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Thread: Struggling Hardcore: Who am I?
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10-09-2016, 06:43 PM #126
Sounds to me that you are at the beginning of a new adventure, one that starts with insight. It's OK, it's a needful reassessment of direction that comes with your brain reaching it's fully adult state, going from defining oneself by one's surroundings, to actually looking around inside, and becoming self aware.
My advice is to moan and groan, and make your body vibrate when you feel heavy.I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. -אלוהים אדירים
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10-10-2016, 03:24 PM #127observing free range rude
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10-11-2016, 07:57 AM #128
good shit ive read a bit of hst but never that letter
kinda rang true tome
i tend to float a good bit i don't do much goals or quantifying
and i just sent in the loot for a week in Valhalla
I miss buzz he mounted the drama lama a bit much buts was a solid mag
id offer advise but i can't see how an aged fishy skibums with shitty vision gonna help you see a path when hes bushwhackin his own
"im gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames"
jdm"When the child was a child it waited patiently for the first snow and it still does"- Van "The Man" Morrison
"I find I have already had my reward, in the doing of the thing" - Buzz Holmstrom
"THIS IS WHAT WE DO"-AML -ski on in eternal peace
"I have posted in here but haven't read it carefully with my trusty PoliAsshat antenna on."-DipshitDanno
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06-04-2019, 08:59 AM #129Banned
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06-04-2019, 12:02 PM #130
is it working?
"fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
"She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
"everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy
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06-04-2019, 01:01 PM #131Banned
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Well I managed to find a career track that I can foresee keeping me engaged for awhile, so it is huge to feel like I'm not truly squandering 40-50 hours a week proactively making myself unhappy.
As for the general attitude/outlook that was at the root of my existential angst and was causing issues in friendships and relationships, it's been a mixed bag. Over the past 9-12 months I've finally gotten proactive about getting to the root of those issues. I've established some meaningful connections in the intervening years, but I've also continued to drive away people who care about me, and who I care about through something that's probably best described as a milieu of ignorance, arrogance, and extreme reticence to trust/believe people. That last one has been somewhat profound to unpack and get to the bottom of.
One thing that does remain constant for me is that even when life is a complete and utter shit sandwich, it's still pretty fucking great. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
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06-04-2019, 01:11 PM #132
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06-04-2019, 01:25 PM #133Registered User
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06-04-2019, 09:49 PM #134
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06-05-2019, 07:21 AM #135
i used to be very open to people until i realized that even folks i considered close friends couldn't resist engaging in idle palaver. i guess people like to dwell on other's struggles, questions and general uncertainties in life. i don't understand why people do this, i myself am guilty of it but fail to see the benefit, after all i'm having a difficult enough time figuring out my own life, why do i want to think about someone else's problems?
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06-05-2019, 09:13 AM #136Banned
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I posted that almost three years ago. Was still living in Utah at the time, Aspen and the trajectory that moving there would put me on wasn't even on my radar.
Also crazy to realize that this thread got started when I was in ninth grade.
I think a good day of wandering around in the hills with a head full of fungi would be a solid prescription for regaining some perspective.Last edited by glademaster; 06-05-2019 at 09:46 AM.
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06-05-2019, 09:47 PM #137
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06-05-2019, 09:52 PM #138
I think I speak to any "friend" of mine maybe once or twice a year. If that.
Some people are social, some, not so much.
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06-06-2019, 06:06 AM #139I drink it up
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Yeah, off topic but really not.... I felt kinda old when I saw all you fuckers turning 30 and I passed that milestone 8 years ago.
Then I realized this thread is 15 years old and you guys are a bunch of geezers.
Also, first logged into powmag in ‘99, which means I’ve been on this board for half my life. Pains me to see it slowing down.
Perspective and how fleeting it all really is. That’s what this thread is about, right?focus.
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06-06-2019, 08:13 AM #140
You're only 38? Damn my internal guess was far off.
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06-06-2019, 09:02 AM #141
That's a massive amount of truth, takes a mighty big person to write it. I sorta had vision about that when I was 20; maybe becuase 20 wasn't an easy age for me. From then on I never really asked the question "what do I want" I asked "how do I provide for them." Later a person much wiser than I once talked about how life is a river; and if the river flows right, you end up old and gray with grandchildren. if it doesn't flow right you wind up in the swamp outside the flow along the way. I thought it was great imagery.
The other thing that took me quite a while to learn is that it isn't fair, and it ain't gone get fair. it just is."Can't you see..."
