Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

I think its different everywhere but we renegotiated child support without a lawyer at least 3 times, she would ask and I would offer a little more "tell ya what I'm gona do for ya " but the key was keeping the lawyers out of it and staying in control, also she never wanted alimony, shitty wife but she was a pretty good ex-wife eh

but in any case those were my kids, so I would just give her a stack of post dated cheques, so never once late with and never once begrudged the money i sent her for child support ever, ironicaly it was she who lost a couple of the cheques which I replaced

Its been 25yars, so between time/booze/drugs/ snorting AQS fumes it's all pretty hazy but at some point i calculated I was net making 10$ a month paying child support after taxes but I can't remember exactly how

Consider there are also dead beat men out there that women had to pay off in divorce, met a pretty sharp business woman last week who maybe wasnt so sharp in love ... she ended up paying off both her husbands


at my age I get into long term relationships with women in menopause so its been like ground hog day

edit: now I remember, the child tax credit was > the residual child support

Been a long time since I updated.

Life keeps moving along. Mountain Bike Girl (MBG- my roommate) came to me last fall- "I'm thinking about buying a place of my own". I read it as a test to see if I was committed to a relationship with her. There was no way I was going to be ok with progressing things while living together so I told her that was a good idea. She closed in January and now lives 15 minutes away.

I've enjoyed having my space again but def miss her a bit. I've been hanging with and dating other girls. Hung out with my ex a bit as well.

Have recently been hanging with climber girl (CG), who is a friend of a friend. Seems like many of the non-single women in my life are sending referrals my way. CG is super cool, into climbing and hockey and we've had really good conversations.

My ex very much wants to get back together. It's tough because we have so much history but there was a lot of damage done. CG is def interested in pursuing things. Was recently catching up with MBG and she told me that she wants more than anything for us to be together.

I'm spoiled for choice and not wanting to fuck anyone up. I guess I need to be better at communication. I'm actually thinking about jumping into a full on committed relationship with MBG. Some of my happiest memories of the past several years are experiences we've had together in the past year. At the same time, I worried that I'm still not over my ex.

^Let us know when the 4-some goes down.

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Originally Posted by BS720

This is a horrible question to ask, but, is there a way to plan financially for a divorce? Say you get some rumblings that make your nervous. Say the wife makes a quarter of what you do, and you work two jobs because she pushes you to save for something(house, business, whatever). When ten years hits in California, it seems beneficial to be eyeballs deep in debt and working ten hours a week, to keep yourself from being Forced to work two jobs to be able to pay her for the rest of your life. Is there a resource for this kind of information?

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There is something on the internet called the “list”. I’ve posted it before and got panned. It’s basically a playbook to prepare for Armageddon, and it at least gives you an idea of what the other person may be up to. It definetly explained a lot that happened to me after the fact. Women use it to.

http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

It’s hard to react to the clues when you have kids are hoping for the best. I had several chances to protect myself but did not act. My A-hole estate planner wrote my trust wrong and my pre martial assets got smoked.

Possession is 9/10th of the law. In a do over, I’d press the button and move my liquid assets offshore in a heart beat and give the attorneys the bird. Go spend a season in cham. Maybe stay. You can’t negotiate with terrorists. If you do, they keep coming back.


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Originally Posted by fastfred

single moms are the best, pent up sexual angst, ready to roll
most women aren't all confused about sex like they were in highschool and college
keep their kids at arms length, don't get invovled mark all the days the kids are with their dad on the calander and get ready to party

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I support ^^^ based on my sample size of one. When I was 23 I had a six month relationship with a 35yo single mom of two kids. I only met the kids once for about one min and not in the context of her boy toy. Rest of our time together was when kids were with Dad.

She was a freak, and would tell me what she wanted in quite graphic terms. It was a great education.

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Originally Posted by throwitaway9876

My ex very much wants to get back together. It's tough because we have so much history but there was a lot of damage done. CG is def interested in pursuing things. Was recently catching up with MBG and she told me that she wants more than anything for us to be together.

I'm spoiled for choice.

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Nice to hear that your social life has improved. Probably because these new ladies see what a good person you are.

Ex prolly wants to get back together because she now sees you are getting along fine or better without her - well except for the emotional scars she inflicted...

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Originally Posted by Timberridge

^Let us know when the 4-some goes down.

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This. Wear a helmet-mounted GoPro and post footy.

I remember a sketchy conversation in Managua in 2012 where a friend of a friend told me he could cash out my 401k tax free. There are countries that don't extradite. I have to believe there are more options.

Sorry TJ. That's fucked up indeed. The kids will notice, and look to you to hang on to the high ground. They'll see it, notice it and remember. This will serve you well in your relationships with them. It can be hard as fuck, but do your damndest.

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Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Fun development for me this week. My ex started dating this guy from work. After 23 years together she gave it all of 2 weeks since we officially called it quits... which, while definitely tacky, whatever, I don't really care. But she had him over to the house this past weekend... with all three of my fucking kids there. We haven't even had a chance to sit them down and tell them we're getting divorced. At bed time, my 11 year old daughter called me bawling.

Talk about fucked up behavior. What a cunt. Really just trying to get through this settlement and not scorch the earth and waste money on lawyers... but god damn, part of me really wants to.

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Things ain't going too bad at 61 either. The age gaps can be stunning and you're sitting there thinking "WTF?". Who knew? AND..... they're cool people.

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Originally Posted by Cono Este

I disagree. I’m 48, and if you are in shape, you can pull chics 10 yrs younger no problem.

He will be in the 35-45 bracket forever. And that’s the best of days.


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Originally Posted by BS720

This is a horrible question to ask, but, is there a way to plan financially for a divorce? Say you get some rumblings that make your nervous. Say the wife makes a quarter of what you do, and you work two jobs because she pushes you to save for something(house, business, whatever). When ten years hits in California, it seems beneficial to be eyeballs deep in debt and working ten hours a week, to keep yourself from being Forced to work two jobs to be able to pay her for the rest of your life. Is there a resource for this kind of information?

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The better you have done and the more you've been the breadwinner the more risk for you. Sad but true.

Opposing council will subpoena bank records, CC statements, etc., and if you get caught hiding something you'll get seriously fucked.

It ain't pretty.

I disagree.

Get on dating apps, and tell the truth. When you meet, tell the truth about what you want, who you are, where (emotionally) you are. I was scared to death of doing this because I was certain if they found out who I really was they'd run screaming from the bar.

Nope. You'd be amazed the response you'll get to complete transparency and honest vulnerability. Not in victim mode of course, but just "here I am, this is me, who are you?, wanna hang out?". If they don't you know early who they are, and no one in our position wants to hang out with anyone we can't be ourselves around. Been there, done that and look how well that worked out!

You do you, man! Be open to possibilities and not attached to outcome.
You'll probably be very pleasantly surprised at the results.

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Originally Posted by fastfred

this is what its all about
hard to do but do it!
get on tinder lie about everything everyone does anyways
brag about how awesome you are
single moms are the best, pent up sexual angst, ready to roll
most women aren't all confused about sex like they were in highschool and college
keep their kids at arms length, don't get invovled mark all the days the kids are with their dad on the calander and get ready to party
and yes girls ten years younger is a real thing
they are always looking for an older intellegint careing man
seriously it's hard but look on the brigher side anytime you can

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Originally Posted by BS720

This is a horrible question to ask, but, is there a way to plan financially for a divorce? Say you get some rumblings that make your nervous. Say the wife makes a quarter of what you do, and you work two jobs because she pushes you to save for something(house, business, whatever). When ten years hits in California, it seems beneficial to be eyeballs deep in debt and working ten hours a week, to keep yourself from being Forced to work two jobs to be able to pay her for the rest of your life. Is there a resource for this kind of information?

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well IME if you marry someone who isnt very smart the marriage will be tedious

but in divorce you can put more shit over on her so its one way to " divorce well "

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Originally Posted by BS720

I should have been more clear. I'm a nurse, and I have friends, just for example, that have cleared $400k by having 10 days off in a year. It's the kind a thing you do when you're young, but they are doing dozens of 16hr shifts, basically killing themselves. Obviously, if I did that for the next four or five years, she'd be getting $200k yearly, plus I'd have to cover my bills. If I did a modest $130k a year and paid cash up front for an expensive grad school program PRIOR to any kind of divorce action, she'd be getting $65k, and she couldn't take back half the money on the degree. I was investing in our future, no?

I had a friend that was an ED doc. Put his wife through crna school, she got a job making $200k and divorced him, wanting half his doc income. This whole divorce thing just sucks.

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Yep, start working less. Make less, hopefully get her to make more. Go back to school. Etc.

Hiding money and not disclosing it has significant consequences. I’ve heard that people have been doing it with BitCoin but the problem is you have to get the money out of your accounts or avoid your accounts entirely. A guy like me (not me, no thank you to divorce work) would be hired to find those transactions and track them, then make you say what they were for if there is no legitimate purpose. We’ll easily find any large transactions or a significant change in pattern.

