How Redneck Are You?

[Odin]

I have or am:

Living in a Trailer: 75 points
Trailer smells like a dead hooker: 50 points
More guns than people in said trailer: 50 points
Working in Oil Field/Construction: 50 Points
More non working TV's in the house than working ones: 50 points
Have one car that doesn't work in the yard of someone elses house: 200 points
Recently listened to country music: 30 points
Recently PLAYED country music: 100 points
Within the last year wore a cowboy hat: 20 points
Wearing carharts right now: 30 points
Have beer bottles as decoration in house: 50 points
Own camoflauge clothes of some kind: 50 points
Recently went fishing: 10 points

Hmmmmmm, my total is getting up there.
765

I lose 50 points for not having any memorabilia from nascar

715

and I lose 50 points for not having any broken down appliances on my front yard.

665

[Buzzworthy]

Im off the charts.

[edg]

-100 points... Awww Yeah[/shaft]

edg

[Mrs Roo]

I don't score at all. What a relief.

[Buzzworthy]

I don't score at all.

Poor Bad Roo!

[assgasorgrass]

Neckier than most

[Below Zero]

Whooo, zero points for me.

[Schmear]

I remember reading something about your place...


Strange Awakening

Dizziness, a faint feeling of vertigo and blackness. I feel sucked into and out of somewhere.

A sound fades over me, washes back in again. Someone must have poured jam over my eyes because I can't open them. My mouth tastes like the inside of a shoe. I smell myself... Good lord. Squeaking springs and I'm still stuck.

Finally the eyes flicker open and the world beams into focus. All the mysteries of the night's reflections come to light: the giant had been my lamp; the water over my feet was the pulled-up blanket; the cut-off arm was a loss of circulation. If only I could figure out whose name that is written on my hand. Pain, dear throbbing pain. At least I wake here for once.

Extricate. Turn. Sit. Breathe.

I flip on the TV before remembering that I don't get reception, I turn on the stove before remembering that I don't have gas. (Next week's paycheck.) Perhaps there is enough pre-heated water to take a shower—a noble thought that prevails...for five minutes. Two frozen nipples later a multitude of yawps pervades the abode as HOT DAMN!, I am now awake.

Light creeps through the room striking the couch that is my bed. I am part of the illustrious mobility, those who voluntarily give up the trappings of plush carpeting and an actual living room. I look around at the mini-stove, the floor covered in magazines and bottles, the oven that doesn't quite close, the two empty refrigerators (better to put your goods outside). My clothes hang next to the Toyo stove which thankfully didn't go out again overnight. The skis stand in the corner; ready, waxed, and shining. The truest possessions that I own, they gleam at me with a non-judgmental shimmer. If they ever come for my car, or my house, I will always have my skis.

Water. Alleve. Start the truck. Grab the boots.

I brush off the 10 inches of new snow on the hood and windshield and give thanks that the plow has already come for the street. No time for breakfast. The mountains wait for me, for they know that within their snow capped bosom I am truly home.

[MOHSHSIHd]

kindof a weird set of redneck standards...

should be stuff like:

-Have seen at least 50 dirt track races
-Have freezers full of meat you killed yourself
-chew tobacco
-drink PBR while chewing tobacco
-have met multpile nascar drivers
-know what "speed week" is and have been multiple times

[Buzzworthy]

kindof a weird set of redneck standards...

should be stuff like:

-Have seen at least 50 dirt track races
-Have freezers full of meat you killed yourself
-chew tobacco
-drink PBR while chewing tobacco
-have met multpile nascar drivers
-know what "speed week" is and have been multiple times

I concur.

[Mrs Roo]

kindof a weird set of redneck standards...

should be stuff like:

-Have seen at least 50 dirt track races
-Have freezers full of meat you killed yourself
-chew tobacco
-drink PBR while chewing tobacco
-have met multpile nascar drivers
-know what "speed week" is and have been multiple times

Still don't score.

(Roo plays hard to get)

[Buzzworthy]

Still don't score.

