Thread: This chick sounds perfect for you guys

get a load of this personal someone sent me:WANTED:
23-28 yr. old SINGLE white male w/ a full head (but not body) of hair. Please, no one under 5’9. And being that I am a normal red blooded human being, and therefore superficial, you must be attractive (to someone other than your mother). You will have to prove this won’t you? So don’t send me any pictures of Brad Pitt’s head on your body, or vice versa. I am not stupid.
MUST have a job (excluding dog walker, mimbo, professional beer drinker, waiter, hairdresser, or any type of ticket taker or cash register operator)
MUST be aware of the fact that not all women w/ small breasts want bigger ones just because all men w/ small penises would like bigger ones (oh….and you must not have a small penis-no exceptions)
*i have already received a surprising number of penis pictures. thanks for the consideration-i've been wondering what those things looked like. my friends were right though-they do kinda look like REALLY SMALL breakfast sausages.
MUST enjoy alcohol and the occasional (if not frequent) binge drinking/blacking out/breaking shit/public mockery/getting arrested session. I’m an athlete but I love to drink. And I must not be able to out drink you. That would make you a pussy. Be prepared to occasionally abuse other substances as well.
MUST be able to quote lines from some, if not all of, the following movies:
Old School
Tommy Boy
Scarface
Caddyshack
Best in Show and/or Waiting for Guffman
American Psycho
*If you have never heard of any of these movies then you are a loser and should be shot.
MUST not be a virgin. If you are still a virgin, good for you, but this chick doesn’t care about your stupid values or traumatic childhood experiences playing doctor with a less than gentle 6 year old girl. If you were a real man you would have been de-flowered by now…if not by a girlfriend than by a prostitute.
*note that if you did lose your virginity to a prostitute, I want nothing to do with your dirty, skanky ass.
Get thee to a clinic.
MUST be willing to travel. It is pathetic but still somewhat acceptable if you have never been out of the country. If you have never been out of the New York/ Jersey/East Coast area then you are not only pathetic but you need to seek help. I am a lot of things, but I am not willing to baby sit someone who has never seen a palm tree. If this makes me a snob then fuck you. You should have stopped reading by now.
MUST have experimented with some type of illegal substance, crack and heroin excluded. I believe that drug experimentation reflects directly on someone’s openness to new experiences. If you think this is crazy then you won’t like me and I sure as hell won’t like you. Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. I’m sure the mormons and bible thumpers have a webpage for your holier than thou bullshit.
MUST be athletic. I know this seems strange after the above requirement but I am an extremist. I workout hard and I play hard (sorry about the cliche i've already gotten some complaints. get over it). I do not drink socially because this is a ridiculous concept. 9 times out of 10 i am drinking so that i won't remember the evening. I would rather sit at home and watch a Disney movie w/ my 80 year old grandmother than go out to have a “drink or 2.” In the same regard, If I’m going to run, I’m going to run at least 8 miles. None of this sissy 20 minute cardio session or tae-bo shit. Please be strong enough from lifting weights or beating up homeless people to be able to carry my drunk and blacked out ass home after a night of drinking. In my fucked up mind, this makes you more manly (psycho-analyze all you want). If I have to carry you home you will wake up naked and covered in permanent marker and/or scratches-without a girlfriend. I take no prisoners.
MUST not be a smoker. Social/drunk smoking is ok. If you wake up in convulsions from a nicotene craving, you disgust me.
Think you fit these requirements? I promise that I’m hot enough to make these demands. If I were an ugly loser I wouldn’t dream of requiring anything from a man besides attached limbs and proof of citizenship (and even that would be asking a lot).
And please, try to differentiate between “your” and “you’re.” If you made it through grade school without Unsatisfactory marks on all of your report cards, this shouldn’t be hard.
-To make this even more fun, the 100th hate mail I receive will get a personalized "fuck you and get over it this is only craigslist" e-mail from yours truly.

