Results 1 to 25 of 53
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09-22-2005, 12:31 PM #1
OK everyone...lets lighten up....
There is way to much sand in you know where of certain of us.
Here's a joke:
First day of school
>It was the first day of school and a new student named
>Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered Grade 11.
>The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
>Who said 'Give me
>
>Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except
>for
>Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.
>
>"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for
>the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'" Again, no response
>except from Chandrashekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said
>Chandrashekhar.
>The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
>Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its
>history than you do."
>
>She heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Indians."
>
>"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrashekhar put his hand
>up. "General Custer, 1862."
>
>At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The
>teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
>Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime
>Minister, 1991."
>
>Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
>Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to
>the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
>
>Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you
>say anything else, I'll kill you." Chandrashekhar frantically yells
>at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
>
>The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on
>the floor, someone said, "Oh sh#t, we're fucked!" and Chandrashekhar
>said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq, 2005."Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon.
Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol.
Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel.
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09-22-2005, 12:35 PM #2
Fuck off.
We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? ~ Lee Iacocca
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09-22-2005, 12:35 PM #3
Haha nice.
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09-22-2005, 12:37 PM #4Originally Posted by EPSkisLiving vicariously through myself.
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09-22-2005, 12:38 PM #5Originally Posted by grrrr
I didn't know Grrrr was a towel head.Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon.
Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol.
Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel.
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09-22-2005, 12:41 PM #6
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Bandogge "Voodoo" and American Bulldog "Zero"
Last edited by Bandogge; 09-22-2005 at 12:47 PM.
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09-22-2005, 12:44 PM #7Originally Posted by BandoggeWe've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? ~ Lee Iacocca
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09-22-2005, 12:47 PM #8
I will continue to assert my agenda no matter what.
Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
>>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<
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09-22-2005, 12:49 PM #9yelgatgab
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Originally Posted by EPSkisRemind me. We'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.
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09-22-2005, 12:54 PM #10
Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam for class president.
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09-22-2005, 12:57 PM #11Originally Posted by TrackheadLiving vicariously through myself.
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09-22-2005, 12:58 PM #12
SPECIAL BONUS: DIFFERENT CHICKS
FOREIGNERS
The beauty of nonwhite chicks is that they grew up in an
environment that said “You are not normal” every day. That
means they are inevitably less judgmental and shallow than
your standard Barbie-type girl. That means you don’t look as
ugly as you are. Are you a white male 7? You’re going to
have a hell of a time getting a white 8, but switch to Paki,
Asian, or black and you’ll have 8s and even 9s pouring off
you like warm honey.
ASIANS
Asian girls come in two types: FOBs (Fresh Off the Boat)
and Born Heres. The only thing these two groups have in
common is no ass, smooth skin, great tits, and a bad relationship
with their father.
1) FOBs: One way to tell a FOB from a Born Here is to
check the shoes. Ever seen those before? Me neither.
They’re from Taipei. FOBs are not that hard of a nut to
crack. As we’ve pointed out many times before, this
whole continent is a mindfuck to them, so having sex
with a loser like you is not so absurd. Conversation and
charm can be a pretty lethargic plodge so don’t waste
your energy. Make them CD mixes. You can put on shit
like the Rolling Stones and it’s like you dug up this
underground British blues band.
2) Born Heres: The tricky thing about these girls is they’ve
been fighting with their dads for so long about assimilation,
they’ve become white just to spite him. They love to
fight and are stubborn as shit. Never ask a Born Here
where she’s from or anything about her parents’ country.
In fact, it’s better to stereotype them as something
American. If she’s from Indianapolis say, “The problem
with all you Midwestern types is how fat you get after
a lifetime of cheese and beer.” That shows you love her
as a person, an American person, and you don’t even
remember what race she is.
BLACKS
We could write a whole article about this subject alone
because, despite what the anthropologists in San
Francisco tell you, black girls are different. To understand
black girls you have to understand black guys. They are
not indie-rock nerds. They lie a lot and they are never
clingy. That means a) she is going to be totally skeptical
about you from the get-go and b) if you are even the least
bit clingy you are gone.
When you come up to her do the basic “talking, laughing,
fucking” school of thought but DO NOT talk about
race. If she wants to bring it up that’s fine, but you don’t
care. Just calmly buy her a drink and don’t be fazed when
she acts like she doesn’t give a shit. Nobody gets a black
girl talking without at least one “not interested.”
If you didn’t know that, you probably have no fucking
clue what you’re getting into. Other crucial facts include:
they are all scared of Marilyn Manson; they hate it when
you step on the carpet; they think Chinese food is exotic
and Thai food is from outer space; they love it when you
call their parents “Sir” and “Ma’am;” they won’t give you
a blowjob for the first few months; they roll their eyes
when you watch the Discovery channel; they will spend all
day getting ready to go out; and finally, they cannot comprehend
why anyone would listen to hardcore by choice
(Minor Threat = white noise). Oh, and NEVER touch her
fucking hair. That shit costs hundreds of dollars a month
and if you fuck with it even in the slightest she will beat
the shit out of you. Understand? She can’t even get it wet.
That’s why they’re all so scared of rain and swimming.
They can’t have a shower for the first few days after having
their hair done and every night that shit gets wrapped
up. That’s why doggy style is so popular.
