I am drinking too much

[riser4]

I don't want to know where rock bottom is.

[Whiteroom_Guardian]

Good Morning.

I decided to keep this thing honest.

so yesterday the all day call ended around 17:50 PST.

I decided to go for a bike ride. on the way in from my bike ride I stopped at the little local store and bought one of those little 375ml bottles of Jamison.

I got home, made a nice fried chicken dinner and watched "Live By Night" while consuming the Jamison.
I finished it off about 23:00 and went to sleep.

Not it's 04:20 in the morning and I need to start working soon. There are some things I need t get done this morning to make life easier for my co workers. One is working right now.

I am not going to make excuses, or try to justify anything. I let myself down.
I can't let it consume me. The reason for the thread is more valid than ever.

Wo hoo it's Monday.

I have many things going though my head right now. But think I will stop here.

Just Sayin

Dude. Honesty is so important for getting better. It's huge that you had the balls to share what happened yesterday.

Now, you need to be honest with yourself. 100%. You have lost control over the choice to drink. This thread is clear proof of that. Will power can't keep you sober.

It's like someone finding out they have cancer and thinking that if they just think about it hard enough the cancer will go away. It won't.

[Bobby Stainless]

Im rooting for you. Alcohol is a bitch.

I regularly have to check myself, when the 3-4 daily beers, escalates to 6-7, and then it's break time.

Not to mention the gnarly ass hangovers, I get now that I am in my 30s.

I get to smoke copious amounts of THC, which I think puts alcohol in a distant second as a vice.

Try not to drink today.

[hutash]

KQ's recommendation of yoga is a solid one. It ticks some many boxes, gets you out of the house, gets you to focus on you, good for you, gets you around other people (especially non drinking people), and seeing fit chick's in yoga pants ain't bad either. I did yoga for years. I was reluctant but my wife talked me into it and it was great. Had a great instructor who moved and haven't been able to get into others since.

It's great you at least grabbed the smaller bottle, you might try turning down the proof, maybe swith to bear or wine for a bit.

[hikesalot]

One day at a time. It's good that you are being honest. Yoga is a great suggestion. (I also thought kudos for grabbing the smaller bottle)

[Sirshredalot]

I forget where you are located, MTT, but if you're around here, I'd be happy to grab a bite to eat or go for a jog with you at lunch. It is nice to get some human interaction sometimes, and I find the days when I get out of the house at lunch are the same ones when I feel less of an urge to grab a beer at 5 PM.

[Name Redacted]

Yoga would drive me to drink. Too quiet, that's when the voices in my head are the loudest. That and the fact I'd smell like a barroom floor from sweating out all the whiskey.

Personally, I'd recommend taking a camping trip and don't bring any booze along. Sounds miserable, but a great way to snap into sobriety for a few days.

[MTT]

I am shooting for small goals right now. Like cleaning something in my house.

doing some exercise. I have too!
I am going to shit.

Anyway that's what I am trying t force myself to do.

Dentist Thursday

[iceman]

At first I thought it said you were shooting for small goats. Which seemed weird.

Small goals is better.

[Core Shot]

I am shooting for small goals right now.

I am going to shit.

Anyway that's what I am trying t force myself to do.

The longest journey starts with one step



Keep on, don't beat yourself up for failures or relapses.
When you get the urge to buy a bottle, try to refocus on all the negative shit that will come from that bottle, and the next and the next.
You need to reprogram your mind so that it sees negativity in the bottle, to the point that it overwhelms the "good" part your mind is trying to con you into.

When I was failing at quitting cigs, I would get nostalgic and wanted a drag when seeing someone smoke or seeing the packs behind the counter.
I finally quit when i got my mind to say "what the fuck is wrong with you, you hate that shit!"
(It's easier to do than you would think, since you know already that you really don't want to get trapped again. You just need to skip past the happy memory of the first glass or two and fast forward to the days and weeks of feeling like shit and wanting to quit again. Make the negative memories more powerful than the false positive ones.)
- the urges and temptations fade if you can reprogram your mind computer

[Trashcan]

Well here is my input for what it's worth. I was in your shoes and I know how much it sucks...I could not quit. I started throwing up bile on a daily basis and knew I was in deep shit. Still kept drinking until one night I threw up a bunch of blood.
Went to the ER and was told it was my liver (which I already knew) was getting released and had to go to the bathroom (diarrhea). Had a complete bleed out on the toilet. Needed 11 blood transfusions and sent to specialist via ambulance. Complete liver failure and had TIPS procedure and was put in induced coma. I got a miracle and survived as my hepatologist said the team gave me less than 10% survival rate. Keep in mind I only drank cheap wine and not very much.
Last December I got a new liver and still am having issues but I am still here so I cannot complain.
Still can't ski it sucks big time but I am okay with it now.
Been sober for three years and work the AA program (yes I am a quitter ) and it is very helpful for me and thousands of others. I have learned the addiction problem is about 10% of all of a persons issues. Not for everyone but it changed my life in a way I never imagined.
Whatever works for you but don't follow my path cause it will kill you. I have seen too many people die from alcoholism.

[DJSapp]

I am shooting for small goals right now.

I am going to shit.

Anyway that's what I am trying t force myself to do.

Shitting is always on my list of daily goals. BUT DON'T FORCE IT. Relax. Nothing like a good power dump to get you going

I've known too many people personally and professionally that alcohol has consumed. I don't have any answers, but there is a consistent thread of finding a new routine, making your environment better by keeping it clean, and more interaction with good people.

