are a lot of pre-pre school classes around here that would hopefully take care of that.

I'd be careful in case your relationship goes south. Nothing worse than trying to get a job when you haven't been in the work force for a long time. I wish you and your wife well but it's just something to keep in mind. Once she's making all the money she may look at you differently.

Sounds like your slightly biased here due to your own situation, but I know where you're coming from. I've thought about it too, but we've been together for eight years, married over two, always resolve our arguments and have not experienced a divorce in either of our families so I'd like to think the risks are low.

First off congrats man, I am super psyched for you guys...
It is the absolute coolest thing ever. We were just down to hang out with Dan and his son Jackson a couple weeks ago, Trey and Jackson play super well together and that is an amazing thing to watch.

Also if you play this right when your wife comes off shift all she will want to do is hang with the kid so it is boating time for you.

Thanks Danny! We're excited too. I'm glad I was able to meet your wife and kiddo before I left D-town. ....And trust me, I've definitely already thought about the "she'll want to hang with the kid in the evening, I'll go boat/ski" angle.

Mazel tov!
It's totally wrong -- even illegal -- but the reality is that a woman going back into the workforce after taking off time to raise kids is a plus for many employers, because they figure she's done and ready to get back to work. A man going back after taking time off, by contrast, is more often seen as lacking adequate commitment and weak.

Ya, I do worry about that a little. Luckily Seattle is progressive and I hope that attitude changes as time goes on.

I have been home since my son was born 2.5 years ago. My wife and I both wanted one of us to stay home when he arrived. We were in exactly the same situation you are, and the timing worked better for me.

We have two now, and this is by far the hardest job I have ever done. It is clearly the most rewarding too. I won't stay home forever, but I am glad I had the chance to do so.

I am in Seattle too. PM me if you want to talk more about it.

Good luck.

I will definitely get a hold of you in the future. Thanks.

I'm a semi-stay at home dad. My son is 15 months old and we have the pleasure of spending Monday, Thursday, and Friday together. He goes to his grandmother on Tuesday and Wednesday while I work. Then Mrs. Cruiser gets him on Saturday by herself and we share him on Sunday. It's great! We don't really need my income, so I have a fun (read low paying) job as the wine buyer at a friend's wine shop. That way his grandmother can spend some quality time with him too.

That's a pretty ideal situation. I wish we had relatives that lived around here.

[Tele'ndaboat]

For another view...

I was raised by a stay at home dad(late 70's through early 90's). I gotta say it does have some benifits. One is that I don't think there is any better way to make a kid look at males and females as equals. This has helped immensly with my own relationships(married for 12 years last sunday). It gets rid of lots of male hang-ups I see my friends deal with. Though, it also made for a little less easy bonding when dealing with male friends. this is a hard one to put a finger on. I think having a stay at home dad made for less standard Male bonding going on(ie sports being our connection and other such stereotypes).

Well, I guess it's real hard to put a handle on what I'm trying to say. Basically, I feel like it was good. I don't have a good relationship with my dad now, but that has more to do with how he dealt with my mom passing away 12 years ago than with how he raised me. I would consider being a stay at home dad if we ever have kids...

I'm now a succesful you profesional that skis 75+ days a year and is making it in a mountain town, so at the very least it didn't seem to hurt me.

PM me if you have specific questions.

[Tippster]

That's a pretty ideal situation. I wish we had relatives that lived around here.

Get part-time daycare. My friends do that.

Right now I'm a de Facto stay at home Dad since I broke my leg. The kids, however, are still in all-day day-camp and will be going to school & after care starting on Monday since I can't really do anything w/them. They also enjoy the social aspect of being around other kids and having some structured play time.

[AsheanMT]

I spend a huge amount of time at home with our 17mo. I paint houses in the summer but not often as he takes up most of my time. Ash works 30hrs a week and when I get a painting job we send the lil bugger to the grandparents for the day. We can't see working just to pay for daycare so we live a little poorer but have a great time. I'm definitely the house bitch. Laundry, cooking, dishes, mowing, changing diapers, playing kid games, grocery shopping, etc. Its really fun and extremely important to me as I didn't grow up with my real Dad. In fact, the fathers on my side of the family have always ditched out going back three generations. I take it as my personal responsibility to break that cycle and I love spending time with my son every day. I think its working really well for him too as I'm not as soft as the women in the family. I don't give in to hissy fits and crying at all which has forced our son to be very well behaved.

[sharcsplean]

I did the SAHD for a my son's first year. I left the job computer job on wall st. and played with Jake. It was difficult and somewhat isolating at times. I went with the part time day care option after a while and went back to school for a teaching degree. I loved my time at home, but I needed to find a job I liked and have more human contact. Where I used to live, there was not a great network of stay at home parents.

