Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

Obviously an alias for a longtime forum member.

Is anyone here an attorney in MT and familiar with divorce, child custody issues and willing to give some advice?

We are entering couples counseling and I will be entering counseling on my own as well but there are circumstances that make me feel that the other member of this relationship has already made their mind up that divorce is a foregone conclusion and it seems to me that agreeing to go to counseling is nothing more than a capitulation on their part

I am not blameless in this I just need some advice before I head down the road I think that I'll have to.

Shoot me a PM if possible so I can nuke this thread.

[obligatory] PM Rontele [/obligatory]

Sorry, I am an attorney but not in MT and not familiar with those issues.

I believe RootSkier is a MT attorney, if he doesn't answer you can try PMing him. Seems like most attorneys know colleagues or former classmates in that line of work; sadly there's a lot of business in that area of law.

vibes, been there dun that

divorce is expensive but worth every penny

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Originally Posted by scottyb

vibes, been there dun that

divorce is expensive but worth every penny

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Amen, but mine was fairly cheap.

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Originally Posted by Benny Profane

Amen, but mine was fairly cheap.

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Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

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Originally Posted by Shredhead

Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

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Why divide nothing in half when you can let her have the whole thing?

As a non-Montana attorney who did some divorces in his career, my best advice is to be very careful of making decisions and capitulating on negotiation issues that will effect you for a long time. The divorce process literally makes people crazy and my experience was that it takes at least 6 months after it formally starts before you can look at the situation rationally. I repeatedly had intelligent, educated people sit there and tell me totally insane things that were a result of the emotional shit storm that is divorce. Even it you want it, there is a big sense of failure that clouds your thinking. Somewhere between "I don't care, just take everything" and "I won't give the bitch a dime" is where you will eventually end up, but keep in mind if you decide later that you made a mistake you have to go back to court to try and fix it. The tendency is to want to get it over with, but haste usually makes waste in the divorce process. Of course this is offset by the fairly common occurrence of the spouse who continues to argue about bullshit, because to them fighting is still better than the unknown of having the relationship formally end.

Oh yeah, and don't take legal advice from your friends that had divorces.

Whatever you do, if you find somebody else don't let the wife know about it until the divorce is final. That shit will literally make them insane. It will turn completely amicable into totally hostile in a heartbeat, I've seen it happen more than once. Beyond that I don't have much.

The rebound effect is definitely real. You are in the worst possible place to be making smart decisions about women right now.

If your partner is going to counseling with you, then she must have some hope that things will work out. Same on your end.

Good luck.

sometimes counseling totally helps-
if both can still look at it neutrally

good luck maggot

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Originally Posted by Mudfoot

The rebound effect is definitely real. You are in the worst possible place to be making smart decisions about women right now.

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this

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Originally Posted by Grape_Ape

If your partner is going to counseling with you, then she must have some hope that things will work out. Same on your end.

Good luck.

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My wife and I had a rough time about 15-20 years ago. I would not go to counseling, as I had to as a kid, when my parents divorced and I felt it was a crook. Anyways, luckily for me, my wife came across a Retrouvaille ad in her church. We did the weekend encounter, I got a lot from it, so we did the follow up classes too over the next 3 months. Their process allowed two married, but single people to reconnect. Really glad it saved my marriage, so look into it. If you have children, they will thank you for being happily married parents when they are older. http://retrouvaille.org/
O and that link looks churchy. Don't worry about that, as it is just sponsored by the Catholic Church and is not an overly religious experience.

Counseling is just a way to keep semi shrinks in BMWs and Europe trips.

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Originally Posted by Shredhead

Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

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Well, it's playing out right now. Keep her away from thinking about taking her share of pensions or 401ks. What isn't a whole lot at 45 becomes enough to live on later, if it doesn't get hit too hard. Real estate? Pffffft. Let her have the albatross.

Monkey is on the list of words not to say.

As I'm sure your kids love their mother very much, you need to make her death look like an accident.

trust your instincts.....all bets are off and you still might be able to save it.

A mediator is can be the path of least resistance; when there are assets to divide- involve two attorneys to guarantee bad blood and assets split 4 ways!

You need to get serious about protecting your own interests. You're gut is telling you something, listen to it.

Vibes.....P-Dawg is also in this Shit Storm right now......Cant offer any advice as its day to day here too.

The List: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

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Originally Posted by Parvo

As I'm sure your kids love their mother very much, you need to make her death look like an accident.

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Quoted for top post of the day. I lol'd a lil' bit

Sad to say, I've been through the storm as well. Fortunately no children, mostly grad school debt. Not a ton of assets to divide, and made it out relatively unscathed. I'm back to living with a woman who wants to get married, and I'm still far from being mentally capable of going through that shit again. Good luck dude. Definitely tough times.

Speaking of splitting debt in a divorce, keep in mind that creditors don't care. If it is a joint debt and your wife agrees to take responsibility for it in the divorce and does not pay, the creditor comes after you. The divorce decree means nothing to them. If she gets the house and the mortgage, make sure your name is removed from the promissory note.

Get the best attorney you can afford. Don't skimp. It ends up costing you in the long run.