The Midlife Club

[Name Redacted]

Do some mushrooms about it. Sersly.

[The Reverend Floater]

Do some mushrooms about it. Sersly.

^agreed.

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[goldenboy]

Happier days ahead?

[MagnificentUnicorn]

I’ve heard that 60 is peak happiness


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[The Reverend Floater]

I’ve heard that 60 is peak happiness


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I dunno. 22-28 seems pretty hard to beat. Personally I had enough money to live simply with maybe a month in reserve, so some stability. And I had absolutely zero responsibilities outside of work and my dog. Health was at a maximum and I could ski/bike/hunt about as much as I wanted to. No spouse so every night had endless possibilities and I also wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I grew up. That's gonna be hard to beat.

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[dunfree]

I tend to think the good ole days were pretty good at their best in irretrievable ways, but what you might be missing is not them but “flow state” (see Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, maybe he’s passé?) and that’s a temporal thing.

Ive found it in sports (first encounter with the concept was via a good skiier) and work (even shitty jobs) and craft hobby generally process based things, not so much study, but flow is a grand thing when it works.

[The Reverend Floater]

I tend to think the good ole days were pretty good at their best in irretrievable ways, but what you might be missing is not them but “flow state” (see Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, maybe he’s passé?) and that’s a temporal thing.

Ive found it in sports (first encounter with the concept was via a good skiier) and work (even shitty jobs), not so much study, but it’s a grand thing when it works.

Great call and I've never realized it, but yeah. Those moments of total connection/disconnection, zen, flow--however you describe it are certainly farther between. These days I find it occasionally on my bike and sometimes in the workshop but not like it used be!

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[MagnificentUnicorn]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...younger-adults

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/fri...ss-report.html

There’s more out there. I’m sure there are outliers and it seems some people are never happy regardless of how amazing their life might be.


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[californiagrown]

A person must have purpose. You have that when you are in school before your adult-life, in the beginning stages of building a career/life, exploring alternate options for life once settled in your life/career and financially stable, when you first have kids, etc. But if you are stuck in a rut instead of actively trying to improve/progress/move forward in some aspect of your life, then you have lost purpose. You are hopeless, because you are temporarily purposeless, and its the lack of purpose that is depressing.

So, find a new purpose or goal. It doesnt have to be altruistic, or impactful to society, or overly impressive. Make a crazy plan for a hike/bike/ski multiday adventure for later this summer that forces you to research the route, plan the logistics and train hard physically. Or, since you have medical training, take a flyer and join a local chapter of Doctors Without Borders and throw yourself into that for a year and at least 1 trip (my grandma did something similar as a surgical nurse and spent 20 years traveling and seeing some really crazy cool parts of south america and the amazon till she was almost 80). If you cannot find fulfillment and purpose from your current situation, then find it from another source that utilizes all the skills, knowledge, wisdom, and resources that you have spent the last few decades earning and accumulating.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

A person must have purpose. You have that when you are in school before your adult-life, in the beginning stages of building a career/life, exploring alternate options for life once settled in your life/career and financially stable, when you first have kids, etc. But if you are stuck in a rut instead of actively trying to improve/progress/move forward in some aspect of your life, then you have lost purpose. You are hopeless, because you are temporarily purposeless, and its the lack of purpose that is depressing.

So, find a new purpose or goal. It doesnt have to be altruistic, or impactful to society, or overly impressive. Make a crazy plan for a hike/bike/ski multiday adventure for later this summer that forces you to research the route, plan the logistics and train hard physically. Or, since you have medical training, take a flyer and join a local chapter of Doctors Without Borders and throw yourself into that for a year and at least 1 trip (my grandma did something similar as a surgical nurse and spent 20 years traveling and seeing some really crazy cool parts of south america and the amazon till she was almost 80). If you cannot find fulfillment and purpose from your current situation, then find it from another source that utilizes all the skills, knowledge, wisdom, and resources that you have spent the last few decades earning and accumulating.

You’ve never heard of Lagom have you?


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[oftpiste]

In spite of the urge to add to the largely self-help-book regurgitated advice you're being offered (most of which I suspect is not news and you've either already tried or won't ever do) I will say a couple of things:

Suffering (financially, personally, spiritually) later in life is no fun. Been there and still am in certain areas. I do not recommend it for any reason, or as a tool to somehow feel more alive. It can do that for sure, probably not worth it. FFS don't turn your life upside down on some kind of a Quixotic quest.

If you and yours are content ("happy" word intentionally not used 'cuz WTF does that mean anyway?), be gratitudinous. In spades. Every day for what you have.

[californiagrown]

You’ve never heard of Lagom have you?


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Now i have haha. Moderation and balance in every aspect of life.