I’ve had colleagues catch business owners who had payment made by customers to separate accounts. Now she can also turn you in for tax fraud.

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Originally Posted by oftpiste

The better you have done and the more you've been the breadwinner the more risk for you. Sad but true.

Opposing council will subpoena bank records, CC statements, etc., and if you get caught hiding something you'll get seriously fucked.

It ain't pretty.

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I worked for 10 years as a sys admin at an accounting firm that specialized in Matrimonial accounting. They were forensic accountants. They found the money that was hidden in these exact situations. Made bank doing it too.

I actually put them at the bottom of the ocean BELOW the actual lawyers...i always thought it was scummy, but I was just the sys admin .

Mentioning scum, my wife's lawyer started going all Laura Dern... to the point that my wife actually just fired her yesterday and agreed to hire a mutual mediator instead.

I know family law attorneys are supposed to act in their client's best interests and sometimes have to be aggressive, but god damn some of them are true pieces of shit. Trying to stir the pot and actually make things worse / harder and rack up a bunch of billing hours, etc. I don't know how they sleep at night.

Most of them are slimy shitbags.

Hopefully this mediator is a step up for both of you.

My ex went the slimy shitbag route.

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Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Mentioning scum, my wife's lawyer started going all Laura Dern... to the point that my wife actually just fired her yesterday and agreed to hire a mutual mediator instead.

I know family law attorneys are supposed to act in their client's best interests and sometimes have to be aggressive, but god damn some of them are true pieces of shit. Trying to stir the pot and actually make things worse / harder and rack up a bunch of billing hours, etc. I don't know how they sleep at night.

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Mine was the worst. Every lawyer I’ve met rolls their eyes when I mention him. Guy crossed the line. I did bump into him yrs later on a dark street. Hopefully he makes a difference in the world of family court now.


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Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Mentioning scum, my wife's lawyer started going all Laura Dern... to the point that my wife actually just fired her yesterday and agreed to hire a mutual mediator instead.

I know family law attorneys are supposed to act in their client's best interests and sometimes have to be aggressive, but god damn some of them are true pieces of shit. Trying to stir the pot and actually make things worse / harder and rack up a bunch of billing hours, etc. I don't know how they sleep at night.

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That your wife fired her is a good sign, yes?

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Originally Posted by riser3

That your wife fired her is a good sign, yes?

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Yes, first rational behavior in the last several weeks. I think she also knows that if she really wants to get into it, I have some ammunition (behaviorally, but also things like the down payment on our house coming from a separate non-commingled checking account in my name), but her lawyer was too fucking stupid / over the top aggressive to listen to that. My wife probably read the "other" comments in my income / expense / assets disclosure and freaked out, realizing her lawyer was going to do her more harm than good.

A good sign indeed. OC in my divorce was an absolute raging cunt. She was known to my counsel as such. Completely fucked with me at every possible opportunity. I was involuntarily pro se for a short time and the minute that happened they came after me guns blazing. I was wandering around the courthouse desperately trying to figure out how to stay in the game and filing handwritten responses to their shit.

When I asked the ex to stop it she said something like 'I'm just doing what they tell me to do'.

So consider yourself fortunate in that regard. Sorry again you have to deal with it at all. It will pass.

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Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Mentioning scum, my wife's lawyer started going all Laura Dern... to the point that my wife actually just fired her yesterday and agreed to hire a mutual mediator instead.

I know family law attorneys are supposed to act in their client's best interests and sometimes have to be aggressive, but god damn some of them are true pieces of shit. Trying to stir the pot and actually make things worse / harder and rack up a bunch of billing hours, etc. I don't know how they sleep at night.

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Laura Dern makes the best faces!

I just listened to some Watsonville patio. I am a sap. I try not to call people CUNTS or Twats. As much.

divorce papers in my hand

fuck

here we go - next step in life

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Originally Posted by ~mikey b

divorce papers in my hand

fuck

here we go - next step in life

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You got this.

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Originally Posted by senior researcher

I just listened to some Watsonville patio. I am a sap. I try not to call people CUNTS or Twats. As much.

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You sir are a fucking cunt twat

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Originally Posted by ~mikey b

divorce papers in my hand

fuck

here we go - next step in life

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Hang in there Mikey.
Haven’t been there.
Yet.
But my escape route was always turns.
And snow is illegal in most states. This sucks.

Hang in there and good luck, mikey!