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  1. #201
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Fort Collins
    Posts
    113
    In the shop as a bunch of morons are RENTING snowboards:

    Girlfriend (to boyfriend): "How are my boots supposed to feel?"

    Boyfriend: "Snowboard boots are supposed to feel squishy and loose. Snowboarding was pretty much invented by a bunch of lazy teenagers"



    I only hate people who rent more and more as the season goes on...

  2. #202
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Saaaan Diaago
    Posts
    3,478
    Sunday in the lift line for Area 51 at Keystone, I'm surrounded by kids in their Bern baseball helmets and pants that make me wonder "how does the waistline stay in that position?", and I'm decked out with nice shell jacket, arcteryx bib pants, small daypack, and full face helmet (more comfy with headphones than other helmet). Ironically (as I am usually the one poking the fun), I hear from a park rat, "say, boy, you got a dirtbike to go with that helmet?"

    To kill the dood with laughter, I replied with some podunk gibberish about a 4-wheeler and possum roadkill. I probably deserved the question, but I thought it was debatably funny enough to post...

    Also, I gave my friend some B3s (94 underfoot) to try out at Keystone on a hardpack day last season, and the report was that MULTIPLE people commented on how fat they were. At least two of them asked, "well, why don't you just put two SNOWBOARDS ON YOUR FEET?!"
    "I said flotation is groovy"
    -Jimi Hendrix

    "Just... ski down there and jump offa somethin' for cryin' out loud!!!"
    -The Coolest Guy to have Ever Lived

  3. #203
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Overpriced Orchards
    Posts
    1,823
    Quote Originally Posted by Deep Days View Post
    Sunday in the lift line for Area 51 at Keystone, I'm surrounded by kids in their Bern baseball helmets and pants that make me wonder "how does the waistline stay in that position?", and I'm decked out with nice shell jacket, arcteryx bib pants, small daypack, and full face helmet (more comfy with headphones than other helmet). Ironically (as I am usually the one poking the fun), I hear from a park rat, "say, boy, you got a dirtbike to go with that helmet?"

    To kill the dood with laughter, I replied with some podunk gibberish about a 4-wheeler and possum roadkill. I probably deserved the question, but I thought it was debatably funny enough to post...
    In fairness, you are a gaper at heart.

  4. #204
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Saaaan Diaago
    Posts
    3,478
    Quote Originally Posted by squatch View Post
    In fairness, you are a gaper at heart.
    And in body, spirit, and skiing, to be precise...
    "I said flotation is groovy"
    -Jimi Hendrix

    "Just... ski down there and jump offa somethin' for cryin' out loud!!!"
    -The Coolest Guy to have Ever Lived

  5. #205
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Basel
    Posts
    290
    This was overheard at Hunter Mountain many years ago -

    "Hey Vinny - check out deez boots, they match the camero!"

  6. #206
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    low and inside
    Posts
    5,017
    Quote Originally Posted by Deep Days View Post
    Also, I gave my friend some B3s (94 underfoot) to try out at Keystone on a hardpack day last season, and the report was that MULTIPLE people commented on how fat they were. At least two of them asked, "well, why don't you just put two SNOWBOARDS ON YOUR FEET?!"
    yea, similar response to my axioms from one of the guys at the shop where they were mounted. he shows me a pair of 95 waisted skis and says "these are fat, yours...i've skiied on skinnier water skis"
    really, now?

  7. #207
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    low and inside
    Posts
    5,017
    saturday, stowe

    overheard on lift line:
    "you've gotta turn around the powder. if you hit it you get killed"
    on lift, on W9.1s
    "aren't most people sking on parabolics these days?'
    on lift on axioms
    "so what's the purpose of such wide skis?'
    Last edited by buckethead; 01-28-2008 at 08:26 AM.

  8. #208
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    33
    My buddy in his instructors' uniform got this gem: "Hey you work for the mountain and I paid my money, show me where the secret spots are" He wasn't even teaching the guy..
    Skiing is for little fat kids

  9. #209
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    6,900
    "This powder is no fun."

    - top of Blue Sky Basin on Saturday

  10. #210
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    12
    Overheard a Texan on a bus talking about Winter Park: "Yeah, it's a fun area, but they have so many gosh darn moguls!"
    Woman (stranger) he was talking to: "Oh, really???"
    Texan: "Yeah. Well, you know they groom for them."

  11. #211
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    The in-between
    Posts
    952
    Quote Originally Posted by hugetoflat View Post
    My buddy in his instructors' uniform got this gem: "Hey you work for the mountain and I paid my money, show me where the secret spots are" He wasn't even teaching the guy..
    "It's right over there, just the other side of that rope."
    Shut your eyes and think of somewhere. Somewhere cold and caked with snow.

  12. #212
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    jh
    Posts
    93
    on a lift someone in a one piece said, "I'm thinking of getting a monoski". I told him I thought it was a really good idea.

    on the bus after a killer pow day at the resort I heard some new yorkers saying, "it's totally going to snow and be cold the whole time we're here. this place sucks." they were serious. ugh.

  13. #213
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    3,544
    Multiple times in Kirkwood's unusually and egregiously long lift lines, I heard such comments on my Praxis as: "The dude's skiing on waterskis." "Those are ridiculous. I bet he can't even turn them." Bear in mind that there was about two feet of variable soft/crusty mank this weekend. Also bear in mind that the people making such comments seemed to be on either 160cm race stock Fishers/Atomics (ideal skis for heavy powder!) or five-year-old midfats.

