Shit that annoys you

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Originally Posted by Boissal

Fuck you money will let me purchase and re-purpose a really large agro conglomerate in the midwest and replace all their wheat varieties with that good French shit. Dream big!!


See above, it's the wheat!
I bake sourdough on occasion but I've never been successful with making anything other than large loaves. I like those a lot but the form factor isn't great and the crust ends up too thick if I want the inside baked well. I've tried different shapes and never got anywhere with baguette shapes. Need a better over for that I guess.

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This is my go-to sourdough recipe/form-factor and I like it a lot:

https://breadtopia.com/sourdough-ciabatta/

I've actually done baguette-ish shapes with this dough (proofed in a baguette pan) and they turn out pretty damned good.

Attachment 459252

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Originally Posted by Boissal

One thing that REALLY annoys me: I still haven't found a single place that makes good French bread in SLC, or anywhere I've been in the US for that matter. There are solid wheat breads, sourdoughs, other weird breads, but a French-style baguette or country bread? Nope. Even in "French" boulangeries in NYC. The stuff never has the right texture and dries way too fast. WTF is that about? Flour, water, yeast, there aren't that many variables and yet... Some of the best French baguettes I've had are from Costco and an industrial bread place that used to sell at Smiths' (La Brea?). How is it possible that any random corner boulangerie in France can crank out better bread than pretty much anything you can find in the US?

If I ever make fuck you money at work and get to retire and pursue a pet project it will be to try and remedy this abomination. I'm financing a legit boulangerie and importing a salty French bread artist, mostly to feed my personal habit.

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The French Bread Country Bread at harmons (specifically Brickyard location) is (often) very moist and stays moist for days, although sometimes it's inconsistent when buying and I've had some average loafs before. I know nothing about what it should taste like in France, but most loaves I buy of them is incredibly tasty - authentic or not. You can get them in sandwich loafs - thicker inside and thinner crust - or oval loaves which have very thick crust and more air pockets inside than the sandwich loaf but can work for sandwiches, stop me if I'm mansplaining! They also have a round version that I've never bought, is that the traditional shape? The sandwich style loaf is probably an abomination to french people everywhere but they are functional.

Ever tried those? What do you think? What about bread from V&R or Delise? How long should a good french bread last before drying out anyways?

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Originally Posted by muted reborn

<snip> How long should a good french bread last before drying out anyways?

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About 8 hours. If uncut, perhaps 12 hours. :D

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Originally Posted by Ted Striker

He's been listening to vintage Young Fresh Fellows

Open the icebox baby
And take out the cheese
Cut off the moldy parts
And tape them to your knees

Here's the whole album

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Wow, blast from the past.



Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

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Originally Posted by BCMtnHound

Pretty sure the issue with NA bread vs European is the grain variety. Something about pre-sliced bread triggering a need for wheat strain that holds bread moisture better, and the trade-off is the natural sweetness of the bread (the increased bitterness is somewhat offset by added sweetener in NA doughs). Since the market is so large, hard to find a grower that is specific to European wheat varieties in NA, but maybe they are out there?

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Ash content as well. Ken Forkish goes into some detail about this in his book.

Boissal, central milling has multiple options for wheat varietals and ash content if you order direct. Starts at 5 pounds so not an unusable amount. They are super knowledgeable if you choose to contact them direct.

Friends of ours from Basel/Paris will get bread from DC. The consulate situation creates a market for authentic foods. I used to get the best pretzels that were seconds for the German consulate.

I like bread made with Einkorn. And also Spelt.

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Originally Posted by skaredshtles

This is my go-to sourdough recipe/form-factor and I like it a lot:
https://breadtopia.com/sourdough-ciabatta/
I've actually done baguette-ish shapes with this dough (proofed in a baguette pan) and they turn out pretty damned good.

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Good looking loaves! I'll have to try that recipe, although my starter is gone and I'm back to regular bread these days using a no-knead recipe and baking them in the dutch oven.

