Jeebus Mocks Me

**The Reverend Floater** · 09-07-2005, 04:38 PM

So I quit drinking. You'd think that would appease the gods, right? Maybe throw 'em a little something that says "hey there God...I care about living right, you know. Sure I've spent have my waking hours in the past 12 years in a spiraling blackout, but I've repented and reformed!"

Let me tell you something, pal: God doesn't care.

I had shoulder surgery in May. Rehabed all summer with no mtb'ing, no backpacking, no fun. Just swimming, light weights and a bit of road biking. Finally, in about early August, my shoulder is feeling great.

A week later, my back becomes so tight that I can barely walk. Spasms constantly. Doesn't want to give.

It stays this way for about 2 weeks until I'm finally able to stretch it out and get it back to normal. I'm psyched because I can get back on my bike and it looks like all is well for the quickly approaching bird hunting season. I continue to work on the boat and the like and even start trap shooting because my shoulder is finally strong enough. We take the boat up to Redfish Lake for some camping. I'm sober but have a great time.

That night I fall out of the boat and roll my ankle, severely spraining it and barely tearing my achiles tendon. This hurts. God chuckles and snorts softly, covering His mouth in embarassment.

So I'm out again, icing, adviling, staying off of it and wearing the stupid aircast. In about 5 days the swelling begins to recede and I can walk again, though it's still tight. I do so carefuly. One week until hunting season begins so I have to be careful and just get it better by taking it easy and limping around. I say to God, "you know I need to be hunting in a week. I could use just a bit of empathy, you know? Hook a brotha up with some heeling?" While limping, my foot begins to get just a bit sore where the big toe meets the foot. No big deal. I continue to ice and take care. Hunting season arrives and for the opener I decide I can pack my foot into my Danners and lace them tight. If I walk a certain way, the toe aggrevation is avoided. I walk a grueling lap up a huge ridge/hill of about 2000' with no trail, careful not to resprain the ankle or whatnot. I shoot a grouse. I thank God for said grouse. I make it back to the truck without incident, though my foot is sore. I ice immediately afterwards.

The next day I go to Pendleton, OR to meet a friend for a dove shoot on his uncle's property. My foot's pretty sore but I manage and we have a great time. Again I give the Lord some props for the dove we shot and enjoy the scenery. I ice everyday after each hunt. My foot is about the same soreness. No big deal, right? This morning, two days after the hunt, I wake up and can't stand on my foot. I go to the ER as all the bone docs are busy for a week.

I have multiple stress fractures from limping and will be in this cast for 6 weeks. God laughs. He laughs so hard he pisses himself. His stomach hurts from laughing so hard. He's pointing at me to his angels and laughing hysterically, snorting uncontrollably. Jeebus is even laughing. I am Heaven's practical joke with an ongoing punchline. Four substantial injuries in 4 months.

Be thankful your health but don't tout it....God is watching and he's got a twisted sense of humor.

**Sphinx** · 09-07-2005, 04:52 PM

That sucks. Bummer.

Heal up fast.

But does He lurk? Be careful what you post....

**irul&ublo** · 09-07-2005, 04:58 PM

Rev:

Sorry to hear about your injuries. But, did you ever stop to think that none of this shit happened until you quit drinking?

**EPSkis** · 09-07-2005, 05:06 PM

"I'm sober but have a great time."

God hates liars, too. Worse than drunkards. The way I see it, you have a choice to make.

dood - it's only 6 weeks. Suuure, you'll be mostly insane by then, but at least you'll be healthy. Relax!!

**1080Rider** · 09-07-2005, 05:13 PM

Sorry man, I feel for you. I've been playing soccer for the past few years w/ naggin' injuries. Of course I never do shit to prevent or address them, just go out and play again. I expect that some day soon I'll have to pay the piper. Heal up fast and get to slaying the pheasants.

**VTskibum** · 09-07-2005, 05:14 PM

Well you could look at is getting the injuries outta the way before ski season kicks in full time and you'll have God owing you a few later on.

**truth** · 09-07-2005, 05:42 PM

Whatever.

**altagirl** · 09-07-2005, 05:54 PM

That's an insane amount of injuries. For no good reason either. Though I guess Truth still wins this competition.

I can sympathize though. I'm already starting to feel insane not using my hand (since oh, Sunday afternoon). This whole fracture thing diagnosed in the ER in Cedar City had better be gone, or have been a badly read x-ray or something by next Monday when I see my ortho. Because this is already WAY more annoying than painful.

**A-wreck** · 09-07-2005, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by irul&ublo

Rev:

Sorry to hear about your injuries. But, did you ever stop to think that none of this shit happened until you quit drinking?

I'm with this guy.

