Thread: startup proposal: Crag of Zeus Skis, partner needed

Fellow Maggots:

It is time fellow TGR maggots that we send a message to the corporate ski dinosaurs. It is time for the REAL ski community, the TGR elite, to quite the auditorium with a hearty resonating belch. Why are we buying inferior skis from large companies that have all of their products manufactured overseas by some twelve-year old malnourished child who hasn’t even seen snow before? These skis are for tourists, not skiers. Corporate skis are mass-produced with the angle of cutting as many corners as possible. Tightening your bindings beyond the amateur mark will quickly expose the weak construction after you hit that fifteen-foot backcountry kicker. Rossignol, Atomic, K2, and all of the other dinosaurs have dominated the market like a totalitarian dictatorship, giving us no option but to buy shitty laminates they market as skis. This reminds me of the years when we had to force shitty beer ingredients down our throats in order to get drunk. The dinosaurs like Budweiser and Coors completely owned the beer market so they could get away with fermenting our brews with rice instead of barley. Then the age of microbrews took hold of the states like an angry lover, shaking some sense back into our tastes. I believe we are on the cusp of a similar revolution in the ski world. The age of the handcrafted custom garage ski company has arrived.

PM Gear has made an admirable first step in the movement with the garage style development of the Bro model ski. We must all applaud and support them. They showed that it is economically viable to create a small ski company if you don’t worry about marketing to tourists. However, if skiers are going to send a message to the corporate dinosaurs, we need more custom garage companies in the market. If we are to take back the mountains with handcrafted sticks, we need to flood the market with taste. No more rice in our beer, no more Chinese labor in our skis. I want my sticks to be infused with the sweat of a TGR maggot, not the tears of a little boy. Ski corporations have reached their high water mark; tourists will probably still ride on their receding waves, but they will have to worry about faulty construction on their way back out to sea.

This call to action is also a proposal. We would like to ask the TGR elite to be the new board members of another custom garage ski company. TGR fathered PM gear, and made it the Sierra Nevada brew of the revolution. I am asking TGR to forget the rubber one more night and allow another child to enter our world. I want this child to be raised by TGR, and I will display every step of the company’s maturation. If you choose to guide another custom ski company, and accept another guy who is willing to sacrifice it all for a life in the mountains, then this message will mark the beginning of “Crag of Zeus Skis.” TM

I might have just discovered the TGR forum but I was born and raised at 6200 feet on the shores of Tahoe (+20 years), so I am not new to the community of skiers. To show you my conviction for Crag of Zeus Skis, I will be quitting my job working on a NASA mission at the Berkeley Space Sciences Laboratory so that I can have a shot at pursuing the pure mountain lifestyle that many of you have already obtained.

I am also trying to find a dedicated business partner. I am looking for a maggot who will be just as passionate about slaving over ski presses, as they are about huckin cliffs. C.O.Z Skis can’t be born without your support, and we will be making t-shirts and bumper stickers to fund the initial stage of development. And of course, any interested investors who want to get in early with a custom ski company, please private message me for details of the business plan. The revolution will be transcribed on TGR and our website will be up soon

Cheers,
Damian, Crag of Zeus Skis TM

“The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.” –Che Guevara


Damian climbing in Peru

I'm interested in generating a new line of protogothic underwear. This revolutionary vision will incorporate digital technology, lcd light sources and worship of lost Etruscan Cooking Goddesses.

We will start with a varied collection of polyethylene bags, small plastic musical instruments likes guitars and horns, some bicycle bells and a vast array of bowling balls and rubbermaid mixing wands all jumbled into concrete vats leftoever from the WHPPS power plant and atomic energy flamdango.

