I am drinking too much

[SkiBall]

The first step is admitting you have a problem. You've done that. The second is understanding that your problem is not because of evil people in your life, or your job is too stressful, or where you live, or who your friends are. The reason that's important to understand is that there will always be evil people, stress, bad stuff happening where you live, bad friends. If you wait for everything to be perfect you will never quit. If everything is perfect and then something or someone bad happens you will use that as an excuse to start drinking again. Changing jobs, city, friends, partners will not cause you to stop drinking. Playing golf and skiing will not help you stop drinking--there are plenty of drunk people doing both.
BTW--while it doesn't sound like you are drunk around the clock, if you are or for anyone reading who is, quitting cold turkey is a very bad idea. You need to detox in a hospital. Sudden withdrawal of alcohol in someone who is habituated causes seizures, DT's, sometimes death.

This .

I appreciate the advice.
I am not physically addicted. But I have noticed that more and more often my default thing to do with the little free time I have is to get drunk.

And then after getting done with work, rather than go out or do something productive. I got really drunk and passed out on the couch.
Then this morning when my day might have been free. I could have dome many thing. But found myself looking at social media and downing the second shot.

And it hit me. I don't want to do this anymore.
And typed it here. where people care, and hold you at your word?

Alcohol is a sneaky progressive disease. It worked well for me to quiet the noise until it turned on me. I have found that when the switch is flipped, there really isn't much going back. I can accept that there are exceptions, but in my experience I don't really see it. Getting to the root of the fuel for drinking and working through to gain some sense of peace with them is where peace can be found. Non-alcoholics cannot understand the alcoholics mind and vice-versa. They can be well meaning, but they can also drive one further into the bottle unintentionally. Golf, ski, whatever are distractions, but you can't golf and ski 24hrs/day.
Find a couple "Open" AA meetings and go sit down and listen. You don't have to say your an alcoholic in open(as opposed to closed) meetings, and see if anything resonates. And it's a spiritual program, not religious. But I can understand how someone looking in could get it confused.
There are different options, some better than others. If you believe you are an alcoholic or not will help determine the path. But believe this, no matter how far down the road you have gone there is a path back except death. It just may not be the "back" that you envision today, but it won't entirely suck.
Best wishes.

[Percy Rideout]

MTT, You got this brother!

[TahoeJ]

So I followed your link, because I was intrigued. Not much in the article, but does it's job, gets you to his webpage and book. Here's were I loose you, as you say physical dependency is mostly bullshit. This isn't a study done by a medical professional, but an author writing a book. Hell, look at his webpage, it's not full of doctors or other medical research professional praising the book, it mostly list media outlets. Come on man, I have an open mind, but if the top praises come from people like Bill Maher, Elton John, and Russel Brand, and not the medical field, let's hold back from calling this "study" the final word.

Also, how'd that switching of product, say beer for coke, work out for John Daly?

Traditional medical studies, especially for issues that are largely mental-based, are not the be-all end-all. I'm a staunch believer in science and proper peer reviewed studies but they have their short comings at times. As someone who suffered from a tick born illness in the mid 90's back when half or more of the medical field was still contending that lime disease wasn't a real thing (much less the more obscure illnesses), I know this all too well.

You anecdotally citing John Daly is pretty meaningless - it has helped for many others and I also never said it was a final, sole, or absolute remedy by itself. I'm talking about early in the process merely as a substitute for the habit aspect of the problem. Useful for some people, not at all for others. Everyone is different.

[old goat]

There was a study that came out a few months back that revealed physical dependency was mostly bullshit. Not completely, but mostly, for the majority of addicts. There's almost always something else that needs to be addressed. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann...b_6506936.html

And while not the driving motivator behind it all, so much of the ongoing pattern can often be a habitual enjoyment of the routine more than the alcohol itself. So in addition to the other good advice in this thread, consider a fall back replacement beverage during those times. Something you like. Coke, Arnold Palmers, Coffee, whatever.

The difference between physical dependency (habituation) and addiction has been understood for a long time. As a surgeon I have habituated thousands of patients to opiates. I am not aware of any that became addicted. (Doesn't mean there couldn't be a few I'm not aware of but I practiced in a closed health care system so I would likely have heard.) The pain goes away, the patient takes less and less of the opiates, and then stops. Nicotine is more physically addicting than heroin, but the percentage of people who quit smoking is much higher than those who quit heroin, and most do it on their own. Most alcoholics aren't physically dependent--they are sober long enough between drunks to avoid that, but whether or not an alcoholic is physically dependent has little to do with their chances of getting sober.
I'm not an addiction expert; I don't know whether previous life experiences or genetics or both explain why some people become addicted but I do know it's not the drug alone.

[TahoeJ]

I'm not an addiction expert; I don't know whether previous life experiences or genetics or both explain why some people become addicted but I do know it's not the drug alone.

Right. That was kind of my point. The idea of oh I'm physically addicted and just need to address that is not going to fix the root of the problem.

[MTT]

I will say I do have an addictive personality.

It always squirts out somewhere in some way.