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Originally Posted by muted reborn

The French Bread Country Bread at harmons (specifically Brickyard location) is (often) very moist and stays moist for days, although sometimes it's inconsistent when buying and I've had some average loafs before. I know nothing about what it should taste like in France, but most loaves I buy of them is incredibly tasty - authentic or not. You can get them in sandwich loafs - thicker inside and thinner crust - or oval loaves which have very thick crust and more air pockets inside than the sandwich loaf but can work for sandwiches, stop me if I'm mansplaining! They also have a round version that I've never bought, is that the traditional shape? The sandwich style loaf is probably an abomination to french people everywhere but they are functional.

Ever tried those? What do you think? What about bread from V&R or Delise? How long should a good french bread last before drying out anyways?

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Haven't tried V&R, on the list. The Delice bread was a huge disappointment. Their pastries are legit and I thought I had finally found the holy grail but no, their bread blows. I tried something from Bread Riot Bakehouse the other day, looked real good, should have paid attention to the price cause it was $8, and I nearly got cramps in my jaw from chewing so hard...
The Harmons bread is pretty good, and I've tried all their shapes. There's not really an "authentic" French taste to be honest, and it's not what I'm looking for, it's mostly about consistency and crust to innards ratio. Is there an Engrish word for the inside of the bread btw? As for shape, a French boulangerie will have 50 different breads ranging from super think baguettes (ficelles, means string) to giant boules that can be 5+ lbs. They all have their uses, I'll eat them all, but the go-to is the baguette, best form factor, easiest to get rid of in 1 seating, can be bought fresh throughout the day. Most sandwiches are baguettes cause they don't fall apart as easily as the ones made from loaves.
Anyway, rant's over, I think bread is much more ingrained in the culture over there than it is here and I'm still not adjusting to that.

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Originally Posted by ghosthop

Boissal, central milling has multiple options for wheat varietals and ash content if you order direct. Starts at 5 pounds so not an unusable amount. They are super knowledgeable if you choose to contact them direct.

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Solid beta, thanks! Have to go to the SF consulate soon, I'll ask the locals where they get their breads!

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Originally Posted by Boissal

Good looking loaves! I'll have to try that recipe, although my starter is gone

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Get a starter rolling again, my man.

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<snip> Is there an Engrish word for the inside of the bread btw?

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I think you mean the "crumb"?

Crumb of one of my sourdough ciabatta loaves:

Attachment 459257

Kids are starting first jobs… fast food and such. The fact that these employers try to do orientation off the clock blows my mind a little bit.

Oh man. That’s not even a little bit legal

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Originally Posted by Supermoon

Oh man. That’s not even a little bit legal

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This. WTF?

time ta teach that kid how ta lodge a wage theft complaint with the department of labor… itsa learning experience!




fact.

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Originally Posted by skaredshtles

About 8 hours. If uncut, perhaps 12 hours. :D

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If that's somehow true then I need to lower my standards of bread around here. The country loafs at Harmons last 2-3 days easily, but it varies.

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Originally Posted by Boissal

Good looking loaves! I'll have to try that recipe, although my starter is gone and I'm back to regular bread these days using a no-knead recipe and baking them in the dutch oven.


Haven't tried V&R, on the list. The Delice bread was a huge disappointment. Their pastries are legit and I thought I had finally found the holy grail but no, their bread blows. I tried something from Bread Riot Bakehouse the other day, looked real good, should have paid attention to the price cause it was $8, and I nearly got cramps in my jaw from chewing so hard...
The Harmons bread is pretty good, and I've tried all their shapes. There's not really an "authentic" French taste to be honest, and it's not what I'm looking for, it's mostly about consistency and crust to innards ratio. Is there an Engrish word for the inside of the bread btw? As for shape, a French boulangerie will have 50 different breads ranging from super think baguettes (ficelles, means string) to giant boules that can be 5+ lbs. They all have their uses, I'll eat them all, but the go-to is the baguette, best form factor, easiest to get rid of in 1 seating, can be bought fresh throughout the day. Most sandwiches are baguettes cause they don't fall apart as easily as the ones made from loaves.