    I'm not really into the "he/she's a gaper" thing, but if you're going to make dumb comments in the lift lines about others, at least do so so that they can't hear you.

    (My Praxis, btw, have been $$$.)

  14. #214
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Indy
    Posts
    646
    Scene: Someplace in Indy.



    Not really at the lift/on the lift, etc but rather when "friends" ask about "where ya goin skee-un?" over food, coffee, beers, etc


    I tell them (whatever place) and then they always, always fucking respond:

    "Don't end up like sonny Bono" or "don't break a leg".

    Well, about a week ago, I let me sort of friend dave fucking have it:


    "Look Dave, Sometimes, if you don't know what the fucking subject matter is, its best to just shut the fuck up. How would you like if everytime you said "Goodbye, I have to drive home" or whatever, I said "Don't get rearended by a semi", or "don't let your 3 year old fly throught the fucking windshield".

    Hoosiers are some of the MOST ignorant dumbfucks on the goddamn planet.

  15. #215
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Man Jose, CA
    Posts
    170
    Heading up Chair 10 at Kirkwood on Saturday I overheard "It says experts only" "That's if you want to come down the face, we're going to the backside to Sunrise" (Sunrise was still on wind hold at that point as well)
    The biggest problem with this wine was that it had more wood put to it than Jenna Jameson.

  16. #216
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    downtown WP
    Posts
    593
    Coffee Shop this morning-

    Woman-"How do I get my skis off of the shuttle bus?"
    Server-"Off the shuttle bus? You pull them out of the rack on the side of the bus. Sometimes they get stuck with twin tips and shaped skis, but pull hard"
    Woman-"Do you have the number of the shuttle bus company, so I can get my skis"

    Sure enough, she pointed out the window to the bus leaving with her skis still on the side. Little things to get you going monday am!

  17. #217
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Breckenridge
    Posts
    8
    So here's my gaper/jong moment. This was in '03

    Me, at Heavenly for the 1st time on the double chair near Killebrew (I think) asking the lifty how to get somewhere. Like a complete dumbass I'm standing in the path of the chair not paying attention. I get nailed by the lift double ejecting me out of my skis, trashing my watch, and leaving a nasty bruise on my shoulder. All the while the lift line bursts into laughter.

  18. #218
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Barcelona / Princeton / Geneva
    Posts
    13
    On Jan 21st, Snowbird, at the Iron Blossam lobby, during interlodge waiting for the avalanche control to finish. This guy looks at my Lotus 120 and says:
    "Wow, are you going waterskiing?!"
    "Sure, I've been doing that for the whole week..."
    "Last year, I bought fat skis but they are at home, 'cause the wide breaks get hooked to my pants".
    "Really, that's sick man... have you tried trimming your pants?"
    Last edited by Ole BCN; 01-28-2008 at 01:33 PM.

  19. #219
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    where it's steep and deep
    Posts
    2,298
    "Why do you have a different ski on the left and right side?"

    (I ski with the old MoJo90)
    Ein Berg ohne Absturzgefahr ist nur noch Attrappe. (Reinhold Messner)

  20. #220
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Calgary/Golden
    Posts
    5,525
    Heard from the chair, while nuking down the liftline:
    "Hey! TURN!"

    I did. Twice.
    It doesn't matter if you're a king or a little street sweeper...
    ...sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper
    -Death

    Kaz is my co-pilot

  21. #221
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    low and inside
    Posts
    5,017
    Quote Originally Posted by PTracy P1 View Post
    Scene: Someplace in Indy.



    Not really at the lift/on the lift, etc but rather when "friends" ask about "where ya goin skee-un?" over food, coffee, beers, etc


    I tell them (whatever place) and then they always, always fucking respond:

    "Don't end up like sonny Bono" or "don't break a leg".

    Well, about a week ago, I let me sort of friend dave fucking have it:


    "Look Dave, Sometimes, if you don't know what the fucking subject matter is, its best to just shut the fuck up. How would you like if everytime you said "Goodbye, I have to drive home" or whatever, I said "Don't get rearended by a semi", or "don't let your 3 year old fly throught the fucking windshield".

    Hoosiers are some of the MOST ignorant dumbfucks on the goddamn planet.
    haha. yea, i love when people toss the sonny bono!

    how 'bout for the drivers home:
    "don't pull a dale ernhart (sp?)"
    people GET fame

  22. #222
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Wankouver
    Posts
    1,527
    C'mon. All you Praxis guys are joking about gaper comments but deep down inside I know you love it.

  23. #223
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    704
    Quote Originally Posted by depressed skier forced to be LA View Post
    and my own addition to the thread

    "at what altitude does a deer become a moose?" really?!?!?!

    Have heard this multiple (double digits) times
    ans: when you are really high

  24. #224
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    vancouver
    Posts
    600
    on whistler, get on the chair with two singles, one is 20 something year old girl on teles, no back pack, no bc gear, on emerald chair, all greens. the other single asks her, "teles, eh, you got skins on those today?"

  25. #225
    Gman's Avatar
    Gman is offline Mack Master William Large
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Beantown
    Posts
    1,928
    last friday at beaver creek was good. I pulled into the back of the bear lot for a mid day excursion. The family next to me was clearly not from around the area. The dad asked me "does the bus come by here and pick us up" to which I replied "no you have to walk over there to the stop". Mind you this was maybe 500 feet away, nothing far by any means. When I said that the dad shook his head in disbelief, I was just waiting for a deer valley type comment.

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