I have even been addicted to golf. Lifting weights, long distance running.
High speed street bikes. and on and on. Even TGR

For many years I keep telling myself this.

"To much of anything is bound to cause problems"
Harvey Pennick

[SkiBall]

When my life is in balance, I am at peace. That said, my life is rarely in balance...but I keep trying to inch closer.

[TahoeJ]

MTT - I take you work out of a home office? As someone who has done that for the past 12 or so years and also has an addictive personality I can say that comes with a whole lot of complications.

[Whiteroom_Guardian]

So very, very true and yes very very hard to hear/read/face. Honestly you could replace "drinking" or "alcohol" with so many other things like "compulsive spending" "eating" "smoking" "gambling".

Had a good friend who drank because of his narcissistic father. Tried to dull the pain of conditional love that he spent his life trying to live up to. Guy is an eye surgeon and would have to take Valium to keep his hands steady during surgery. His clinic partners finally kicked him out of the practice which was a huge wake-up call for him. He quit for a while and realized how good it felt to be sober but made the mistake of moving close to his parents and because his father was the underlying problem that didn't go away he hit the bottle again. I lost touch with him so I have no idea how he's doing now. Hope he figured it out but not sure he had the strength because he dad taught him a real man doesn't need help and refused to recognize his son's problem even when I told him and his wife point blank he needed help.

I agree on the first part 100%. People with this thing (myself included) can get addicted to ANYTHING. Just like MTT said, he gets addicted to golf, lifting, TGR, etc.....I'm right there with him. Skiing obviously was a huge one for me and was also wrapped up in my drinking, bro brah lifestyle. Shit, I am still addicted to skiing, I just live somewhere retarded (at the moment) for skiing. Mountain biking and racing has filled that void for now.

The second part of your post speaks volumes to me personally and to the disease of alcoholism and how at the root it is really a disease of PERSPECTIVE.

My dad is the classic narcissist know-it-all Mr. Perfect. I used the way he treated me as an excuse to drink for years and years. It took me a lot of work and years of sobriety to finally realize that I am the problem. I was born with a fucked up perspective, and sure other people can be mean/bad/etc but that isn't an excuse to drink or use drugs. There are millions of people with fucked up parents and fucked up jobs who don't need to drink to cope with life. Those people are called non-alcoholics aka "normal" people. I could have used a drink in the womb. I was fucked up from the get.

Once I put the drink and drugs down for several months and was still miserable that's when it hit me that I needed to change my entire system of perspective. The booze was just how I coped with life. The booze was my solution. The problem was ME not the rest of the world.

Now with 6 years of constant work I am becoming the man I always wanted to be. I am in the process of walking away from a "gold mine" of a family business that grosses $40M annually because I can't work with these alcoholic people any more. My self respect is worth more than any amount of money.

6 years ago I didn't have the balls (and solution) to face life like I do now.

MTT, you may need to make some serious changes to everything. Sounds like your job is a real kick in the balls. You may need to cross that bridge soon where you realize a pay-cut and a new job might be the only way to find balance in your life.

First, I would keep doing what your are doing not drinking. Plain and simple "normal" people don't drink a 1/5 of whiskey at home alone ever. They just don't do that. Ever.

If you start getting bad shakes, or something at the very least go see a doctor and tell them what is going on. Alcohol dependence is a very real thing and almost killed me. When I put the bottle down in April 2010 I had a seizure on the 3rd day which could have been the end.

Good luck and keep sharing with us. You can do this.

[MTT]

work is going really sideways today. Massive stress,

I will be tested.
But I will win.

I need to be ON MY GAME the next XXX days

FYI
I really like what I do for a living. It's both very stressful and rewarding.

It's an adrenaline Junky Job.

I was unemployed for a period of time and dam near destroyed me.

And yes. I work from home. I work all hours. have to rely 100% on self control to function and be productive.

[hutash]

Been working since 7AM

On a bridge right now, trying to figure out how to get a SIP switch to receive a TFN for TDD then dial back off the system to a pots number.

I will be working all day.

.

Well, there's your problem, your job doesn't make any fucken sense

Stay strong, sounds like you are getting a good handle on things...all things in moderation, including moderation.

[TahoeJ]

And yes. I work from home. I work all hours. have to rely 100% on self control to function and be productive.

You have to get out of the house consistently and find some place you can relax and if possible not feel isolated. Adrenaline activities like skiing or whatever don't count as that just gets you amped up even more and feeds the cycle; not that they are bad, but you need something else too.

Trust me on this.

[MTT]

You have to get out of the house consistently and find some place you can relax and if possible not feel isolated. Adrenaline activities like skiing or whatever don't count as that just gets you amped up even more and feeds the cycle; not that they are bad, but you need something else too.

Trust me on this.

Yep. I spend way too much time home alone. "It Is what It is"
I hope to find a balance in the nit to distant future.

Lots of things to fix.

This thread is abut one thing.

[SkiBall]

Like the nurse told me when I said I wanted to quit smoking as well as stop drinking...One thing at a time.

[JayPowHound]

I have been following This Thread very closely, as I did the alcoholism thread 6 months ago.. which unfortunately did not help me with my own demons.