I truly believe there is something to the old military standard of getting up and making your bed. Yes, studies show it's actually bad for the mattress and sheets to make a bed right away, but starting the morning by doing something to make your surroundings nicer and check a box off the to-do list does a lot for you mentally to set up your day for success.

[adrenalated]

I've never been as bad as some people in this thread. So I dunno if this will help. But I got to the point where I was drinking more than I'd like, for sure. 4-6 microbrews a night, every night. Not enough to get drunk, but enough to get a buzz, and a lot of mornings I'd wake up late and with a headache.

Figured out in my case I wasn't chasing the buzz, I just needed something to do. If you're sitting around, cruising the interwebz or watching TV, it's easy to sit there and drink.

I started playing guitar. Now when I have the urge to sit down a do nothing and drink beer, I grab the guitar instead. Even if there's a beer next to me, I can't drink it because it takes two hands to play.

I still drink nightly - I knew I wasn't an all-or-nothing kind of guy - but now I drink less and don't feel it negatively affecting my life anymore.

Something to consider.

[KQ]

I truly believe there is something to the old military standard of getting up and making your bed. Yes, studies show it's actually bad for the mattress and sheets to make a bed right away, but starting the morning by doing something to make your surroundings nicer and check a box off the to-do list does a lot for you mentally to set up your day for success.

too funny - this morning as I was making my bed I thought about suggesting it to MTT as a way of starting a new daily routine.

Make the bed, shower, brush teeth, put on something clean and comfy and be ready to face the day!

[MTT]

too funny - this morning as I was making my bed I thought about suggesting it to MTT as a way of starting a new daily routine.

Make the bed, shower, brush teeth, put on something clean and comfy and be ready to face the day!

Yep, I need to get a better routine

For me it's get up, it's dark! Logon on to computers. check stuff, check in on WebX, then start coffee feed cat.

Check social media.
work- work - work

maybe around 10ish might put on cloths.
Might bathe, might not. depends on if I going to leave the house.

Hellava routine.

This morning I did pull the Big Down comforter out of the dryer and threw back on the bed

Just finished lunch. Thinking of going big and brushing my teeth, got a brand new tooth brush yesterday

[mtngirl79]

It's the may as well rule, and it is key to surviving depression.

Starting is the hard part. As soon as you do one little productive/positive task you may as well do another... since you are already up/there/doing something...

[mtngirl79]

Oh, and you should leave the house every day. Find a reason.

[riser4]

Good morning checklist in no particular order:
big dump

[KQ]

Good morning checklist in no particular order:
big dump

My friend's grandmother used to say "ain't nothing like a good BM first thing in the morning!" LOL!

[Sirshredalot]

Yep, I need to get a better routine

For me it's get up, it's dark! Logon on to computers. check stuff, check in on WebX, then start coffee feed cat.

Check social media.
work- work - work

maybe around 10ish might put on cloths.
Might bathe, might not. depends on if I going to leave the house.

Hellava routine.

This morning I did pull the Big Down comforter out of the dryer and threw back on the bed

Just finished lunch. Thinking of going big and brushing my teeth, got a brand new tooth brush yesterday

I know how that feels. I'm also on a WebEx from dark o'clock on. Make lunch break plans if you can, even if they're just with yourself. Have your shorts on and go for a quick lunch break ride or run if you can. If your co-workers resent you for taking a legit lunch, you can find other employment. Keeping yourself sane is too important to short-change it. Today, I just sat in my hot tub for 45 minutes, read a paperback, and listened to the birds because I was feeling tired. But I still unplugged from the webex.

[jackstraw]

Maybe read a book about habits. "The Willpower Instinct" by Kelly McGonigal or "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. Power of Habit was an ok read. It was a little redundant for me, but I suppose the goal is for their (his) ideas and processes to sink in. The bottom line was just change your routine and force the change until it becomes a new healthier (in this case) habit. We are incredibly powerful beings when we put our minds to it. Just do it!

[CarlMega]

Whatever works for you but don't follow my path cause it will kill you. I have seen too many people die from alcoholism.

If I may, that ^ was a sobering share. Shy of killing someone else, this is fucking high up there on the alcoholic's "oh please not this" list. Godspeed man.

Whiteroom take was also spot on. Take notice MTT.

Ok enough of the deepness for a second - how about some topical humor? Too soon? Bad taste? Probably.

What is the difference between an alcoholic and a heroin addict?

An alcoholic will steal your wallet and then drink himself to death with the guilt.

A heroin addict will steal your wallet and help you look for it.

[skiballs]

Did anyone mention switching to hookers and blow.

[Trashcan]

[QUOTE=Carl_Mega;4974191]If I may, that ^ was a sobering share. Shy of killing someone else, this is fucking high up there on the alcoholic's "oh please not this" list. Godspeed man.

Yeah sorry to be a buzzkill. Shit affected me pretty hard but now doing great.

MTT, do what you need to do but you have a lot of people here rooting for you.

[mad847]

Ok so you have faced the reality that you are an alcoholic. Step 1 is done. Good job.

Now what?????????????????? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT??????????????????

Options:
Drink til death?
Drink til poor?
Drink til homeless?
Drink til hospitalized?
Other options?

What is your goal for the end result? Do tell.

Do you want to continue being an alcoholic? Does that make you happy? Does that get you chicks? Does it make you perform better? Do you like the way it makes you feel the next day?

What is the point of it? Numbing the pain?

Get yourself to AA asap. You cant do it alone. End of story. Get some help already!

You need help. Find an AA meeting and go. Just step out the door and go there.