I honestly have found it really hard and stressful to try to achieve a wide ranging, general balance, because i was always calculating how much time and effort to spend on one thing vs another, only to look around and see that i am only achieving a fraction of the potential in every aspect and am still stressed and short on time. What i have found much more fulfilling and lower stress is to spend effort in a select few areas i find important, and neglecting (to a point) other areas of my life i dont deem as important...and every so often those priorities and areas of importance change. To me, the process of identifying a goal/purpose, working hard towards it, and achieving it is incredibly rewarding (from beginning to end, not just the final "achievement").

[CarlMega]

So much good insightful commentary in this thread. Please keep going.

I know I feel that paradox of success where on paper, the boxes are tic'd and from any practical stand point, one should feel good. But then also have lived long enough to know that those measures don't actually mean that much to me - by themselves don't bring fulfillment. They do bring opportunity tho.

So I think it's this tension and dissonance... am I making the best use of my limited time and maximizing my opportunities? Break the habit of FUD around banking your time, efforts and happiness to bring security and stability.

[XXX-er]

I had nothing going on and no idea what to do next but somebody gave me a copy of " Man's search for meaning " by Victor Frankel the Auschwitz survivor in which buddy said finding meaning was the key to survival in there

So I drove many km's to hit 2 paddle fests and 3 folk fests, I'm not sure what meaning i found but it was something to do

IME the 50's were really good, the 60's were looking good but that got interrupted by Covid & blowing the ACL

[schindlerpiste]

The rollercoaster:

20s = Young, wild, free and educating. Bell curve = Good times, bad times, uncertain times, emotional times. The end of an era.
30s= Settle down, family, hard work. The creating roots years, Bell curve = fairly steep rise
40s= hard work, Earning big years. Bell curve = cautiously on the rise, then skyrocket
50s= everything a ski bum could hope for, but trying times for parents. Not living large, but living well. The " load up the truck and head for the hills years". Bell curve peaked.
60s= still skiing pretty hard, but injuries, illness and wear and tear certainly taking its toll. So far, the decline has been rapid.

[Buster Highmen]

It's too easy to get stuck in a rut when you're just clocking in and out of the day. Seek magic, seek community, explore. We can still take chances even holding down the 925, there's so much out there to see and do, especially in the PNW.

Yeah, I'm in the final quarter, a bad knee, holes opening up where kids had been, current and pending complexities with the inlaws and extended family. But I'm still searching and maybe the fact that I am driven to balance the sensible with the stupid keeps me wondering. Wondering is key. Like learning how to frame, design crazy hanging staircases, not being hemmed in by the practical and known or isolation.

I agree that it is a lot about challenging ourselves. Think widely about how to do that, especially in the nonpractical vectors.

It's also about community and connectedness which for some is elusive and requires recasting of nets and resorting priorities.

[warthog]

I hear this loud and clear.

I make my work harder than it needs to be, just for this reason. I can't just coast, like most of the others in my company. I am always reinventing how I do the job. That said, I have been remote for 27 years, so it was always part of the job. If you weren't a self starter, you fail.

I don't golf. Apparently that is all my peers have for hobbies.
I don't live near mountains.
Fishing is fun, but it is a lot of work too. I tend to prefer sneaking into mangroves and just fly fishing, usually not catching much, but practicing casting.

I decided to rebuild a 1995 Ford Bronco. That has been a really fun diversion, and unlike most of my work, I can see progress and feel a sense of accomplishment. At work, I constantly have 15-20 construction projects running consecutively. When one finishes, another 3 start. You never feel finished, and then the year ends, and the company rewards your efforts with a higher quota and the chance to do it all again. The Bronco treats me better. Effort is paid off with a nice drive and lots of thumbs up from old(er) men and rednecks.

Get yourself a fulfilling hobby is what I guess I am saying.

[ötzi]

I don't golf.

Don't you live on a golf course?

[Ted Striker]

You’ve never heard of Lagom have you?

The ability to remain calm while assembling infuriatingly cheaply built furniture.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

I’ve never been in an IKEA store, what am I missing?


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[dunfree]

I’ve never been in an IKEA store, what am I missing?


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endangered species turned into disposable furniture

[The Reverend Floater]

It's too easy to get stuck in a rut when you're just clocking in and out of the day. Seek magic, seek community, explore.

I agree that it is a lot about challenging ourselves. Think widely about how to do that, especially in the nonpractical vectors.

It's also about community and connectedness .

Fucking exactly.

Want to feel young again? Do something you suck at. Making knives has been a revelation for me, going against the grain of everything I'm good at and forcing me to really concentrate on things I've inherently avoided or limped around.





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[Ted Striker]

Plus one family enjoying tax exempt status through layers of "foundations" while operating two lines of popular for profit furniture stores.

[Ted Striker]

Does it have to be something new? I've sucked at lots of things for decades!

[The Reverend Floater]

Does it have to be something new? I've sucked at lots of things for decades!

Yeah. I mean, I've sucked at most things I do. You gotta find something totally new to really appreciate the suck of a new attempt at nonsuckiness.

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