My boys are now 3 and 5, and I am teaching part time at a private school. They both go there and love it. Do not knock day care - it teaches kids great social skills. They helped to teach me how to potty train (when you clean ass for a living - you learn how to teach kids quick), they give the kids music, art and swim lesson - and gave me a break to do some things for me.

I have no regrets, but I needed a little more mental stimulation for me. But for a year, it was great. For me the hours of teaching gave me a lot more flexibility for my family.

[Yonder_River]

Get part-time daycare. My friends do that.

Unfortunately, decent daycare convenient to us is just full-time and has at least a year waiting list and some have longer. Of course we could just pay 21k a year for that I guess and use it on a part-time basis.

I loved my time at home, but I needed to find a job I liked and have more human contact. Where I used to live, there was not a great network of stay at home parents.

I've wondered how I'd react to the "isolation". I'd hope that eventually I'd get the kid(s) out there enough at playgrounds, playdates, etc. that I'd have some interactions with other adults. I think there's some Seatle SAHD group of some kind. I work with nice people, but really, most of them do very little for me social-wise, it's strictly business. We have a good group of social couples that have no ties to my work, but I know that interactions with them will be further spaced than before.

[PowTron]

Do it if you can...I wish we could, but I make way more $$$ then my lady, but what she does with our 2.5 year old and our 3 month old is priceless...

Like someone else said, I too have to clean, cook, etc....we share that job, and I like it. Just because you are going to stay at home doesn't mean you are in charge of every household chore and errand on top of the child care duties.

[Tippster]

Unfortunately, decent daycare convenient to us is just full-time and has at least a year waiting list and some have longer. Of course we could just pay 21k a year for that I guess and use it on a part-time basis...

Get into a nanny share. There are many options beyond "organized" daycare.

[Chugachjed]

....And trust me, I've definitely already thought about the "she'll want to hang with the kid in the evening, I'll go boat/ski" angle.

Don't get caught up thinking that if you're home all day and she is at work missing the kid that you'll be able to go and do what you want in the evenings. You're up for a rude awakening if you think that. I sure was, I thought I'd get to go on short tours after the wife got home from work. Almost never happens the only way I've been able to get out of the house at night on a regular basis is to work at night. I've been doing the semi-stay at home dad thing for about 8 months. Being home with the kid all day is amazing tons of fun not super easy but definately fun.

If you cherish your free time don't have kids.

[sharcsplean]

Oneore thing, work out with your wife some 'daddy time'. If it is a group afternoon bike ride, nite ski day with your friends, poker game, or what ever you are into. My wife was very cool about this and I got one day on the weekend to go ski/bike and one ride group during the week when she came home around 4:30.
When your kid is a few months old, there are no play group and you kid feeds naps ever few hours. you don't get out as much as you hoped. After 6 months get a bike trailer. Their necks are strong enough at that point and I could do a 1-2 hour road ride while both my boys napped in the back. (go out right before nap time and they will sleep) They also have room in the back for a diaper bag, etc... They make great training tools.

The older they are, the easier it gets...

[Beaver]

http://www.break.com/index/stay-home-dad-rap.html

[~mikey b]

here's what you can look forward to ---> working on the computer this morning with my son sitting on the floor playing and reading books. I step out to the kitchen to pour myself another cup of coffee, and in the minute I'm gone, Owen had found a Sharpie marker (where?) and is sitting on the desk coloring the computer monitor. YIKES! My fault, as I trusted the little rotter to stay on the floor and play rather than trying to ruin my screen.

Bac-Out got the Sharpie marker off the screen.

[AsheanMT]

here's what you can look forward to ---> working on the computer this morning with my son sitting on the floor playing and reading books. I step out to the kitchen to pour myself another cup of coffee, and in the minute I'm gone, Owen had found a Sharpie marker (where?) and is sitting on the desk coloring the computer monitor. YIKES! My fault, as I trusted the little rotter to stay on the floor and play rather than trying to ruin my screen.

Bac-Out got the Sharpie marker off the screen.

That sounds exactly like something that would happen in our house. I went to go get some cereal the other morning and when I got back Liam had discovered the fresh steamy pile of shit he just laid in his diaper and was diggin around deep to really get a feel for it. Lesson= onsies with crotch buttons so he can't get into his diaper. Been working on potty training lately. Can't wait to get him off the diapers.$$$$.

Speaking of potty training, while googling info I found this little gem of a training video.

[Stu Gotz]

Rule #1 about babies: don't have multiples.
Rule #2 about babies: see rule #1.

[hutash]

Also think about job sharing. Not just women do it these days. Work 1/2 to 3/4 time, wife does the same, maybe some day care time as well. Keeps everybody in the work force, keeps every ones sanity, kid get some social skills, et cetera.

[EarlyWood]

just do it