But seriously, shit happens.

And when it rains it pours rev. When it rains it pours.

I know it's a cliche thing to say but, it has been so true for me in my life. Just keep looking for that silver lining. By my calculations, you should be seeing it soon.

Good luck

**PacRimRider1** · 09-07-2005, 06:00 PM

Jesus may be into sobriety and all that other "my body is a temple" train of thought, but Ullr demands nightly sacrifices of Jager to our bloodstreams. You have to choose who you want on your side.

edit: I suppose I should add I think Jesus is pissed at me as well for the punishment I have been putting on my temple all summer- he had one of his minions steal my bike last night.

If he is lurking...I WANT MY GODDAMN BIKE BACK JESUS! DON'T BE A PRICK!

**Karl Stall** · 09-07-2005, 07:57 PM

so sorry, man. heal up, bro.

**Core Shot** · 09-07-2005, 07:58 PM

6 weeks in a cast??

Jeebus must want you to drink.
Remember, he's the one that turned water into wine.

**jimmy page** · 09-07-2005, 08:17 PM

I'm coming over and I'm bringing this:

**lemon boy** · 09-08-2005, 06:59 AM

sucks butthole dude. At least you got a little hutning in before hand.

No even attmepting to kill stuff for me until the weekend of the 24th

**Elkhound Odin** · 09-08-2005, 07:42 AM

there is no god Why else would this happen....

Severe debilitating nerve pain down left arm to fingers, can't work. Pain so bad have to wear a morphine patch. Months go by and docs can agree on source. After multiple painful tests, determine C5/6 cervical disk is shot and a fusion is required. In the meantime, a separate test finds an unrelated brain tumor. Tumor removed, then later the disk is fused.
Time goes by and nerve pain comes back. Back on pain killers and out of work for months. Find the disk never fused and a new fusion is required. Fusion successful, but new nerve pain develops along neck & upper back. Back on pain killers.
Determine that C3/4 disk is bulging on nerve. Surgery is performed to relieve pressure. It seems successful until a neck twisting fall while skiing. Back on pain killers. Out of work for months.
Multiple unsuccessful alternative treatments fail to relieve the pain so another fusion is required. Fusion is successful at relieving the nerve pain.
But, during recovery, severe tendonitis of the elbow develops but CAN’T BE TREATED effectively because anti-inflammatories prevent bone fusion. The hope to be pain free for the first time in 5 years is crushed and the pain killers elevated.

If you want to see how years of pain and surgery can turn a vibrant person into a depressed shell of a human being, I’ll introduce you to my wife. She’s been living this horror. Talk about bad, unjustified karma. There is no god

**Grange** · 09-08-2005, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by powderwhore

There is no GOD!

Personally I believe there is a God and don't necessarily believe he is out to get anyone. I do believe he doesn't care. I'd be surprised if he was laughing at you unless the fall would have been fit to air on some home video show because that would mean he has some sort of interest in us.

Almost forgot, heal up. I'll be taking out my dog grouse hunting in a few short weeks.

**The Reverend Floater** · 09-08-2005, 08:15 AM

I want to add to the thread: I do realize my troubles pale in comparison to those in the SE USA. I have donated and I don't mean to downplay their tribulations. God bless!

In other news I was soooooooo high yesterday when I wrote this thread. They gave me a shot of "synthetic heroin" which put me into the next galaxy. I returned to work simply blasted but still managed to pull off some semblance of competence. I highly recommend it!

**Buster Highmen** · 09-08-2005, 08:27 AM

At least it's not your wrists, eh?

The Fates and the Norns conspire against me as well.

Independent of the content, your tone has been missed. Heal well d00d.

**Tap** · 09-08-2005, 08:59 AM

yeah, but do you still got da Funk, my brother?

YES!

**up an down** · 09-08-2005, 10:28 AM

so sorry to read about your bad luck rev

... and the liquor buyer for the supermercado in LL is no doubt weeping to hear that you have the strength to stay on the wagon

...i hope things turn around fast for you !

**silentlyrising** · 09-08-2005, 10:52 AM

"The Problem of Pain", by CS Lewis. Read it. (Yeah, the Narnia guy). Great book for anyone who believes humans have free will but can't figure out why the rest of the stuff happens... to those who don't don't believe in free will, well, that sucks. I'm sorry.

**silentlyrising** · 09-08-2005, 10:55 AM

N F-W R question... why does it say my last post was at 4:52PM - It's 11:15 in the morning!?

**creaker** · 09-08-2005, 11:04 AM

You shot doves and you're suprised the G-Man is pissed off? C,mon - if you're putting your ski season in peril to hunt go bag a moose or something. At least you can mount it over the fireplace . Dove hunting? For shame.