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  1. #1
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    How to order coffee like a man

    This bugs the shit out of me I don't quite know why.

    None of these rules apply to women because they can't possibly understand something as complex as coffee or beer



    #1 donít be gay



    I know there is a big menu with so many fun Italian words ending in **ccino
    just donít
    Mocha = you only kiss guys
    Frappuccino = full blown gay
    Latte = bottom
    Vanilla latte = power bottom that likes to be slapped


    #2 be a man


    If you insist on milk and foam- Cappuccino
    If you are at Peets its OK to order drip Coffee
    Elsewhere- Americano - Espresso plus hot water
    When you are ready for adulthood or a long night just order 4 shots of espresso in a short cup and sip it like Balvenie

    now move it along so everyone else can order


    your cooperation is appreciated

  2. #2
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    I only order house dark roast.

    I tell 'em I want it dark and bitter, like my soul.
    °”rale, vato!

  3. #3
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    americano?

    ameri-fuckin-cano?

    what the fuck is wrong with you?



    when i see a male over 30 ordering an americano i know right away he's a fucking idiot trying to show off ... but in a subdued way. it tastes like what it is - fucking watered down espresso. why the fuck would you want that??

    drip coffee was fine for my grandfather, it is fine for my father, and goddammit - it's fine for me too. and if you think you have to go to a fucking trendy "coffee boutique" like peets to get it, then you're a particularly annoying kind of ass-pirate. peets is fine, but hell, if all i had was folgers, i'd drink it. and be happy.

    faggot.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viva View Post
    I only order house dark roast.

    I tell 'em I want it dark and bitter, like my soul.

    This is hilarious because I've said the same thing. Only it was in mock reference to the emo-goth-whatever kids at the local breakfast place who come in all surly and like their coffee dark and bitter like their soul, but then go on to order the super duper strawberry shortcake waffles!
    As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

  5. #5
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    The quad espresso in a short cup sounds like it would go fantastically with a big fat J; enjoyed while sitting on a park bench on a crisp, sunny fall afternoon. Now I know what I'm going to dedicate one afternoon of fall long weekend to back in Ann Arbor.
    "The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists."

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by scoober View Post
    This is hilarious because I've said the same thing. Only it was in mock reference to the emo-goth-whatever kids at the local breakfast place who come in all surly and like their coffee dark and bitter like their soul, but then go on to order the super duper strawberry shortcake waffles!
    Where are these waffles, and how do I get some?
    Congrats, mags! We collected 1030.68! for birdman!
    Quote Originally Posted by Tuckerman View Post
    No is that like whne I come on your mosms face whle you lick my ballsss???

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weed Man View Post
    Mocha = you only kiss guys
    Smooches!!!
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."

  8. #8
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    Sep 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve View Post
    if you think you have to go to a fucking trendy "coffee boutique" like peets to get it, then you're a particularly annoying kind of ass-pirate. peets is fine, but hell, if all i had was folgers, i'd drink it. and be happy.

    faggot.
    Wow, troll pulls a full on prejudice tirade out of Steve. Who knew?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrianGriffin View Post
    The quad espresso in a short cup sounds like it would go fantastically with a big fat J; enjoyed while sitting on a park bench on a crisp, sunny fall afternoon. Now I know what I'm going to dedicate one afternoon of fall long weekend to back in Ann Arbor.
    Back when I worked a restaurant job, the morning joint and 4 shots of espresso on the loading dock was the only thing that allowed me to get through my violent hangover and on to the prep list. It was the fucking best part of my day.

  10. #10
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    Reason #1 I don't live in the Anglo Saxon world = you are allowed to enjoy life without being called a faggot.
    Life is not lift served.

  11. #11
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    They're calling you that and worse, you just don't realize it.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weed Man View Post
    Mocha = you only kiss guys
    I have about two a year but iced mocha doesn't suck.