(Roo plays hard to get)

Ok then, poor Mrs. Roo.

[Beaver]

How 'bout - Have shotgun shell salt and pepper shaker.
Have a big fucking truck.
Have a loud truck.
Have a winch on truck.


I've got more guns than people in my house (storing some for a friend in Japan)

[FNG]

Have one car that doesn't work in the yard of someone elses house: 200 points
Recently listened to country music: 30 points
Recently attended bluegrass concert: 100 points
Within the last year wore a cowboy hat: 20 points
Have beer bottles as decoration in house: 50 points
Own camoflauge clothes of some kind: 50 points
Recently went fishing: 10 points
Made a special weekend trip to Cabelas: 20 points
Own a rusted out, lifted up pickup truck: 50 points
Have driven a tractor to McDonalds: 200 points
Have a broken '89 Pontiac Trans-Am (w/350) in someone elses yard: 250 points
Have 3 different pieces of furnature making up my coffee/kitchen table: 50 points
Found living room couch on the side of the road: 100 points
Know all the words to Sweet Home Alabama: 10 points
Have seen Days of Thunder more than 20 times: 25 points

Yeah, I'm off the charts though you wouldn't ever know it from meeting me.

[bklyn]

Within the last year wore a cowboy hat: 20 points
Live in Brooklyn and own more than 1 cowboy hat: 40 points (10 for each hat)
... still not a redneck

[funkendrenchman]

Need to get some points if you have a Nascar racer number on your car, especially if your car is a Pontiac.

[Flake]

Do carhart shorts count?

[FreakofSnow]

- Have 3 pair of cowboy boots sitting in your line up of shoes by the door
- Recently scouted your hunting spot
- Your wife has antelope and deer tags
- Watched your neighbor hay just out your window
- Chewed and drank cheap beer while you posted
- Have a shotgun next your computer
- Your neighbor had dropped off fresh eggs and sausage in hope that he can have your cattle gate
- Have 3+ outbuildings on your property
- Have 5 plus tires and a beatdown camper shell in your dried up irrigation ditch

Just a few pics for some redneckedness

A true redneck, drinking PBR at 8:30 in the morning with longjohns and a Hawaiin, MT


Bob Marshall Pack trip


Wife killing a rattler in the wheat fields of Montana


Wife shooting clay on Turkey day

[weibo]

I just went to a rodeo then came home to my trailer. I am doing OK.

[bircheater]

Y'all ain't rednecks unless you've used at least a couple of these words.

Mayonnaise. As in:
Mayonnaise lettin the grass growin down by the ball field.

Initiate. As in:
My wife ate 2 cheeseburgers, intitiate a bag o chips.

Handsome. As in:
It sure is hot out here handsome of that sunscreen to me.

Whijadija. As in:
Didnt bring your truck whijadija?

(Courtesy of jeff foxworthy)

I have to admit all four are part of my regular vocabulary.

[Karl Stall]

I am not a redneck, but count many as friends...

[Snow Dog]

You can't have too many guns.

And what's wrong with camo anyway?

[snowdreamer]

Oh no I'm dating a redneck. How many points for Nascar
and Hot Rods? How about the trooper moustache?

[Flake]

How many points per X wife?
points per huntiong dog?
Are there bonus points in the camo clothing category for complete sets of clothing in different camo patterns?
How about bonus points for work as a hunting guide.

[Dirty Hoar]

[My cell phone just rang, I spit on the dog and answer it], HOWDY! Yep... Uh Huh... she left yuh?.. Hmm... Yep... had to put down yer harse too?.. Dij ya... I reckon so... Uh Huh... Yep... Pardon me [I spit on the dog again]... Gotta sell the farm, huh... Hmmm... Yep... Happier than a dog with two tails... reckon so... my condolences... Damn Jeb... Uh Huh... New York City?.. Get a rope... Yep...[click] Hey boy... get yer ol man another beer... [I spit on the dog again]

How many points do I get for that?