About to turn 50 and am too tired to continue

[Trackhead]

You wana talk about trauma both my parents came of age in the active war zones of WW II, my father in the battle of Britain my mother in occupied Singapore and it fucked them up pretty good which in turn fucked me up but less so and my kids less than that

Generational unfuckery….good job

[Trackhead]

Buzz give yourself some credit, you’ve made progress and it obviously won’t change over night. Keep hope alive and go easy on yourself. You’re making progress in the right direction.

No reason to be ashamed or embarrassed (easier said obviously).

[gaijin]

Yeah— shame is a hard one. That’s why we pop in. We get it.

Thanks for the update.

And give us a ring. We’re not you. But we’re like you.

[Dantheman]

At least right now I don’t feel a need to drastically end my life.

Really glad to hear this.

[Self Jupiter]

Appreciate you chiming in Buzz. I’m just another internet kook but I think this thread is helpful to a lot of us too so thanks.

[tgapp]

Buzz - you know I love you, just not so good at posting on this thread. Let's ski basin next week. And drink some non-alcoholic beers.

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

[chicken feathers]

Yo Buzz, I can imagine how discouraging it could be to talk to a therapist who you don't connect with. If you can, keep trying different ones until you find the one who clicks with you.

And thanks for the update

[riser4]

Buzz - you know I love you, just not so good at posting on this thread. Let's ski basin next week. And drink some non-alcoholic beers.

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

Guinness 0.0. I admit I didn't like it when I had it for the first time in a bar. I've found that at home I like it.

[tgapp]

Guinness 0.0. I admit I didn't like it when I had it for the first time in a bar. I've found that at home I like it.

Meh see my review in the NA beer thread. It's fine. Untitled Art and Sam Adams are still the best in the game IMO, with Athletic somewhere behind them.

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

[Hood26]

“So I took my medication and I poured my trauma out
On some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch
And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground
I said "I'm cured"
And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts
Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart
I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them
But it's a start”

Noah Kahan “Growing Sideways” hits it on the head for me.

Learning of and researching the Adverse Childhood Study longitudinal study by the CDC and Kaiser Perm. really helped me eventually turn some corners. I wouldn’t take the test unless I was ready to tap into memories and events that have probably long been compartmentalized.

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-...nd-doesnt-mean

https://scholar.google.com/scholar?h...es&oq=adverse+

For me, the immediate response was not positive after learning of and taking several different iterations and getting the same score. In fact I was exposed to the test cold before knowing about the study or the purpose; that was a hard day to go back to work.

A very common response from high ACEs kids and childhood trauma in general is to grow to become a “helper” at least this is what my therapist tells me why I do the work I do and volunteer for fun.

Me and the fam watched the Mr. Roger’s movie last week. There are a couple of really great scenes when Fred reminds the protagonist that he is who he is in part because of his trauma and Fred likes him just how he is. Also, Mr. Rogers’ classic, “if it’s mentionable it’s solvable.” Fuck this world needs a new Mr. Rogers again and they need to be on YouTube!!

Ps. Buzz, regarding the PMs. In due time and when and if it suits you. They weren’t sent to make an obligation for you. They are to give and not take.

[garyfromterrace]

Nothing much to add here buzz, other than one day at a time man. You're not alone.

[Supermoon]

“So I took my medication and I poured my trauma out
On some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch
And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground
I said "I'm cured"
And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts
Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart
I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them
But it's a start”

Noah Kahan “Growing Sideways” hits it on the head for me.

I heard that song for the first time as I was going through my divorce and it hit me hard.

[XXX-er]

Generational unfuckery….good job

I forgot to mention growing up in the deperession followed by moving back to Britain cuz there was nothing to eat on the canadian praire, then getting beat up every day by english school boys, he developed an english accent till the day he died even tho he was from saskatchewan, then out all night during the bombings putting out naplam fires, building Spitfires and then being shipped off to war.

my mother watch the japanese take her American father away

They had it so rough so all one can do is on the one hand I cut them slack but acknowledge I'm fucked up in ways too complex to imagine

[Trackhead]

Generational Trauma: ^^^

Imagine being Alaskan/Canadian/American native.