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I thought Delice bread was kinda crappy too. V&R is good but never seems to have country loaves in stock, but they have baguettes. They do custom orders of one loaf at a time if you talk to the owner, maybe they have the flour you want there too? I've never met them but the wife says they are foreigners so they have to be from France to run a French bakery, right? Maybe not. They seem to be very slow with business and are dealing with a shitty stalker, so hit them up and give them money.

baguettes form factor are great for sandwiches but they all have super chewy crusts and rip my gums to shreds, maybe the real French ones are softer? I've been looking for any nice crispy roll for sandwiches and they are hard to find in the valley. And I've been to a lot of places looking.

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Originally Posted by muted reborn

If that's somehow true then I need to lower my standards of bread around here.

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Just make some bread some time - it is absolutely heaven the 1st day. 2nd day it's kind of OK, good if toasted. 3rd day and beyond you'd better have some stale bread recipe to use it in, like French toast or such.

My neighbor just had orkin spray his garage, for Miller moths. He wants them back to spray once a week.

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Originally Posted by Rideski

My neighbor just had orkin spray his garage, for Miller moths. He wants them back to spray once a week.

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WTF?

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Originally Posted by Supermoon

Oh man. That’s not even a little bit legal

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Correct!

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Originally Posted by m2711c

time ta teach that kid how ta lodge a wage theft complaint with the department of labor… itsa learning experience!

fact.

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We could. Or at least teach them about labor law and why that’s not ok, and then maybe have a discussion in re: pragmatism and steering toward best ultimate outcomes and plotting a strategy from there.

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Originally Posted by riser4

I like bread made with Einkorn. And also Spelt.

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Finkle is einhorn?
How do I spelt that?

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Originally Posted by Boissal

One thing that REALLY annoys me: I still haven't found a single place that makes good French bread in SLC, or anywhere I've been in the US for that matter. There are solid wheat breads, sourdoughs, other weird breads, but a French-style baguette or country bread? Nope. Even in "French" boulangeries in NYC. The stuff never has the right texture and dries way too fast. WTF is that about? Flour, water, yeast, there aren't that many variables and yet... Some of the best French baguettes I've had are from Costco and an industrial bread place that used to sell at Smiths' (La Brea?). How is it possible that any random corner boulangerie in France can crank out better bread than pretty much anything you can find in the US?

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Probably no one in North America is willing to go through this--

800 kneads? Even retired people don't have time for that.
And not everyone in France can make a good baguette, apparently. We stopped for lunch in a small town in the Loire valley, 2 bakeries a few shops apart, both open, one with a line out the door, the other with no one. We got in the line. That bakery also had a coin operated bread dispenser in the wall so people could buy bread when the bakery was closed--like buying a candy bar.

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Originally Posted by old goat

SNAP--I see what you did there. Or did you?

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Honestly, blind squirrel this time. That's pretty funny.

ss those bread pics are beautiful. MF'n props!

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Originally Posted by skaredshtles

Just make some bread some time - it is absolutely heaven the 1st day. 2nd day it's kind of OK, good if toasted. 3rd day and beyond you'd better have some stale bread recipe to use it in, like French toast or such.

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What I'm trying to say is the country loafs I buy (usually still warm when I buy it) taste better for longer than that. Still has a short window of being great but not THAT short.

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Originally Posted by Boissal

See above, it's the wheat!
I bake sourdough on occasion but I've never been successful with making anything other than large loaves. I like those a lot but the form factor isn't great and the crust ends up too thick if I want the inside baked well. I've tried different shapes and never got anywhere with baguette shapes. Need a better over for that I guess.

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Maybe it’s the water, or location like how some people claim that you can’t get a good bagel anywhere except NYC. The bagels in NYC do seem to be pretty damn good, like baguettes in FR.

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Originally Posted by Meadow Skipper

Maybe it’s the water, or location like how some people claim that you can’t get a good bagel anywhere except NYC. The bagels in NYC do seem to be pretty damn good, like baguettes in FR.

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there's a bagel place here (haven't been) that adds stuff to their water to (supposedly) mimic NYC's water.

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Originally Posted by Danno

there's a bagel place here (haven't been) that adds stuff to their water to (supposedly) mimic NYC's water.

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A soupçon of raw sewage?