In late night brainstorming festivals and in oblique homage to editors everywhere, we will blend these items with Christmas lights, religious icons, rubber, galoshes all deftly seasoned with portent threats of lost world supremacy. Then, with Barbara Streisand's deafening warbling at max volume and treble, we'll unleash the seventh commands from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, The Whole Earth Catalog, Friedrich Hayek's Economic Manifesto and directions to braised pigs feet from the Joy Of Cooking. Once the ethosphere is pulsating to this insurmountable miasma of protodiscomythematics, we'll squeeze the contents of our varied vats into the underwear presses. Then and only them will the mystic Egyptostle white gooseneck quack: Webcore...webcore...
Instantiation of zephyrous unguents may induce unfortold jibes into tangent bundles of nontrivial measure everywhere. And further theologic extracts thereof may prove to be of use to dipole moments in the search for times with magnetic monopoles. Despite thet fact that Liebnitz infers that the condoms for the magnetic monopole may be the limiting velocity, haberdashers in East Anglia arew known to pinch the occasional parishoner when sliding into their cups. From this we can deduce that all this is only a deuce, not once, but thrice. This is the basis for the Pope's tilted mitre and lack of opposition to omniscient and omnipresent pedastry.
What can the modern fellow follow fellacio? Fecundities? Federalities? Or another round of sublemon sophistry?

Grab the closest mallet-like object and rap yourself in the nuts with it repeatedly. Although, I do think copy/pasting your own post is the next big thing around here.

I, for one, like to "quite the auditorium with a hearty resonating belch."

mmm hmm....sure do

Originally Posted by Buster Highmen

I'm interested in generating a new line of protogothic underwear. This revolutionary vision will incorporate digital technology, lcd light sources and worship of lost Etruscan Cooking Goddesses.

We will start with a varied collection of polyethylene bags, small plastic musical instruments likes guitars and horns, some bicycle bells and a vast array of bowling balls and rubbermaid mixing wands all jumbled into concrete vats leftoever from the WHPPS power plant and atomic energy flamdango.

In late night brainstorming festivals and in oblique homage to editors everywhere, we will blend these items with Christmas lights, religious icons, rubber, galoshes all deftly seasoned with portent threats of lost world supremacy. Then, with Barbara Streisand's deafening warbling at max volume and treble, we'll unleash the seventh commands from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, The Whole Earth Catalog, Friedrich Hayek's Economic Manifesto and directions to braised pigs feet from the Joy Of Cooking. Once the ethosphere is pulsating to this insurmountable miasma of protodiscomythematics, we'll squeeze the contents of our varied vats into the underwear presses. Then and only them will the mystic Egyptostle white gooseneck quack: Webcore...webcore...

I will never understand the mind that can produce the like of this, but I do feel priviledged to have a peek.

Yeah, crosspost to every subforum, that's the ticket.

Originally Posted by Buster Highmen

I'm interested in generating a new line of protogothic underwear. This revolutionary vision will incorporate digital technology, lcd light sources and worship of lost Etruscan Cooking Goddesses.

We will start with a varied collection of polyethylene bags, small plastic musical instruments likes guitars and horns, some bicycle bells and a vast array of bowling balls and rubbermaid mixing wands all jumbled into concrete vats leftoever from the WHPPS power plant and atomic energy flamdango.

In late night brainstorming festivals and in oblique homage to editors everywhere, we will blend these items with Christmas lights, religious icons, rubber, galoshes all deftly seasoned with portent threats of lost world supremacy. Then, with Barbara Streisand's deafening warbling at max volume and treble, we'll unleash the seventh commands from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, The Whole Earth Catalog, Friedrich Hayek's Economic Manifesto and directions to braised pigs feet from the Joy Of Cooking. Once the ethosphere is pulsating to this insurmountable miasma of protodiscomythematics, we'll squeeze the contents of our varied vats into the underwear presses. Then and only them will the mystic Egyptostle white gooseneck quack: Webcore...webcore...

Wow. Where did that come from? At least you have a PR man, that is assuming you can reconcile Zues and whatever God's are in this cultic production process.

if you need ski graphics and possible ads, PM me

On the miniscule chance this isn't a piss take, I'll do your website for some free planks/copious amounts of money

Originally Posted by RagDoll

if you need ski graphics and possible ads, PM me

^^^ the kitten with the gun to head = hot graphics for winter 2007-08.

I'm intrigued, as I have always believed you cannot start a revolution without bumper stickers!

im all for it..

Originally Posted by El Chupacabra

^^^ the kitten with the gun to head = hot graphics for winter 2007-08.

I was actually thinking two "Pimp My Ride"esque LCD screens built in looping a child vomiting itself. Or hardcore porn.

I was really hoping this project would make it off the ground......


(Or at least Buster's)

i seemed to have missed this the first time around...i could use some new underpants.