I think I'm in love.

What a dork.

The Best of Craiglist

Originally posted by bad_roo
What a dork.

you mean me?

Let's me out. I've been taking these pills.

Originally posted by OldLarry
you mean me?

No, her! Jeez, what an asshole. I can't stand these ubermacho 'work hard, play hard' extremist, "I'm all that" types. Yawn.

Originally posted by bad_roo
No, her! Jeez, what an asshole. I can't stand these ubermacho 'work hard, play hard' extremist, "I'm all that" types. Yawn.

I thought it was quite comical and self effacing (sp?). Pretty much meant to be a joke.

So KQ, gotten any good responses back yet?

Originally posted by OldLarry
I’m an athlete
I workout hard and I play hard
If I’m going to run, I’m going to run at least 8 miles.
I take no prisoners.
I’m hot

Self effacing?

Originally posted by teledave
So KQ, gotten any good responses back yet?

WINNAR!

Originally posted by teledave
So KQ, gotten any good responses back yet?

My Grandmother's 101

Originally posted by KQ
My Grandmother's 101

That add is 21 years old?

I woulda thunk so too, until the "small boobs are okay" line.

I never run, but I would run at least 8 miles to get away from that psycho bitch.

Originally posted by KQ
The Best of Craiglist

well fuck me runnin'- I'm not the only one who thought it was amusing!

I want I want I want

Larry, you obviously don't know us.

First off she said you have to have a job (50%out)
Then said job must not be: dog walker, mimbo, professional beer drinker, waiter, or any type of ticket taker/cash register.(45% out)

Then the closer: she states you must have never slept with a prostutite (100%out (includeing the other 5 %))

and if that weren't enough, she said we would have to carry HER ass back from a bar. It's suppose to be the other way around, that is one of the reasons we have girlfriends.

forgot to add, she also has small tits??

Originally posted by sluffhunter
I want I want I want

Larry, you obviously don't know us.

First off she said you have to have a job (50%out)
Then said job must not be: dog walker, mimbo, professional beer drinker, waiter, or any type of ticket taker/cash register.(45% out)

Then the closer: she states you must have never slept with a prostutite (100%out (includeing the other 5 %))

and if that weren't enough, she said we would have to carry HER ass back from a bar. It's suppose to be the other way around, that is one of the reasons we have girlfriends.

LOL!!

My girlfriend has offically refused to "carry my dumb, dead-weight, idiot ass", then again I outweigh her by 80 pounds.

And yes, the following requirements, exclude almost all of the maggots, and those that aren't are still in high school, so their scrapped anyways.

Originally posted by sluffhunter
I want I want I want

Larry, you obviously don't know us.

First off she said you have to have a job (50%out)
Then said job must not be: dog walker, mimbo, professional beer drinker, waiter, or any type of ticket taker/cash register.(45% out)

Then the closer: she states you must have never slept with a prostutite (100%out (includeing the other 5 %))

and if that weren't enough, she said we would have to carry HER ass back from a bar. It's suppose to be the other way around, that is one of the reasons we have girlfriends.

wow- tough crowd.


sarcasm

\Sar"casm\, n. [F. sarcasme, L. sarcasmus, Gr. sarkasmo`s, from sarka`zein to tear flesh like dogs, to bite the lips in rage, to speak bitterly, to sneer, fr. sa`rx, sa`rkos, flesh.] A keen, reproachful expression; a satirical remark uttered with some degree of scorn or contempt; a taunt; a gibe; a cutting jest.

Just fuking around Larry. Hey man I still respect my elders

Ya need to wear a helmet OldLarry while your here.

Originally posted by interloper
Ya need to wear a helmet OldLarry while your here.

apparently! You guys run out of decaf and kind bud or what?

roll w/ it,they'll grow on ya.

You forgot to include the pic:

http://www.owensneversleeps.com/kq.jpg

Yes, this forum has a history Larry.