What is the proper punishment for someone caught stealing skis?

**Njord** · 11-30-2008, 05:10 PM

Should I rip his scrotum off and stuff it down his throat or simply just hang the coward's body off a noose on one of the light posts down the town's main street?

I'm having a hard time deciding what to do when I catchup with that slimy weasel....

**beefcake** · 11-30-2008, 05:13 PM

bending over and taking them completely up the ass

**Aussie_ripper** · 11-30-2008, 05:14 PM

Ripping his nuts off is what comes to mind.

**AsheanMT** · 11-30-2008, 05:15 PM

I'm a fan of the removal of said thief's hands with a machete in a public place.

**stomp** · 11-30-2008, 05:18 PM

Originally Posted by beefcake

bending over and taking them completely up the ass

thats the pat answer for everything in san fran

**InspectorGadget** · 11-30-2008, 05:22 PM

Frontier justice has its place in society.

Weigh the potential cost to yourself before severing limbs.

Sorry about your loss.

**The Dad** · 11-30-2008, 05:46 PM

Originally Posted by AsheanMT

I'm a fan of the removal of said thief's hands with a machete in a public place.

I prefer the Machete FB for symbolism.

Condolences.

**HankScorpio** · 11-30-2008, 05:55 PM

I was staring at my new Mantras today through the bar window after skiing , having a beer wondering this exact same scenario. What would i do if I saw some fucker stealing my skis?

A kick in the nuts with a ski boot sounds like a good punishment.

**EC_the_tash** · 11-30-2008, 05:56 PM

I was involved in one similar situation wherein an associate of mine and myself were slamming beers on the deck of an unnamed EC resort when johnny baggy pants and friend (both with snowboard boots on) walked up to the rack and lifted my associate's skis.

This particular EC resort's parking lot is a long terraced slope that leads up to one of the main base lodges. The fleeing suspects had the skis leaned up against their car and had no idea that we followed them out to the lot. My buddy and I approached the car, which was parked facing the next lower terrace. One of the dipshits kind of saw what was coming and blurted out some type of non-english words of hostility as my associate sent him off the 8-10 foot enbankment to land all crumpled up near the hood of a minivan.

The other suspect simply put his hands up in a "I don't even know this kid that well." kind of posture and was left unharmed. The other kid was doing a bit of groaning.

That was an on the fly kind of solution to ski theft. If you do catch the guy and you want to bring him to Sunday River, I'll throw him down a hill in the parking lot into a minivan. It seems appropriate to me, then we'll drink some beers on the deck after.

Warm regards,
-ec

**crowvt** · 11-30-2008, 05:57 PM

I'm not surprised it does not happen more often given the price of equipment and how little most skiers do to secure their gear.

I hope you took the time to report the loss to the ski area management. Every Seven-eleven has security cameras aimed where their money is, with the price of todays lift ticket or pass one might hope that a caring area would have working recording cameras aimed at their customers ski racks. They have no issue taking your cash when you order $10.00 burger it would seem they might just have a vested interest in assisting you in protecting your gear.
Allowing you to have more time to eat,spend your cash, or just take a dump.

While it may seem hopeless, report the crime to your local State authorities, unless you've already caught and castrated the guilty. If there are enough thefts are reported some enforcement agencies conduct undercover and uniformed patrols of areas. Be not afraid to write the agency and the district attorney and the resort.

Be proactive in securing your gear.

Mistakes do and will happen just this weekend several resort employees I work with made significant contributions to our hydration stock as they skied off on another employees gear.

**summit** · 11-30-2008, 05:57 PM

I feel ya dude, my skis were stolen yesterday at Loveland.

**karpiel** · 11-30-2008, 06:13 PM

That is why I take all my breaks in my van, longer walk but might save me a chunk of money I can't afford.

**cmcrawfo** · 11-30-2008, 06:35 PM

your animal instinct will kick in ... the beat down will come to you naturally ... just let your hate flow. I would suggest initiating the brawl with a sucker punch to the side of his head. you should probably bring a friend ... to pull you off when his body goes limp. manslaughter is a bitch, and its hard to ski in jail.

**liv2ski** · 11-30-2008, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by Summit

I feel ya dude, my skis were stolen yesterday at Loveland.

Damn it, that fucking sucks. With this shit going on and not having the cash to readily replace gear, I guess I will be splitting up my skis this season. Thiefs suck. Small bolt cutters to the thumbs works. Getting them put back on would make a shit head think twice.

**karpiel** · 11-30-2008, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by cmcrawfo

your animal instinct will kick in ... the beat down will come to you naturally ... just let your hate flow. I would suggest initiating the brawl with a sucker punch to the side of his head. you should probably bring a friend ... to pull you off when his body goes limp. manslaughter is a bitch, and its hard to ski in jail.

I always liked the idea of breaking the back then moving them around to make sure you fully sever it. Or maybe going for both achilles with a knife.

**cowdog** · 11-30-2008, 06:58 PM

Make them read Chaos_69's posts.

**ImSearchingforPowder** · 11-30-2008, 06:58 PM

Originally Posted by beefcake

bending over and taking them completely up the ass

how about you bending over and me sticking it in your ass. If of course, you are as hot as you look like in your avatar.

BSS · 11-30-2008, 06:58 PM

Mayhem only carries a minimum 24 month prison sentence in Nevada, not so sure about other states. As long as there's no intent to kill, a couple years really isn't that bad, considering. The instrument or manner of inflicting injury is also immaterial, so you could actually get pretty creative with all that.

Presonally though I think you should force him to sing Been Caught Stealing while wearing a hot pink banana hammock and post it on youtube for the world to see.

And then pound his face in.

**Garrett** · 11-30-2008, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by liv2ski

I guess I will be splitting up my skis this season.

A buddy once had a pair of split up skis (like, 30cm different in length) stolen at another terraced parking lot eastern resort.

I'd only bother reporting such a thing if I was planning on filing an insurance claim, but I'm a pragmatist. I once had a cop call me in the shop and ask if I had seen any stolen blue Rossignols. That was all the info he had. Length, serial, age, model? Nope.

Sorry to hear some folks have lost skis to theft. It truly sucks.

**Metatron** · 11-30-2008, 07:13 PM

Forgive him.

**amleaf** · 11-30-2008, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by karpiel

That is why I take all my breaks in my van, longer walk but might save me a chunk of money I can't afford.

I am the same way. My friends always look at my crazy when I say I'm not willing to leave my gear, but it turns out the possibility of being able to spend another $800 probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon.