Gambled and Lost (The TR)

[Roo]

“The Maurienne via the Pic de L’Etendard”
Anyone attempting this high mountain route should be in excellent physical condition. This ski touring route is not really “off-piste” as most of it is above an altitude of 3000m. You will need a good knowledge of the terrain (isolated high-mountain glaciers – total autonomy required in all situations). The first descent from Pic Bayle goes over a fairly steep slope on a glacier riddled with crevasses. The route ends in Saint Sorlin d’Arves, from where you should organise a vehicle for the journey back. This can be arranged by helicopter with the SAF in Alpe d’Huez.

How could anything possibly go wrong?

Bluebird skies, warm weather and a relatively deep spring-like snowpack promised the opportunity to knock off a bunch of big lines in Alpe d’Huez. Brownmonkey and I were joined by a bunch of friends from home in a huge flophouse in L’Enversin d’Oz. Roaring log fire, beams to knock yourself unconscious on and a Nintendo Wii with giant projector screen were just the ticket. Drove down on Saturday, got unpacked and did a recce on Sunday, checking out the snow conditions. Picked up Mrs Roo and Petra from Grenoble station on Sunday night, fresh from their off-piste and heliskiing week in Gressoney. Hayduke arrived later that evening, easily locating SUV Central in the tiny hamlet of L’Enversin.


Mrs Roo and Petra relieved to have made it…

Monday morning saw an assault on the Perrins Bowl that Hayduke has covered in his TR (http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...d.php?t=80045). Brownmonkey and Hayduke skied a steeper variation on the North Entry line while I guided a rather weak snowboarder down a gentler alternative. Mrs Roo killed it. We also had a pop at Couloir Fleur, possibly the prettiest line in Alpe d’Huez. We probably hit it an hour too early but it was a line that Hayduke was desperate to ski having seen it looking rather sorry just over a month ago. I’ll pretend I didn’t notice him squirt out of the couloir to the left at the tough bit. We then skied a line off the Vallonet chair where I managed to tear the heelpiece off one of my Spatulas. End of skiing day for me. In the evening we tried to see how far up the Le Collet road we could get in Chas’s HiLux Surf. Brownmonkey rode down all the way on the outside.


The Surf.


The Fleur.

[Roo]

Me, skiing the Hollywood line in the Fleur for the tram riders.


Hayduke drops into one of the warm up chutes.


Followed by me.


Hayduke drops into the Perrins.


Mrs Roo slays the Perrins bowl.

The top lift at Alpe d’Huez is the Pic Blanc cable car (3330m). On Tuesday morning Brownmonkey, Hayduke and I rode it to the summit and then found the exit gate and skied across the Sablat Glacier to the Col de Milieu, strapped the skis to the pack and hiked up to the Col de la Pyramide. We took a look over the edge, didn’t like the look of the way it rolled over, and skied across to the regular line. We stitched together a stunning descent from the Pyramide into the South Entry of the Perrins Bowl dropping down past the exit of the Canyon de la Fare. Definitely one of the best off-piste runs I’ve skied with great corn snow on the upper sections and surfable slush down low.


Hayduke and Brownmonkey at the Col de la Pyramide


Gathering at the Col. The climb to Pic Bayle in the background.


Hayduke on the upper section of the Pyramide.


Brownmonkey on the Pyramide targeting the Perrins bowl.

[Roo]

The cable car also accesses the Grand Sablat, the signature off-piste run of Alpe d’Huez. Mrs Roo, Brownmonkey and I hit this on Thursday. Although it’s not hugely gnar, the Sablat is a stunning run with redonkulous views, pitches where you can just open the throttle to 11 and steeper variations such as the Couloir du Sablat and the Couloir des Pioches which is a definite no-fall zone. The snow heats up quick here so rather than follow the run down to Clavans, we took the traverse back to the Col de Sarenne where we skied past the refuge and down onto the rather surprised skiers picking their way down the mogulled and worn Sarenne piste. Total mileage on the clock for one run? 13 miles travelled and 6,500ft of vert. The raclette royale went down well that evening.


Lousiest Euro snow year ever? You decide.


Mrs Roo sets off down the Grand Sablat


Brownmonkey opens it up. La Meije in the background.


Me on the lower section of the Grand Sablat glacier.


Mrs Roo skis to the Col de Sarenne refuge.


”Yes, I love technology...”


Chas delivers a treatise on the hand hygiene of Japanese tramps.

Due to the low avalanche danger, we helped a few off-piste debutants down the Perrins Bowl on Thursday, giving them a taste of big mountain skiing in relative safety. There was also a Nintendo Wii bowling marathon that lasted into the small hours. Spotted a marmot running down our road as well.

