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Dear How to Do It,
This is by no means a major problem, but it does involve the issue of consent, which is, of course, major. I’m a straight, single guy in a casual relationship that’s been going on for almost a year. “Peggy” and I hang out two or three times a month—drinks or a movie, conversation, then ending the night in bed. Neither of us wants anything more serious, but we enjoy each other’s company tremendously and the sex is great, especially oral, which we both dig giving and receiving.
Here’s the issue: The last time Peggy slept over at my place, she woke me up with a blow job. Now, being asleep, I couldn’t technically give consent. I didn’t feel violated or victimized though; actually, I felt fantastic—it beat the hell out of any of my phone’s ring-tone alarms. After she finished, she acted like it was no big deal and we snuggled until I was ready to reciprocate. My question is this: Since she introduced the act, is it OK for me to return the favor by going down on her the next time I wake up before she does? My instinct is that since she’s already taken the initiative with me, she’ll be receptive, but I’m concerned about the questions of consent and physical power imbalance, and I certainly don’t want to do anything to make her feel violated or victimized. (I know that the obvious answer would be to ask her permission the night before, but that’d spoil the surprise.)