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06-06-2019, 10:10 AM #142
man this thread is so good. I've already spent too long reading it at my desk job and hope to catch up later tonight. It's crazy to see all these posts from people that i used to kind of look up to when i first found these boards, kind of makes some of their points hit harder. hope everyone is doing well with everyone.
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06-06-2019, 09:55 PM #143
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06-07-2019, 01:20 AM #144
Funny reading this for a bit before seeing was an old thread. I signed up here 2008 so just over 1/4 of life here at age 39.
Over the last ten years I’ve worked in construction as a laborer then carpenter then foreman the last year was superintendent on helicopter hangar for Chugach Powder Guides. $3m project over a year all on my head with day to day logistics and planning etc. How did this happen , I’m just a ski bum with deeply buried wanna be pro skier aspirations and now some how happy in a ‘career’?
I was happy because I had to work my brain and got to build the coolest club house for the coolest kids in town. In early May I went back to do one last install of these big custom barn doors .
It was last day of operation and who is at the hangar ...? Todd Jones and crew taking camera off helicopter and packing up aiming for the airport after another season in ak.
It all struck me as funny as I had never met Todd. Then I was like “are you Todd Jones ?” He said yes and I said I was a fan. Then I added, “ you remember me when I trolled you pretty good with the ‘can I ski with you’ thread.
He smiled and said he remembered. I said ‘ yeah skiing is pretty fun but now I’m building stuff , it’s kind of fun. “ he complimented the building.
Mean while his kid was pestering him to get in the van to race Ligare to the airport or something. There was another dirt bag emo pro looking guy and maybe Mcnutt.
It struck me as funny and reiterated my feeling of being content with my path that led away from wanna be pro skiing.
And here I am building bad ass building so these guys could enjoy it. It made me happy.
Todd said ‘see ya’ And I returned to the job at hand with a newfound sense of closure on a chapter of life.
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06-07-2019, 09:58 AM #145
It is interesting looking back and seeing where we are now.
I did the school thing for three years. I got an associates degree (a big deal for me) and got into nursing school. About 3/4 through the first semester I realized that it wasn't for me and I honestly couldn't sit like that to do the sort of studying the program required. I was starting to fall apart and all I could think about was trail building. I'm deeply invested in current local trail projects.
So after I dropped out I had a few difficult months of figuring out what I was going to do. This was kind of rough at 43. Now I'm hired on as a crew leader with ACE on the trail project I did the design layout on. It doesn't pay much but it's my dream job. Our volunteer group is gaining a lot of respect locally and we hope to turn it into a non profit or business that has a few paid for positions. The BIG dream job that I'm really after.
When I wrote those posts I was comparing myself to my friends that get to go on long ski holidays with their families. I was being hard on myself and you know what, I now realize that my kid doesn't need those things, she just needs to know that she is loved. We actually have a pretty darn good life and if I can live the rest of my days out in the forest building trails I'll basically never work again.
So.......life is a funny thing. I'm super fired up right now and haven't felt like this in a long time. That school shit seriously sucks and I would feel the same about being a nurse or a successful 9-5 whatever job type guy. I don't want to be miserable for money. So maybe I'll never ski Cham or sit on the beaches of Spain but does that really matter? Nah, not so much.dirtbag, not a dentist
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06-07-2019, 10:05 AM #146
I definitely don't like being too busy unless it's trail building and being out in the field. Right now I'm out doing trail stuff like 6 days a week and I couldn't be more stoked.
The trips don't matter that much, we have a good thing going on. My daughter gets back today form a summer camp where they rode from Flagstaff to the Grand Canyon with car assisted camping over 6 days. We skied every week that we wanted to and spend most of our time in the outdoors. I practically live outside now. I can't complain at all.dirtbag, not a dentist
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06-10-2019, 02:47 PM #147
Holy shit balls! Haven't been on here in a long time and today I poke in and see this. Blast from past for sure and I see many old friends I still keep in touch with.
Not doing too shabby for going on 45. A lot less hair, a beautiful wife of 21 years, a 14 yo daughter going into HS (smart as hell, taller than me) next fall, 2 Great Danes and a lovely house thanks to Lumpy last year.
Reading this was crazy. What a dumb fucking kid I was.
I remember Glade coming out as the "young kid" for the Utah Mini. He was shy yet super nice. Now he is doing the 30 something thinking deal.
I'm still in SLC and doing the dance.
Cheers to you all, been a hell of a ride!"boobs just make the world better really" - Woodsy
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06-11-2019, 12:16 PM #148
Hey buddy
Give my love to wife & daughter
Sorry the Dane hates me.
Hope to see y'all soon.
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06-11-2019, 01:07 PM #149
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06-13-2019, 02:13 PM #150
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