[Roo]

Taking a pic of Brownmonkey and friends in the South Entry of the Perrins…


...and he returns the favour. Us on the North Entry.



Wii rule.


Registered child minder, the Random Chas Factor.


On Friday, Brownmonkey and I decided to take on the Tour des Grandes Rousses. This is a big undertaking that includes an ascent of the grandes Rousses’ highest peak, Pic Bayle, a descent onto the Quirlies Glacier, a climb to the Col des Quirlies and then the glacier de Barbarate. A rappel down the headwall of the Barbarate takes you onto the glacier, into the Plan des Cavalles valley and then the Col du Couard, finally arriving on the mountain above Vaujany village.

What could possibly go wrong?

As we rode the tram up to Pic Blanc, I felt a bit of a stomach cramp. All trussed up with harness and other bollocks, I decided that it would pass, realising that the only paper material I’d brought with me that could be pressed into arse-wiping service was the map. Not ideal.


Brownmonkey setting off for Pic Bayle.


At the summit. Italian face of the Mont Blanc massif in the distance.


Scoping a future line?

[Roo]

The route down Pic Bayle.


Our waypoint, the Col des Quirlies on the left.

The first section was pretty gut wrenching in its own right. We tried skinning a traverse line up the face of Pic Bayle but a corn layer kept collapsing the skin track so we gave up on that and started bootpacking up the south-west arête, following a line some mountain goat had put in earlier that day. He must have had a head for heights as the footsteps came very close to a 500 foot death drop much of the way up. Some slightly rotten snow forced us to set a new bootpack a few feet lower. We hit the summit and picked our way down through the crevasse riddled bit, ending up in the cirque below the Col des Quirlies. A hot slog uphill on skins saw us arrive at the Col to be greeted by this pair who had just touched down on the Glacier de St Sorlin.


We get there and find these characters.


The Glacier de St Sorlin. Not a great place for agoraphobics. Or jong navigators.


Almost getting mown down by some other dudes in a light aircraft wasn’t in Brownmonkey’s gameplan.


The obligatory point.

At this point both Brownmonkey and I had a collective brainfart. Chatting with the flyers and following the existing tracks saw us head too far down the Glacier de St Sorlin to make the ascent to the Col de Barbarate. By the time we realised the error of our ways we figured that the safest course of action would be to keep descending off the enormous glacier as it was getting late and to target the Grand Lac and then climb to the Col Nord des Lacs and ski down all the way to the village of St Sorlin d’Arves in the Maurienne valley. The alternative was to ski to the Col du Glandon and then down the road to le Rivier d’Allemont but that would have taken a couple of hours, darkness was falling and we needed to get to somewhere with a mobile signal to reassure the rest of the party that we were OK. So we opted to ski to St Sorlin. The downside of this was the 126km taxi ride to Grenoble that would ensue.


Brownmonkey skins across the lake after asking how likely it was that he’d fall through.

We got to the Col Nord des Lacs and were greeted with a mogul field that ran almost all the way down to the village. Grrrreat. We rocked up at the Hotel Beau Soleil in desperate need of sustenance. Dumping all our stuff on their terrace, Brownmonkey hit the bar for a couple of drinks. At this point the story takes a turn for the worse. It was the first time I’d been able to relax for seven hours and my incipient stomach complaint suddenly made itself felt. In short, I shat myself. Massively.

I knew as soon as I tried to squeeze the fart out that things had gone sub-optimally. Brownmonkey was just returning with the beverages only to see me streaking to the khazi. I stripped off my gear, chucked my skidoos in the bin and realised I had also shat my ski pants. I gave them a quick wash and cleaned myself up a bit. I was feeling pretty lousy. We walked down town to the tourist office where they ordered us a taxi to take us to the valley town of St Jean de Maurienne. I needed to go again, so ran downstairs and pebble-dashed their bog. I fastened my pant poppers and Velcro and staggered back upstairs into the lobby of the tourist office. The guy behind the desk was wearing a vague look of horror and it was only as I stepped outside that I realised that I’d neglected to do my flies up, and having already jettisoned my cacks, that my cock was hanging out. By this point I was almost beyond caring.

Brownmonkey gallantly parked me next to the cab driver for the journey back to Grenoble where we were going to RV with the Random Chas Factor and my bro Chris. Despite the Lemon Fresh air spray that I’d liberally plastered the crotch of my ski pants with (and which burned my ass a treat) I did notice the cabbie open the sunroof a notch or two. By the time we reached McDonalds at L’Espace Comboire in Grenoble, I was feeling even worse and managed to do a decent impression of the vomiting puppet in Team America, throwing up about a gallon of liquid all over their toilets.