If you can get through all that and still get her home,
the fact that your dick is not 11 inches long and you
can’t fuck for more than 20 minutes is not exactly great
news. However, you perform cunnilingus and that
makes up for a lot (that’s why black girls call white guys
“Freaky”). Getting a black chick is one of the hardest
things in the world, but once you finally gain her trust
she will do anything for you. She will have your babies,
get your name tattooed on her ass, and slap the shit out
of any woman who looks at you. They’re kind of like
Parisians: mean at first but down for life once you get
in there.
NONDRINKERS
Shit, I don’t envy you, dude. Without “panty remover”
you are looking at hours and hours of talking before anything
happens. Like, the sun is going to be up. The only
advice we can give for these hopeless causes is to get
some kind of mutual interest (like a band that you go see)
and then have a way to link that into getting her home (to
hear more music from that band). If that doesn’t work, try
a road trip. Nothing pulls a girl out of the friend zone like
a road trip to Nova Scotia. What are you going to do,
spoon in the hotel and just fall asleep? Pshaw.
LATINAS
This one's easy. NOBODY but Latino guys can lay Latina
girls. Nobody even KNOWS these girls. You might as
well try to fuck dead movie stars like Greta Garbo or Lily
St. Claire or someone.
10s
Way-out-of-your-league super-hot girls are so hard to get
that it’s usually not even worth it. The good news is you
yourself don’t have to be that hot. They are surrounded by
hot every day and are desperate to get some substance in
their lives (that’s why they write songs). Are you a producer,
promoter, director…? Maybe you didn’t hear me well
enough. Are you a producer or a promoter (wink, wink)?
Oh, cool, well maybe you could help her out with her shitty
clothing line or her incredibly gay poems. Nobody takes
10s seriously, so if you even remember her name she’s
going to be impressed.
Actually, hold on—why do you want to fuck a 10 so
badly? They are so fucking lame and stupid you’re going
to be bored out of your skull 95% of the time. We suggest
you, 10s, and the cold-call dudes fuck off and stop
reading this magazine. We hate you.
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09-22-2005, 01:00 PM #13
gotta love the title ...
http://www.townhall.com/columnists/r...20050922.shtml
Let's hug online ... NOT. State your opinions ladies and gents, last I checked we live in a free country ... flame on
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09-22-2005, 01:10 PM #14
Woody for President!
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09-22-2005, 01:13 PM #15
Great ... Woody's post just got shanked (ommited/deleted/whatever)
Hey all guess what, TGR is being monitored/censored - SHOCKERn't
Welcome to the time of political correctedness ... which makes us weaker and passive moderates to say the least. LET THE PEOPLE SPEAK!
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09-22-2005, 01:18 PM #16Originally Posted by HyRUPz
the term eviscerated prolly doesn't belong on a ski board.
Pray for Snow.
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09-22-2005, 01:46 PM #17
..........
Last edited by xboat; 09-22-2005 at 01:49 PM.
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09-22-2005, 02:46 PM #18Originally Posted by HyRUPz
Just FYIMonty Python's version of the cougar phenomenon:
"This is a frightened city. Over these houses, over these streets hangs a pall of fear. Fear of a new kind of violence which is terrorizing the city. Yes, gangs of old ladies attacking defenseless, fit young men".
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09-22-2005, 03:04 PM #19
Are stereotypes the other side of the PC spectrum?
Right spectrum = too much, ignorance
Left spectrum = pansy, softie, fag
God only knows ... if folks only knew I'm part Cuban ... ah hellnip, here come the Fidel jokes!
What I meant was - can have differing opinions without insulting each other? Hard to do but possible ... can I say this ... not sure
Anyhow, flame wars - without racist banter - ok with me!
BTW, everytime I read your posts I have a pretend english accent - actually matches the way you write - dandy no? randy yeeeees?Last edited by HyRUPz; 09-22-2005 at 03:07 PM.
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09-22-2005, 03:07 PM #20Originally Posted by HyRUPzQuando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon.
Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol.
Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel.
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09-22-2005, 03:11 PM #21
I'm not sure how offensive a squadron of dancing Hitlers is these days.
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09-22-2005, 03:15 PM #22Originally Posted by irul&ublo
Last edited by The AD; 09-22-2005 at 03:18 PM.
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09-22-2005, 03:29 PM #23
Roooo: Dude, that's so un-PC ... it is pretty funny though (agh crappe, shouldn't of said that) ...
Sound: Sirens with dilitante debutants at the wheel ... then, on their squakbox ... "Calling all cars, calling all cars - we have an un-PC post going on, Code Blue 8994 ... send reinforcements ... "
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09-22-2005, 03:33 PM #24Originally Posted by HyRUPz
Imagine this in an English accent: 'Leave it out, guv. I 'ad nuffin' to do wiv it'
As for dancing Hitlers, young Roo is about to get his arse slippered.Monty Python's version of the cougar phenomenon:
"This is a frightened city. Over these houses, over these streets hangs a pall of fear. Fear of a new kind of violence which is terrorizing the city. Yes, gangs of old ladies attacking defenseless, fit young men".
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09-22-2005, 03:33 PM #25
Godwin'd! thanks roo
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