I'm hoping this one may, as I think I'm closer to finally addressing my problem.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed advice here, you should know it is going beyond MTT and helping the broader community.

Not to hijack the thread, but as a further complication to my problem.. finances are an issue.

Wife and I both have good respectable jobs, although both in education so 'good' salary is a relative term.

We are carrying a high amount debt, and my waste on booze.. especially mid-week at bars by myself.. makes me sick when I think about it sober.

I've been drinking today, A 4 pack of Imperial Porter and then a margarita at the Mexican place next to the pizza I just picked up for my family.

I'm hoping not to drink tomorrow, or the next day but I guess at this point it's one day at a time.

Good luck to you MTT, we all have a lot to live for. Let's get on with the best parts of our lives

[MTT]

Keep at it JAY.

I really do understand as so many others do.
When I was in my 30's A Bar was my living room. Every day after work. On the pool team the whole thing.
Then I moved on the a Country Club and Golf. And then something else.
Few have room to judge.

Saying it out loud has to be a good first step

So Today I went to town to the SaveMart. I needed groceries.

I must admit when I was walking by the booze section there was a lot of conflict.
I wanted to grab a bottle or two, For the evening or "Just incase"

I got through it. There is no booze in the house. But I really did think about it.

I just kninda got mad at myself. DUDE not even one day? You weak fuck!

So I am going to make it till tomorrow afternoon. And I will again think about it.

Or
We do have 24/7 bars around here.
The temptation is always going to be there.
I just have to remind myself that I don't want it anymore.

[mooseknuckles]

I will be tested.
But I will win.

I got through it. There is no booze in the house.

FUCK YEAH MTT, keep on winning!

I'm hoping not to drink tomorrow, or the next day but I guess at this point it's one day at a time.

Looking forward to an update tomorrow Jay. You got this!

[MTT]

Rough work day.

9 hour long call playing wacamole on issues.

I keep having Ideas. But there are five other people testing and doing stuff.

I am just sitting back listening. Gonna keep quiet unless asked.

It's hard. Can't just shut it off. - that would look bad.

I need a stimulant so Making Coffee

[Whiteroom_Guardian]

When you get tired of white knuckling it and thinking about getting a drink 300 times a day there is a solution. One which will relieve you of the desire to drink entirely.

[KQ]

Hey MTT do you do yoga? If not you might want to start. It will get you out of the house and relax your mind as well as your body. For an hour all you have to do is listen to someone, who should be speaking in a soothing tone, and follow along. No decisions to be made, just focus on your breath and "getting into your body". It will help you sleep too. Def. give it a try if you aren't already.

You too Jay. One day at a time both of you. Set backs are bound to happen but they don't have to be more than a hiccup. It sounds cliché but everyday is a new beginning.

8 BENEFITS OF CHANTING THE POWERFUL MANTRA “OM”

Ground, Balance and Energize – How to Cultivate a Healthy Psoas, the “Muscle of the Soul”

[4matic]

I've been drinking today, A 4 pack of Imperial Porter and then a margarita at the Mexican place next to the pizza I just picked up for my family.

If you love your family don't drive drunk. It's a major fuck up getting DUI. I know. Take my advice. Don't do it. Five drinks and you are way over the legal limit. Get an Uber account. Whatever. Don't risk that trouble.

[KQ]

If you love your family don't drive drunk. It's a major fuck up getting DUI. I know. Take my advice. Don't do it. Five drinks and you are way over the legal limit. Get an Uber account. Whatever. Don't risk that trouble.

Not to mention you risk killing yourself or someone else's parent, child, spouse, friend etc. etc.

[SkiBall]

I hope anyone who has issues with drinking/drugs finds the solution. The reality is that one must hit their proverbial bottom and become willing to do what it takes. Like willing in the core of their being. You don't have to become a bum on the street to hit bottom, but where ever one's bottom lies, they need to find it. And then grab on and don't let go of it.
Some don't make it, it is just the reality. But there is a solution as stated by WG. When you are really ready, seek it out.

[TahoeJ]

Yep. I spend way too much time home alone. "It Is what It is"
I hope to find a balance in the nit to distant future.

Lots of things to fix.

This thread is abut one thing.

Well, I guess what I'm saying is those things are one and the same. Maybe not always but very, very frequently.

[MTT]

Good Morning.

I decided to keep this thing honest.

so yesterday the all day call ended around 17:50 PST.

I decided to go for a bike ride. on the way in from my bike ride I stopped at the little local store and bought one of those little 375ml bottles of Jamison.

I got home, made a nice fried chicken dinner and watched "Live By Night" while consuming the Jamison.
I finished it off about 23:00 and went to sleep.

Not it's 04:20 in the morning and I need to start working soon. There are some things I need t get done this morning to make life easier for my co workers. One is working right now.

I am not going to make excuses, or try to justify anything. I let myself down.
I can't let it consume me. The reason for the thread is more valid than ever.

Wo hoo it's Monday.

I have many things going though my head right now. But think I will stop here.

Just Sayin