I’m feeling a whole lot better now. A bit sunburnt. Sore knees. Clean pants. And a determination not to get the navigation wrong again.

[Hutch]

I knew as soon as I tried to squeeze the fart out that things had gone sub-optimally. Brownmonkey was just returning with the beverages only to see me streaking to the khazi. I stripped off my gear, chucked my skidoos in the bin and realised I had also shat my ski pants. I gave them a quick wash and cleaned myself up a bit. I was feeling pretty lousy. We walked down town to the tourist office where they ordered us a taxi to take us to the valley town of St Jean de Maurienne. I needed to go again, so ran downstairs and pebble-dashed their bog. I fastened my pant poppers and Velcro and staggered back upstairs into the lobby of the tourist office. The guy behind the desk was wearing a vague look of horror and it was only as I stepped outside that I realised that I’d neglected to do my flies up, and having already jettisoned my cacks, that my cock was hanging out. By this point I was almost beyond caring.

Gasping for air... I didn't see this coming! (Neither did you, I gather.)

Spectacular TR!

[BB RidgeKid]

Very cool TR. I got up to Alpe D'uez for 1 whole day in a blizzard at the begining of march. Pic Blanc was closed. Looks like a really cool place when you know the spots.

[brownmonkey]

I fastened my pant poppers and Velcro and staggered back upstairs into the lobby of the tourist office. The guy behind the desk was wearing a vague look of horror and it was only as I stepped outside that I realised that I’d neglected to do my flies up, and having already jettisoned my cacks, that my cock was hanging out. By this point I was almost beyond caring.

I apologise for the lack of any photographic evidence here. In lieu - here is an artists impression of Roo in the Office of Tourism;



I couldn't effectively capture Roos look of exhaustion, so I cut his head off.

[FrankZappa]

Thanks Roo! Your choices of turf always gets my attention.

Did you miss the skiers right line here on the north entry by accident - cuz that looks like the fun one.

[hop]

In a TR titled "Gambled and lost" how could you not see that coming?

All the skiing buildup is just that... buildup.

Nice story Roo.

[Arno]

awesome TR!

the grandes rousses traverse is definitely on my tick list

didn't you once start a thread called "I just shit myself"?

[Roo]

Thanks Roo! Your choices of turf always gets my attention.

Did you miss the skiers right line here on the north entry by accident - cuz that looks like the fun one.

Frank - I was guiding a rather nervous lady and my brother here so I took the most conservative line in.


Go looker's left of the obvious chute and there's an even gnarlier alternative with a mandatory air. One for a fresh snow day.


Here's a (rather wonky) Grand Sablat pano.

[mtcham]

Another excellent TR, I wasn't sure you could top the ibex one.
The tourists and the plane are great along with some very nice lines skied.
Thanks for showing Alpe d'Huez off piste.

[edg]

Sometimes I wish I had as many stories to tell as Roo; other times I don't. This is one of the latter.

Awesome TR!

edg

[72Twenty]

Umm... the steering wheel is on the wrong side in that Toyota.

[EVILLIVE]

well played...nice tr...

[comish]

Excellent TR dude.

Quick question here. What is with you brits having a hard time with the toilet this year? I seem to recall a certain Mulletizer having some issues this year as well. His definitely resulted in some solid gear testing!

Thanks for sharing mang.

[Hicks]

What is with you brits having a hard time with the toilet this year?

That is due to their crappy, cheapish island food I guess....

Great TR as always Roo.
So sorry I couldn't make it down to join you guys for turns and assist you on a real asswipe. Next time, buddy.

[Roo]

I blame Brownmonkey's cooking! Nah - it was actually pretty good.

Hope you've got the factory into shape, Hicks. You missed a very good time. Looking forward to getting back there and doing the job properly.

[FrankZappa]

Hey Roo, isn't this spot in the middle about where you had that link to the 360° remote pano camera thingy last year?



Have you got that link still?

[ridefree]

fabulous stuff there Roo! Most suprising ending as well.

[AK Rev]

Nice country. I would love to see it someday. I'm glad you were selective on your photo choices

[Roo]

Hey Roo, isn't this spot in the middle about where you had that link to the 360° remote pano camera thingy last year?



Have you got that link still?

No - I can't seem to find that. The views from up on Pic Bayle were just gobsmacking.

[lemon boy]

In a TR titled "Gambled and lost" how could you not see that coming?

X2 although there are a few gaps in the story line everyone should've known what was coming (going).

really, what does it matter that you forgot the TP if your first blowout occurs at the hotel?

[Mrs Roo]

While you're all laughing it up, just remember who does his bloody laundry!