Tell me if I am being really stupid here....

[yetanotheralias]

So, a friend of mine and I have been spending a good deal of time together. Going out to dinner and concerts together and stuff like that. Just the two of us. Its almost always her idea. Really awesome chick.

Anyway, the more we spend time together the more I realize that we should just be together. But she has a "boyfriend" who is one of my friends actually and I introduced them to each other 2 years ago. This guy has been working on another continent for like 8 months now and isn't coming back anytime soon, yet the girl still loosely refers to this guy as her boyfriend.

So, I keep telling myself to not do anything stupid. I don't want to make a move and then make our friendship awkward yada yada yada.

As of yesterday though she is flying to her parents in florida for x-mas then flying up to meet me for some concerts during NYE. Just the two of us. Again, totally her idea. Im picking her up at the airport and we have a hotel already booked.


Am I being a complete retard here? Why could she possibly want to spend so much time with me if she didn't want to be with me too?


I feel really fucking lame posting this thread. Thus, the alias.

[/sweet blog]

[AKPogue]

Because she is really horny and wants to get laid!!!!!

[likwid]

Tell her to get her shit straight or stop stringing you along and take a hike.

[pubes]

friends are dime a dozen...good friends are worth blue balls


game ,set ,match

The Pubes

[cj001f]

you don't have the sack to post under your own name or ask the chica whats up. Quelle surprise.

[Adolf Allerbush]

friends are dime a dozen...good friends are worth blue balls


game ,set ,match

The Pubes

MARK IT!

If the guy is truly a friend this shouldn't be a tough decision.

[cj001f]

If the guy is truly a friend this shouldn't be a tough decision.

If the guy is truly a friend he'd understand you getting the girl

[Chris Knight]

Go ahead and hang out with her for sure.
But let her start it if it's going to happen.
If she does, don't hold back.
She's probably going to get you wasted on NYE and jump you.
Sounds like fun, remember to wrap it up.

[Adolf Allerbush]

If the guy is truly a friend he'd understand you getting the girl

That makes sense. When his bud left town for work and didn't break up with this chick I'm sure he was thinking "hopefully one of my friends bones my girlfriend while I'm gone".

[72Twenty]

I think we all know what you need to do....



















Der Poopenhausen.

[cj001f]

That makes sense. When his bud left town for work and didn't break up with this chick I'm sure he was thinking "hopefully one of my friends bones my girlfriend while I'm gone".

other side of the world for 8 months and not coming back anytime soon?

[AsheanMT]

Oh Boy!?!

Ash and I got together in more or less the exact same fashion. You are on dangerous ground! We had been great friends for about 5 years when I introduced her to my good friend who was going to school in Chicago and he fell madly in love with her. He was in going to school and was looking for an apartment for the two of them and had sent her a train ticket to come out and on her last night in town we decided to have one last night in Missoula together before she left. I think you know where this story goes. She didn't go to Chicago. I had to tell my good friend that I had slept with the love of his life and that we were madly in love with one another. It broke his heart something awful and although we felt bad we knew we had something together that we couldn't possibly find anywhere else. ever. We got married a year later and life has rocked ever since. Smartest decision we've ever made. However, our Chicago friend will never talk to us again.ever.

You are on dangerous ground. Choose wisely. You might be hanging out with your future wife. Or you might just be attracted to a one time thing that could ruin your friendships with both people.

Follow your heart! If this is the real deal and you two share not only a friendship but a passionate and powerful love for one another then this could become the greatest thing thats ever happened to you.

Don't confuse love with lust or pleasure with happiness.

hope that helps. (although it prolly won't)

[Adolf Allerbush]

other side of the world for 8 months and not coming back anytime soon?

it's an idiotic situation for sure...nevertheless I'm thinking his bud wouldn't want this chick to cheat on him...or one of his friends to bone his girl.

[hialtitude]

You started a thread that basically asks:

"Should I bang my friends girl?"

No, and don't be such a douche bag in the future.

[Steepdeepnlong]

"Working on another continent and isn't coming back anytime soon..."

Do you think he's hitting on any women where he is, or being faithful to her? Unless he's in Iraq, she's fair game. Anyone who tries to maintain a long distance relationship in circumstances like that is only trying to avoid or put off the pain and emotional turmoil of an actual break-up. You and she were made for each other because neither one of you has the balls to confront what is really going on.

[mcsquared]

Maybe she is hanging out with you so much because you are "safe". She knows that if she spends NYE with anybody else she will end up blowing them. But she knows you will respect her boundaries and not ruin your friendship. Google "the ladder theory". If you bust a move, she will act like it is the most bizarre thing ever.

[pappag]

I had a very similar experience like the one you are describing, only I didn't know her boyfriend (who was/is playing for the Florida Marlins and became an uber douchebag). Because he was incredibly busy playing baseball, there was no time together for the two of them. She needed the companionship and attention that was missing with me filling that void. Knowing what was going on, I ceased talking to her for 5 years (it was getting crazy annoying especially with her constantly complaining about this guy), they broke up, and I got the girl in the end.


This situation is a disaster waiting to happen. If it was me, I would just drop her completely ... no need to deal with the headaches.

[yogachik]

Here's a thought:

Ask her what's up.

[AKPogue]

Here's a thought:

Ask her what's up.

What would be the fun in that!!

[yetanotheralias]

Thanks for all the legitimate help so far.

A few things to add:

-Im pretty sure my buddy is hooking up with other chicks and/or doesn't really care about this girl.

-We are both pretty shy people to begin with, but both seem more "normal" when we are together

-she has subtly told me that the last couple times they have seen each other that they didn't hook up at all

[Adolf Allerbush]

Here's a thought:

Ask her what's up.

Here's another thought:

Call up your buddy and tell him you're going to try to bone his girl.

[Chris Knight]

Yup, per McSquared and NPG's comments, you are totally the replacement boyfriend, minus the sex.

That could be fine, or not for you.

If you're not okay with not getting the Sexo, quit hanging out with her.
If you're okay with not getting the Sexo, go ahead, hang out.

If she wants the Sexo, she'll let you know.

[Chris Knight]

she has subtly told me that the last couple times they have seen each other that they didn't hook up at all.

Oh wait, hmm. Well, that does make it more likely that she's done with him (remember, two way street and all).

Yeah, I think I'd go with the Adolf or Yoga route then.

Adolf route sounds like more entertainment for us. Report back when done.

[yetanotheralias]

I think going with the Yoga route is best....


I just feel really weird, because normally this girl would not be my type at all, but I am attracted to her more and more because she is a really awesome chick. I can't just sit back and wait for something to happen anymore.

[lemon boy]

I agree with Yoga.

Lying, cheating, dissembling, avoiding, tiptoeing etc… <-- are these really the qualities that you want to build a relationship on?