They got fucked hard and continue to suffer for it. Spiraling �� for what seems like forever.

Yeah, our upbringing’s can shape us, for better or worse.

My dad had an issue with alcohol. He was a bit of a tyrant. I learned after he died that his crazy ass mom tied his ass to a tree and left him there as a kid. Can’t imagine why he was an angry drunk.

That shit rolls downhill. It’s hard to get out of the way. His drinking left an impression on me and I swore I’d never be like that, and I haven’t. Never drink, can’t stand being around people who do. See enough of it at work.

[Thaleia]

Hey Buzz, I really hope this doesn't come off as preachy or anything. I've been wanting to post this for a few days and keep deleting it because I don't want it to come off that way but here goes.

Are you getting much physical activity?

Personally I've been pretty 'low' lately. Have been unemployed for too long. Had a few good prospects lined up and I've watched them fizzle out, one by one. It's getting tough.

This winter I got a bike trainer set up. Was a great decision especially given how bad our alpine and nordic ski season has been.

Been using the trainer pretty much every day. Up until a couple weeks ago when the family all got a nasty cold. I never had any cold symptoms other than really low energy so either I had a mild version or I was fighting it off.

During that time I was off the trainer and not doing anything remotely physical for three days. During those three days my mind went to some very dark places, including thoughts of suicide. Back on the trainer lots and my mind set has improved.

I know we're all different and have different triggers and responses but I just wanted to share that with you.

[basinbeater]

I just wanna chime in on the always helping others, and sacrificing yourself for benefit of others. It's good to help others, but you've got to stick up for yourself. Meaning, if you got a ski day scheduled, that's important. Gotta do it. If someone else is out, let someone else do it. Don't always be that guy. Help when you can, but give yourself priority as well. Nobody else will...
I've seen it with my wife to a degree and definitely with my mother in law. Sacrifice themselves all the time for others and have resentment towards others as a result. But they would never admit it.

Take the step to get something good for you on the schedule, and stick to it.
Skiing has been good lately ... Get some.

Keep on keeping on people.

Edit, if your skis or board need a wax, bring it over, we can chill in the garage and get it done. Will get you stoked to ski! Same with a bike, if you need a tune up, bring it by. Aves here.

[byates1]

Buzz and anyone else near, I'm at the beav Sunday -wed. Buzz I've got a comp pass for you. It'll be snowing and good vibes

[JohnF]

Glad you checked in buzz, keep going.

[Aldo]

Hey buzz you’re doing great mang, one day at a time small steps, deep breaths , we’re here with ya , feel the love.

[Buzzworthy]

Snowbasin Tuesday. I have to pick up my pass. It’s going to be sunny and I’m going to ski. I’m slow and I have no ski legs. Not sure how long I’ll last. But I’m going to have a smile on my face. That’s what matters.
If there’s a TFW needing a ride I owe ya a good talk on the way. Tgapp, wanna enjoy some Gondi views? And any other mags that are out and about, I’d love to ski ya.

Work can be closed for all I care. I need the exercise. Period.

[Buzzworthy]

Also now that I’ve hit the ❤️ on every single one of all of your posts.

And to those out there feeling my words, keep fighting too. You’re important to so many people and you too can fight the spiders. You’re important to you.

[Buzzworthy]

Add a k to one of those words above

[chaka]

enjoy your ski day(s). We know you will!

[bennymac]

Snowbasin Tuesday. I have to pick up my pass. It’s going to be sunny and I’m going to ski. I’m slow and I have no ski legs. Not sure how long I’ll last. But I’m going to have a smile on my face. That’s what matters.
If there’s a TFW needing a ride I owe ya a good talk on the way. Tgapp, wanna enjoy some Gondi views? And any other mags that are out and about, I’d love to ski ya.

Work can be closed for all I care. I need the exercise. Period.

FKNA! I love where your heads at Buzzworthy.

[cat in january]

Sunshine, it’s a powerful drug. Get some