    Kissing guys might not suck either but i never tried it.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hohes View Post
    Reason #1 I don't live in the Anglo Saxon world = you are allowed to enjoy life without being called a faggot.
    You must be right. I've seen Japanese guys carry what can only be considered purses.

  14. #14
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    AD - You are right.
    Life is not lift served.

  15. #15
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    I'm a girl and couldn't care less what a guy orders at a coffee place. Guys I know drink iced coffee, or espresso, or lattes, or they drink drip, or tea, or cap - I've never given it a second thought.
    Artist formerly known as yogachik.
    become a fan

  16. #16
    I'm ur Huckleberry Guest
    I always ask the waitress for the "sheepherders special".

    "I'd like a Cup of coffee and a piece of you"

  17. #17
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    Nov 2003
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    Large fucking drip....Peets preferred. NOT at an airport or Peets kiosk...a REAL PEETS!!!!!!!

    If its 300 F outside, get an iced drip. Americano, just don't get an iced one at Starbucks...a robot pulls your espresso, and then they just pour tap water and add ice.

    After an expensive meal, double espresso.

    After an massive ski touring day trip, quad mocha. But that's only because you need the sugar.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    592
    Steve goes a little further than me,
    after all, I've had some coffee from a chain coffee place or two.

    But I agree with the spirit.

    I don't know if you can call somebody out for not ordering coffee
    like a man if you are ordering at a place that has 'inos' and 'grande' and
    'double decaf soy..." on the coffee menu.

    A man makes his coffee.

    You don't have to drink folgers drip.

    You can be a little fancy with it.

    I like nice coffee, something good and dark, and grinding
    the beans is good. Coffee presses make some good joe.

    Camping sometimes I use an old perculator.

    No sugar, no sweetners, no flavored creamers.

    Half and half is acceptable. Milk is acceptable.

    You can order coffee out if the establishment also serves food. This can be hippy dippy vegetarian places or greasy spoons. Coffee tastes best at greasy spoons when you are alone and reading the paper at the counter. Coffee tastes best at hippy dippy veggie places if there is a cute girl working.

    Having breakfast pastries and bagels in a display case does not count as serving food.
    Last edited by renoenvy; 06-26-2008 at 11:02 PM.

  19. #19
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    Don't kid yourself, a cappuccino is way more gayer than a latte. Look at all those bubbles.

  20. #20
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    It ain't coffee if you don't get it at a truck stop at 2am.




    Actually, I don't even like coffee, I just thought that sounded kind of cool. But strawberry waffles...I'm in for those!
    Shut your eyes and think of somewhere. Somewhere cold and caked with snow.

  21. #21
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    I'll have the ligonberry pancakes.
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."

  22. #22
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    American drip coffee isn't great, but it isn't shocking either. It certainly has a place in the world of coffee drinking and I sometime like a slosh of it in my mug when I don't want to get high on bean.

    I grew up in a country that drank instant coffee by the gallons at home. Drip coffee was fancy. Needless to say, I never saw the appeal in the stuff until I went to an unmanly cafe and had a proper coffee.

    Instant coffee is revolting.
    Life is not lift served.

  23. #23
    Be a man! Grow that shit yourself, grind it with your dick, and drip it with beer. That's the only way to go.

    Seriously though, if I'm buying coffee in the morning, it's coming from the local donut shop, and they have 4 choices...........Regular, Decaf, Large and Small.

  24. #24
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    What a West Coast coffee snob rant - If only you knew how good you have it. At least you have options. Time for some EC input.

    The thing that really disappoints me is Coffee REGULAR.

    Cream and sugar destroys coffee flavor. BLACk is Beautiful.

    PS - Dunkin Donuts is really fruity coffee. No wonder they use so much cream and sugar to hide the taste.
    And there is no need for 30 Dunkin stores per square mile.
    ďLife has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.Ē
    Hunter S. Thompson

  25. #25
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    George Carlin got this one right too-- "The longer your order, the bigger the asshole!"
    A woman reported to police at 6:30 p.m. that she was being "smart-mouthed."

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